(no subject)

[sullybabe2000]

I've finally let go. I know I've said that so many times before but I never had any feelings behind the words, I was still holding on to the person and to hope. Now, though, I know I've let go because I feel at peace with the decision and am not torn about it. I'm not letting go in the typical sense where I'm just going to walk away and try to pretend I forget. This time letting go actually means I'm going to let go of hoping the situation, the friendship will take a turn and finally go in the direction I've been hoping it'll go for a while now. I know now that the relationship is not what I want it to be and it probably never will be. We're too different of people with too different of personalities to ever be the type of friends I always imagined. And for the first time that is okay with me. I'm not going to pursue an empty friendship based on fixing me and my problems. I'm not saying that I am walking away, but rather that I'm not taking any more steps further. I'm tired of feeling like the only thing we have in common is me, that we're friends because of the problems, not in spite of them. Yes I would still love to be friends and to be actual real friends but I don't see things ever heading that way and I leave in about 3 weeks so I'm finally letting go. If something eventually develops then that is fine with me, but if things stay the way they are then I am down with that too. I'm going to stop pestering and stop being so freaking needy and whatever happens, happens. I'm not going to hold my breath and I'm not going to hope for what has yet to come in the past 7 months. It feels so good to finally take this step and to feel it for real deep down in my heart. It feels good but at the same time it has a little sting because it's been what I've been holding on to for some time now and it's always hard to let go of something you've built up in your mind. But I finally know what I'm doing and what's the right thing to do.

Best friends means I pull the trigger.