Doing Fine on My Own
Iono.
I don't know. No se. No se mucho.
Things are going well. I am happy. I choose to be this way. I choose not get sad. I believe I've changed a lot. Perhaps very slowly and, sadly, very painfully. But I have changed. However, I still fear old habits. I know constant viligence can only save me. Don't give up.
Pieces of giving up go through my mind very very quickly sometimes. A good thing is I am trying very well to block them from my mind. It's surprisingly tough sometimes. This thought may just be all in my head. I don't know. Perception is a scary thing. What eye is the best to see out of? It's scary to think "Just shoot yourself. Just shoot yourself. Just shoot yourself" over and over again. Yeah...pretty sick. I'm sorry.
But now I've done a lot of things to take my mind off of this. I joined the gym. I'm taking control of my life . Gaining some of that self esteem back. Confidence is so fragile. Especially for a girl. Maybe it's me; this way I was raised. Or maybe it's gender roles. It seems that all girls depend on a man. It's pretty sad sometimes. Sometimes I don't know what to think of it and just stand back and watch. Observe.
Yes, lately I've been very busy. It's been fun. I like it. Gym takes my mind off of a lot of things. I'm usually too tired to feel sad anymore. And my body feels sore but good. And I like the look and feel of my body. Iono. That sounds kinda weird. But seriously...you've only got one body. Eww, my keyboard is sticky. It's good to be tired like this. Well really it's energized. I think I think slower when I'm like this. Thinking fast scares me. There's nothing wrong sometimes. I just "need to relax". So Benny says.
I've been going out a lot of these days. It's fun. The interesting thing is I see a lot of Frankie-like qualities. Iono. Sometimes I feel like I don't have an identity. Well what mattered is I had a great time! Like tons of laughter and I was really confident and loud and happy. It felt good. On a side note too. It's scary but now the whole Angulo family thing. The replacement. Iono. But then I went to my mom's b-day dinner and it was cool. I had a great time there too (surprisingly).
I wonder what I should be when I grow up.
I don't know. No se. No se mucho.
Things are going well. I am happy. I choose to be this way. I choose not get sad. I believe I've changed a lot. Perhaps very slowly and, sadly, very painfully. But I have changed. However, I still fear old habits. I know constant viligence can only save me. Don't give up.
Pieces of giving up go through my mind very very quickly sometimes. A good thing is I am trying very well to block them from my mind. It's surprisingly tough sometimes. This thought may just be all in my head. I don't know. Perception is a scary thing. What eye is the best to see out of? It's scary to think "Just shoot yourself. Just shoot yourself. Just shoot yourself" over and over again. Yeah...pretty sick. I'm sorry.
But now I've done a lot of things to take my mind off of this. I joined the gym. I'm taking control of my life . Gaining some of that self esteem back. Confidence is so fragile. Especially for a girl. Maybe it's me; this way I was raised. Or maybe it's gender roles. It seems that all girls depend on a man. It's pretty sad sometimes. Sometimes I don't know what to think of it and just stand back and watch. Observe.
Yes, lately I've been very busy. It's been fun. I like it. Gym takes my mind off of a lot of things. I'm usually too tired to feel sad anymore. And my body feels sore but good. And I like the look and feel of my body. Iono. That sounds kinda weird. But seriously...you've only got one body. Eww, my keyboard is sticky. It's good to be tired like this. Well really it's energized. I think I think slower when I'm like this. Thinking fast scares me. There's nothing wrong sometimes. I just "need to relax". So Benny says.
I've been going out a lot of these days. It's fun. The interesting thing is I see a lot of Frankie-like qualities. Iono. Sometimes I feel like I don't have an identity. Well what mattered is I had a great time! Like tons of laughter and I was really confident and loud and happy. It felt good. On a side note too. It's scary but now the whole Angulo family thing. The replacement. Iono. But then I went to my mom's b-day dinner and it was cool. I had a great time there too (surprisingly).
I wonder what I should be when I grow up.