nothing important
im an idiot. no comment from any of you is necessary on that. but i just cannot be happy. no matter what i do, i find smth to complain about. thats pathetic. doesnt that just define me, after all? no, dot answer that either, itll just indulge my tendency towards drama. i must be a masochist, you know? i didnt have to say what i said, i could have let it continue. i could have been happy. i was happy you know, for a little while. it was awful, bc i knew it couldnt last, but still. but no, i had to ruin it. honestly, i had to. like ive said, hurting now means not hurting later. after all, it would have been one or the other. and id hate it if i were the one left grasping at straws just to keep my sanity intact (ha! what sanity you ask? well see thats the thing, im not really sure) once id gotten in so far over my head itd take me months, maybe years to recover. well, months anyway. i like to think im a little stronger than that
i realized i have a major problem with that. i always have to have control over my life, its immensely difficult for me to let anyone or anything have any power over me. some call it pure stubbornness, some call it idiocy, some call it insecurity, some think its just being strong willed. contradictory much? or maybe its all of the above. who knows. not me, surely. and even when everything is perfectly alright, great even, i cant be happy bc its not the same. im greedy, thats the only explanation
totally different subject: sometimes i just hate ppl. theyre stupid. i dont really care for most of them. the world is full of ppl who arent worth talking to. nice to know its mutual. i have an attitude and i dont really care what i say, i say what i think and if someone doesnt like it, sucks for them. im not cruel, but i really dislike fake ppl. they annoy me to no end, and i make no particular effort to get along with them if i dont like them
changing subjects again: i cant believe how much i tend to complain to my friends, esp when they did nothing so terrible as to deserve having to listen to me whine about stupid shit. their only fault is that theyre far too nice and dont know when to just tell me to shut up about it and get on with my life. and im just enforcing my point here. im stopping now
i realized i have a major problem with that. i always have to have control over my life, its immensely difficult for me to let anyone or anything have any power over me. some call it pure stubbornness, some call it idiocy, some call it insecurity, some think its just being strong willed. contradictory much? or maybe its all of the above. who knows. not me, surely. and even when everything is perfectly alright, great even, i cant be happy bc its not the same. im greedy, thats the only explanation
totally different subject: sometimes i just hate ppl. theyre stupid. i dont really care for most of them. the world is full of ppl who arent worth talking to. nice to know its mutual. i have an attitude and i dont really care what i say, i say what i think and if someone doesnt like it, sucks for them. im not cruel, but i really dislike fake ppl. they annoy me to no end, and i make no particular effort to get along with them if i dont like them
changing subjects again: i cant believe how much i tend to complain to my friends, esp when they did nothing so terrible as to deserve having to listen to me whine about stupid shit. their only fault is that theyre far too nice and dont know when to just tell me to shut up about it and get on with my life. and im just enforcing my point here. im stopping now