alone
Seems to be the word of the year. I always seem to be by myself and I admit its not always a bad thing but when you're supposed to be in a relationship it can be the worst feeling in the world. So here I am with a daughter and I turned out to be the chick I swore I didn't want to become; I have some guys baby and I don't even want to be with him. I wanted to have a child with someone I could spend my whole life with. To be honest I was tricked in some ways and saw things that I wanted but weren't there in others. I knew that I wasn't destined to be with shawn but I was so desperate to make our rocky relationship work. I should have just stuck with my decision to leave him alone when I went away to school. I was once again lonely at school though and when I thought I had met someone to pass the time with they weren't available like I would have hoped which sux because I felt like we could have had a great relationship if not for bad timing. Then my mom started having money problems and instead of moving to a cheaper place and getting a job there I moved back home and tried to make my old relationship work. I couldn't be farther away from happy (when the word is applied to my relationship status that is). All I want/need is someone who can appreciate me for me and understand how I need to be loved. I can't live on words, the actions show me so much more and all I think I've ever gotten were a bunch of words. Makes me wonder who really has the problem, them or me. I promise I'm not high maintenance just a few PDAs here a kiss there cuddling/ sleeping in the same bed and of course a sex life that goes beyond once a month oh and I can't forget he has to not have several dating profiles on several different dating and sex sites.
As it is now I'm sucking it up and looking for a new job so I can move and stop living this miserable lie. I hate fighting everyday and the silent treatment that goes on more than anything else. As my jackass of a father pointed out though I did choose this for myself so I can't really complain. I should have been smarter and waited but what's done is done and I just have to learn to live with it or fix it.
Ok well let me get off this thing before I start to cry I don't know when I'll post again but I will. Later.
As it is now I'm sucking it up and looking for a new job so I can move and stop living this miserable lie. I hate fighting everyday and the silent treatment that goes on more than anything else. As my jackass of a father pointed out though I did choose this for myself so I can't really complain. I should have been smarter and waited but what's done is done and I just have to learn to live with it or fix it.
Ok well let me get off this thing before I start to cry I don't know when I'll post again but I will. Later.