And So It Began.... Part Sixteen (Kyle Lewis/Oliver Fish, this part R)
Fandom: One Life to Live
Rating: R
Pairing: Kyle/Oliver during their college years
Summary: Oliver Fish met Kyle Lewis in college. It changed his life forever
A/N: This is the "candle" chapter, as you'll see below. I really like to think that Kyle was so into candles because candles bring him back to this very moment. This chapter is very much R for mature sexual situations. I debated booting it up to M/NC-17, but I've read some other NC-17 stories, and I don't think I go that far. It's a slightly more graphic chapter than the others, but I don't do the whole anatomical descriptions or anything. I just wanted to warn y'all!
Oh, and this may or may not be AU, insofar as Kish's sexual relationship went back in college. Blame Show and stupid no showing flashbacks! GRRRR!!
Thank you everyone for all your comments and feedback! I really appreciate you supporting this story!
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven
Part Twelve"
Part Thirteen
Part Fourteen
Part Fifteen
Part Sixteen:
Lover Lay Down
Dave Matthews Band
Oliver tipped his beer bottle against Kyle's. "You're really good with Jason, y'know that?"
Taking a drink of his beer, Kyle shrugged. His face said it was no big deal, but his eyes danced at the compliment. "'S nothin'. The kid jus' came out to his family. He needs someone to talk to, and I'm here an' queer. So--"
Oliver laughed and leaned against the wall at the head of his bed. Kyle sat at the foot of the bed, cross-legged, slumped over and tracing circles on the bedsheets with the bottom of his beer bottle. They were discussing the brothers Griswold -- their roommate Stan and his young brother, Jason, who was living in Llanview after having been disowned by his family for being gay. The conversation was easy, and Oliver felt his guard coming down. This was due in part to the beginning of Spring Break. Most of the house was away, either back at their homes or in Padre or Cancun or other destinations. There was a skeleton crew at the KAΔ house, volunteering to stay behind to help work on various house projects, get ahead in their classes...
Or, as was the case with Kyle and Oliver, trying to find some proper time to be alone. Although Oliver would never admit that.
Oliver peeled the label off of his bottle, the condensation from the cool beer helping him lift it up from the glass. "But you didn't have to talk to him and be his friend. And you definitely didn't have to tell Stan or Jason about you." He flicked the damp, sticky paper onto the floor.
Glancing over at Oliver, Kyle raised his eyebrows. "I don't know. I just..."
"Just what?"
Kyle rubbed his lip and took another drink. "I don't like seeing a person hurting when they're in pain. Even if they caused it themselves. Besides, Jason is our roommate's brother, and Stan's been nothing short of awesome about me being gay. I don't want to jeopardize that by doing wrong by his brother."
Kyle's truthful assessment needed no reply. Instead, Oliver nodded and held up his bottle. "Cheers." They tapped their beers together again.
"So, Oliver, what're your plans for the week, hm?"
He looked around the dirty room. Three guys living together in a tight space, only one of whom could be classified as a "neat freak", made for an untidy environment. Clothes and books and papers were strewn everywhere. Griswold's bed remained unmade, even though he was on a road trip with his brother and some of his high school friends. Not all of the mess could be blamed on Kyle, but a good portion of it could be attributed to him.
"How about we start with picking up the place around here?"
Kyle groaned. "Why would you wanna do that? I know where all my shit is."
"The only reason why you know where everything is is because everything you own is on the floor."
"But that's how I like it!"
Oliver laughed and took another drink. "Have you ever heard of a vacuum cleaner, Kyle?"
Kyle grabbed a pillow and threw it at his friend. "Shut it! I'm not that dirty."
"Yeah, you kind of are!"
They kept horsing around, when suddenly the lights in the room flickered off and the music that had been playing out in the hallway went quiet. The blackout caught both boys off guard.
"What the-?" Oliver tried to get to the door into the main house. He stumbled right into a desk... and almost tackled Kyle onto the floor.
"Whoa! Easy there, Super Trooper," Kyle said, laughing. His hand was on Oliver's chest. Despite the house's sudden plunge into darkness, he could feel Kyle's breath on his face. He was so close to him.
"Uh, I wanted to see what was going on outside."
"Yeah... okay. Go ahead." Giving his chest a pat, Kyle backed away, allowing Oliver to get to the door. He could hear Kyle feeling his way, rather noisily, around the dirty room, opening up drawers and boxes, looking for something.
Oliver opened the door to the hall. The lights were off there too. A couple of guys had lighters and were flicking them on, using their cellphones and a random flashlight to illuminate what they could. Oliver heard some of the other brothers talking, even if he couldn't see them.
"Dude, the fuck? Did Addington forget to pay the electric bill?"
"Ow! That was my toe, dickhead!"
"Shit! What about the kitchen? The fridge? All that food's gonna rot!"
"What's up, Fish?" Walker Morris tapped Oliver on the shoulder, keeping his cellphone turned on to help with visibility.
"Hey, Morris. Looks like this is a house-wide thing? This blackout?"
Morris shook his head. "Actually, it hit the entire block. I just came from outside, and all the street lights are out and there's no lights on in the other houses."
A chorus of swears piped up from the other brothers. Oliver sighed. Through the limited light in the hallway, he could see a group of the guys clustered together, passing out flashlights, candles, lighters to everyone. Oliver took a couple of candles and a lighter and headed back to the room. Flicking on the flame, he saw Kyle crouched in front of the closet, pulling out box after box.
"Hey. Got some candles." He lit one and put it on an old plate on the desk as Kyle continued his search. Oliver peeked back out; the group in the hallway had disbursed or gone downstairs to ride the blackout together. He shut the door and paused, his fingers on the deadbolt. Several thoughts flew through his head, and his breath slowed down just before he turned the bolt to the locked position. He could tell himself that he didn't know why he did it, but they had been drinking and there was no third roommate around....
"Leslie made a whole bunch of 'em for Christmas last year and gave me some. Lemme see if I c'n... yeah! Here they are." Kyle pulled out a medium-sized box and opened it, pulling out several thick white candles with a textured surface. The rich smell of flowers and fruit filled the room. He handed one to Oliver, who sniffed it. It was honeysuckle, if he wasn't mistaken.
"You have candles just stashed away? Like, for a rainy day or something?"
"In case of an emergency, or a street-wide blackout, yeah. Les makes all this crazy stuff... perfume, candles, clothes. She's, like, all into the vegetarian, hippy-dippy lifestyle crap." They lit several candles and placed them around the room on slick-covered textbooks, old dishes, anywhere they could. "She also does yoga and drinks soymilk and eats tofu." He snorted, laughing at some memory. "She's always trying to get me to find my center or some goofy shit like that."
The way Kyle stared at her handmade candles, with such contentment, made Oliver think all of his talk was simply talk and he actually liked, or was at least amused by, that "hippy-dippy" side of Leslie.
Kyle smacked him on the shoulder. "Wanna finish those beers?"
They sat back on Oliver's bed, drinking one beer after another. Talking, laughing, sighing. Listening to whatever music came through on Kyle's laptop; Oliver preferred his music collection over his. At one point, he looked around the room. The candles all lit up gave off a soft white glow. And a bare hint of heat. They released a sweet, smoldering smell -- like flowers with a slight smoky undertone. It was more than pleasant. It was relaxing. The mess on the floor was gone; all that existed in this space was him and Kyle together.
He couldn't say at what point they stopped talking and at what point they started kissing each other. The conversations and making out always blended together; in between jokes and talking and sips of beer, they kissed and touched each other whenever they could. When they were alone. When no one else in the world existed except them.
They lay together on the bed, their shirts coming off, followed by their pants. Their kisses grew more intense, more heated, and quickly moved from their mouths to other parts of their bodies. Necks, shoulders, chests -- no part was left uncovered by their lips and tongues. Oliver felt ever more grateful that Kyle was playing through his entire music library, the strains of Dave Matthews Band masking their moans.
It was when Kyle's head was, again, hovering above Oliver's hips, kissing just below his naval, that Oliver realized his boxers were sliding off.
"Kyle--"
Kyle stopped tugging the underwear down. "I can stop right here. I can--"
Oliver didn't want to stop. Not now. This was the only chance they'd get. It was completely dark, the only light coming from the candles and whatever natural moonlight filtered through the window. There was no Griswold, no electricity. Kyle's laptop was still going, and the music was just...
There wasn't going to be a better opportunity. And as frightening as taking this to the next level was, his desire to see Kyle naked overcame it.
He lifted his hips up. With bated breath, Kyle eased the boxers down Oliver's legs... past his knees... past his ankles.
With a flick of his wrist, they were off.
Kyle kneeled in front of him. He touched Oliver, running his hands over his chest and his thighs with a wonderful slowness. Instead of feeling angry or frightened, Oliver focused on those hands as Kyle slid them down the center of his torso. The tempo and weight of their breaths were the same: heavy, long, and slightly tremulous. When he managed to focus on Kyle's face, Oliver could see his eyes. Kyle was studying him.
"You're damn handsome, you know that?"
The alcohol was thick in Kyle's voice. Oliver swallowed. He licked his lips. He didn't know if it was the beer guiding his hand or the immediate urgency to disrobe Kyle himself, but he reached for the elastic band of Kyle's boxers and started tugging them off. Kyle helped him, wriggling out of his underwear. Before he knew it, he was just as naked as Oliver.
They breathed together, not quite knowing what to do, not knowing who should start. Kyle waited for him, but Kyle always waited for him. Not that Oliver really understood why. Kyle put himself and his desires out there, and Oliver grabbed it. Whatever Kyle wanted him to have, it was his, no questions asked. Now, he was nervous because he knew what was coming, what they were about to do. He couldn't talk. No words captured it appropriately. Instead, their actions were going to define this moment.
Oliver shifted and crawled out from underneath Kyle. At the same time, Kyle laid down on his bed and Oliver hovered above him. Kyle reached over to his desk and opened the drawer with one hand. He pulled out a flat square package with a round object inside and a small plastic bottle, setting both of them down on the top of the wood.
"Always be prepared," Kyle added with a raspy laugh. He angled up and started kissing Oliver again, his tongue exploring every crevasse of his mouth. And Oliver reciprocated, wrapping his arms around Kyle's shoulders and bringing him as close to him as he could. He was laying flat on top of Kyle, guiding his hand toward Kyle's crotch. The effect of the contact was instantaneous, as Kyle arched up off the bed, gasping as Oliver cupped him and massaged him.
Kyle shifted the angle of his pelvis just so... and Oliver moved his hand lower, until the tips of his finger touched a tender patch of--
"Oh! Oh-oh my... fuck!" Oliver's hand had reached its destination. He rarely swore, but right now, he couldn't control himself.
"Th-that's pretty much... the idea," Kyle replied softly. He smiled, and it was a combination of arousal, nerves, and that unique brand of Kyle Lewis brash humor that popped up when he least expected it.
"We-we've never... I've never... not e-even with a girl--"
"Do you have to ruin the moment talking about girls?"
Oliver chortled. His face fell, although he couldn't get certain images out of his head. "I'll hurt you, won't I?"
Kyle kept his eyes on him and reached down to stroke Oliver, who breathed out the second he felt his friend's hand surround him. "Oliver, you don't have to do this. If you have any doubts--"
"Y-you don't know. I've been thinking about this and h-how it would feel," Oliver replied shakily. "Promise I won't hurt you?"
"You won't," Kyle answered. He nodded at the plastic bottle on the desk. "Use that and you should be fine."
Oliver scanned the label. "This? This stuff'll work?" He sounded out of breath, his voice lower than normal.
"It's supposed to work. Start small -- with your fingers, y'know? W-work up to it." His voice caught; his breath grew heavier the longer they touched each other.
Shaking, Oliver lowered himself down to kiss Kyle again. "Work up to it," he repeated.
"I want this." Kyle's raspy voice was softer. "I want you." This elicited an excited, enthusiastic liplock between the two boys. Oliver held Kyle as he kissed him, the intensity of the contact increasing. He opened the bottle and ripped open the small square foil package and, as he did so, Oliver's heart thudded in his chest. There was no going back, not that he would at this point. He wanted to have sex every bit as much as Kyle did.
Oliver could feel him, the entire length of Kyle's slender body under his own. Warm and full of desire. And for the next twenty minutes, they moved together, the only light in the room coming from the soft burn of those candles. The only sounds filling the room coming from Kyle's laptop, and their mouths moaning, gasping, speaking each other's names as they came.
****
Oliver woke the next morning admist a haze of sex and sunshine. He tried to sit up in his bed, but something was pinning down his right side. Twisting his throbbing head over, he saw dark hair, pale skin, and parted mouth, soft snores escaping from between slightly chapped lips. Kyle. He looked peaceful, calm where he lay. Oliver was sober now, and even though every detail about last night -- the candles, the making out, the sex -- danced through his mind and he remembered it all with painful clarity, he should've felt guilty. He should've bolted from the bed and went straight for the showers to wash away what he had done last night.
But he couldn't.
He felt different. He supposed that was because he was no longer a virgin. And... holy shit! He had lost his virginity to a friend, who happened to be another guy. He laid on his side, staring at Kyle, watching as the beam of morning sun streamed through the window and dust danced in the air. It gave him time to think, to make sense of the war battling in his head. One part spoke to him as his parents. They stared at him, their eyes dark with disgust and hatred and pity. They cried because he had, in the span of almost two years, systematically destroyed every hope and expectation for him to be their perfect son. They abandoned him like he abandoned their church, their community.
And that image very nearly killed him.
But the other part inside Oliver's head began restoring him, little by little. It picked up the pieces that had fallen by the wayside. It screamed at him -- admit who he was, especially after last night. Admit how he felt about Kyle, and tell him, here and now, what he had been waiting far too long to say. Indeed, what he had taken far too long to realize himself.
It was an impossible task. He didn't know what loving someone else felt like. After all, he had never been in love before. The longer he stared at Kyle's sleeping face, the more he ran his hand along Kyle's bare shoulder and down his exposed arm, the longer he thought of Kyle's voice, his laugh and his lips and hands as they touched him, Oliver's heart swelled with emotion. He didn't want to leave this moment. He didn't want to leave Kyle.
Somewhere along the way, this part of Oliver had fallen in love. He knew it. The realization didn't come with any grand fanfare or chorus of angels singing his praises. It just... was. It was real, honest. It was every bit a part of him as his own flesh and blood.
He was in love with another guy. He was in love with Kyle Lewis.
Rating: R
Pairing: Kyle/Oliver during their college years
Summary: Oliver Fish met Kyle Lewis in college. It changed his life forever
A/N: This is the "candle" chapter, as you'll see below. I really like to think that Kyle was so into candles because candles bring him back to this very moment. This chapter is very much R for mature sexual situations. I debated booting it up to M/NC-17, but I've read some other NC-17 stories, and I don't think I go that far. It's a slightly more graphic chapter than the others, but I don't do the whole anatomical descriptions or anything. I just wanted to warn y'all!
Oh, and this may or may not be AU, insofar as Kish's sexual relationship went back in college. Blame Show and stupid no showing flashbacks! GRRRR!!
Thank you everyone for all your comments and feedback! I really appreciate you supporting this story!
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven
Part Twelve"
Part Thirteen
Part Fourteen
Part Fifteen
Part Sixteen:
Lover Lay Down
Dave Matthews Band
Oliver tipped his beer bottle against Kyle's. "You're really good with Jason, y'know that?"
Taking a drink of his beer, Kyle shrugged. His face said it was no big deal, but his eyes danced at the compliment. "'S nothin'. The kid jus' came out to his family. He needs someone to talk to, and I'm here an' queer. So--"
Oliver laughed and leaned against the wall at the head of his bed. Kyle sat at the foot of the bed, cross-legged, slumped over and tracing circles on the bedsheets with the bottom of his beer bottle. They were discussing the brothers Griswold -- their roommate Stan and his young brother, Jason, who was living in Llanview after having been disowned by his family for being gay. The conversation was easy, and Oliver felt his guard coming down. This was due in part to the beginning of Spring Break. Most of the house was away, either back at their homes or in Padre or Cancun or other destinations. There was a skeleton crew at the KAΔ house, volunteering to stay behind to help work on various house projects, get ahead in their classes...
Or, as was the case with Kyle and Oliver, trying to find some proper time to be alone. Although Oliver would never admit that.
Oliver peeled the label off of his bottle, the condensation from the cool beer helping him lift it up from the glass. "But you didn't have to talk to him and be his friend. And you definitely didn't have to tell Stan or Jason about you." He flicked the damp, sticky paper onto the floor.
Glancing over at Oliver, Kyle raised his eyebrows. "I don't know. I just..."
"Just what?"
Kyle rubbed his lip and took another drink. "I don't like seeing a person hurting when they're in pain. Even if they caused it themselves. Besides, Jason is our roommate's brother, and Stan's been nothing short of awesome about me being gay. I don't want to jeopardize that by doing wrong by his brother."
Kyle's truthful assessment needed no reply. Instead, Oliver nodded and held up his bottle. "Cheers." They tapped their beers together again.
"So, Oliver, what're your plans for the week, hm?"
He looked around the dirty room. Three guys living together in a tight space, only one of whom could be classified as a "neat freak", made for an untidy environment. Clothes and books and papers were strewn everywhere. Griswold's bed remained unmade, even though he was on a road trip with his brother and some of his high school friends. Not all of the mess could be blamed on Kyle, but a good portion of it could be attributed to him.
"How about we start with picking up the place around here?"
Kyle groaned. "Why would you wanna do that? I know where all my shit is."
"The only reason why you know where everything is is because everything you own is on the floor."
"But that's how I like it!"
Oliver laughed and took another drink. "Have you ever heard of a vacuum cleaner, Kyle?"
Kyle grabbed a pillow and threw it at his friend. "Shut it! I'm not that dirty."
"Yeah, you kind of are!"
They kept horsing around, when suddenly the lights in the room flickered off and the music that had been playing out in the hallway went quiet. The blackout caught both boys off guard.
"What the-?" Oliver tried to get to the door into the main house. He stumbled right into a desk... and almost tackled Kyle onto the floor.
"Whoa! Easy there, Super Trooper," Kyle said, laughing. His hand was on Oliver's chest. Despite the house's sudden plunge into darkness, he could feel Kyle's breath on his face. He was so close to him.
"Uh, I wanted to see what was going on outside."
"Yeah... okay. Go ahead." Giving his chest a pat, Kyle backed away, allowing Oliver to get to the door. He could hear Kyle feeling his way, rather noisily, around the dirty room, opening up drawers and boxes, looking for something.
Oliver opened the door to the hall. The lights were off there too. A couple of guys had lighters and were flicking them on, using their cellphones and a random flashlight to illuminate what they could. Oliver heard some of the other brothers talking, even if he couldn't see them.
"Dude, the fuck? Did Addington forget to pay the electric bill?"
"Ow! That was my toe, dickhead!"
"Shit! What about the kitchen? The fridge? All that food's gonna rot!"
"What's up, Fish?" Walker Morris tapped Oliver on the shoulder, keeping his cellphone turned on to help with visibility.
"Hey, Morris. Looks like this is a house-wide thing? This blackout?"
Morris shook his head. "Actually, it hit the entire block. I just came from outside, and all the street lights are out and there's no lights on in the other houses."
A chorus of swears piped up from the other brothers. Oliver sighed. Through the limited light in the hallway, he could see a group of the guys clustered together, passing out flashlights, candles, lighters to everyone. Oliver took a couple of candles and a lighter and headed back to the room. Flicking on the flame, he saw Kyle crouched in front of the closet, pulling out box after box.
"Hey. Got some candles." He lit one and put it on an old plate on the desk as Kyle continued his search. Oliver peeked back out; the group in the hallway had disbursed or gone downstairs to ride the blackout together. He shut the door and paused, his fingers on the deadbolt. Several thoughts flew through his head, and his breath slowed down just before he turned the bolt to the locked position. He could tell himself that he didn't know why he did it, but they had been drinking and there was no third roommate around....
"Leslie made a whole bunch of 'em for Christmas last year and gave me some. Lemme see if I c'n... yeah! Here they are." Kyle pulled out a medium-sized box and opened it, pulling out several thick white candles with a textured surface. The rich smell of flowers and fruit filled the room. He handed one to Oliver, who sniffed it. It was honeysuckle, if he wasn't mistaken.
"You have candles just stashed away? Like, for a rainy day or something?"
"In case of an emergency, or a street-wide blackout, yeah. Les makes all this crazy stuff... perfume, candles, clothes. She's, like, all into the vegetarian, hippy-dippy lifestyle crap." They lit several candles and placed them around the room on slick-covered textbooks, old dishes, anywhere they could. "She also does yoga and drinks soymilk and eats tofu." He snorted, laughing at some memory. "She's always trying to get me to find my center or some goofy shit like that."
The way Kyle stared at her handmade candles, with such contentment, made Oliver think all of his talk was simply talk and he actually liked, or was at least amused by, that "hippy-dippy" side of Leslie.
Kyle smacked him on the shoulder. "Wanna finish those beers?"
They sat back on Oliver's bed, drinking one beer after another. Talking, laughing, sighing. Listening to whatever music came through on Kyle's laptop; Oliver preferred his music collection over his. At one point, he looked around the room. The candles all lit up gave off a soft white glow. And a bare hint of heat. They released a sweet, smoldering smell -- like flowers with a slight smoky undertone. It was more than pleasant. It was relaxing. The mess on the floor was gone; all that existed in this space was him and Kyle together.
He couldn't say at what point they stopped talking and at what point they started kissing each other. The conversations and making out always blended together; in between jokes and talking and sips of beer, they kissed and touched each other whenever they could. When they were alone. When no one else in the world existed except them.
They lay together on the bed, their shirts coming off, followed by their pants. Their kisses grew more intense, more heated, and quickly moved from their mouths to other parts of their bodies. Necks, shoulders, chests -- no part was left uncovered by their lips and tongues. Oliver felt ever more grateful that Kyle was playing through his entire music library, the strains of Dave Matthews Band masking their moans.
It was when Kyle's head was, again, hovering above Oliver's hips, kissing just below his naval, that Oliver realized his boxers were sliding off.
"Kyle--"
Kyle stopped tugging the underwear down. "I can stop right here. I can--"
Oliver didn't want to stop. Not now. This was the only chance they'd get. It was completely dark, the only light coming from the candles and whatever natural moonlight filtered through the window. There was no Griswold, no electricity. Kyle's laptop was still going, and the music was just...
There wasn't going to be a better opportunity. And as frightening as taking this to the next level was, his desire to see Kyle naked overcame it.
He lifted his hips up. With bated breath, Kyle eased the boxers down Oliver's legs... past his knees... past his ankles.
With a flick of his wrist, they were off.
Kyle kneeled in front of him. He touched Oliver, running his hands over his chest and his thighs with a wonderful slowness. Instead of feeling angry or frightened, Oliver focused on those hands as Kyle slid them down the center of his torso. The tempo and weight of their breaths were the same: heavy, long, and slightly tremulous. When he managed to focus on Kyle's face, Oliver could see his eyes. Kyle was studying him.
"You're damn handsome, you know that?"
The alcohol was thick in Kyle's voice. Oliver swallowed. He licked his lips. He didn't know if it was the beer guiding his hand or the immediate urgency to disrobe Kyle himself, but he reached for the elastic band of Kyle's boxers and started tugging them off. Kyle helped him, wriggling out of his underwear. Before he knew it, he was just as naked as Oliver.
They breathed together, not quite knowing what to do, not knowing who should start. Kyle waited for him, but Kyle always waited for him. Not that Oliver really understood why. Kyle put himself and his desires out there, and Oliver grabbed it. Whatever Kyle wanted him to have, it was his, no questions asked. Now, he was nervous because he knew what was coming, what they were about to do. He couldn't talk. No words captured it appropriately. Instead, their actions were going to define this moment.
Oliver shifted and crawled out from underneath Kyle. At the same time, Kyle laid down on his bed and Oliver hovered above him. Kyle reached over to his desk and opened the drawer with one hand. He pulled out a flat square package with a round object inside and a small plastic bottle, setting both of them down on the top of the wood.
"Always be prepared," Kyle added with a raspy laugh. He angled up and started kissing Oliver again, his tongue exploring every crevasse of his mouth. And Oliver reciprocated, wrapping his arms around Kyle's shoulders and bringing him as close to him as he could. He was laying flat on top of Kyle, guiding his hand toward Kyle's crotch. The effect of the contact was instantaneous, as Kyle arched up off the bed, gasping as Oliver cupped him and massaged him.
Kyle shifted the angle of his pelvis just so... and Oliver moved his hand lower, until the tips of his finger touched a tender patch of--
"Oh! Oh-oh my... fuck!" Oliver's hand had reached its destination. He rarely swore, but right now, he couldn't control himself.
"Th-that's pretty much... the idea," Kyle replied softly. He smiled, and it was a combination of arousal, nerves, and that unique brand of Kyle Lewis brash humor that popped up when he least expected it.
"We-we've never... I've never... not e-even with a girl--"
"Do you have to ruin the moment talking about girls?"
Oliver chortled. His face fell, although he couldn't get certain images out of his head. "I'll hurt you, won't I?"
Kyle kept his eyes on him and reached down to stroke Oliver, who breathed out the second he felt his friend's hand surround him. "Oliver, you don't have to do this. If you have any doubts--"
"Y-you don't know. I've been thinking about this and h-how it would feel," Oliver replied shakily. "Promise I won't hurt you?"
"You won't," Kyle answered. He nodded at the plastic bottle on the desk. "Use that and you should be fine."
Oliver scanned the label. "This? This stuff'll work?" He sounded out of breath, his voice lower than normal.
"It's supposed to work. Start small -- with your fingers, y'know? W-work up to it." His voice caught; his breath grew heavier the longer they touched each other.
Shaking, Oliver lowered himself down to kiss Kyle again. "Work up to it," he repeated.
"I want this." Kyle's raspy voice was softer. "I want you." This elicited an excited, enthusiastic liplock between the two boys. Oliver held Kyle as he kissed him, the intensity of the contact increasing. He opened the bottle and ripped open the small square foil package and, as he did so, Oliver's heart thudded in his chest. There was no going back, not that he would at this point. He wanted to have sex every bit as much as Kyle did.
Oliver could feel him, the entire length of Kyle's slender body under his own. Warm and full of desire. And for the next twenty minutes, they moved together, the only light in the room coming from the soft burn of those candles. The only sounds filling the room coming from Kyle's laptop, and their mouths moaning, gasping, speaking each other's names as they came.
****
Oliver woke the next morning admist a haze of sex and sunshine. He tried to sit up in his bed, but something was pinning down his right side. Twisting his throbbing head over, he saw dark hair, pale skin, and parted mouth, soft snores escaping from between slightly chapped lips. Kyle. He looked peaceful, calm where he lay. Oliver was sober now, and even though every detail about last night -- the candles, the making out, the sex -- danced through his mind and he remembered it all with painful clarity, he should've felt guilty. He should've bolted from the bed and went straight for the showers to wash away what he had done last night.
But he couldn't.
He felt different. He supposed that was because he was no longer a virgin. And... holy shit! He had lost his virginity to a friend, who happened to be another guy. He laid on his side, staring at Kyle, watching as the beam of morning sun streamed through the window and dust danced in the air. It gave him time to think, to make sense of the war battling in his head. One part spoke to him as his parents. They stared at him, their eyes dark with disgust and hatred and pity. They cried because he had, in the span of almost two years, systematically destroyed every hope and expectation for him to be their perfect son. They abandoned him like he abandoned their church, their community.
And that image very nearly killed him.
But the other part inside Oliver's head began restoring him, little by little. It picked up the pieces that had fallen by the wayside. It screamed at him -- admit who he was, especially after last night. Admit how he felt about Kyle, and tell him, here and now, what he had been waiting far too long to say. Indeed, what he had taken far too long to realize himself.
It was an impossible task. He didn't know what loving someone else felt like. After all, he had never been in love before. The longer he stared at Kyle's sleeping face, the more he ran his hand along Kyle's bare shoulder and down his exposed arm, the longer he thought of Kyle's voice, his laugh and his lips and hands as they touched him, Oliver's heart swelled with emotion. He didn't want to leave this moment. He didn't want to leave Kyle.
Somewhere along the way, this part of Oliver had fallen in love. He knew it. The realization didn't come with any grand fanfare or chorus of angels singing his praises. It just... was. It was real, honest. It was every bit a part of him as his own flesh and blood.
He was in love with another guy. He was in love with Kyle Lewis.