Fic: Confirmation
Title: Confirmation
Author: Froxyn
Rating: FRAO
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Timeline: S6, Tabula Rasa.
Synopsis: Buffy and Giles deal with the aftermath of Willow’s spell gone wrong.
Author’s Note: This was written as for my second entry for summer_of_giles 2010. Thanks to wyvernwolf for the beta.
Even as Rupert pulled Anya into his arms and lowered his mouth to hers, he realized that it didn’t feel...right. It didn’t feel natural, as a kiss between a betrothed couple should feel. But, it had been a strange day...they were standing in the middle of a shop that dealt with the balderdash and chicanery of magic, the bunnies were gone, and the argument was over.
It was what couples did when they were making up, he was sure of it. And her tongue sliding against his didn’t exactly feel unpleasant. It just felt...
His eyes snapped open as his memories flooded his mind. He pushed away quickly, eyes wide as he stared at Anya.
“Oh, God...”
Anya’s eyes were as wide as Giles’ as she took a step back and ran her fingers through her hair. “Oh, shit...”
Giles swallowed and darted his eyes around the Magic Box. They were alone...which caused equal parts of relief and anxiety to rush through him. Just as he started to stammer an apology, his phone began to ring.
Anya waved vaguely, muttering something about at least they were still dressed. Giles turned away from her and lifted his phone to his ear.
“Hello?”
“Thank God you’re okay!”
He glanced at Anya, taking a deep breath as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m alright, love. You?”
“Well, I nearly dusted your imaginary son, but...yeah...I’m okay. What the hell happened?”
“I’m going to guess Willow, but we’ll discuss that later.”
Anya narrowed her eyes as she dropped a pile of books on the counter. “She’s going to get someone killed with her witchy ways. I don’t know about you, but I’ve just about had enough of Willow.”
Hearing Buffy chuckle softly over the phone, Giles sat down at the table and licked his lips. “What’s funny, Buffy?”
“You and Anya...thinking you’re engaged. Spike being all ‘jealous son’ about the entire thing...” She sighed heavily, the amusement leaving her tone. “It would all be funny if we hadn’t nearly been killed. Anya’s right...we need to do something about Willow, Giles.”
Giles nodded slowly, removing his glasses and dropping them onto the table. His eyes darted to the door as Xander walked into the shop. Anya rushed across the storefront, wrapping her arms around her fiancé while loudly proclaiming the fact that she was happy that Willow hadn’t gotten him killed.
Xander gave her a kiss and then looked at Giles. Giles lowered his eyes and whispered into the phone.
“Are you far away?”
“No.” Buffy replied softly. “I’ll be there in five. Is Willow with Xander?”
Giles shook his head, even though Buffy couldn’t see him. “No, I...I don’t know where she is.”
“I dropped her and Tara off at the house.” Xander stated, carefully extricating himself from Anya’s embrace. “I think it’s definitely intervention time, Giles.”
Giles nodded in agreement and then rubbed his tired eyes. “I love you, Buffy.”
He could hear the smile in her voice as she responded with a similar sentiment before whispering a ‘goodbye’ and ending the call. Giles dropped the phone onto the table and closed his eyes as he ran his hand through his hair again.
Xander looked at him curiously. “Are you okay, Giles?”
“He’s fine. It was just scary...with all the bunnies and everything...” Anya answered quickly, slipping her hand into Xander’s and starting towards the door. “We should go home and have sex...to celebrate us not dying.”
Xander stared at her incredulously. “Anya...”
Giles rolled his eyes and waved them towards the door. “I’m fine, Xander. Please...go do whatever it is the two of you do in times such as these...but spare me the details.”
“Giles...”
Giles turned his head and stared at Xander, intentionally not looking at Anya. “Go. We’ll discuss the issues of Willow’s magic later. Right now is not the time...assuming she’s safe. She is safe, yes?”
“Yeah.” Xander nodded quickly. “Yeah, Tara is with her.”
Giles cast a brief glance at Anya before standing and making his way over to the counter. “Then go.”
Xander arched an eyebrow at Giles’ obvious nervous behaviour. “Are you sure?”
Giles groaned softly. “I’m sure, Xander.”
“Are you acting this way because you thought you were engaged to Anya? Because, it’s no big deal. I mean...I thought I was Willow’s boyfriend, so...” He cut off his ramble as Giles sharply turned towards him and glared. “Yeah, okay...we’re going now. Call us when you’re ready to talk to Will, okay?”
Giles said nothing else as Anya offered him a gentle smile before pulling Xander out the door. He swallowed hard and bit his lip as his mind raced.
He’d have to tell Buffy, there was no getting around it. He wasn’t sure that Anya would tell Xander, but...it wasn’t even a question for Giles. He and Buffy had been in a relationship for over six months...and this wasn’t the time to start hiding things from her.
Hopefully, she’d understand.
* * *
Buffy ran through the darkened streets of Sunnydale, her mind trying to work around the happenings of the evening. Apparently, Willow had done a spell...she wasn’t sure what the original purpose of the spell was or what was supposed to have happened. Though, she had a feeling that all of them forgetting who they were was not the desired effect.
She snorted at the name she had picked for herself. Joan. Of all the names in the world, she had to pick Joan? Not that it wasn’t a good name, it just...well, it wasn’t Buffy. Buffy shook her head and rounded the corner at the next intersection.
Xander had become ‘Alex’...a non-engaged Alexander Harris. But, Anya had been wearing her engagement ring...and had found the paperwork that proclaimed the Magic Box to be in her name, along with Giles’. She couldn’t admit that she was at ease over the fact that they had assumed that Giles had given her the ring. She could understand how they’d come to that conclusion, given the evidence, but she wasn’t exactly happy about it.
A smile pricked at her lips though when she thought about ‘Randy Giles’...the disappointing son of Rupert Giles, soon to be annoying stepson of Anya Jenkins. If anything had been laugh-worthy about tonight, it was Spike. Luckily, their memories had returned to them moments before her stake plunged into his heart.
For all of his annoyances, Spike was becoming an ally...and she was sure that he’d be of some use to them at some point in the future. She just didn’t know when or in what capacity.
As the Magic Box came into sight, she ran faster. Though Giles had said that he was okay, he had sounded slightly upset. She wasn’t sure what had upset him, but the only time she had felt that he was truly okay was when he had whispered ‘I love you, Buffy’.
Finally reaching the shop, she pushed the door open and ran in. She called his name as she slammed the door closed. And then, as he walked out of the training room, she smiled and quickly ran the length of the room and launched herself into his arms.
He held her tightly, not resisting when she slid her left hand to the back of his head and pulled him down. His lips parted instantly, giving her tongue access to his mouth as their kiss deepened.
This was how a kiss between a couple in love was supposed to feel like, Giles thought as her nails lightly scratched his scalp. This felt natural, real...this was causing his body to hum with arousal. Not like...
He tore his mouth from Buffy’s, his chest heaving as he looked into her eyes. His fingers trembled as he tenderly stroked her cheek.
“Buffy...”
She furrowed her brow, seeing something in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
He cleared his throat and took a step back, dropping his hand from her cheek. “I...”
She grabbed his hand, her furrowed brow becoming more pronounced as her concern increased. “Is it Willow? Is she - ”
He shook his head quickly, gently squeezing her hand as he led her to the table. “Willow’s fine, I’ve been told. She’s with Tara...” He sat down and took a deep breath as he gestured to the chair next to him. “Please...sit down.”
She stared at him as she hesitated for just a moment before sitting down. “Um...you’re kinda starting to make me really worried, Giles.”
“I love you, Buffy...so very much.”
“Yeah, okay...starting out like that doesn’t help the worry. I love you too, but...that’s not really a good way to start out...especially when you’re looking the way you are.”
He tilted his head slightly and regarded her carefully. “How am I looking?”
“Guilty.” She answered without thought. And then her eyes widened as the color drained from her face. “Oh my God...”
“Buffy...”
“You thought you were engaged...to Anya...”
“Buffy, please...”
Her eyes glistened as she swallowed thickly. “Did you have sex with her?”
“Buffy...” He started, stopping suddenly when his mind processed her question. “What? No! There was no...I didn’t...we didn’t...”
Her bottom lip trembled slightly as she lowered her voice. “Then why do you look so guilty?”
He opened his mouth and then closed it again as he shook his head. He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes.
“I kissed her. Or...or she kissed me. I’m not quite sure which, but - ”
“Oh.” Buffy interrupted, dropping her gaze from him as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “I guess we’re not talking about a peck on the cheek, are we?”
When he hesitated for just a second too long, she lifted her eyes back to his. “How involved was it?”
“I’m sorry?” He asked, his brows knitting together in confusion.
“Were there hands involved? Or...or tongues? Or...did you want to have sex with her?”
He sighed softly, reaching over to cover her hands with his. “It didn’t feel natural.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It felt like something we, as a couple, were supposed to do...because of the situation, not because of desire.” He saw the confusion in her eyes and continued quickly, tightening his hold on her when she started to pull her hands away.
“We were arguing and then the argument was over. And...there was an apology.”
“You were making up...” Buffy murmured, darting her eyes away from him.
“It didn’t feel right, Buffy. It felt...fake.” He swallowed as his vision blurred. “And then the spell was broken...”
“Why are you getting ready to cry?” Buffy whispered when she looked back at him and noticed the tears in his eyes.
“Because I’m not sure how far it would’ve gone had the spell not ended.” He answered honestly.
A tear rolled down her right cheek. “What?”
“I would like to think that the discomfort of the situation would’ve caused us to...stop - ”
“But you might not have?” She pulled her hands out from under his, wiping her tear-stained cheeks as she stood up. “Giles, I...why her? Why not me? I mean...are you attracted to her? Have you been attracted to her like this the entire time?”
“No...no, Buffy...”
“Why weren’t you attracted to me?” Buffy whimpered. “You didn’t even look at me.”
“Yes, I did.” He replied quickly. “You were the first person I noticed when I woke up.”
He stood up and tenderly brushed her tears from her skin. “I saw you and my heart skipped a beat. But, then...everything started happening, conclusions were being leapt upon...and in the end, it all came down to a ring on her finger and our names on the deed to this shop.”
“Giles...”
“And then everyone was gone and she...she wouldn’t listen to me and the shop filled up with rabbits.” He dragged his hand through his hair, continuing his ramble as Buffy stared at him. “Rabbits everywhere!
“And in the midst of the argument I was having with her, I told her...screamed at her, actually...that I was leaving her.” He swallowed and looked around the room as he shook his head. “She threw the ring...and then...”
“She was hurt and angry.” Buffy whispered as he trailed off, biting her lip as she turned her eyes from him. “And then she forgave you. Because...you were still Giles and you still had that ability to make a woman want you even when she’s angry with you.”
His brow furrowed as his eyes snapped back to her. “What?”
She sighed heavily and looked at him through glistening eyes. “How many arguments have we had that end up with me kissing you?”
“A fair few.” He answered softly after a moment. “Buffy, I - ”
She took a step back as a tear spilled down her cheek. “I know, but...I think I just need time to process this...”
His mouth opened, possibly to protest, but then closed as he watched her wipe the tear from her face. He inhaled slowly and spoke only when he felt like his words wouldn’t be drowning in his own tears.
“I love you.” He whispered, aching to touch her but slipping his hands into his pockets instead.
She nodded in acknowledgement, but didn’t verbally respond. And that was a fact that didn’t go unnoticed by Giles. Logically, he knew that he had done nothing wrong...but, it didn’t stop him from feeling guilty about it. Especially when he could easily read the confusion and hurt in her eyes.
Realizing that he was getting ready to attempt an apology, she blew out a soft breath and finally spoke. “I love you too, Giles...but...”
He straightened and tilted his head slightly as he stared at her. “But?”
She gestured towards the door with a jerk of her thumb over her shoulder. “I should go check on Willow. You know...make sure everything is...well, not okay. Because things aren’t okay...especially if she’s using magic to make us forget things. Can we...can we talk about this a little later?”
He hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath before clearing his throat. “Of course.”
She reached out and placed her hand on his chest, biting her lip when she felt the pounding of his heart. She felt a wave of jealousy rush through her...wondering if his heart had raced when Anya had kissed him.
Blinking back her tears, she pulled her hand away and glanced into his eyes for a brief moment. “I’ll come by after patrol tonight.”
He shook his head quickly, pulling his left hand out of his pocket and raking his fingers through his hair. “No...no patrol tonight, Buffy. Recovering from a spell such as this...you’ll not be at your best tonight. Take the night off...chances are, it’ll be quiet anyway.”
“Okay.” She replied, not bothering to argue with him. “Well...I’ll come by after I know a little more, okay?”
“Alright.” He answered softly, not taking his eyes off of her. “Buffy, I’m - ”
“Please don’t.” She whispered.
“ - really...” Registering her whispered words, he furrowed his brow. “Please don’t what?”
Her bottom lip trembled as she looked away from him. “Apologize.”
“But - ”
She interrupted him quickly with a shake of her head. “It’ll just make it feel more real. And you saying you’re sorry, even though I know you are...even though it’s not your fault...it just...”
She swallowed as she paused, taking a deep breath before cautiously meeting his eyes once more. “Right now I’m going to see apologies as guilt...even though I know better. So, please...don’t apologize to me for this. I’m going to go check on things at home...and I’ll come by later and we can talk. I just...can’t talk about this right now.”
He felt a heaviness in his heart that threatened to drop him to his knees as she backed away from him. He wanted nothing more than to stop her, but realized that she needed time...as much as he hated letting her leave. And so, he exhaled a shaky breath and gave her a nearly imperceptible nod.
And before he could say anything, she whispered a watery ‘goodbye’ and turned from him. He bit his lip and stared after her as she ran out of the Magic Box. As the door swung shut, he clenched his jaw...releasing it as a single tear escaped the corner of his eye.
* * *
Six hours later, he was standing in front of the sink in his bathroom...his hair towel-dried and curling slightly. The hot shower he’d taken had done nothing to lessen his anxiety where Buffy was concerned...and at that moment, he was cursing himself for not asking her what time she might be by.
Not that she would’ve been able to tell him, but...
He sighed and glanced at his reflection in the mirror. Skin slightly pink from the heat of the shower and the dark t-shirt and boxers he was wearing slightly damp from the steam hanging in the room.
There was a shadow along his jawline, signalling that he needed a shave. Absently reaching over, he picked up his razor and then paused. With a quick shake of his head, he dropped the razor into the sink and lowered his head...his hands gripping the edge of the vanity as he clenched his jaw.
He briefly entertained the idea of getting dressed and driving over to the house, but dismissed it almost as quickly as he thought of it. The worst thing he could do would be to push her into talking when she wasn’t ready. He just needed to be patient.
He was taught patience at the Academy. He’d actually excelled at patience.
Except for dealing with matters of the heart. And when the woman he loved was hurting or confused, his patience flew straight out the window.
With another heavy sigh, he pushed away from the vanity and jerked the bathroom door open. He’d go get dressed...but, he wouldn’t go to the house that Joyce had left to Buffy. He wasn’t sure what he’d do to pass the time...research, drink copious amounts of tea, pace...but, he’d pass the time and wait for her to come to him.
When she was ready.
He made his way through the living room, checking the lock on the door before climbing the stairs. He stopped suddenly as he stepped into the bedroom, momentarily startled by the fact that Buffy was sitting on the edge of his...their...bed.
“Hello.” He stated softly, swallowing when she lifted her slightly red and puffy eyes to him.
“Hey...”
They stared at one another, neither really knowing what to say. After a few seconds that seemed more like hours, Giles cleared his throat and asked a question that he wasn’t really sure he wanted to hear the answer to.
“You, uh...you don’t look particularly happy to be here. Did you come to say...goodbye?”
She narrowed her eyes in confusion. “What?”
He suddenly felt very vulnerable standing in front of her wearing only a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. He rubbed the side of his neck nervously and took a step towards the closet, not breaking their eye contact as he did so.
“Are you...” His voice trembled lightly and he coughed gently before trying again. “Are you leaving me?”
She wrapped her arms around herself as she stared into his eyes. “Do you want me to?”
“No.” He whispered, shaking his head slowly. “God, no. But...you look - ”
“Am I supposed to look happy right now, Giles?” She asked with no harshness in her tone.
“No. No, of course not. It’s just...”
“Can you just hold me?” She interrupted as her eyes began to glisten again.
Without hesitation, he crossed the distance between them in two large steps and sat down next to her. She turned towards him as he wrapped his arms around her, sliding her arms around his waist as she pressed her cheek against his chest.
His hold on her tightened when he heard her sniffle...and then he gently rubbed her back as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. He felt her mumble, but wasn’t able to make out what she’d said.
“What was that, love?” He asked softly, feeling her tears soak through his shirt.
He thought he felt her press a kiss to his sternum before shifting just enough to be heard as she repeated her statement.
“I wasn’t mad at you...”
“I know, Buffy.” He replied on a sigh.
She pulled back and lifted her head to meet his eyes. “But, you thought I was going to break up with you?”
He shrugged a shoulder and lifted his left hand, brushing her hair back from her face. “Fear...”
“I didn’t even think about that, you know...leaving you? It never crossed my mind.” She reached up and ran her fingers along his slightly stubbly jaw. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t stay and talk earlier.”
“As am I.” Giles replied, his fingers resting lightly on her shoulder. “Even if you’d stayed to yell at me...at least we wouldn’t have been alone.”
“Giles...” She started and then stopped when he gave her a gentle smile.
“I understand why you needed to leave. I understood it when you left.” He sighed, dropping his gaze...watching himself curl a strand of hair around his index finger. “However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that you had stayed. We should have talked...we probably should still...talk.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow at him, sliding her hand down the front of his shirt. “Well, that was an interesting little pause...”
He cleared his throat, eyes darting to her lips briefly. “I...want to kiss you. But, we should talk, Buffy.”
The corner of her mouth twitched lightly. “You could kiss me and then we could talk.”
Giving a barely noticeable shake of his head, he looked into her eyes. “If I kiss you, I’ll want more. I’ll take more and...we really should talk.”
“Oh...” She whispered, fingers ghosting over the left side of his ribcage before she pulled her hand away. “There’s really no bad in that...”
His eyes darkened slightly, but he shook his head again. “Buffy, please...don’t tempt me right now. This is...this is important. What happened was - ”
“Willow’s fault and she’s feeling horrible about everything, so expect a triple batch of cookies later.” Buffy interrupted, a small smile on her lips.
“This isn’t something that can be rectified with cookies, Buffy.” Giles stated, a harshness in his tone that caused Buffy’s eyes to widen. “What she did...she...”
He stood up and began to pace, running his hand through his still-damp hair as he fought to control his sudden anger.
“She made me forget how much I love you...what you mean to me.”
“You said that I was the first person you noticed when you woke up.”
He paused and stared at her. “You were. But, don’t you understand? That was...attraction, lust...I didn’t know I was in love with you. I just...I thought you were beautiful and wondered what your lips tasted like.”
Before Buffy could respond, he continued...his pacing as well as his ranting.
“You could’ve been killed...you could’ve killed Spike. Xander and Tara could’ve been...how could she be so bloody stupid? She thinks magic is a means to an end...and she abuses the power she’s been gifted with. It makes me so angry, so frustrated, so...scared...”
“Scared?”
He nodded as he took a deep breath and dropped back onto the bed next to her. “She only sees the exhilaration...not the danger. And the problem will only get worse before she realizes how big of an issue it is.”
“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, not really sure if she actually wanted to know the answer.
“Why do you think I’ve always been so hesitant to use magic?” He turned to look at her and shook his head when he heard her whisper an old demon’s name. “No. My problems stem from magic itself, not Eyghon.”
“Huh?”
He licked his dry lips and rubbed the side of his neck. “It’s an addiction, Buffy. The power, it...it gets inside of you and it tricks you into believing that you can do anything. And it’s so strong...so very strong that you don’t see your life crumbling around you. You don’t see all the pain you cause other people. And it’s only when you hit the bottom...when there’s nothing left...that you realize that it wasn’t just that you didn’t see. It’s that you didn’t care. And few people are able to make it back from that bottom.”
“So...we get her into a 12-step program or something?” She asked, a hopeful tone in her voice.
“It’s different than drugs...magic is living. It lives within and curls around your soul, pushing itself into you until it’s become a part of you. It’s always there, Buffy.”
“But, you were able to control your magic. Maybe she can too.”
Giles bit his lip and stared into her eyes. “It nearly killed me, Buffy. I don’t know that she’s strong enough right now...I...”
She interrupted him with a kiss, wrapping her hand around the back of his neck to hold him to her when she felt him start to pull back. She moved her free hand to his chest, pressing her palm above his heart. When she felt his heart rate increase, she slowly ended the kiss and met his eyes.
“Did that happen when Anya kissed you?” She whispered, rubbing her hand over his pounding heart.
He shook his head slowly, eyes darting to her lips before resuming their gaze. “That’s what made it feel fake. It’s not that it didn’t feel pleasant, it just...didn’t make me feel this.”
“What’s this?” She asked, curling her fingers against his chest.
The sensation of her nails scraping against him through his t-shirt caused him to gasp. She successfully hid her smile.
“This is...arousal. I didn’t...she didn’t...”
Her smile surfaced as he stammered. “She didn’t make you horny?”
“Such a horrible word...” He muttered, his fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. “But, no...she didn’t.”
“Do I?” She asked, her tone suggesting that she already knew the answer.
“That...is a stupid question, Buffy.” He stated, pushing her shirt up slightly. “And you know that it’s a stupid question.”
“Mm-hm.” She mumbled, sighing as his fingers brushed over her abdomen. “But, answer me anyway.”
“Yes.” He whispered, swallowing thickly as his left hand ventured further under her shirt to cup her breast. “Yes, you do.”
Buffy shivered as his fingers traced her nipple through the satin material of her bra. “Can we talk about Anya and Willow later? Can we just...be us for a while?”
“That would a bit selfish, wouldn’t it?” He smiled and gently squeezed her breast, his actions contradicting his words.
Buffy gasped, arching against his touch as she moved to her knees in front of him and draped her arms over his shoulders. “Have I mentioned how much I love selfish you?”
His eyes sparkled as he gently pinched her nipple before slipping his hand out from under her shirt. “Have I mentioned how much I like being selfish sometimes?”
“Giles...” She whimpered.
He gestured to her shirt with a tilt of his head as he grasped the hem of his. “Take it off, Buffy.”
She watched as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, smiling as he tossed it onto the bed. He arched an eyebrow at her as he shifted and leaned back against the headboard, stretching his legs out either side of her.
She chuckled softly and removed her shirt, dropping it on top of his before climbing over him to stand next to the bed. When he tilted his head in a silent question, she grinned at him and kicked off her shoes.
“You were way less dressed than me to begin with. Just catching up.”
“Ah...” He licked his lips and lowered his gaze to her hands, which were quickly ridding herself of her jeans. “Fair enough.”
Standing next to the bed, wearing nothing but her bra and underwear, she felt a sudden rush of love for him as he allowed his gaze to drift over her body. “Giles?”
“Hm?” He murmured, reaching out and wrapping his fingers around her wrist.
She climbed back onto the bed as he tugged her forward, straddling his thighs and slipping her arms around his neck. “I love you.”
He smiled and leaned forward to brush his lips across hers. “I love you too.”
She felt his fingers deftly work the clasp of her bra as he placed a line of warm kisses down the side of her neck. She closed her eyes, gently rocking against him as he pushed the straps of the bra down her arms.
“She said she was trying to make Tara forget about being mad at her.”
“Hm?” He mumbled against her skin as his lips moved along her collarbone.
“Willow.” Buffy gasped, his hands dropping the bra to the side before moving to her hips. “Tara was mad at her...”
Giles lifted his head and stared at her through darkened eyes, his fingers toying with the waistband of her underwear. “Thought we weren’t discussing Willow right now?”
“We’re not.” She whispered, biting her lip as his fingers slipped underneath the soft cotton and stroked her damp curls. “I just...thought you’d want to know.”
“Not particularly.” Giles stated, tracing her wet folds with the tip of his middle finger. “What I would like to know is...why are you nervous?”
“What? I’m not...nervous...” When he merely raised an eyebrow at her, she shook her head. “I’m not!”
“Then why are you rambling?” He asked knowingly, placing a kiss on her chin as he pulled his hand out of her underwear. “Those need to come off now, love.”
She rose up on her knees, sighing as he slowly pulled her underwear down her thighs. “I don’t know.”
He moved quickly, gently pushing her onto her back and leaning over her. He finished removing the last piece of clothing from her body and stared into her eyes.
“I highly doubt it would’ve gone any further than it did.” When she furrowed her brow, he stretched out next to her and rested his hand on her bare hip. “It didn’t feel right, Buffy...the kiss. It didn’t feel right.”
She pushed him onto his back and climbed back on top of him. “I don’t want to talk about Anya right now, Giles.”
“But...”
She shook her head and offered him a smile as she pushed his boxers down, freeing his erection. “I’m not nervous...I wasn’t rambling. I was...just trying to keep myself from coming.”
“Why?” He asked after a moment, swallowing thickly as she curled her fingers around his cock. “I think it’s beautiful when you come.”
She stroked him a few times, rubbing her thumb along the underside as he leaned his head back against the headboard and groaned. “And I think it’s beautiful when you do that...”
“Buffy...”
“I want you.” She whispered hoarsely, lowering her mouth to his chest.
He cursed softly as she circled his left nipple with her tongue. She lifted her head and tightened her fingers around him.
“Now.” He growled, pulling her hand from his cock. “Christ, Buffy...now...”
She nearly teased him about the lack of foreplay, but realized that she needed him as much as he needed her at that moment. And it wasn’t all about sex.
Confirmation.
He needed confirmation...of her love, her desire, her forgiveness. Even though there was nothing to forgive...it hadn’t been his fault.
But still...he needed it. And she needed to give it to him.
With a gentle nod, she reached between them and guided him to her entrance. And then she stared into his eyes as she lowered herself onto him, taking him inside of her as deep as he would go.
“Buffy...” He groaned, tightening his fingers on her hips as she began moving against him. “Not so fast, love. Time...we have time...”
“Yeah, but...” She covered his right hand with her left and flicked her tongue against his chin. “I want you to make me come now...”
“You want me to fuck you.”
“Mm-hm...” She murmured, nipping at his earlobe. “Is that okay?”
“I should think so.”
She rocked her hips against him and pulled back to look into his eyes. “Will you?”
“You’re on top.” He stated with a smile. “Seems like if anyone’s going to be doing the fucking, it’d be you.”
She narrowed her eyes slightly. “What?”
“Fuck me...” He tightened his hands on her hips and lifted her slightly before pulling her back down flush against him, causing them both to groan loudly. “God...fuck me, Buffy...”
When he lifted her again, she grinned and slammed back down before he could pull her down. She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard, his fingers digging into her flesh as he arched his hips to meet her downward thrust.
“That’s it...” He mumbled, closing his eyes as she picked a hard and fast pace. “Oh, yes...that’s it...”
“Giles...” She panted, dangerously close to orgasm in nearly record time. “Giles, I’m...”
His eyes snapped open just as she closed hers. “Don’t hold back on me...”
“Too close...” She groaned, gripping his shoulders tightly for leverage.
He knew exactly how close she was. After all...she had been so very close to orgasm before he'd even entered her. When he felt her start to slow down in an effort to delay her orgasm, he narrowed his eyes.
“Don’t you dare, Buffy...”
Her eyes widened at the sharp tone. “What?”
“I want to feel you come as you fuck me.” He spoke urgently, encouraging her to resume her pace with a squeeze of her hip. “Don’t stop...not now...”
“But...”
He gave a groan that held a tinge of annoyance and pushed her back, hissing as his cock slipped from her when she fell back against the mattress.
“Giles!”
He moved between her thighs and lifted her right leg over his hip. She cried out in ecstasy as he pushed his erection back into her, holding himself above her...his left hand next to her head as he shortened his strokes.
“Come for me, Buffy...” He growled, his gaze dropping to her jostling breasts. “Come for me...all over me...”
“Too soon...”
He shook his head and slammed his hips against her, relishing the sensation of her fingernails digging into his sides. “No...it’s just right...”
She opened her mouth...probably to protest. But, what came out instead was his name on a scream as her orgasm crashed over her. He muttered a curse and lowered his mouth to the crook of her neck...sucking her skin as he thrust harder while her inner walls were convulsing around him.
He was vaguely aware of her lifting her other leg and pressing her knee against his side. He shifted just enough to hook his arm under the back of her knee...scraping his teeth against her neck as he pushed deeper into her.
The wet slapping sound was nearly as responsible for his near loss of control as the sound of her gasping his name or the sensation of her second orgasm quickly approaching. He was sure that his bedclothes would be drenched...if they weren’t already.
Curiosity got the better of him and he pushed himself up until he was kneeling between her thighs. With a hand at the back of each knee, he pushed her legs back towards her chest and to the sides slightly...opening her to him. He stared at their union, licking his lips as he watched his cock thrust in and out of her...her fluids indeed drenching the comforter beneath her.
“Beautiful...” He murmured, fingers twitching against her skin as he held her still.
Or as still as he could.
“God...Giles...” She groaned, wrapping her fingers around his forearms.
His eyes darted to hers. “I’m going to come, Buffy...”
“Yes...” She cried, her nails nearly breaking the skin as she clung onto him.
“I want to come...all over your clit...” He licked his lips as her eyes widened. “And then I want to suck it off...clean you until you come again...”
He smiled lustfully as she gasped in surprise.
“I’m close, Buffy. I’m so fucking close...”
Somewhere in the haze of her pleasure, she realized that he was actually asking permission. She nodded quickly, her answer coming on a breathless groan as she dropped her hands to her sides.
“God, yes!”
He nearly breathed a sigh of relief, thrusting a few more times...hard, fast, and shallow...before pulling out and releasing her right leg. He grasped his thick cock and held the head against her clitoris, crying her name as he came...coating her quivering flesh.
She barely had time to process what had just happened before he shifted and lay down between her thighs. His left hand returned to the back of her knee...holding her open as he covered her clit with his mouth.
She trembled as he sucked his fluid from her clitoris, screaming his name again as her fingers curled and threatened to rip into the comforter. He lifted his eyes to her face, watching as he pushed her closer to the edge...her head thrashing, her knuckles whitening, her hips trying to buck against him as she finally came again.
He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen anything as beautiful.
With a tender kiss to her now very wet curls, he released his hold on her legs and moved up her body. He brushed his lips across hers as he moved to her side and pulled her against him.
“I love you.” He whispered thickly, combing his fingers through her sweat-dampened hair as she fought to catch her breath.
“You too...” She panted, pushing him onto his back and resting her head on his chest.
He wrapped his arms around her, content to hold her as they both came down. There would be much to deal with in the next few days, but right now he didn’t want to think about any of it.
He didn’t want to think about Willow or Anya or magic. All he wanted to think about was Buffy and love and confirmation.
The other stuff...the heavy stuff...it could wait.
For just a while longer...it could wait.
~ End
Author: Froxyn
Rating: FRAO
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Timeline: S6, Tabula Rasa.
Synopsis: Buffy and Giles deal with the aftermath of Willow’s spell gone wrong.
Author’s Note: This was written as for my second entry for summer_of_giles 2010. Thanks to wyvernwolf for the beta.
Even as Rupert pulled Anya into his arms and lowered his mouth to hers, he realized that it didn’t feel...right. It didn’t feel natural, as a kiss between a betrothed couple should feel. But, it had been a strange day...they were standing in the middle of a shop that dealt with the balderdash and chicanery of magic, the bunnies were gone, and the argument was over.
It was what couples did when they were making up, he was sure of it. And her tongue sliding against his didn’t exactly feel unpleasant. It just felt...
His eyes snapped open as his memories flooded his mind. He pushed away quickly, eyes wide as he stared at Anya.
“Oh, God...”
Anya’s eyes were as wide as Giles’ as she took a step back and ran her fingers through her hair. “Oh, shit...”
Giles swallowed and darted his eyes around the Magic Box. They were alone...which caused equal parts of relief and anxiety to rush through him. Just as he started to stammer an apology, his phone began to ring.
Anya waved vaguely, muttering something about at least they were still dressed. Giles turned away from her and lifted his phone to his ear.
“Hello?”
“Thank God you’re okay!”
He glanced at Anya, taking a deep breath as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m alright, love. You?”
“Well, I nearly dusted your imaginary son, but...yeah...I’m okay. What the hell happened?”
“I’m going to guess Willow, but we’ll discuss that later.”
Anya narrowed her eyes as she dropped a pile of books on the counter. “She’s going to get someone killed with her witchy ways. I don’t know about you, but I’ve just about had enough of Willow.”
Hearing Buffy chuckle softly over the phone, Giles sat down at the table and licked his lips. “What’s funny, Buffy?”
“You and Anya...thinking you’re engaged. Spike being all ‘jealous son’ about the entire thing...” She sighed heavily, the amusement leaving her tone. “It would all be funny if we hadn’t nearly been killed. Anya’s right...we need to do something about Willow, Giles.”
Giles nodded slowly, removing his glasses and dropping them onto the table. His eyes darted to the door as Xander walked into the shop. Anya rushed across the storefront, wrapping her arms around her fiancé while loudly proclaiming the fact that she was happy that Willow hadn’t gotten him killed.
Xander gave her a kiss and then looked at Giles. Giles lowered his eyes and whispered into the phone.
“Are you far away?”
“No.” Buffy replied softly. “I’ll be there in five. Is Willow with Xander?”
Giles shook his head, even though Buffy couldn’t see him. “No, I...I don’t know where she is.”
“I dropped her and Tara off at the house.” Xander stated, carefully extricating himself from Anya’s embrace. “I think it’s definitely intervention time, Giles.”
Giles nodded in agreement and then rubbed his tired eyes. “I love you, Buffy.”
He could hear the smile in her voice as she responded with a similar sentiment before whispering a ‘goodbye’ and ending the call. Giles dropped the phone onto the table and closed his eyes as he ran his hand through his hair again.
Xander looked at him curiously. “Are you okay, Giles?”
“He’s fine. It was just scary...with all the bunnies and everything...” Anya answered quickly, slipping her hand into Xander’s and starting towards the door. “We should go home and have sex...to celebrate us not dying.”
Xander stared at her incredulously. “Anya...”
Giles rolled his eyes and waved them towards the door. “I’m fine, Xander. Please...go do whatever it is the two of you do in times such as these...but spare me the details.”
“Giles...”
Giles turned his head and stared at Xander, intentionally not looking at Anya. “Go. We’ll discuss the issues of Willow’s magic later. Right now is not the time...assuming she’s safe. She is safe, yes?”
“Yeah.” Xander nodded quickly. “Yeah, Tara is with her.”
Giles cast a brief glance at Anya before standing and making his way over to the counter. “Then go.”
Xander arched an eyebrow at Giles’ obvious nervous behaviour. “Are you sure?”
Giles groaned softly. “I’m sure, Xander.”
“Are you acting this way because you thought you were engaged to Anya? Because, it’s no big deal. I mean...I thought I was Willow’s boyfriend, so...” He cut off his ramble as Giles sharply turned towards him and glared. “Yeah, okay...we’re going now. Call us when you’re ready to talk to Will, okay?”
Giles said nothing else as Anya offered him a gentle smile before pulling Xander out the door. He swallowed hard and bit his lip as his mind raced.
He’d have to tell Buffy, there was no getting around it. He wasn’t sure that Anya would tell Xander, but...it wasn’t even a question for Giles. He and Buffy had been in a relationship for over six months...and this wasn’t the time to start hiding things from her.
Hopefully, she’d understand.
* * *
Buffy ran through the darkened streets of Sunnydale, her mind trying to work around the happenings of the evening. Apparently, Willow had done a spell...she wasn’t sure what the original purpose of the spell was or what was supposed to have happened. Though, she had a feeling that all of them forgetting who they were was not the desired effect.
She snorted at the name she had picked for herself. Joan. Of all the names in the world, she had to pick Joan? Not that it wasn’t a good name, it just...well, it wasn’t Buffy. Buffy shook her head and rounded the corner at the next intersection.
Xander had become ‘Alex’...a non-engaged Alexander Harris. But, Anya had been wearing her engagement ring...and had found the paperwork that proclaimed the Magic Box to be in her name, along with Giles’. She couldn’t admit that she was at ease over the fact that they had assumed that Giles had given her the ring. She could understand how they’d come to that conclusion, given the evidence, but she wasn’t exactly happy about it.
A smile pricked at her lips though when she thought about ‘Randy Giles’...the disappointing son of Rupert Giles, soon to be annoying stepson of Anya Jenkins. If anything had been laugh-worthy about tonight, it was Spike. Luckily, their memories had returned to them moments before her stake plunged into his heart.
For all of his annoyances, Spike was becoming an ally...and she was sure that he’d be of some use to them at some point in the future. She just didn’t know when or in what capacity.
As the Magic Box came into sight, she ran faster. Though Giles had said that he was okay, he had sounded slightly upset. She wasn’t sure what had upset him, but the only time she had felt that he was truly okay was when he had whispered ‘I love you, Buffy’.
Finally reaching the shop, she pushed the door open and ran in. She called his name as she slammed the door closed. And then, as he walked out of the training room, she smiled and quickly ran the length of the room and launched herself into his arms.
He held her tightly, not resisting when she slid her left hand to the back of his head and pulled him down. His lips parted instantly, giving her tongue access to his mouth as their kiss deepened.
This was how a kiss between a couple in love was supposed to feel like, Giles thought as her nails lightly scratched his scalp. This felt natural, real...this was causing his body to hum with arousal. Not like...
He tore his mouth from Buffy’s, his chest heaving as he looked into her eyes. His fingers trembled as he tenderly stroked her cheek.
“Buffy...”
She furrowed her brow, seeing something in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
He cleared his throat and took a step back, dropping his hand from her cheek. “I...”
She grabbed his hand, her furrowed brow becoming more pronounced as her concern increased. “Is it Willow? Is she - ”
He shook his head quickly, gently squeezing her hand as he led her to the table. “Willow’s fine, I’ve been told. She’s with Tara...” He sat down and took a deep breath as he gestured to the chair next to him. “Please...sit down.”
She stared at him as she hesitated for just a moment before sitting down. “Um...you’re kinda starting to make me really worried, Giles.”
“I love you, Buffy...so very much.”
“Yeah, okay...starting out like that doesn’t help the worry. I love you too, but...that’s not really a good way to start out...especially when you’re looking the way you are.”
He tilted his head slightly and regarded her carefully. “How am I looking?”
“Guilty.” She answered without thought. And then her eyes widened as the color drained from her face. “Oh my God...”
“Buffy...”
“You thought you were engaged...to Anya...”
“Buffy, please...”
Her eyes glistened as she swallowed thickly. “Did you have sex with her?”
“Buffy...” He started, stopping suddenly when his mind processed her question. “What? No! There was no...I didn’t...we didn’t...”
Her bottom lip trembled slightly as she lowered her voice. “Then why do you look so guilty?”
He opened his mouth and then closed it again as he shook his head. He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes.
“I kissed her. Or...or she kissed me. I’m not quite sure which, but - ”
“Oh.” Buffy interrupted, dropping her gaze from him as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “I guess we’re not talking about a peck on the cheek, are we?”
When he hesitated for just a second too long, she lifted her eyes back to his. “How involved was it?”
“I’m sorry?” He asked, his brows knitting together in confusion.
“Were there hands involved? Or...or tongues? Or...did you want to have sex with her?”
He sighed softly, reaching over to cover her hands with his. “It didn’t feel natural.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It felt like something we, as a couple, were supposed to do...because of the situation, not because of desire.” He saw the confusion in her eyes and continued quickly, tightening his hold on her when she started to pull her hands away.
“We were arguing and then the argument was over. And...there was an apology.”
“You were making up...” Buffy murmured, darting her eyes away from him.
“It didn’t feel right, Buffy. It felt...fake.” He swallowed as his vision blurred. “And then the spell was broken...”
“Why are you getting ready to cry?” Buffy whispered when she looked back at him and noticed the tears in his eyes.
“Because I’m not sure how far it would’ve gone had the spell not ended.” He answered honestly.
A tear rolled down her right cheek. “What?”
“I would like to think that the discomfort of the situation would’ve caused us to...stop - ”
“But you might not have?” She pulled her hands out from under his, wiping her tear-stained cheeks as she stood up. “Giles, I...why her? Why not me? I mean...are you attracted to her? Have you been attracted to her like this the entire time?”
“No...no, Buffy...”
“Why weren’t you attracted to me?” Buffy whimpered. “You didn’t even look at me.”
“Yes, I did.” He replied quickly. “You were the first person I noticed when I woke up.”
He stood up and tenderly brushed her tears from her skin. “I saw you and my heart skipped a beat. But, then...everything started happening, conclusions were being leapt upon...and in the end, it all came down to a ring on her finger and our names on the deed to this shop.”
“Giles...”
“And then everyone was gone and she...she wouldn’t listen to me and the shop filled up with rabbits.” He dragged his hand through his hair, continuing his ramble as Buffy stared at him. “Rabbits everywhere!
“And in the midst of the argument I was having with her, I told her...screamed at her, actually...that I was leaving her.” He swallowed and looked around the room as he shook his head. “She threw the ring...and then...”
“She was hurt and angry.” Buffy whispered as he trailed off, biting her lip as she turned her eyes from him. “And then she forgave you. Because...you were still Giles and you still had that ability to make a woman want you even when she’s angry with you.”
His brow furrowed as his eyes snapped back to her. “What?”
She sighed heavily and looked at him through glistening eyes. “How many arguments have we had that end up with me kissing you?”
“A fair few.” He answered softly after a moment. “Buffy, I - ”
She took a step back as a tear spilled down her cheek. “I know, but...I think I just need time to process this...”
His mouth opened, possibly to protest, but then closed as he watched her wipe the tear from her face. He inhaled slowly and spoke only when he felt like his words wouldn’t be drowning in his own tears.
“I love you.” He whispered, aching to touch her but slipping his hands into his pockets instead.
She nodded in acknowledgement, but didn’t verbally respond. And that was a fact that didn’t go unnoticed by Giles. Logically, he knew that he had done nothing wrong...but, it didn’t stop him from feeling guilty about it. Especially when he could easily read the confusion and hurt in her eyes.
Realizing that he was getting ready to attempt an apology, she blew out a soft breath and finally spoke. “I love you too, Giles...but...”
He straightened and tilted his head slightly as he stared at her. “But?”
She gestured towards the door with a jerk of her thumb over her shoulder. “I should go check on Willow. You know...make sure everything is...well, not okay. Because things aren’t okay...especially if she’s using magic to make us forget things. Can we...can we talk about this a little later?”
He hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath before clearing his throat. “Of course.”
She reached out and placed her hand on his chest, biting her lip when she felt the pounding of his heart. She felt a wave of jealousy rush through her...wondering if his heart had raced when Anya had kissed him.
Blinking back her tears, she pulled her hand away and glanced into his eyes for a brief moment. “I’ll come by after patrol tonight.”
He shook his head quickly, pulling his left hand out of his pocket and raking his fingers through his hair. “No...no patrol tonight, Buffy. Recovering from a spell such as this...you’ll not be at your best tonight. Take the night off...chances are, it’ll be quiet anyway.”
“Okay.” She replied, not bothering to argue with him. “Well...I’ll come by after I know a little more, okay?”
“Alright.” He answered softly, not taking his eyes off of her. “Buffy, I’m - ”
“Please don’t.” She whispered.
“ - really...” Registering her whispered words, he furrowed his brow. “Please don’t what?”
Her bottom lip trembled as she looked away from him. “Apologize.”
“But - ”
She interrupted him quickly with a shake of her head. “It’ll just make it feel more real. And you saying you’re sorry, even though I know you are...even though it’s not your fault...it just...”
She swallowed as she paused, taking a deep breath before cautiously meeting his eyes once more. “Right now I’m going to see apologies as guilt...even though I know better. So, please...don’t apologize to me for this. I’m going to go check on things at home...and I’ll come by later and we can talk. I just...can’t talk about this right now.”
He felt a heaviness in his heart that threatened to drop him to his knees as she backed away from him. He wanted nothing more than to stop her, but realized that she needed time...as much as he hated letting her leave. And so, he exhaled a shaky breath and gave her a nearly imperceptible nod.
And before he could say anything, she whispered a watery ‘goodbye’ and turned from him. He bit his lip and stared after her as she ran out of the Magic Box. As the door swung shut, he clenched his jaw...releasing it as a single tear escaped the corner of his eye.
* * *
Six hours later, he was standing in front of the sink in his bathroom...his hair towel-dried and curling slightly. The hot shower he’d taken had done nothing to lessen his anxiety where Buffy was concerned...and at that moment, he was cursing himself for not asking her what time she might be by.
Not that she would’ve been able to tell him, but...
He sighed and glanced at his reflection in the mirror. Skin slightly pink from the heat of the shower and the dark t-shirt and boxers he was wearing slightly damp from the steam hanging in the room.
There was a shadow along his jawline, signalling that he needed a shave. Absently reaching over, he picked up his razor and then paused. With a quick shake of his head, he dropped the razor into the sink and lowered his head...his hands gripping the edge of the vanity as he clenched his jaw.
He briefly entertained the idea of getting dressed and driving over to the house, but dismissed it almost as quickly as he thought of it. The worst thing he could do would be to push her into talking when she wasn’t ready. He just needed to be patient.
He was taught patience at the Academy. He’d actually excelled at patience.
Except for dealing with matters of the heart. And when the woman he loved was hurting or confused, his patience flew straight out the window.
With another heavy sigh, he pushed away from the vanity and jerked the bathroom door open. He’d go get dressed...but, he wouldn’t go to the house that Joyce had left to Buffy. He wasn’t sure what he’d do to pass the time...research, drink copious amounts of tea, pace...but, he’d pass the time and wait for her to come to him.
When she was ready.
He made his way through the living room, checking the lock on the door before climbing the stairs. He stopped suddenly as he stepped into the bedroom, momentarily startled by the fact that Buffy was sitting on the edge of his...their...bed.
“Hello.” He stated softly, swallowing when she lifted her slightly red and puffy eyes to him.
“Hey...”
They stared at one another, neither really knowing what to say. After a few seconds that seemed more like hours, Giles cleared his throat and asked a question that he wasn’t really sure he wanted to hear the answer to.
“You, uh...you don’t look particularly happy to be here. Did you come to say...goodbye?”
She narrowed her eyes in confusion. “What?”
He suddenly felt very vulnerable standing in front of her wearing only a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. He rubbed the side of his neck nervously and took a step towards the closet, not breaking their eye contact as he did so.
“Are you...” His voice trembled lightly and he coughed gently before trying again. “Are you leaving me?”
She wrapped her arms around herself as she stared into his eyes. “Do you want me to?”
“No.” He whispered, shaking his head slowly. “God, no. But...you look - ”
“Am I supposed to look happy right now, Giles?” She asked with no harshness in her tone.
“No. No, of course not. It’s just...”
“Can you just hold me?” She interrupted as her eyes began to glisten again.
Without hesitation, he crossed the distance between them in two large steps and sat down next to her. She turned towards him as he wrapped his arms around her, sliding her arms around his waist as she pressed her cheek against his chest.
His hold on her tightened when he heard her sniffle...and then he gently rubbed her back as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. He felt her mumble, but wasn’t able to make out what she’d said.
“What was that, love?” He asked softly, feeling her tears soak through his shirt.
He thought he felt her press a kiss to his sternum before shifting just enough to be heard as she repeated her statement.
“I wasn’t mad at you...”
“I know, Buffy.” He replied on a sigh.
She pulled back and lifted her head to meet his eyes. “But, you thought I was going to break up with you?”
He shrugged a shoulder and lifted his left hand, brushing her hair back from her face. “Fear...”
“I didn’t even think about that, you know...leaving you? It never crossed my mind.” She reached up and ran her fingers along his slightly stubbly jaw. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t stay and talk earlier.”
“As am I.” Giles replied, his fingers resting lightly on her shoulder. “Even if you’d stayed to yell at me...at least we wouldn’t have been alone.”
“Giles...” She started and then stopped when he gave her a gentle smile.
“I understand why you needed to leave. I understood it when you left.” He sighed, dropping his gaze...watching himself curl a strand of hair around his index finger. “However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish that you had stayed. We should have talked...we probably should still...talk.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow at him, sliding her hand down the front of his shirt. “Well, that was an interesting little pause...”
He cleared his throat, eyes darting to her lips briefly. “I...want to kiss you. But, we should talk, Buffy.”
The corner of her mouth twitched lightly. “You could kiss me and then we could talk.”
Giving a barely noticeable shake of his head, he looked into her eyes. “If I kiss you, I’ll want more. I’ll take more and...we really should talk.”
“Oh...” She whispered, fingers ghosting over the left side of his ribcage before she pulled her hand away. “There’s really no bad in that...”
His eyes darkened slightly, but he shook his head again. “Buffy, please...don’t tempt me right now. This is...this is important. What happened was - ”
“Willow’s fault and she’s feeling horrible about everything, so expect a triple batch of cookies later.” Buffy interrupted, a small smile on her lips.
“This isn’t something that can be rectified with cookies, Buffy.” Giles stated, a harshness in his tone that caused Buffy’s eyes to widen. “What she did...she...”
He stood up and began to pace, running his hand through his still-damp hair as he fought to control his sudden anger.
“She made me forget how much I love you...what you mean to me.”
“You said that I was the first person you noticed when you woke up.”
He paused and stared at her. “You were. But, don’t you understand? That was...attraction, lust...I didn’t know I was in love with you. I just...I thought you were beautiful and wondered what your lips tasted like.”
Before Buffy could respond, he continued...his pacing as well as his ranting.
“You could’ve been killed...you could’ve killed Spike. Xander and Tara could’ve been...how could she be so bloody stupid? She thinks magic is a means to an end...and she abuses the power she’s been gifted with. It makes me so angry, so frustrated, so...scared...”
“Scared?”
He nodded as he took a deep breath and dropped back onto the bed next to her. “She only sees the exhilaration...not the danger. And the problem will only get worse before she realizes how big of an issue it is.”
“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, not really sure if she actually wanted to know the answer.
“Why do you think I’ve always been so hesitant to use magic?” He turned to look at her and shook his head when he heard her whisper an old demon’s name. “No. My problems stem from magic itself, not Eyghon.”
“Huh?”
He licked his dry lips and rubbed the side of his neck. “It’s an addiction, Buffy. The power, it...it gets inside of you and it tricks you into believing that you can do anything. And it’s so strong...so very strong that you don’t see your life crumbling around you. You don’t see all the pain you cause other people. And it’s only when you hit the bottom...when there’s nothing left...that you realize that it wasn’t just that you didn’t see. It’s that you didn’t care. And few people are able to make it back from that bottom.”
“So...we get her into a 12-step program or something?” She asked, a hopeful tone in her voice.
“It’s different than drugs...magic is living. It lives within and curls around your soul, pushing itself into you until it’s become a part of you. It’s always there, Buffy.”
“But, you were able to control your magic. Maybe she can too.”
Giles bit his lip and stared into her eyes. “It nearly killed me, Buffy. I don’t know that she’s strong enough right now...I...”
She interrupted him with a kiss, wrapping her hand around the back of his neck to hold him to her when she felt him start to pull back. She moved her free hand to his chest, pressing her palm above his heart. When she felt his heart rate increase, she slowly ended the kiss and met his eyes.
“Did that happen when Anya kissed you?” She whispered, rubbing her hand over his pounding heart.
He shook his head slowly, eyes darting to her lips before resuming their gaze. “That’s what made it feel fake. It’s not that it didn’t feel pleasant, it just...didn’t make me feel this.”
“What’s this?” She asked, curling her fingers against his chest.
The sensation of her nails scraping against him through his t-shirt caused him to gasp. She successfully hid her smile.
“This is...arousal. I didn’t...she didn’t...”
Her smile surfaced as he stammered. “She didn’t make you horny?”
“Such a horrible word...” He muttered, his fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. “But, no...she didn’t.”
“Do I?” She asked, her tone suggesting that she already knew the answer.
“That...is a stupid question, Buffy.” He stated, pushing her shirt up slightly. “And you know that it’s a stupid question.”
“Mm-hm.” She mumbled, sighing as his fingers brushed over her abdomen. “But, answer me anyway.”
“Yes.” He whispered, swallowing thickly as his left hand ventured further under her shirt to cup her breast. “Yes, you do.”
Buffy shivered as his fingers traced her nipple through the satin material of her bra. “Can we talk about Anya and Willow later? Can we just...be us for a while?”
“That would a bit selfish, wouldn’t it?” He smiled and gently squeezed her breast, his actions contradicting his words.
Buffy gasped, arching against his touch as she moved to her knees in front of him and draped her arms over his shoulders. “Have I mentioned how much I love selfish you?”
His eyes sparkled as he gently pinched her nipple before slipping his hand out from under her shirt. “Have I mentioned how much I like being selfish sometimes?”
“Giles...” She whimpered.
He gestured to her shirt with a tilt of his head as he grasped the hem of his. “Take it off, Buffy.”
She watched as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, smiling as he tossed it onto the bed. He arched an eyebrow at her as he shifted and leaned back against the headboard, stretching his legs out either side of her.
She chuckled softly and removed her shirt, dropping it on top of his before climbing over him to stand next to the bed. When he tilted his head in a silent question, she grinned at him and kicked off her shoes.
“You were way less dressed than me to begin with. Just catching up.”
“Ah...” He licked his lips and lowered his gaze to her hands, which were quickly ridding herself of her jeans. “Fair enough.”
Standing next to the bed, wearing nothing but her bra and underwear, she felt a sudden rush of love for him as he allowed his gaze to drift over her body. “Giles?”
“Hm?” He murmured, reaching out and wrapping his fingers around her wrist.
She climbed back onto the bed as he tugged her forward, straddling his thighs and slipping her arms around his neck. “I love you.”
He smiled and leaned forward to brush his lips across hers. “I love you too.”
She felt his fingers deftly work the clasp of her bra as he placed a line of warm kisses down the side of her neck. She closed her eyes, gently rocking against him as he pushed the straps of the bra down her arms.
“She said she was trying to make Tara forget about being mad at her.”
“Hm?” He mumbled against her skin as his lips moved along her collarbone.
“Willow.” Buffy gasped, his hands dropping the bra to the side before moving to her hips. “Tara was mad at her...”
Giles lifted his head and stared at her through darkened eyes, his fingers toying with the waistband of her underwear. “Thought we weren’t discussing Willow right now?”
“We’re not.” She whispered, biting her lip as his fingers slipped underneath the soft cotton and stroked her damp curls. “I just...thought you’d want to know.”
“Not particularly.” Giles stated, tracing her wet folds with the tip of his middle finger. “What I would like to know is...why are you nervous?”
“What? I’m not...nervous...” When he merely raised an eyebrow at her, she shook her head. “I’m not!”
“Then why are you rambling?” He asked knowingly, placing a kiss on her chin as he pulled his hand out of her underwear. “Those need to come off now, love.”
She rose up on her knees, sighing as he slowly pulled her underwear down her thighs. “I don’t know.”
He moved quickly, gently pushing her onto her back and leaning over her. He finished removing the last piece of clothing from her body and stared into her eyes.
“I highly doubt it would’ve gone any further than it did.” When she furrowed her brow, he stretched out next to her and rested his hand on her bare hip. “It didn’t feel right, Buffy...the kiss. It didn’t feel right.”
She pushed him onto his back and climbed back on top of him. “I don’t want to talk about Anya right now, Giles.”
“But...”
She shook her head and offered him a smile as she pushed his boxers down, freeing his erection. “I’m not nervous...I wasn’t rambling. I was...just trying to keep myself from coming.”
“Why?” He asked after a moment, swallowing thickly as she curled her fingers around his cock. “I think it’s beautiful when you come.”
She stroked him a few times, rubbing her thumb along the underside as he leaned his head back against the headboard and groaned. “And I think it’s beautiful when you do that...”
“Buffy...”
“I want you.” She whispered hoarsely, lowering her mouth to his chest.
He cursed softly as she circled his left nipple with her tongue. She lifted her head and tightened her fingers around him.
“Now.” He growled, pulling her hand from his cock. “Christ, Buffy...now...”
She nearly teased him about the lack of foreplay, but realized that she needed him as much as he needed her at that moment. And it wasn’t all about sex.
Confirmation.
He needed confirmation...of her love, her desire, her forgiveness. Even though there was nothing to forgive...it hadn’t been his fault.
But still...he needed it. And she needed to give it to him.
With a gentle nod, she reached between them and guided him to her entrance. And then she stared into his eyes as she lowered herself onto him, taking him inside of her as deep as he would go.
“Buffy...” He groaned, tightening his fingers on her hips as she began moving against him. “Not so fast, love. Time...we have time...”
“Yeah, but...” She covered his right hand with her left and flicked her tongue against his chin. “I want you to make me come now...”
“You want me to fuck you.”
“Mm-hm...” She murmured, nipping at his earlobe. “Is that okay?”
“I should think so.”
She rocked her hips against him and pulled back to look into his eyes. “Will you?”
“You’re on top.” He stated with a smile. “Seems like if anyone’s going to be doing the fucking, it’d be you.”
She narrowed her eyes slightly. “What?”
“Fuck me...” He tightened his hands on her hips and lifted her slightly before pulling her back down flush against him, causing them both to groan loudly. “God...fuck me, Buffy...”
When he lifted her again, she grinned and slammed back down before he could pull her down. She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard, his fingers digging into her flesh as he arched his hips to meet her downward thrust.
“That’s it...” He mumbled, closing his eyes as she picked a hard and fast pace. “Oh, yes...that’s it...”
“Giles...” She panted, dangerously close to orgasm in nearly record time. “Giles, I’m...”
His eyes snapped open just as she closed hers. “Don’t hold back on me...”
“Too close...” She groaned, gripping his shoulders tightly for leverage.
He knew exactly how close she was. After all...she had been so very close to orgasm before he'd even entered her. When he felt her start to slow down in an effort to delay her orgasm, he narrowed his eyes.
“Don’t you dare, Buffy...”
Her eyes widened at the sharp tone. “What?”
“I want to feel you come as you fuck me.” He spoke urgently, encouraging her to resume her pace with a squeeze of her hip. “Don’t stop...not now...”
“But...”
He gave a groan that held a tinge of annoyance and pushed her back, hissing as his cock slipped from her when she fell back against the mattress.
“Giles!”
He moved between her thighs and lifted her right leg over his hip. She cried out in ecstasy as he pushed his erection back into her, holding himself above her...his left hand next to her head as he shortened his strokes.
“Come for me, Buffy...” He growled, his gaze dropping to her jostling breasts. “Come for me...all over me...”
“Too soon...”
He shook his head and slammed his hips against her, relishing the sensation of her fingernails digging into his sides. “No...it’s just right...”
She opened her mouth...probably to protest. But, what came out instead was his name on a scream as her orgasm crashed over her. He muttered a curse and lowered his mouth to the crook of her neck...sucking her skin as he thrust harder while her inner walls were convulsing around him.
He was vaguely aware of her lifting her other leg and pressing her knee against his side. He shifted just enough to hook his arm under the back of her knee...scraping his teeth against her neck as he pushed deeper into her.
The wet slapping sound was nearly as responsible for his near loss of control as the sound of her gasping his name or the sensation of her second orgasm quickly approaching. He was sure that his bedclothes would be drenched...if they weren’t already.
Curiosity got the better of him and he pushed himself up until he was kneeling between her thighs. With a hand at the back of each knee, he pushed her legs back towards her chest and to the sides slightly...opening her to him. He stared at their union, licking his lips as he watched his cock thrust in and out of her...her fluids indeed drenching the comforter beneath her.
“Beautiful...” He murmured, fingers twitching against her skin as he held her still.
Or as still as he could.
“God...Giles...” She groaned, wrapping her fingers around his forearms.
His eyes darted to hers. “I’m going to come, Buffy...”
“Yes...” She cried, her nails nearly breaking the skin as she clung onto him.
“I want to come...all over your clit...” He licked his lips as her eyes widened. “And then I want to suck it off...clean you until you come again...”
He smiled lustfully as she gasped in surprise.
“I’m close, Buffy. I’m so fucking close...”
Somewhere in the haze of her pleasure, she realized that he was actually asking permission. She nodded quickly, her answer coming on a breathless groan as she dropped her hands to her sides.
“God, yes!”
He nearly breathed a sigh of relief, thrusting a few more times...hard, fast, and shallow...before pulling out and releasing her right leg. He grasped his thick cock and held the head against her clitoris, crying her name as he came...coating her quivering flesh.
She barely had time to process what had just happened before he shifted and lay down between her thighs. His left hand returned to the back of her knee...holding her open as he covered her clit with his mouth.
She trembled as he sucked his fluid from her clitoris, screaming his name again as her fingers curled and threatened to rip into the comforter. He lifted his eyes to her face, watching as he pushed her closer to the edge...her head thrashing, her knuckles whitening, her hips trying to buck against him as she finally came again.
He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen anything as beautiful.
With a tender kiss to her now very wet curls, he released his hold on her legs and moved up her body. He brushed his lips across hers as he moved to her side and pulled her against him.
“I love you.” He whispered thickly, combing his fingers through her sweat-dampened hair as she fought to catch her breath.
“You too...” She panted, pushing him onto his back and resting her head on his chest.
He wrapped his arms around her, content to hold her as they both came down. There would be much to deal with in the next few days, but right now he didn’t want to think about any of it.
He didn’t want to think about Willow or Anya or magic. All he wanted to think about was Buffy and love and confirmation.
The other stuff...the heavy stuff...it could wait.
For just a while longer...it could wait.
~ End