It's A Quarter After One, I'm A Little Drunk And I Need You Now
It seems like it's been "Old School Week" on Facebook in regards to cosplay recently, and I have to admit it's been really nice. I've had some amazing times, and more importantly, I've met some amazing people. While either the scene has changed, or I've just moved further from the center, I still have the time of my life every time I get dressed up and make living fanart with my friends.
That being said, some of the older photos of me that have been posted...well, I've never beat around the bush in here so there's no reason to start now. They make me wince.
I had been noticing it in a lot of the older photos sailormoon posted, but it was really the photo that DJ Ranma S put up that decided me on making this post:
All right, I know we're all our own worst critics. But can you honestly tell me you don't see a difference? Can you honestly tell me I don't look better now?
(Hi, moradoshinigami!)
I'm not saying I looked terrible in every shot. Really good photographers know how to capture just the right angle, so that you can look great:
Conversely, being thinner doesn't necessarily make for better pictures:
The way a costume fits can make a difference too:
Depending on whether it's tight around your trouble areas, or loose:
But when you wear the same costume two years in a row:
You can really see the difference:
I was at my absolute heaviest before I started a diet, and ngmaster still took an incredible photo:
But the exact same photographer took the picture that prompted me to go on that very diet:
Right now I'm tied for the thinnest I've ever been, about what I was here:
And I'll admit, I'm trying to see if I can lose a little more...tone a little more.
Why? For heaven's sake, why?
I'll tell you why. (It's kind of the whole point of me coming here tonight.)
Because I am TIRED of hearing at work, at home, when I'm out, "You don't need to go on a diet."
No. I need to MAINTAIN my diet. Do you think weight loss just happens? Do you think that everyone smaller than you is just naturally thin? Has an amazing metabolism? Can afford a personal trainer? Or crack cocaine? I'm sure some people are, do, and can. I'm not one of them. I know what it took me to lose twenty pounds the first time. I know what got rid of the next, more difficult ten. And I think I'm figuring out the next five. Maybe it's different for you. But please don't heap unsolicited advice on ME.
"Aw, go on, have a cookie/French fry/piece of birthday cake! You can afford it!"
I'm sure I could, if that was the ONLY one I was being offered, this one time. But it's not. When you work in an office of even 150 people, basic arithmetic proficiency allows you to know that's a birthday EVERY OTHER DAY. Let's say a quarter of those people have daughters--how many sell Girl Scout cookies? Another quarter has their kid's chocolate sale. And that's not even counting outside vendors surprising you with bagels, people bringing leftover desserts from home, or the "sudden craving" food runs that pop up. I have a fairly sedentary desk job to begin with--if I wasn't careful, I could eat my way to a heart attack, never mind unattractive extra pounds.
"You think YOU'RE fat, look at me!"
I'm not looking at you. I'm looking at me. I have to look at me, every day of my life. Besides, if weight is subjective, that means logically, there is someone thinner than me, and there is someone heavier than you. That also means, you are never allowed to complain about any money troubles you might have, because there is someone more in debt than you, you are never allowed to complain about a fight you had with your mom, because someone else might be an orphan, you are never allowed to complain that you got a flat or a busted transmission, because someone else might not own a car, and you are never allowed to complain when you're upset with your significant other, because someone else might be single, or worse, widowed. If we ever find a widowed orphan with no car who is $90K in debt, I guess we'll all have to agree that s/he's the only person allowed to complain from then on. (Until that widowed orphan meets another widowed orphan who just lost their pet ferret and is $100K in debt...do you see what I'm getting at here?)
"You look FINE!"
This is the one that hurts the most...because it makes me sad, rather than angry. Let me explain. I appreciate the intent. I really do. When people say this, they mean it as a compliment. But when those same people said the same thing over six years ago...it's like it was all for nothing. Marvel falls into this camp. I understand that I'm beautiful to him because he loves me. I'm rather fond of him myself. And I know my friends follow suit for the same reason if to a different degree.
But, god damn it and every other mild vulgarity I can think of but won't use, I worked really, really hard. And "You look FINE!" seems to undermine every sore muscle, every drop of sweat, and every pound shed on the scale.
I'll keep doing it, because I *am* doing it for myself--not for Marvel, not for my friends, not for anybody. But a small, selfish part of me wishes that someone, somewhere, shared the same pride in my accomplishment, and my continuing struggle, that I do. Or at the very least, didn't seem to treat it with such dismissiveness and disregard.
That being said, some of the older photos of me that have been posted...well, I've never beat around the bush in here so there's no reason to start now. They make me wince.
I had been noticing it in a lot of the older photos sailormoon posted, but it was really the photo that DJ Ranma S put up that decided me on making this post:
All right, I know we're all our own worst critics. But can you honestly tell me you don't see a difference? Can you honestly tell me I don't look better now?
(Hi, moradoshinigami!)
I'm not saying I looked terrible in every shot. Really good photographers know how to capture just the right angle, so that you can look great:
Conversely, being thinner doesn't necessarily make for better pictures:
The way a costume fits can make a difference too:
Depending on whether it's tight around your trouble areas, or loose:
But when you wear the same costume two years in a row:
You can really see the difference:
I was at my absolute heaviest before I started a diet, and ngmaster still took an incredible photo:
But the exact same photographer took the picture that prompted me to go on that very diet:
Right now I'm tied for the thinnest I've ever been, about what I was here:
And I'll admit, I'm trying to see if I can lose a little more...tone a little more.
Why? For heaven's sake, why?
I'll tell you why. (It's kind of the whole point of me coming here tonight.)
Because I am TIRED of hearing at work, at home, when I'm out, "You don't need to go on a diet."
No. I need to MAINTAIN my diet. Do you think weight loss just happens? Do you think that everyone smaller than you is just naturally thin? Has an amazing metabolism? Can afford a personal trainer? Or crack cocaine? I'm sure some people are, do, and can. I'm not one of them. I know what it took me to lose twenty pounds the first time. I know what got rid of the next, more difficult ten. And I think I'm figuring out the next five. Maybe it's different for you. But please don't heap unsolicited advice on ME.
"Aw, go on, have a cookie/French fry/piece of birthday cake! You can afford it!"
I'm sure I could, if that was the ONLY one I was being offered, this one time. But it's not. When you work in an office of even 150 people, basic arithmetic proficiency allows you to know that's a birthday EVERY OTHER DAY. Let's say a quarter of those people have daughters--how many sell Girl Scout cookies? Another quarter has their kid's chocolate sale. And that's not even counting outside vendors surprising you with bagels, people bringing leftover desserts from home, or the "sudden craving" food runs that pop up. I have a fairly sedentary desk job to begin with--if I wasn't careful, I could eat my way to a heart attack, never mind unattractive extra pounds.
"You think YOU'RE fat, look at me!"
I'm not looking at you. I'm looking at me. I have to look at me, every day of my life. Besides, if weight is subjective, that means logically, there is someone thinner than me, and there is someone heavier than you. That also means, you are never allowed to complain about any money troubles you might have, because there is someone more in debt than you, you are never allowed to complain about a fight you had with your mom, because someone else might be an orphan, you are never allowed to complain that you got a flat or a busted transmission, because someone else might not own a car, and you are never allowed to complain when you're upset with your significant other, because someone else might be single, or worse, widowed. If we ever find a widowed orphan with no car who is $90K in debt, I guess we'll all have to agree that s/he's the only person allowed to complain from then on. (Until that widowed orphan meets another widowed orphan who just lost their pet ferret and is $100K in debt...do you see what I'm getting at here?)
"You look FINE!"
This is the one that hurts the most...because it makes me sad, rather than angry. Let me explain. I appreciate the intent. I really do. When people say this, they mean it as a compliment. But when those same people said the same thing over six years ago...it's like it was all for nothing. Marvel falls into this camp. I understand that I'm beautiful to him because he loves me. I'm rather fond of him myself. And I know my friends follow suit for the same reason if to a different degree.
But, god damn it and every other mild vulgarity I can think of but won't use, I worked really, really hard. And "You look FINE!" seems to undermine every sore muscle, every drop of sweat, and every pound shed on the scale.
I'll keep doing it, because I *am* doing it for myself--not for Marvel, not for my friends, not for anybody. But a small, selfish part of me wishes that someone, somewhere, shared the same pride in my accomplishment, and my continuing struggle, that I do. Or at the very least, didn't seem to treat it with such dismissiveness and disregard.