(no subject)
my pillow smells like him....god this is so unfair. why do i have to feel this way for someone whos such a dick? i dont want to anymore. i dont want to feel the pain of having to look at him. i feel as if its my fault. as if everything is my fault. as if im the one who caused all of this to happen. i mean i know it takes two people and their actions to fuck up a relationship...but i feel as if i played both those parts. i was laying in bed, asleep....and then i woke up with my face in my pillow...and when i breathed in...i got a full blast of him...i loved the smell of him. i still do. but now...now i have nothing...ill never smell him again. im afraid that ill never be happy again. i dont think i can ever be happy again. i dont think i want to be happy again unless im with him. my wings are crushed and broken. ill never be able to fly again. my heart is torn and hacked to pieces. its impossible to put it back together. i think that i WANT to feel this pain...its weird but...i WANT to sit around drowning in my own misery...i know its not healthy but....who cares. no one cares. its impossible to piece my shredded heart back together...i dont think i want it to be put back together anyways. unless its him stitching it back up......but i know he'll never want to. he never will......i dumped him. i said i think its best if we were just friends. god...WHY THE FUCK DID I SAY THAT!......why did i say that? why didnt i just try harder? why didnt i just wait a little bit longer....i didnt trust...i didnt risk it....i caused all this pain that im feeling....i...i cant live anymore....i tried to kill myself again. tried to strangle myself with my own bare hands. is it so wrong to want to die so you wont have to feel this terrible agony? why cant someone just be kind enough to grant me that one simple wish? i WANT to be put out my misery...to just shrivel up and die.......im slipping deeper and deeper into this depression...soon, not even my friends will
be able to pull me out....
be able to pull me out....