"Can a broken man still be strong?"
Hey God,
That lyric from Tim Be Told's "Mighty Sound" just really moved me.
I've had a really hard time lately seeing Jeff in a positive light. I still love him and long for him and even have fun with him sometimes, but we've been through so much and he's changed so much... I've found it difficult to make character-affirming statements about him, like "You're a good man" and "You're amazing" and "I'm so glad I married you". I want to be able to say those things (and believe those things), but his emotional distance from me and years of him not pursuing me and his general "letting go" of some of the convictions/scruples/humility that made him so attractive to me have just made it hard to praise him.
Can my broken man still be strong?
Something about it brings sympathy and mourning and tenderness welling up in me towards him. I think he laments some of what has been lost as much as I do. (Some of it he seems oblivious or even defensive about.) Life was really really hard for him and broke him. I guess in a way I've started blaming him, but a lot of it was beyond our control. And sometimes he's present with me, and I'm pleasantly surprised and relieved and not walking on egg shells.
My husband used to have a sweetness to him that has been lost, and I grieve for it. I grieve for his hidden heart. I grieve for his brokenness and for my broken view of him.
I really don't know what I think about you and prayer and the point of things anymore, but I don't think it can hurt to ask you to heal him. Help him recognize the brokenness and hardness within himself and grieve for it too. Help him heal and rebuild and soften and trust and FEEL. Help him recognize the dark tower he's built around himself and break it down. Help the bitterness and aching within me to heal, and help me stay positive and encouraging and do what I can to make things better. Help me to respect him and see him as superlative. Give me a grateful heart for all the wonderful gifts I do receive through him.
Thanks for listening...
Love,
Melinda
That lyric from Tim Be Told's "Mighty Sound" just really moved me.
I've had a really hard time lately seeing Jeff in a positive light. I still love him and long for him and even have fun with him sometimes, but we've been through so much and he's changed so much... I've found it difficult to make character-affirming statements about him, like "You're a good man" and "You're amazing" and "I'm so glad I married you". I want to be able to say those things (and believe those things), but his emotional distance from me and years of him not pursuing me and his general "letting go" of some of the convictions/scruples/humility that made him so attractive to me have just made it hard to praise him.
Can my broken man still be strong?
Something about it brings sympathy and mourning and tenderness welling up in me towards him. I think he laments some of what has been lost as much as I do. (Some of it he seems oblivious or even defensive about.) Life was really really hard for him and broke him. I guess in a way I've started blaming him, but a lot of it was beyond our control. And sometimes he's present with me, and I'm pleasantly surprised and relieved and not walking on egg shells.
My husband used to have a sweetness to him that has been lost, and I grieve for it. I grieve for his hidden heart. I grieve for his brokenness and for my broken view of him.
I really don't know what I think about you and prayer and the point of things anymore, but I don't think it can hurt to ask you to heal him. Help him recognize the brokenness and hardness within himself and grieve for it too. Help him heal and rebuild and soften and trust and FEEL. Help him recognize the dark tower he's built around himself and break it down. Help the bitterness and aching within me to heal, and help me stay positive and encouraging and do what I can to make things better. Help me to respect him and see him as superlative. Give me a grateful heart for all the wonderful gifts I do receive through him.
Thanks for listening...
Love,
Melinda