wtf
I haven't been on here in quite some time but I was thinking that I wanted to write and I didn't want to do it on myspace. I'm just so freakin lost all the time. It was tolerable before because it was just me to think about but now that I have my daughter it's unacceptable but I don't know how to find my way back to me. I am here in this half hearted relationship sometimes freaking out with jealousy because I get no attention and I don't want any other girl to get the little I have once in a while and other times I'm ready to leave. I am making myself crazy with my situation wanting to be somewhere else with someone else or no one at all. I don't even get kissed that just sux on a completely different level. He told me once he had a thing about it cause you never know where someone has been but it's been a while and if you still have to wonder then damn that's kind of fucked up on your part. I didn't realize how much I missed it till it became non-existant...much like sex. I like it as much as the next person but if I didn't wait up for him in the living room (because he stopped sleeping in the room with me months ago) then I would never get any. He is porn crazy and I don't mind porn I watch it from time to time but when you sign up with a bunch of internet porn sites to watch it something is wrong. I mean he has the real thing here willing and waiting and neglected as hell. I don't know what it is about me that makes guys say "she's alright for right now but not in the long term" in one way or another I get fucked over and left feeling like shit. I don't want my daughter to have to ever feel that way. maybe with her dad in her life she can have the self confidence I never got. I hope so...anyways I need to get to bed I gotta wake up in a few hours and didn't get much sleep last night so time for a little catch up.