And So It Began.... Part Thirteen (Kyle/Oliver, R)
Fandom: One Life to Live
Pairing: Kyle Lewis/Oliver Fish, in college
Rating: PG-13 up to Part Nine; R through Parts Ten and onward.
Summary: Oliver Fish met Kyle Lewis in college. It changed his life forever.
A/N: Still rated R, although the dialogue here's more explicit than anything the boys actually do. And language. All Kyle of course -- if this were real life, he'd be swearing his cute li'l behind off. Who here agrees?
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven
Part Twelve"
Part Thirteen:
When Did Your Heart Go Missing
Rooney
Oliver Fish set the box down on top of his desk, which was in his new room. KAΔ was still on probationary status, and said status affected its membership. Not much, but enough that the upperclassmen could choose to have their own rooms, as the house was bigger than the current membership required. The sophomore class, however, was required to roommate up. Right now, Oliver was alone, and he was still waiting for his roommate.
He heard voices of the other guys ribbing each other, being vulgar and loud; their voices filtered through the hall. Music also blared from one of the rooms. Beastie Boys? Yep, it was definitely The Beastie Boys; he could just make out the opening beats and wails of Sabotage. The atmosphere was lively and fun, but it wasn't affecting Oliver. As he unpacked, he kept looking over his shoulders, checking the hallways behind him. He had one ear turned on the commotion, listening for his voice, waiting for him to come by.
Worse yet, he realized that he was going to continue feeling restless and unhappy until he saw Kyle Lewis. No matter how they left things the last time they saw each other.
It had been almost two weeks since he had last seen Kyle. He had left after finishing his breakfast over at Kyle's place without any conversation about Oliver trying to sneak out the apartment, or the envelope in front of Kyle's door, or what had happened the night before. He had made a few feeble attempts to call Kyle, but each time he typed out the phone number, his thumb hovered over the "Talk" button.
And every time, he flipped the phone shut without making any calls.
Oliver should have felt relieved. Instead the whole thing agitated and frustrated him, to the point that during his time at home, he was snappier than ever.
"Oliver, are you sure everything's all right at school?" his mom had asked one evening while she was getting dinner on the table.
"Yeah, Mom," he had replied listlessly. "I'm sure."
"You know, maybe you should consider moving back here. Go to school closer to us."
"No. I'm doing fine." He was rubbing his forehead; as she kept bringing up school, it made him think about Kyle. And thinking about Kyle around his parents was never a good thing.
But thinking about leaving school -- and leaving Kyle -- left a pit in his stomach.
"P-plus," he had added, "I've got friends there. I like having a life up there."
"But you don't seem all that happy, sweetie--"
"Mom." His tone was pointed. "I'm fine. And I'll be fine once I move into the frat house." She had smiled back at him and returned to cooking, slightly hurt at Oliver's attitude.
Oliver returned to the present and pulled out his computer from the box. He started connecting the cords to the various jacks behind his desk. His work was automatic, routine because he had done this so many times before. This was a good thing, as his mind once again drifted toward Kyle, wondering where he was... if he was even back on campus... if he was going to come by and see him... and how he'd react when he did see him....
He thought he heard something, like heavy footsteps in his room. He chalked it up to the sound system that was blaring deep bass--
"FISH! Yo, Fish-breath!" Someone hit the top of his desk with two thick fists. Oliver jumped, knocking his head on the wood.
"Ow!" He pushed himself back out and looked up. Standing above him was Wade Addington, looking all burly and sullen. "Uh, h-hey. What's going on?"
"Come 'ere," Addington said, motioning with his finger. Oliver stood up and brushed off his clothes. "Just got a call from Krabowsky's parents. He's not coming back this semester."
This was... odd, to say the least. The roommate that he had been paired with for the fall semester, Steve Krabowsky, was an okay guy. Quiet, not too demanding. Oliver thought they'd get along all right because they both tried to prioritize their studying. Plus, he wasn't Kyle Lewis, and therefore Steve wouldn't make for any complicated roommate situations. He didn't think that Krabowsky would've flunked out or burned out or anything. He hoped that nothing had happened to the guy.
"Why? Did something happen?" Oliver asked.
"He's transferring to Penn. Something about them having a better International Areas and Business Program than LU. Whatever... he's an idiot. But even though he's not coming back, you can't have a room by yourself; you don't have enough points."
Oliver shrugged. For a brief moment, he was happy; the idea of having a room all to himself was very appealing. That was then followed by an image of Kyle doing things to him with his mouth that Oliver was fairly sure would get them both kicked out of KAΔ... more of which could happen in the future if he didn't have a roommate.
Not that he was going to encourage that. Not that he expected Kyle to do anything like that to him, not after how he bolted from his apartment... although he certainly wasn't going to object to another blow job in the future. Hell, it wouldn't hurt for him to try it on Kyle--
He adjusted himself, hoping Addington wouldn't notice.
"Hey, I don't mind being in here alone. I can work extra around the house and earn points--"
"Uh-uh, Flounder," Addington said perfunctorily; Oliver frowned. He hated nicknames like that. They were too unoriginal and he was pretty sure he had been called every species of fish under the sun.
"That ain't gonna work. You're bunkin' with Lewis and Griswold."
Oliver gaped disbelievingly at Addington. His stomach swooped, but he wasn't sure if it was out of pleasure that he'd be rooming with Kyle -- or fear that they would be thrown into some awkward situation. And then he remembered that he hadn't spoken to Kyle in several days, not since Kyle had sucked him off.
"What's up your ass, Fish?" Addington's voice brought his attention back. "You and Lewis are tight. I mean, the entire house was shocked when you didn't room with him. This is just the universe's way of righting itself, so there shouldn't be a problem."
"Uh... n-nothing's wrong. I... I just don't know if Lewis and Griswold would want to room with me. They may have a problem--"
"There's no problem."
Both Oliver and Addington turned at the voice coming from just outside the room. Kyle Lewis leaned against the doorframe, his mouth smirking, his eyes dark, sharp like little knives.
"You're comin' with me, Fish. Griswold and I have three beds in our room, 'kay? So, we've got enough space that we won't be in each other's hair. I'll help you pack everything up."
Staring at Kyle's unmoving face for several more moments, Oliver took a deep breath. "Okay then. I guess everything's been decided."
****
There were so many chapter meetings and back-to-school activities, formal house dinners, and studying during that first week, that Kyle and Oliver never got a chance to talk by themselves. Plus, their third roommate, Stan Griswold, was always around, always shouting and bellowing about something, always in their face about some party or a new opportunity to drink themselves blind. And despite the fact that Griswold was a reliably heavy sleeper and a thunderously loud snorer, there wasn't any opportunity for them to be alone. To discuss the thing that hung in the air between them, every time they looked at each other...
Until the Saturday their second week back.
Griswold had gone back home, ostensibly to do laundry and get a decent meal from his mom. Oliver shut the door behind him, locked it and approached Kyle. He was on his computer, his textbook in his lap, his head bopping and swaying as he listened to music.
"Hey, uh, Kyle." Oliver tapped his finger on his shoulder. "Can we talk?" Taking his earbuds out, Kyle turned around very slowly. He narrowed his eyes.
"What? What could we possibly need to talk about?" There was that edge in his tone, so like a blade that it could've sliced through Oliver. He needed to do something, say something so Kyle wouldn't stare at him like that. It hurt, seeing such raw anger.
"I-I want to talk with you. And... I want to apologize to you."
This had the effect of disarming Kyle immediately. He twisted out of his chair, standing up to face Oliver head on. "You want to apologize?" He sounded surprised.
Oliver nodded. "I should've called you after I left. We should've talked about what happened that night."
As instantly as Oliver had disarmed him, Kyle's expression hardened. "I'm shocked."
"What's so shocking?"
"That you would even deign discussing such a sensitive thing with me." The cynicism was ripe in his voice. "But then again, no one wrote the book, Blow Job Etiquette 101."
"Kyle--"
He shrugged and roughly rubbed his nose. "Maybe they should have. You've already got a great start. How about this? 'Rule 1: If this is your first time to suck dick or to have your dick sucked, make sure to call the person the day after. To reassure them that you're not blowing them the fuck off!'"
"Do you have to be so... so..."
"So what, Fish?"
This was frustrating. He was trying to apologize, but Kyle was too angry or too hurt to hear him. "I'm trying to make this right, Kyle. I know I messed up--"
"Ag'in!"
"Yes, yes... again. I want to talk now, though. Or get past it, or--"
"Or what? Do you want to talk it out so the next time you get wasted, I'll be right there, mouth and hands all ready and waiting for you?" Kyle stepped forward, now standing inches away from him. "Or do you want something else?"
Oliver felt his jaw twitch, his chin tremble. Suddenly, he was the one feeling anger. Kyle had all these expectations. He wanted Oliver to be on the same page as him. What that page was, Oliver wasn't ready to say. He couldn't confront it now. But it was the same impasse as before -- Kyle didn't know what he went through. Kyle had no idea that he thought about him and what they did together every single day. That the only way to get through the near-paralyzing guilt that Oliver felt every time they touched and kissed and explored each other was to hide from it and pretend it didn't exist. It felt doubly worse when he thought about Kyle, because he couldn't escape from the fact that he wanted him more and more and more....
"Shit, Oliver. Have you ever been attracted to girls?"
"That's none of your business," Oliver snapped back.
"Yeah. It probably wasn't my business until I had my face plastered to your crotch, with you pleading in my ear, 'Don't stop, Kyle! More, Kyle... Please!'"
Oliver flung his arms out and he bent forward as he yelled back. "I haven't, okay? Happy? Satisfied? I haven't ever been attracted to girls, and you're just making it worse!" He hadn't meant to blurt it out like that, but he was pissed and Kyle was pushing him over the edge.
"What do you mean I'm making it worse?"
Oliver grunted and pivoted around. He ran his hands over his head. "I just meant... that I didn't realize I'd never been attracted to girls until I met you."
"What're you saying?" Kyle stepped closer to him. His voice was no longer so sharp. "That you're attracted to me?"
"I'm saying," Oliver replied quietly now, hoping that he could soften the tension even more, "that I'm not sure what I'm feeling, but it's not anything that I've ever felt before."
"And you've never felt this way about girls? Ever?"
Oliver met Kyle's eyes, so dark still, but glimmering with something. Hope? Expectation? Oliver didn't want to say.
"No. Never. And I'm not sure if I can feel like this about a girl."
That confession seemed to hit Kyle, registering as the last vestiges of anger fell away, leaving only anticipation. The proverbial nail had been hit squarely on its head. Thanks to Kyle, Oliver had spoken out loud what he had been feeling but couldn't say. And saying it made Oliver's chest hurt, his stomach fall to his feet. All he wanted to do was hide under a rock and never come out. Maybe a closet would be more appropriate? He didn't know. He was going to hell anyway, so why not shut himself off from the rest of the world and not drag anyone else into his misery?
"Oliver?"
He bristled slightly at the sound of Kyle's voice, not knowing what was going to come out of his mouth. "Yeah?" he asked in a soft mumble.
Kyle hesitated, but he pressed closer to him. Biting his lip, pondering what to do next, he raised his arm up. It was a slightly jerky motion, as if he was second guessing himself, but finally, his hand lightly cupped Oliver's cheek.
He shut his eyes and leaned into it, as he always did whenever Kyle touched his face. He knew he loved it. His body needed to feel it, and it always surprised him that Kyle could rein in whatever he was feeling at any given point and be like this. Tender. Comforting. Even when Oliver was the source of his anger.
"I've told you before. I like you, Oliver. More than just friends. It's just frustrating that you're holding back."
He had no idea how to respond to this. Instead of using words, Oliver nodded. "I get it. I know. I'll try to be better."
A smile peeked out on Kyle's face, without the cynicism of earlier. "Yeah." Looking at the locked door briefly, he leaned forward and gently kissed the corner of Oliver's mouth. Walking away, he unlocked and opened their room to the rest of the house. "Okay then. We've got some studying to do, Fish."
Just like that, things seemed to be back to normal... for now.
****
Pairing: Kyle Lewis/Oliver Fish, in college
Rating: PG-13 up to Part Nine; R through Parts Ten and onward.
Summary: Oliver Fish met Kyle Lewis in college. It changed his life forever.
A/N: Still rated R, although the dialogue here's more explicit than anything the boys actually do. And language. All Kyle of course -- if this were real life, he'd be swearing his cute li'l behind off. Who here agrees?
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven
Part Twelve"
Part Thirteen:
When Did Your Heart Go Missing
Rooney
Oliver Fish set the box down on top of his desk, which was in his new room. KAΔ was still on probationary status, and said status affected its membership. Not much, but enough that the upperclassmen could choose to have their own rooms, as the house was bigger than the current membership required. The sophomore class, however, was required to roommate up. Right now, Oliver was alone, and he was still waiting for his roommate.
He heard voices of the other guys ribbing each other, being vulgar and loud; their voices filtered through the hall. Music also blared from one of the rooms. Beastie Boys? Yep, it was definitely The Beastie Boys; he could just make out the opening beats and wails of Sabotage. The atmosphere was lively and fun, but it wasn't affecting Oliver. As he unpacked, he kept looking over his shoulders, checking the hallways behind him. He had one ear turned on the commotion, listening for his voice, waiting for him to come by.
Worse yet, he realized that he was going to continue feeling restless and unhappy until he saw Kyle Lewis. No matter how they left things the last time they saw each other.
It had been almost two weeks since he had last seen Kyle. He had left after finishing his breakfast over at Kyle's place without any conversation about Oliver trying to sneak out the apartment, or the envelope in front of Kyle's door, or what had happened the night before. He had made a few feeble attempts to call Kyle, but each time he typed out the phone number, his thumb hovered over the "Talk" button.
And every time, he flipped the phone shut without making any calls.
Oliver should have felt relieved. Instead the whole thing agitated and frustrated him, to the point that during his time at home, he was snappier than ever.
"Oliver, are you sure everything's all right at school?" his mom had asked one evening while she was getting dinner on the table.
"Yeah, Mom," he had replied listlessly. "I'm sure."
"You know, maybe you should consider moving back here. Go to school closer to us."
"No. I'm doing fine." He was rubbing his forehead; as she kept bringing up school, it made him think about Kyle. And thinking about Kyle around his parents was never a good thing.
But thinking about leaving school -- and leaving Kyle -- left a pit in his stomach.
"P-plus," he had added, "I've got friends there. I like having a life up there."
"But you don't seem all that happy, sweetie--"
"Mom." His tone was pointed. "I'm fine. And I'll be fine once I move into the frat house." She had smiled back at him and returned to cooking, slightly hurt at Oliver's attitude.
Oliver returned to the present and pulled out his computer from the box. He started connecting the cords to the various jacks behind his desk. His work was automatic, routine because he had done this so many times before. This was a good thing, as his mind once again drifted toward Kyle, wondering where he was... if he was even back on campus... if he was going to come by and see him... and how he'd react when he did see him....
He thought he heard something, like heavy footsteps in his room. He chalked it up to the sound system that was blaring deep bass--
"FISH! Yo, Fish-breath!" Someone hit the top of his desk with two thick fists. Oliver jumped, knocking his head on the wood.
"Ow!" He pushed himself back out and looked up. Standing above him was Wade Addington, looking all burly and sullen. "Uh, h-hey. What's going on?"
"Come 'ere," Addington said, motioning with his finger. Oliver stood up and brushed off his clothes. "Just got a call from Krabowsky's parents. He's not coming back this semester."
This was... odd, to say the least. The roommate that he had been paired with for the fall semester, Steve Krabowsky, was an okay guy. Quiet, not too demanding. Oliver thought they'd get along all right because they both tried to prioritize their studying. Plus, he wasn't Kyle Lewis, and therefore Steve wouldn't make for any complicated roommate situations. He didn't think that Krabowsky would've flunked out or burned out or anything. He hoped that nothing had happened to the guy.
"Why? Did something happen?" Oliver asked.
"He's transferring to Penn. Something about them having a better International Areas and Business Program than LU. Whatever... he's an idiot. But even though he's not coming back, you can't have a room by yourself; you don't have enough points."
Oliver shrugged. For a brief moment, he was happy; the idea of having a room all to himself was very appealing. That was then followed by an image of Kyle doing things to him with his mouth that Oliver was fairly sure would get them both kicked out of KAΔ... more of which could happen in the future if he didn't have a roommate.
Not that he was going to encourage that. Not that he expected Kyle to do anything like that to him, not after how he bolted from his apartment... although he certainly wasn't going to object to another blow job in the future. Hell, it wouldn't hurt for him to try it on Kyle--
He adjusted himself, hoping Addington wouldn't notice.
"Hey, I don't mind being in here alone. I can work extra around the house and earn points--"
"Uh-uh, Flounder," Addington said perfunctorily; Oliver frowned. He hated nicknames like that. They were too unoriginal and he was pretty sure he had been called every species of fish under the sun.
"That ain't gonna work. You're bunkin' with Lewis and Griswold."
Oliver gaped disbelievingly at Addington. His stomach swooped, but he wasn't sure if it was out of pleasure that he'd be rooming with Kyle -- or fear that they would be thrown into some awkward situation. And then he remembered that he hadn't spoken to Kyle in several days, not since Kyle had sucked him off.
"What's up your ass, Fish?" Addington's voice brought his attention back. "You and Lewis are tight. I mean, the entire house was shocked when you didn't room with him. This is just the universe's way of righting itself, so there shouldn't be a problem."
"Uh... n-nothing's wrong. I... I just don't know if Lewis and Griswold would want to room with me. They may have a problem--"
"There's no problem."
Both Oliver and Addington turned at the voice coming from just outside the room. Kyle Lewis leaned against the doorframe, his mouth smirking, his eyes dark, sharp like little knives.
"You're comin' with me, Fish. Griswold and I have three beds in our room, 'kay? So, we've got enough space that we won't be in each other's hair. I'll help you pack everything up."
Staring at Kyle's unmoving face for several more moments, Oliver took a deep breath. "Okay then. I guess everything's been decided."
****
There were so many chapter meetings and back-to-school activities, formal house dinners, and studying during that first week, that Kyle and Oliver never got a chance to talk by themselves. Plus, their third roommate, Stan Griswold, was always around, always shouting and bellowing about something, always in their face about some party or a new opportunity to drink themselves blind. And despite the fact that Griswold was a reliably heavy sleeper and a thunderously loud snorer, there wasn't any opportunity for them to be alone. To discuss the thing that hung in the air between them, every time they looked at each other...
Until the Saturday their second week back.
Griswold had gone back home, ostensibly to do laundry and get a decent meal from his mom. Oliver shut the door behind him, locked it and approached Kyle. He was on his computer, his textbook in his lap, his head bopping and swaying as he listened to music.
"Hey, uh, Kyle." Oliver tapped his finger on his shoulder. "Can we talk?" Taking his earbuds out, Kyle turned around very slowly. He narrowed his eyes.
"What? What could we possibly need to talk about?" There was that edge in his tone, so like a blade that it could've sliced through Oliver. He needed to do something, say something so Kyle wouldn't stare at him like that. It hurt, seeing such raw anger.
"I-I want to talk with you. And... I want to apologize to you."
This had the effect of disarming Kyle immediately. He twisted out of his chair, standing up to face Oliver head on. "You want to apologize?" He sounded surprised.
Oliver nodded. "I should've called you after I left. We should've talked about what happened that night."
As instantly as Oliver had disarmed him, Kyle's expression hardened. "I'm shocked."
"What's so shocking?"
"That you would even deign discussing such a sensitive thing with me." The cynicism was ripe in his voice. "But then again, no one wrote the book, Blow Job Etiquette 101."
"Kyle--"
He shrugged and roughly rubbed his nose. "Maybe they should have. You've already got a great start. How about this? 'Rule 1: If this is your first time to suck dick or to have your dick sucked, make sure to call the person the day after. To reassure them that you're not blowing them the fuck off!'"
"Do you have to be so... so..."
"So what, Fish?"
This was frustrating. He was trying to apologize, but Kyle was too angry or too hurt to hear him. "I'm trying to make this right, Kyle. I know I messed up--"
"Ag'in!"
"Yes, yes... again. I want to talk now, though. Or get past it, or--"
"Or what? Do you want to talk it out so the next time you get wasted, I'll be right there, mouth and hands all ready and waiting for you?" Kyle stepped forward, now standing inches away from him. "Or do you want something else?"
Oliver felt his jaw twitch, his chin tremble. Suddenly, he was the one feeling anger. Kyle had all these expectations. He wanted Oliver to be on the same page as him. What that page was, Oliver wasn't ready to say. He couldn't confront it now. But it was the same impasse as before -- Kyle didn't know what he went through. Kyle had no idea that he thought about him and what they did together every single day. That the only way to get through the near-paralyzing guilt that Oliver felt every time they touched and kissed and explored each other was to hide from it and pretend it didn't exist. It felt doubly worse when he thought about Kyle, because he couldn't escape from the fact that he wanted him more and more and more....
"Shit, Oliver. Have you ever been attracted to girls?"
"That's none of your business," Oliver snapped back.
"Yeah. It probably wasn't my business until I had my face plastered to your crotch, with you pleading in my ear, 'Don't stop, Kyle! More, Kyle... Please!'"
Oliver flung his arms out and he bent forward as he yelled back. "I haven't, okay? Happy? Satisfied? I haven't ever been attracted to girls, and you're just making it worse!" He hadn't meant to blurt it out like that, but he was pissed and Kyle was pushing him over the edge.
"What do you mean I'm making it worse?"
Oliver grunted and pivoted around. He ran his hands over his head. "I just meant... that I didn't realize I'd never been attracted to girls until I met you."
"What're you saying?" Kyle stepped closer to him. His voice was no longer so sharp. "That you're attracted to me?"
"I'm saying," Oliver replied quietly now, hoping that he could soften the tension even more, "that I'm not sure what I'm feeling, but it's not anything that I've ever felt before."
"And you've never felt this way about girls? Ever?"
Oliver met Kyle's eyes, so dark still, but glimmering with something. Hope? Expectation? Oliver didn't want to say.
"No. Never. And I'm not sure if I can feel like this about a girl."
That confession seemed to hit Kyle, registering as the last vestiges of anger fell away, leaving only anticipation. The proverbial nail had been hit squarely on its head. Thanks to Kyle, Oliver had spoken out loud what he had been feeling but couldn't say. And saying it made Oliver's chest hurt, his stomach fall to his feet. All he wanted to do was hide under a rock and never come out. Maybe a closet would be more appropriate? He didn't know. He was going to hell anyway, so why not shut himself off from the rest of the world and not drag anyone else into his misery?
"Oliver?"
He bristled slightly at the sound of Kyle's voice, not knowing what was going to come out of his mouth. "Yeah?" he asked in a soft mumble.
Kyle hesitated, but he pressed closer to him. Biting his lip, pondering what to do next, he raised his arm up. It was a slightly jerky motion, as if he was second guessing himself, but finally, his hand lightly cupped Oliver's cheek.
He shut his eyes and leaned into it, as he always did whenever Kyle touched his face. He knew he loved it. His body needed to feel it, and it always surprised him that Kyle could rein in whatever he was feeling at any given point and be like this. Tender. Comforting. Even when Oliver was the source of his anger.
"I've told you before. I like you, Oliver. More than just friends. It's just frustrating that you're holding back."
He had no idea how to respond to this. Instead of using words, Oliver nodded. "I get it. I know. I'll try to be better."
A smile peeked out on Kyle's face, without the cynicism of earlier. "Yeah." Looking at the locked door briefly, he leaned forward and gently kissed the corner of Oliver's mouth. Walking away, he unlocked and opened their room to the rest of the house. "Okay then. We've got some studying to do, Fish."
Just like that, things seemed to be back to normal... for now.
****