(no subject)
I'm going to suffocate and die on all of this confusion. What am i supposed to do. What the fuck am i supposed to do. I barely have the will to breathe and i'm supposed to be ok. I can see it all happening and i'm powerless to stop it. Destiny can only take you so far and then you have to fight... thats what i used to believe. But i'm starting to think that for some it is pointless, my existance was a mistake, and thats all i am a mistake. And my pointless life is "destined" to end before i'm 20. She really doesnt have anything left for me, it doesnt matter whether i'm suicidal or in pain or suffering because she's happy. Its taken her a while to get there and nothing not even my death could take that away from her. I think she completely forgot that she ever thought we were inevitable. More bullshit to hold me off. Inevitability. God please let me have HIV so i can leave this place, i cant handle being human anymore. I'd rather be tortured in hell for eternity, at least there i couldnt see beauty and wonder why i wasnt a part of it.