How Long Must I Dream?
Good Evening, Journal-o-mine. It has been about...four months since I wrote in this thing but I feel like writing...so what the hell. Maybe I'll try to be more consistent with my entries, but alas I'm a journaling whore and I prefer physically writing in a notebook.
Right now it's just me trying to kick the winter blues that I've become extremely prone to for the last few years. Sometimes it's just easier to be upset about nothing then not feeling anything at all.
One thing I value above all else in any friendship or relationship is honesty. Tell me the truth. Don't waste my time. I have a detective's mind and I do believe some people forget that I have the ability to see through them. I can make my eyes smile easily while in my head I'm dissecting every "clue". Then seemingly, I end up with a waste basket full of clumsily written notes and false leads. I get the bomb sniffing dogs out only to find a delicious cupcake. Mmmm. Anyway...
I have a hard time with being open and honest. Maybe mostly with myself. How could I expect someone to give me something I can't/don't show myself? Perhaps this is why I get upset so much?
The answer is yes.
When it comes down to it, I am not giving when it comes to my inner thoughts, wants, and needs.
Now I realized it and I need to change it if I expect anyone to get close to me. I complain so much about people misunderstanding me and it's my fault. I don't project myself as much as I think I do. Maybe the inner turmoil I feel wouldn't be so bad if I just was more straightforward. It's worth a shot, right?
A new year is starting and I want to genuinely be myself. Shed my insecurities...because I honestly don't see how I'm worth it and it shouldn't be that way. I want to show I care. They deserve that much. I deserve that much.
Alisha
Right now it's just me trying to kick the winter blues that I've become extremely prone to for the last few years. Sometimes it's just easier to be upset about nothing then not feeling anything at all.
One thing I value above all else in any friendship or relationship is honesty. Tell me the truth. Don't waste my time. I have a detective's mind and I do believe some people forget that I have the ability to see through them. I can make my eyes smile easily while in my head I'm dissecting every "clue". Then seemingly, I end up with a waste basket full of clumsily written notes and false leads. I get the bomb sniffing dogs out only to find a delicious cupcake. Mmmm. Anyway...
I have a hard time with being open and honest. Maybe mostly with myself. How could I expect someone to give me something I can't/don't show myself? Perhaps this is why I get upset so much?
The answer is yes.
When it comes down to it, I am not giving when it comes to my inner thoughts, wants, and needs.
Now I realized it and I need to change it if I expect anyone to get close to me. I complain so much about people misunderstanding me and it's my fault. I don't project myself as much as I think I do. Maybe the inner turmoil I feel wouldn't be so bad if I just was more straightforward. It's worth a shot, right?
A new year is starting and I want to genuinely be myself. Shed my insecurities...because I honestly don't see how I'm worth it and it shouldn't be that way. I want to show I care. They deserve that much. I deserve that much.
Alisha