It's Been So Long
So it's been a while since I updated this thing. I'm sure no one reads it anyway. But let's be honest, the soul purpose of having an online journal is hoping that that someone will read it.
Things have been pretty stagnant around here. With a few series of rises and falls along the way. As a person, I think I calmed down. It's not me against the world anymore. I'm more laid back then ever. I wish I was like that then. A generally happy, satisfied person. But I wasn't. I depended on other people to do that for me. Bad news. You have to be happy with yourself in order to make other people happy. Cliche, of course, but so true.
Summer is slowly ending and I'm happy to see it go. It's like the Sunday of all the seasons of the year to me. There's something about the cold that makes me think a little harder. Live a little harder. Work a little harder. Love a little harder. But that's also what I'm afraid of.
Speaking of love, I'm trying hard to put it on the back burner and focus on things in my like that I can control. Oh how I used to love control, lol, especially with others, but I found that to be fruitless. The only person I can control is myself. So my main focus is myself. And I'm sure the other things I want will follow. Hopefully.
I get lonely though, it's a given. Paranoia does creep in now and then. Awkward, forced, friendly conversations are commonplace. And completely silent car rides are even more awkward and forced for me. But I realized there's nothing I can do. I used to walk around thinking I can change everything, and everyone, for my personal satisfaction, but I'm letting go.
Things have been pretty stagnant around here. With a few series of rises and falls along the way. As a person, I think I calmed down. It's not me against the world anymore. I'm more laid back then ever. I wish I was like that then. A generally happy, satisfied person. But I wasn't. I depended on other people to do that for me. Bad news. You have to be happy with yourself in order to make other people happy. Cliche, of course, but so true.
Summer is slowly ending and I'm happy to see it go. It's like the Sunday of all the seasons of the year to me. There's something about the cold that makes me think a little harder. Live a little harder. Work a little harder. Love a little harder. But that's also what I'm afraid of.
Speaking of love, I'm trying hard to put it on the back burner and focus on things in my like that I can control. Oh how I used to love control, lol, especially with others, but I found that to be fruitless. The only person I can control is myself. So my main focus is myself. And I'm sure the other things I want will follow. Hopefully.
I get lonely though, it's a given. Paranoia does creep in now and then. Awkward, forced, friendly conversations are commonplace. And completely silent car rides are even more awkward and forced for me. But I realized there's nothing I can do. I used to walk around thinking I can change everything, and everyone, for my personal satisfaction, but I'm letting go.