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[surfernut16]

**...have you ever had the uncontrolable urge to dig deep into your chest with your bare hands to ripp out your still beating heart so that you could cut & disect it into little pieces of a pathetic excuse of love, pain & sarrow only hoping to find the answers to why this tiny bloody organ in your hands can so easily produce unimaginable quantities

Comments

[surfernut16]

**...well thanx for the nice but sadly wrong thoughts...you say look at all the poeple ive fell inlove with, not to be mean but i never loved those people...niether did you...we may have thought we did but our conversation now is proof that we didn't, you're in love now, and somebody loves you back...you honestly love brandon, i think thats his name, i nkow you do because i get chills when i read how greatly you care for him...ive never heard anybody talk like that to me...see you may have liked me but you didn't love me, and i know that sounds like a bad thing but it's not, love is the greatest thing anybody could ever experience in thier lifetime, but you have it now! and theres nothing greater than that, im really happy for you...but everyone i think i care about or i think cares about me to the point where i might not be scared to fall in love...all they seem to know how to do is walk into my life, use me as some sort of emotional attachment for whatever stress or drama they may be going through and then walk out, just leaving me standing there waiting for them to call, worndering if they still care or if they actually ever did to begin with....and as sad as it may be to say, everyone i've gone through this with never cared for me at all......answer me one question....how the fuck are you supposed to love yourself when there's no one to show what there is about you to love?...but i guess you coldn't answer that question, because you're one of the lucky ones...somebody loves you**

later.

[11475lookalike]

yeah yeah yeah, well after you broke up with me you went out with someone and said no this is love, and you would say that over and over, but i didn't have anyone that whole time. you had girls let and right and i had no one, and now that i waited i found someone who i LOVE because i waited. i'm tring to go against you because your my friend and i care that you hurt but don't think i've never felt like you do now.

[surfernut16]

**...that's not what i was trying to say...i dont feel lonely, or sad because i'm not with anyone....i simply feel betrayed...thats all, and i finally think ive givin up...im pretty much done with all this...tyring, waiting, whatever...ive been giving this alot of thought over the last several months trying not erationize, and freak out or let anything like that get to me...i was being as smart and mature about it as possible, that way when all was settled and done i wouldn't have a doubt in my mind that i've made the right choice...and after all these months of thought and taking it easy, accecpting things for what they are, i've finally decided..about 8 hours ago..that i really just want to give up...because i can't keep doing this...i dunno, i just can't...but i dont waht you to think im saying anything against you because im not...remember after my show when we started getting together more?...you were the one that said you were afraid that i was gonna walk into your life and then find somebody and then fannish like nothing...but in actuality...youre the one that fanished...but i honestly knew from the first week i stopped talking to you that you had found someone... and ill admit, at first i was alittle jelious but when i read how much you cared, i honestly am extreamly happy for you...our relationship just didn't work out...you know that, dont blame it on me or you, because it really just wasn't supposed to i guess, and besides if we forced it to, you would have never met your boyfriend now...so look at it that way...dani...im not saying youve never been hurt or extreamily emotional....but you really dont have any idea exactly what has happened...and the only reason i know that is because i am almost 100% sure i could never feel like that again....im honestly too scared at this point...i even tried, and it worked...but she walked out...thats not important...please dont apologize or feel sorry...im content...im just glad i figured out what to do...but thanx for listening...good luck with your boyfriend!!!...mmk?...**

later.