-*I Pray That We Make It... Through It All*-
-Hey kids. Yup. Taken from Xanga again. Oh well. Please read...
"Heyyy kids! Sorry about the lack of an entry. Ive decided to change my writing style a little bit. Im actually gonna type properly because I think it looks better. Bare with me since this is my first entry like this. Some things might slip out. However, Ill still continue to not use apostrophes + Ill still use "+"s for the word "and". Everything else shall be clearly + properly written. So lets give it a try. Herrrrre we go...
Work: Well start with work. I feel like Im doing much better with just work in general. I do things quickly + have taken on a much more responsible attitude. Its really nice + Im happy with it. I had another dance meeting on Monday. Not many people went, but I was the one who knew the dance the best (so did Kate). I also made up a new move for it that Nicole really likes. Hopefully that gets me some brownie points lol. Anyways, Melissa Frank was trying to be controlling, just like she was at work on Saturday. She said to me as I was walking to the bathroom to clean it, "Um... you gonna do the floor?" in this bossy voice. I said, "Maybe" + proceeded to the bathroom. Just as I was finishing cleaning, she stomps in + grabs the Windex + paper towels + says "I LOVE when they make me do stupid shit!" + stomps out... As if the job was beneath her to clean the floor! Ha. Last time I checked, she was Team 1 just like a lot of people. She may want that Team 2 promotion, like me, but bossing everyone else around wont help her get it. She also bossed Kate + this new girl Caitlin around about their pre-closing duties. Wow it disgusts me when people are really rude about things. Anyways, I really want this promotion. Itll make me feel really good about myself and I need money too. Moving on...
Target Interview: Oh ya + speaking of work, I have an interview at Target tomorrow at 2:30. That 2:30 isnt really for any of you to know. Its merely a mental note for me. Anyways, I wanna get a second job since Chuck E. Cheese wasnt really providing enough hours + money for me. I hope I do well at this interview. I dont mean to brag, but I tend to do well at them (Ive only had 4 in my lifetime, 3 were CEC lol). I feel that I am comfortable in person with people so its all good. Im not too nervous. Ok NOW moving on...
Brians Moms Funeral: I went to Brians moms funeral last Friday with Adam, Kealer + Sisum. Colleen was there too. It was going fine (obviously sad, but I was holding it together), until Brian went up to speak. He stumbled over some words, but then told a sotry about how his mom promised shed be there for his high school graduation. He then went on to say that she broke a lot of promises to him during his life, but he really didnt want her to break this one. Then he told about how he looked for her in the stands on graduation day, but he didnt see her. He then said that he was so happy to see her face as he walked down the aisle + received his diploma. She was smiling + was so proud of him. Wow, I bawled. I tried to keep my crying + sobbing down but nope. That didnt happen. It touched me so deeply. Brian was crying as he told the story. Colleen (Brians girlfriend) told me that she cried really hard too. Sisum wiped away a tear, + Adam sniffled. It seemed like everyone in that church was touched (minus Kealer. He has no emotion lol). But that day I realized how much love Brian has inside his heart + it amazed me. Adam said hed never seen Brian cry before that day. Ill remember his speech for a while to come. Ive never cried that much at funeral :-(, + I didnt even know Brians mom. But Im glad we went to support Brian. Colleen said it meant a lot to him, so Im happy. Continuing on a happier note...
Dan: Me + Dan are best friends, we both have decided. We understand each other + just love to have fun together. Its great. Our new favorite thing to do is play Super Mario 3. Its old school, I know, but I like the old video games because theyre simple to understand, but still challenging to play. I think were on Level 5 since Dan froze it when we were on Level 6 (that bastard lol). But were hoping to beat King Koopa together some night. (: I took Dan job hunting yesterday too. He applied on the computers at Shaws + Target (like me! hehe). He also picked up an application at Bobs + applied online for Stop + Shop. Id say we faired quite well + Dan seemed very appreciative. Hopefully one of them finds an interest in hiring him. Continuing...
Friends (or lack of): Lately I feel like Ive lost friends. First, Eric is mad at me + finds me extremely annoying + bitchy. I really dont know why, but he does. I mean Ive tried IMing him online + texting him. However, after a few attempts Im not the type of person to persist + harass the kid. So if he comes around then he comes around. If he doesnt then I really dont know what to do about that one. Next = Kelli. Now I KNOW Kelli has been busy. She has finals right now + she just got her job as a CNA at the Life Care Center where she had training. Congratulations to her, by the way. Still, I have a feeling that the reason I havent seen/talked to her lately is because she doesnt wanna see/talk to me. We had an argument a while back about my whole lack of school issue + she told me that she didnt support it + wasnt sure if she should still hang out with me because I havent been going to school. She told me that getting a GED would be throwing my future away. Although I disliked her "narrow-mindedness" (word? no idea), I still miss our talks + her company + attitude. I know shell continue to be busy. I just hope we get to talk about these things because I miss her + I wanna stay tight. I especially wanna take that trip down to New York City with her too. We cant pass that up. Anyways, to end this, I feel like I always hang out with the same people (ie: Dan, Sisum, Kealer). I mean Im not saying that I dont like hanging out with them. I love it. I just mean that I wanna branch out + see + talk to other people. Im a very social person + I must fill that need. Anyone who wants to chill/talk, comment or talk to me sometime soon. Continuing...
Adam: Wow. Adams so special that he gets his own category (like Dan). Hmm... not so much. Well Ive understood that over the past two years that me + Adam fight one day, then make up the next. Then fight the day after that... its a vicious cycle. I never really noticed (or maybe I did but I dont remember) how much my self-esteem changed when I was with/without him. Without him, I felt carefree, happy, great about myself + what I do. With him, I felt controlled, restrained, angry + very unhappy with myself. I know that its possible this could be a coincidence, but Im no longer willing to believe it. I know that there are other people out there + I know that we dont work. I know I basically have a physical/sexual dependency on him that I need to break. + Im working on it right now, with the help of my other friends. No, I dont mean theyre physically helping me out (Get your minds outta the gutter lol). Theyre just helping me realize it. I mean Adams a good guy. Im not gonna say hes evil or out to get me. Deep down I think he knows it too. However we never do anything to solve it so the problem just remains. Tonight Im hanging out with him (I know I sound like the biggest hypocrite right now + I probably am. I dont know. Its all a matter of opinion). Im determined to not just "chill" at his house, but go out somewhere. If he refuses, I will leave. Im not afraid anymore. It will turn out the way I want. I promise (+ Dan Im NOT gonna lose this. Thats ALSO a promise hehe). Moving on...
Chris: Still I fine myself thinking about Chris. Every slow song that I hear, he pops into my mind. Whenever I think about Leaders, I see him first. I saw a picture of him + his girlfriend from their prom on my friends website. This is them. Now I know this is rude + I dont do this often, but I compared myself to her, physically. + for some weird reason, I felt Im prettier than her. I mean, in my opinion, I am. Now I hardly EVER say this, but in this case I do. But still, she intimidates me (not nearly as much as she did before, but she still does). Why? Because when theyre together, I feel like they love each other so much... like I could never compare to how much she loves him. I mean I dont even love Chris. I like him a lot, but I live so far away. How can I know how much I like him when I hardly ever see him? I could just miss him a lot. But I know I shouldnt miss bad upon people. I just wish Id get another chance with him. :-( In the end though, I want Chris making his own decisions to be happy. If hes the happiest with Sarah, then keep it that way. If not, then things will turn out differently. Well see I guess. Thats definitely one of the reasons I cant wait for Leaders School, though. *sigh* I cant wait. Moving on...
Looks + Weight: Ive been keeping A LOT of tabs on my weight lately. I used to weigh myself once a day. Now its turned into 2, sometimes 3, times a day. However my body has improved. I can see my abs now + it makes me happy. However, my weight doesnt. I still need to lose 5 lbs by Saturday + its already Thursday. Right now I should be working away these lbs but instead Im sitting here on my fat ass, merely typing. Although I wanna do this, it is not helping my appearance + thats not good. Im going to the Y after this + working until the last second when it closes. I need allll the exercise I can get between now + Saturday. Im determined. I must do it. Im on a road to perfection + Im NOT taking a detour until I get there. Who knows where perfection lies... Also, Ive gotten a tan! I tanned on Monday ( I think) + again today. Im not nearly as tan as I wanna be though. But its a start right? All of this is only the beginning. Ill continue to keep you posted about this. Today I havent eaten anything except drink water. I feel fine though. My dad told me its unhealthy + my mom asked me to have some lasagna. I wont give in though to what they have to say. Lasagna wont make me thinner + I FEEL healthy. Therefore I believe I am. Until I faint or puke because of not eating, then Ill believe its unhealthy. I know its probably not the RIGHT way of going about losing weight, but its working. + what is right + wrong is merely an opinion. My opinion is that my lack of eating is fine. Ill continue to believe it until I get to where I want. I dont know where I want that to be right now, until I see results. I just know that I dont want to be what I look like right now. I know that. Anyways moving on...
Driving: I have been driving a lot lately. I either drive my dads car, a light blue Dodge Intrepid (unsure of year) or my sisters bluish-purple (well call it indigo) 1996 Dodge Neon. I am not allowed by law to drive my moms tannish (the proper name is "almond") PT Cruiser because I signed a form that says I cant. Anyways, I drive my sisters car a lot more + its a piece of shit. It makes weird noises + is ready to break down at any second. However it gets amaaazing gas mileage. Anyways Im waiting till I can get my own car. I think my parents will probably buy me one. I dont know if theyll be willing to buy a brand new one or not, but Im hopeful for one. My dream car is a Mitsubishi Eclipse but I doubt theyll get that for me. Not to mention its a two-door + as much as I want an Eclipse, I dont want a two-door because Im too impatient to move the seats when someone sits in the back. However for an Eclipse Im willing to make an exception. Anyways my driving skills? They can use improving. I drive fast, mostly because my sisters speedometer doesnt work, but also because Im so impatient that I must drive fast to get to where I wanna go quickly. Yes I know thats really bad, but I also love the feeling of going fast. It gets my adrenaline pumping + its rebellious. That describes me usually. Im not always rebellious, but I love doing things that get the adrenaline pumping. Hopefully I wont be going to fast by a cop. Ugh that would suck. So far my records nice + clean. Then again... Ive only been driving for like a week. Therefore thats not too big of an accomplishment. Ok thats enough for that...
Weekend Plans: Friday (Dereks 18th birthday) - Target interview at 2:30. Then nothing yet. If I cant find anyone else, most likely itll be me, Dan + Ricky doing something. Thats perfectly fine with me. Saturday (my moms birthday!) - Work from 11:45-4pm (I think). Then working a Y Dance. Then nothing. Ill find something to do afterwards Im sure. Sunday - Mall + mini golf with Lia! Yay we finally get to chill. Im really excited. Then dinner reservations with my parents at 7. (Sorry I didnt tell you about this, Lia. I JUST found out, literally). But the weekend looks fine. wish I could go to the beach because its supposed to be gorgeous on Saturday, but I gotta work. Oh well. Therell be other days. Thats it for the weekend...
Random Stuff: I got my second holes in my ears! Im really happy about that. The earrings look really nice too. It was a little bit of a pinch when they got pierced + they hurt a little bit afterwards, but theyre fine now. Theyre a pain in the ass to clean but Im really happy I got them. My mom finally let me. I know... Retarded right? Whatev. I have them + Im happy. What else? Ohhh reminder to me that I need to buy my mom a birthday present. Oh + that I also need to wish Derek a happy birthday tomorrow. I love when people remember my birthday. I hope hell be happy that I remember his. Anyways thats enough of that...
Ok ok Im done. I NEED to get to the Y before it closes now. Adams gonna be mad since Itll be less time for us to chill, but I dont care. I need to work out. Its a necessity right now. + Im STILL in my bathing suit so I need to go change + Ill talk talk to all of you quite soon. Lata kids!*"
Hope you enjoyed it. Sorry its so long, but if you wanna read it then read it. If not, then dont. Sorry. Still off to the Y. Ill ttyl. Lata kids.*-
love always,
~*Missy*~
... If I had my way, I'd never get over you... You're the only one that I'll be with until the end. When I come undone, you bring me back again...* -miss you :'(
"Heyyy kids! Sorry about the lack of an entry. Ive decided to change my writing style a little bit. Im actually gonna type properly because I think it looks better. Bare with me since this is my first entry like this. Some things might slip out. However, Ill still continue to not use apostrophes + Ill still use "+"s for the word "and". Everything else shall be clearly + properly written. So lets give it a try. Herrrrre we go...
Work: Well start with work. I feel like Im doing much better with just work in general. I do things quickly + have taken on a much more responsible attitude. Its really nice + Im happy with it. I had another dance meeting on Monday. Not many people went, but I was the one who knew the dance the best (so did Kate). I also made up a new move for it that Nicole really likes. Hopefully that gets me some brownie points lol. Anyways, Melissa Frank was trying to be controlling, just like she was at work on Saturday. She said to me as I was walking to the bathroom to clean it, "Um... you gonna do the floor?" in this bossy voice. I said, "Maybe" + proceeded to the bathroom. Just as I was finishing cleaning, she stomps in + grabs the Windex + paper towels + says "I LOVE when they make me do stupid shit!" + stomps out... As if the job was beneath her to clean the floor! Ha. Last time I checked, she was Team 1 just like a lot of people. She may want that Team 2 promotion, like me, but bossing everyone else around wont help her get it. She also bossed Kate + this new girl Caitlin around about their pre-closing duties. Wow it disgusts me when people are really rude about things. Anyways, I really want this promotion. Itll make me feel really good about myself and I need money too. Moving on...
Target Interview: Oh ya + speaking of work, I have an interview at Target tomorrow at 2:30. That 2:30 isnt really for any of you to know. Its merely a mental note for me. Anyways, I wanna get a second job since Chuck E. Cheese wasnt really providing enough hours + money for me. I hope I do well at this interview. I dont mean to brag, but I tend to do well at them (Ive only had 4 in my lifetime, 3 were CEC lol). I feel that I am comfortable in person with people so its all good. Im not too nervous. Ok NOW moving on...
Brians Moms Funeral: I went to Brians moms funeral last Friday with Adam, Kealer + Sisum. Colleen was there too. It was going fine (obviously sad, but I was holding it together), until Brian went up to speak. He stumbled over some words, but then told a sotry about how his mom promised shed be there for his high school graduation. He then went on to say that she broke a lot of promises to him during his life, but he really didnt want her to break this one. Then he told about how he looked for her in the stands on graduation day, but he didnt see her. He then said that he was so happy to see her face as he walked down the aisle + received his diploma. She was smiling + was so proud of him. Wow, I bawled. I tried to keep my crying + sobbing down but nope. That didnt happen. It touched me so deeply. Brian was crying as he told the story. Colleen (Brians girlfriend) told me that she cried really hard too. Sisum wiped away a tear, + Adam sniffled. It seemed like everyone in that church was touched (minus Kealer. He has no emotion lol). But that day I realized how much love Brian has inside his heart + it amazed me. Adam said hed never seen Brian cry before that day. Ill remember his speech for a while to come. Ive never cried that much at funeral :-(, + I didnt even know Brians mom. But Im glad we went to support Brian. Colleen said it meant a lot to him, so Im happy. Continuing on a happier note...
Dan: Me + Dan are best friends, we both have decided. We understand each other + just love to have fun together. Its great. Our new favorite thing to do is play Super Mario 3. Its old school, I know, but I like the old video games because theyre simple to understand, but still challenging to play. I think were on Level 5 since Dan froze it when we were on Level 6 (that bastard lol). But were hoping to beat King Koopa together some night. (: I took Dan job hunting yesterday too. He applied on the computers at Shaws + Target (like me! hehe). He also picked up an application at Bobs + applied online for Stop + Shop. Id say we faired quite well + Dan seemed very appreciative. Hopefully one of them finds an interest in hiring him. Continuing...
Friends (or lack of): Lately I feel like Ive lost friends. First, Eric is mad at me + finds me extremely annoying + bitchy. I really dont know why, but he does. I mean Ive tried IMing him online + texting him. However, after a few attempts Im not the type of person to persist + harass the kid. So if he comes around then he comes around. If he doesnt then I really dont know what to do about that one. Next = Kelli. Now I KNOW Kelli has been busy. She has finals right now + she just got her job as a CNA at the Life Care Center where she had training. Congratulations to her, by the way. Still, I have a feeling that the reason I havent seen/talked to her lately is because she doesnt wanna see/talk to me. We had an argument a while back about my whole lack of school issue + she told me that she didnt support it + wasnt sure if she should still hang out with me because I havent been going to school. She told me that getting a GED would be throwing my future away. Although I disliked her "narrow-mindedness" (word? no idea), I still miss our talks + her company + attitude. I know shell continue to be busy. I just hope we get to talk about these things because I miss her + I wanna stay tight. I especially wanna take that trip down to New York City with her too. We cant pass that up. Anyways, to end this, I feel like I always hang out with the same people (ie: Dan, Sisum, Kealer). I mean Im not saying that I dont like hanging out with them. I love it. I just mean that I wanna branch out + see + talk to other people. Im a very social person + I must fill that need. Anyone who wants to chill/talk, comment or talk to me sometime soon. Continuing...
Adam: Wow. Adams so special that he gets his own category (like Dan). Hmm... not so much. Well Ive understood that over the past two years that me + Adam fight one day, then make up the next. Then fight the day after that... its a vicious cycle. I never really noticed (or maybe I did but I dont remember) how much my self-esteem changed when I was with/without him. Without him, I felt carefree, happy, great about myself + what I do. With him, I felt controlled, restrained, angry + very unhappy with myself. I know that its possible this could be a coincidence, but Im no longer willing to believe it. I know that there are other people out there + I know that we dont work. I know I basically have a physical/sexual dependency on him that I need to break. + Im working on it right now, with the help of my other friends. No, I dont mean theyre physically helping me out (Get your minds outta the gutter lol). Theyre just helping me realize it. I mean Adams a good guy. Im not gonna say hes evil or out to get me. Deep down I think he knows it too. However we never do anything to solve it so the problem just remains. Tonight Im hanging out with him (I know I sound like the biggest hypocrite right now + I probably am. I dont know. Its all a matter of opinion). Im determined to not just "chill" at his house, but go out somewhere. If he refuses, I will leave. Im not afraid anymore. It will turn out the way I want. I promise (+ Dan Im NOT gonna lose this. Thats ALSO a promise hehe). Moving on...
Chris: Still I fine myself thinking about Chris. Every slow song that I hear, he pops into my mind. Whenever I think about Leaders, I see him first. I saw a picture of him + his girlfriend from their prom on my friends website. This is them. Now I know this is rude + I dont do this often, but I compared myself to her, physically. + for some weird reason, I felt Im prettier than her. I mean, in my opinion, I am. Now I hardly EVER say this, but in this case I do. But still, she intimidates me (not nearly as much as she did before, but she still does). Why? Because when theyre together, I feel like they love each other so much... like I could never compare to how much she loves him. I mean I dont even love Chris. I like him a lot, but I live so far away. How can I know how much I like him when I hardly ever see him? I could just miss him a lot. But I know I shouldnt miss bad upon people. I just wish Id get another chance with him. :-( In the end though, I want Chris making his own decisions to be happy. If hes the happiest with Sarah, then keep it that way. If not, then things will turn out differently. Well see I guess. Thats definitely one of the reasons I cant wait for Leaders School, though. *sigh* I cant wait. Moving on...
Looks + Weight: Ive been keeping A LOT of tabs on my weight lately. I used to weigh myself once a day. Now its turned into 2, sometimes 3, times a day. However my body has improved. I can see my abs now + it makes me happy. However, my weight doesnt. I still need to lose 5 lbs by Saturday + its already Thursday. Right now I should be working away these lbs but instead Im sitting here on my fat ass, merely typing. Although I wanna do this, it is not helping my appearance + thats not good. Im going to the Y after this + working until the last second when it closes. I need allll the exercise I can get between now + Saturday. Im determined. I must do it. Im on a road to perfection + Im NOT taking a detour until I get there. Who knows where perfection lies... Also, Ive gotten a tan! I tanned on Monday ( I think) + again today. Im not nearly as tan as I wanna be though. But its a start right? All of this is only the beginning. Ill continue to keep you posted about this. Today I havent eaten anything except drink water. I feel fine though. My dad told me its unhealthy + my mom asked me to have some lasagna. I wont give in though to what they have to say. Lasagna wont make me thinner + I FEEL healthy. Therefore I believe I am. Until I faint or puke because of not eating, then Ill believe its unhealthy. I know its probably not the RIGHT way of going about losing weight, but its working. + what is right + wrong is merely an opinion. My opinion is that my lack of eating is fine. Ill continue to believe it until I get to where I want. I dont know where I want that to be right now, until I see results. I just know that I dont want to be what I look like right now. I know that. Anyways moving on...
Driving: I have been driving a lot lately. I either drive my dads car, a light blue Dodge Intrepid (unsure of year) or my sisters bluish-purple (well call it indigo) 1996 Dodge Neon. I am not allowed by law to drive my moms tannish (the proper name is "almond") PT Cruiser because I signed a form that says I cant. Anyways, I drive my sisters car a lot more + its a piece of shit. It makes weird noises + is ready to break down at any second. However it gets amaaazing gas mileage. Anyways Im waiting till I can get my own car. I think my parents will probably buy me one. I dont know if theyll be willing to buy a brand new one or not, but Im hopeful for one. My dream car is a Mitsubishi Eclipse but I doubt theyll get that for me. Not to mention its a two-door + as much as I want an Eclipse, I dont want a two-door because Im too impatient to move the seats when someone sits in the back. However for an Eclipse Im willing to make an exception. Anyways my driving skills? They can use improving. I drive fast, mostly because my sisters speedometer doesnt work, but also because Im so impatient that I must drive fast to get to where I wanna go quickly. Yes I know thats really bad, but I also love the feeling of going fast. It gets my adrenaline pumping + its rebellious. That describes me usually. Im not always rebellious, but I love doing things that get the adrenaline pumping. Hopefully I wont be going to fast by a cop. Ugh that would suck. So far my records nice + clean. Then again... Ive only been driving for like a week. Therefore thats not too big of an accomplishment. Ok thats enough for that...
Weekend Plans: Friday (Dereks 18th birthday) - Target interview at 2:30. Then nothing yet. If I cant find anyone else, most likely itll be me, Dan + Ricky doing something. Thats perfectly fine with me. Saturday (my moms birthday!) - Work from 11:45-4pm (I think). Then working a Y Dance. Then nothing. Ill find something to do afterwards Im sure. Sunday - Mall + mini golf with Lia! Yay we finally get to chill. Im really excited. Then dinner reservations with my parents at 7. (Sorry I didnt tell you about this, Lia. I JUST found out, literally). But the weekend looks fine. wish I could go to the beach because its supposed to be gorgeous on Saturday, but I gotta work. Oh well. Therell be other days. Thats it for the weekend...
Random Stuff: I got my second holes in my ears! Im really happy about that. The earrings look really nice too. It was a little bit of a pinch when they got pierced + they hurt a little bit afterwards, but theyre fine now. Theyre a pain in the ass to clean but Im really happy I got them. My mom finally let me. I know... Retarded right? Whatev. I have them + Im happy. What else? Ohhh reminder to me that I need to buy my mom a birthday present. Oh + that I also need to wish Derek a happy birthday tomorrow. I love when people remember my birthday. I hope hell be happy that I remember his. Anyways thats enough of that...
Ok ok Im done. I NEED to get to the Y before it closes now. Adams gonna be mad since Itll be less time for us to chill, but I dont care. I need to work out. Its a necessity right now. + Im STILL in my bathing suit so I need to go change + Ill talk talk to all of you quite soon. Lata kids!*"
Hope you enjoyed it. Sorry its so long, but if you wanna read it then read it. If not, then dont. Sorry. Still off to the Y. Ill ttyl. Lata kids.*-
love always,
~*Missy*~
... If I had my way, I'd never get over you... You're the only one that I'll be with until the end. When I come undone, you bring me back again...* -miss you :'(