(no subject)
there's a certain something that caught my eye about the cars in the parking lot this morning. walking down the mountain, under the willow tree with mud on my shoes, it just stopped me in my tracks. they gleamed; something i didn't know cars could do. all perfect and parallel sitting perfectly still under a cloudy sky, they still shone brightly.
i need to start imitating cars more often.
last night i sat in bed and told my roommate a story that i have never told anyone. ever. i pretty much sobbed the whole time. it began with a simple enough statement, "you seem down a lot lately. when is the last time you were happy?" those who know me well would be able to verify that asking me a question like that really only leads to more questions. always a fan of the truth, i gave it: "when i was twelve." it spiraled from there and today i sit feeling more downtrodden than ever. it's not so easy to try and forget about the past, i think moreso for me. i harbor tremendous guilt about everything that happened and continues to happen at my house. a megaphone in my face will fall upon deaf ears in this case; i'll never believe it wasn't my fault.
i need to start imitating cars more often.
last night i sat in bed and told my roommate a story that i have never told anyone. ever. i pretty much sobbed the whole time. it began with a simple enough statement, "you seem down a lot lately. when is the last time you were happy?" those who know me well would be able to verify that asking me a question like that really only leads to more questions. always a fan of the truth, i gave it: "when i was twelve." it spiraled from there and today i sit feeling more downtrodden than ever. it's not so easy to try and forget about the past, i think moreso for me. i harbor tremendous guilt about everything that happened and continues to happen at my house. a megaphone in my face will fall upon deaf ears in this case; i'll never believe it wasn't my fault.