How do you even begin to start relearning everything you've learned?  
For as long as I can remember, I've struggled.  I don't remember the blind happiness so many people seem to experience.  They don't need to have a specific reason for being happy, they just are.  Life itself is a reason to rejoice, waking up everyday is a reason to give thanks, ( Read more... )

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!  Live the life you've imagined."

-Henry David Thoreau

Angel of God, My Guardian Dear
to whom God's love commits me here.

Ever this day be at my side
to light and guard and rule and guide.

So it looks like my two year run on livejournal has come to an end.  It's pointless to continue posting here when it doesn't get read by anyone and I have other places to post.  I'm not completely shutting my site down or anything, but I probably won't post very much on here anymore.  I guess one real update is in order before I disappear from the ( Read more... )

And today was the day.  I went.  I almost bolted about a million times, but I stayed.  And I went in.  And I talked.  It was not fun, I don't want to ever do that again, but I did it.  I made it that far ( Read more... )

And tomorrow's the day of reckoning.....I'm not nervous, at least not yet ( Read more... )

Last night was good, exactly what I needed.  I love 3 hour phone calls, even if I got absolutely no work done.  Doesn't even matter, it was totally and completely worth it!!  It's amazing how friends can make you feel about 100 times better just by being there for you and just being them.  I don't know what'd I do without them or how I'd get by.  ( Read more... )

The truth is I'm tired of being given up on.  I just can't take it again, not this time around.  And that's exactly what I'm facing.  It's always the same story.  If I do this for her, she's going to give up on me.  And honestly, I need her to be fighting for me, to care, because I need someone looking out for me.  If no one else looks out for me, ( Read more... )

And I'm royally fucked.
That's an understatement.
Tomorrow will be....interesting??
But she left me with very little choice.
If she was looking to back me into a corner, she did.
I'm going to do it for her, but that doesn't mean a damn thing.

I now know what it means to say you feel truly dead inside. I know what it's like to feel like you're not even in your body, that you know what's going on, you don't really want it, but you do nothing to stop it. You're searching for something and thought maybe you could find it in one thing when it actually turns out it's not there. And ( Read more... )