29
Good morning, Lord.
It's my birthday again! It feels a little strange to be here, since things have continued to change and I find it more difficult to pray authentically. But I'm a nostalgic person, and still ultimately hopeful, so here I am.
Thank you for the last year of my life. Boy, looking back on this time last year, there were so many major changes just around the corner. It's been a full year. A few weeks after my birthday last year, Jeff was discharged from the Air Force and we began our scramble to put together a new life. And when I see where we are now, I am so much happier. I still have lingering anxiety about the issues that haven't been resolved, but for now they've taken a back-burner and allowed us to get back to life.
I am so thrilled about how my photography business has been going. Having such a successful start has boosted my self-confidence more than I could have predicted. I love doing it, and I love being able to develop a talent that I think is pretty darn cool. I've been grateful for the challenge of each new job and the new things I've been able to figure out. I'm proud of the pictures I make. :)
I'm also grateful to be at a more stable place with Jeff. It isn't always an easy place. Lately we have truly been ships in the night -- my falling into bed at 2am after photo work and him waking up at 4:30 to begin his day. But our relationship overall seems better. By having our respective occupations and time apart, it keeps us from falling into "roommate mode" and getting under each other's skin. When we're apart, we're able to miss each other and anticipate precious time together. And that's a good thing. And probably, the distribution of home responsibilities is more clear now that our daily arenas are more distinct, so expectations are disappointed less often. It's just more stable, and I like that. A lot of it is probably the reduced anxiety that we aren't taking out on each other as much.
-- Charlotte just called from her room, "Mama, it's light outside!" Haha, that's a change that has been amazing too. We are in a pretty fun phase right now. So much conversation! She is still full-throttle, which can be hard on little sleep, but I think we are learning -- I am learning -- how to have happy days together. I love watching her learn right in front of my eyes! I love when she chooses to be obedient and how happy and proud (and relieved) we both feel. I feel encouraged that I am parenting her pretty well. Not perfectly, and it's hard when we enter a new phase, but generally I am feeling more confident that my style is working with her.
I love her smile, and her current interest in "cuddle with Mama" and "be cozy" just melts my heart. I love how she sweetly says "good morning" each day and begins rambling on about her thoughts and all the things she's ready to do. I love that she is confident and friendly and creative and connected.
...And of course, as far as status changes go, I never imagined a year ago that we'd be in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania! If you'd told me, I probably would've lost it because it would've been just one more crazy variable to incorporate into our crumbling lives. But it's a great thing. I really like it here, and I'm so happy about how we've gotten connected. I really like how things are going with Mom's Club, and I have been so grateful for the connections with other moms that I made. I'm thankful for Kim and Ruth and Carri and Liea, who have been so willing to include me and Charlotte in their lives here. I'm also so thankful for Betty and the members of our church who've welcomed us so warmly. I can't even believe how sincere and generous they've been with us from the start. After living in such a political, self-promoting, ambitious place like northern VA, it almost feels foreign to live in a smaller town where people actually say what they're thinking and aren't so worried about cultivating their appearance. (Compared to many of them, I'm probably the poser.) I like our small community and the refreshing change of actually having a daily community at all. I never felt that richness of frequent connection and overlap in northern VA that I do here.
And Jeff is finding success at work, which feels like the best part of all. I'm so thankful and so relieved. After everything we've been through, I'm just so grateful that he is finally finding favor and getting the mentoring he needs to grow. I love hearing the positive feedback he gets. It helps to quell the brewing pool of anxiety about his work performance that developed in my chest three years ago.
...Anyway. That's my update.
I'm thankful for another birthday, though I feel a bit reluctant to embrace 29. But what can ya do? I don't have high expectations for today -- we have a playdate this morning and the rest of the day will be spent preparing to leave for Berryville tonight and shoot two weddings over the weekend. Between my photo prep, Charlotte's playgroup, and Jeff's night shift there isn't much time to carve out celebratory time. But we'll catch up on it next week, and I don't mind the delay.
Lord, I'm thankful for the past year and hopeful for the future. I'm excited to continue my business; I'm excited to spend more quality time with Charlotte; I'm excited for more wonderful times with our families; I'm excited to become better friends with the moms I've met here. I'm hopeful about building my relationship with Jeff even more and hopeful to keep healing emotionally from the trauma inflicted by the Air Force. I'm hopeful we will be able to make a sibling for Charlotte.
And I hope I find you again. I hope this time next year, it doesn't feel so stiff to talk with you. Maybe I should stop feeling lost and just embrace what I currently believe, but it still causes me angst. It's a process, and hopefully I have many years left to keep processing it all.
Anyway, the day has begun. Jeff is home from his night shift, and Charlotte is insisting that she sees me. :) It's a good thing. Even a normal day like this is a blessing, and I am so grateful.
Love,
Melinda
It's my birthday again! It feels a little strange to be here, since things have continued to change and I find it more difficult to pray authentically. But I'm a nostalgic person, and still ultimately hopeful, so here I am.
Thank you for the last year of my life. Boy, looking back on this time last year, there were so many major changes just around the corner. It's been a full year. A few weeks after my birthday last year, Jeff was discharged from the Air Force and we began our scramble to put together a new life. And when I see where we are now, I am so much happier. I still have lingering anxiety about the issues that haven't been resolved, but for now they've taken a back-burner and allowed us to get back to life.
I am so thrilled about how my photography business has been going. Having such a successful start has boosted my self-confidence more than I could have predicted. I love doing it, and I love being able to develop a talent that I think is pretty darn cool. I've been grateful for the challenge of each new job and the new things I've been able to figure out. I'm proud of the pictures I make. :)
I'm also grateful to be at a more stable place with Jeff. It isn't always an easy place. Lately we have truly been ships in the night -- my falling into bed at 2am after photo work and him waking up at 4:30 to begin his day. But our relationship overall seems better. By having our respective occupations and time apart, it keeps us from falling into "roommate mode" and getting under each other's skin. When we're apart, we're able to miss each other and anticipate precious time together. And that's a good thing. And probably, the distribution of home responsibilities is more clear now that our daily arenas are more distinct, so expectations are disappointed less often. It's just more stable, and I like that. A lot of it is probably the reduced anxiety that we aren't taking out on each other as much.
-- Charlotte just called from her room, "Mama, it's light outside!" Haha, that's a change that has been amazing too. We are in a pretty fun phase right now. So much conversation! She is still full-throttle, which can be hard on little sleep, but I think we are learning -- I am learning -- how to have happy days together. I love watching her learn right in front of my eyes! I love when she chooses to be obedient and how happy and proud (and relieved) we both feel. I feel encouraged that I am parenting her pretty well. Not perfectly, and it's hard when we enter a new phase, but generally I am feeling more confident that my style is working with her.
I love her smile, and her current interest in "cuddle with Mama" and "be cozy" just melts my heart. I love how she sweetly says "good morning" each day and begins rambling on about her thoughts and all the things she's ready to do. I love that she is confident and friendly and creative and connected.
...And of course, as far as status changes go, I never imagined a year ago that we'd be in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania! If you'd told me, I probably would've lost it because it would've been just one more crazy variable to incorporate into our crumbling lives. But it's a great thing. I really like it here, and I'm so happy about how we've gotten connected. I really like how things are going with Mom's Club, and I have been so grateful for the connections with other moms that I made. I'm thankful for Kim and Ruth and Carri and Liea, who have been so willing to include me and Charlotte in their lives here. I'm also so thankful for Betty and the members of our church who've welcomed us so warmly. I can't even believe how sincere and generous they've been with us from the start. After living in such a political, self-promoting, ambitious place like northern VA, it almost feels foreign to live in a smaller town where people actually say what they're thinking and aren't so worried about cultivating their appearance. (Compared to many of them, I'm probably the poser.) I like our small community and the refreshing change of actually having a daily community at all. I never felt that richness of frequent connection and overlap in northern VA that I do here.
And Jeff is finding success at work, which feels like the best part of all. I'm so thankful and so relieved. After everything we've been through, I'm just so grateful that he is finally finding favor and getting the mentoring he needs to grow. I love hearing the positive feedback he gets. It helps to quell the brewing pool of anxiety about his work performance that developed in my chest three years ago.
...Anyway. That's my update.
I'm thankful for another birthday, though I feel a bit reluctant to embrace 29. But what can ya do? I don't have high expectations for today -- we have a playdate this morning and the rest of the day will be spent preparing to leave for Berryville tonight and shoot two weddings over the weekend. Between my photo prep, Charlotte's playgroup, and Jeff's night shift there isn't much time to carve out celebratory time. But we'll catch up on it next week, and I don't mind the delay.
Lord, I'm thankful for the past year and hopeful for the future. I'm excited to continue my business; I'm excited to spend more quality time with Charlotte; I'm excited for more wonderful times with our families; I'm excited to become better friends with the moms I've met here. I'm hopeful about building my relationship with Jeff even more and hopeful to keep healing emotionally from the trauma inflicted by the Air Force. I'm hopeful we will be able to make a sibling for Charlotte.
And I hope I find you again. I hope this time next year, it doesn't feel so stiff to talk with you. Maybe I should stop feeling lost and just embrace what I currently believe, but it still causes me angst. It's a process, and hopefully I have many years left to keep processing it all.
Anyway, the day has begun. Jeff is home from his night shift, and Charlotte is insisting that she sees me. :) It's a good thing. Even a normal day like this is a blessing, and I am so grateful.
Love,
Melinda