It's A Quarter After One, I'm A Little Drunk And I Need You Now

[sunseenli]

It seems like it's been "Old School Week" on Facebook in regards to cosplay recently, and I have to admit it's been really nice. I've had some amazing times, and more importantly, I've met some amazing people. While either the scene has changed, or I've just moved further from the center, I still have the time of my life every time I get dressed

Comments

[nessabutterfly]

In the first picture, I prefer your rounder face over the really thin face. Your body looks great in the second pic, but your cheeks look a little sunken (though it might be the lighting or you could just be tired). I've noticed the same thing with myself when I get really thin-- deep pits in my collarbones, for example, that make me look too thin.

I've had times when I was too thin for much less serious health reasons too-- like when I first found out about my food allergies and couldn't find anything safe to eat. It was as close to a typical "diet" as I've ever done. I was 10 lbs under the healthy range for my height, and while I liked being a size 4, I knew it wasn't healthy and I needed to gain some weight back. (My icon is me at that super low weight-- with fake boobs. Padded bra FTW!) It might have been hard for me to watch myself gain the weight as I started finding safe brands of food and ate a regular diet again, but luckily, I got pregnant just as I started to figure out the food issues, so the weight gain was positive. And because I started so low, I was down to my ideal weight just a month after she was born!

During that time though, no matter how good I looked, (and yes, I had people telling me that all the time, at least after the hives finally went away!), I was so pitifully weak from not getting enough to eat. I had to stop nursing my son early because I would black out from low blood sugar. I couldn't find enough to eat to feed one person, let alone two! I had no energy at all, and my life was pretty boring. Last year when I was trying crazy diets to control my colitis, it was the same. No energy at all. I looked great, but I felt awful! I would never want to go back to that, no matter how much it improved my looks.

Of course, gaining weight to get back to a healthy range is hard. I'm slowly starting to gain back a little weight now that I'm done chemo, but every time I notice my stomach getting a little softer, I get a little sad. I KNOW I need to gain weight, but a part of me doesn't want to. According to WiiFit, my ideal weight (to get a BMI of 22) is 155lbs. I do NOT like myself that heavy. 140 is as high as I ever want to go. But I'm 125lbs right now, and I kinda like that. But then I see those pits in my collarbone area and remember that I'm too skinny. For my height, being a size 2 is not healthy-- I'm tall! My goal is to put the weight back on as muscle. I'm training for a 5K run and taking figure skating lessons. I'm eating healthy without a lot of extra sugar or fat. If I'm careful, I should be able to do it. But I've never had to be really careful before-- my weight has been mostly out of my control. Even my biggest weight loss-- from 185 back down to 145 was just a matter of getting away from the school cafeteria in college and cooking for myself instead.

cont below.

[sunseenli]

In the first picture, I prefer your rounder face over the really thin face. Your body looks great in the second pic, but your cheeks look a little sunken (though it might be the lighting or you could just be tired). I've noticed the same thing with myself when I get really thin-- deep pits in my collarbones, for example, that make me look too thin.

Aww, I like the "hollows of collarbones" when I can get them. But I understand that's a personal preference.

I've had times when I was too thin for much less serious health reasons too-- like when I first found out about my food allergies and couldn't find anything safe to eat. It was as close to a typical "diet" as I've ever done. I was 10 lbs under the healthy range for my height, and while I liked being a size 4, I knew it wasn't healthy and I needed to gain some weight back. (My icon is me at that super low weight-- with fake boobs. Padded bra FTW!) It might have been hard for me to watch myself gain the weight as I started finding safe brands of food and ate a regular diet again, but luckily, I got pregnant just as I started to figure out the food issues, so the weight gain was positive. And because I started so low, I was down to my ideal weight just a month after she was born!

That's fantastic. And yeah, I can imagine weight gain for a pregnancy is an entirely different issue.

During that time though, no matter how good I looked, (and yes, I had people telling me that all the time, at least after the hives finally went away!), I was so pitifully weak from not getting enough to eat. I had to stop nursing my son early because I would black out from low blood sugar. I couldn't find enough to eat to feed one person, let alone two! I had no energy at all, and my life was pretty boring. Last year when I was trying crazy diets to control my colitis, it was the same. No energy at all. I looked great, but I felt awful! I would never want to go back to that, no matter how much it improved my looks.

Okay, that's SUPER low energy. I get a little bit low when I'm "crashing", so that by 2:30 PM I'm just not good at math anymore, but I'm never so tired that I...I don't know, black out, or can't physically go out or anything. That would probably be a danger sign for me as well.

Of course, gaining weight to get back to a healthy range is hard. I'm slowly starting to gain back a little weight now that I'm done chemo, but every time I notice my stomach getting a little softer, I get a little sad. I KNOW I need to gain weight, but a part of me doesn't want to. According to WiiFit, my ideal weight (to get a BMI of 22) is 155lbs. I do NOT like myself that heavy. 140 is as high as I ever want to go. But I'm 125lbs right now, and I kinda like that. But then I see those pits in my collarbone area and remember that I'm too skinny. For my height, being a size 2 is not healthy-- I'm tall! My goal is to put the weight back on as muscle. I'm training for a 5K run and taking figure skating lessons. I'm eating healthy without a lot of extra sugar or fat. If I'm careful, I should be able to do it. But I've never had to be really careful before-- my weight has been mostly out of my control. Even my biggest weight loss-- from 185 back down to 145 was just a matter of getting away from the school cafeteria in college and cooking for myself instead.

I think WiiFit might be a little off--it tells me my ideal weight is 129 lbs, and I think that's pretty nuts. (I had always heard as a kid that a 5 foot woman's ideal weight is 100 lbs, and then you add 5 lbs for every inch over that.)

[nessabutterfly]

a 5 foot woman's ideal weight is 100 lbs, and then you add 5 lbs for every inch over that. That still puts me at 150 lbs!

[sunseenli]

That still puts me at 150 lbs!

...if I could do math, I would have realized that. LOL. I apologize.