The nine hour sleep sessions? Yeah, those were just a tease.
I am tired.
I go to bed at 10. I wake up for about 1.5 hours sometime in the middle of the night, then wake up again at 5 AM. She used to go back to sleep after that feeding, but now she just stays up, eating with small (but don't-you-dare-interrupt-me-or-I'll=-scream) breaks, from 5 until 7 when my alarm goes off. She eats some more, usually about 20 more minutes... then I do laundry, take out the dirty diapers/trash, make coffee, do some dishes, sterilize the bottles, and tidy up the nursery and maybe play with Juni a few minutes while she is friendly.
She gets cranky and ready to nurse again at about 9:00, until about 9:30, when I hand her to T., and get myself showered and dressed as fast as possible to pack her and her 6400 accoutrements to be at the office by 10 when her nanny shows up.
Then I work, stopping every 1.5 to 2 hours to nurse her while I work or meet (which CAN be done but definitely slows everything down quite a bit - I am very lucky to have a workplace where I can nurse her wherever and whenever I want!). Sometimes I actually eat lunch or stop to fill my water bottle. Work is way way harder than I expected it to be, way more complicated than ever...I'm super engaged and interested and in love with it, but I am stretched very thin while I train new reports and get people up to speed and plan a summit for 100 people in February, and pick up all the threads that were dangling when I left...there is so so much going on and I am overwhelmed and must even admit that at times it is too much for my mommy brain; I am doing my best, but sometimes information just spews out my ears like overflow on a gas tank. I was supposed to come back slowly, but I am doing anything but.
And so many meetings - an average of 2 a day and sometimes three since I got back, meaning very little time at my desk to get stuff done...
Then, at 6, I leave work, come home with the little beep beep, nurse her immediately because she's usually quite hungry and worked up about the five minute ride home...then I bathe her, put on PJ's, read three books, turn out the lights, nurse while rocking for a half hour or so, and put her to sleep. Then I feed myself and T. Some nights, like tonight, she doesn't actually fall asleep until about 9, so we have to keep checking in and making sure she goes to sleep, and maybe nursing again, and comforting, and changing diapers, etc.
Then I do whatever urgent personal emailing or journaling or whatever I have (tonight it was 'write out and research questons to ask a nanny in an interview' since I have one tomorrow....) or maybe catch up on work email I missed throughout the day by sitting in too many fracking meetings. Then I go to bed, faintly try to read a magazine article because books are too mentally exhausting, and fall asleep by 10 PM in order to be "refreshed" for the first middle of the night feeding which isn't more than 4 hours off.
It is only through careful regiments and organization that I get anything done at all.
So if you ask me to do something for you or with you or near you and I respond with a stare, or I start to cry like Paris Hilton on her way to "jail", or I throw a coffee mug at the general vicinity of your so-called "third eye", or I wander off mumbling about how neatly a hanky full of ether would fit over your talky-talk little nose and mouth....please, really, do not take it personally. It's not you. It's me.
God, even this journal wasn't coherent. G'night!
I go to bed at 10. I wake up for about 1.5 hours sometime in the middle of the night, then wake up again at 5 AM. She used to go back to sleep after that feeding, but now she just stays up, eating with small (but don't-you-dare-interrupt-me-or-I'll=-scream) breaks, from 5 until 7 when my alarm goes off. She eats some more, usually about 20 more minutes... then I do laundry, take out the dirty diapers/trash, make coffee, do some dishes, sterilize the bottles, and tidy up the nursery and maybe play with Juni a few minutes while she is friendly.
She gets cranky and ready to nurse again at about 9:00, until about 9:30, when I hand her to T., and get myself showered and dressed as fast as possible to pack her and her 6400 accoutrements to be at the office by 10 when her nanny shows up.
Then I work, stopping every 1.5 to 2 hours to nurse her while I work or meet (which CAN be done but definitely slows everything down quite a bit - I am very lucky to have a workplace where I can nurse her wherever and whenever I want!). Sometimes I actually eat lunch or stop to fill my water bottle. Work is way way harder than I expected it to be, way more complicated than ever...I'm super engaged and interested and in love with it, but I am stretched very thin while I train new reports and get people up to speed and plan a summit for 100 people in February, and pick up all the threads that were dangling when I left...there is so so much going on and I am overwhelmed and must even admit that at times it is too much for my mommy brain; I am doing my best, but sometimes information just spews out my ears like overflow on a gas tank. I was supposed to come back slowly, but I am doing anything but.
And so many meetings - an average of 2 a day and sometimes three since I got back, meaning very little time at my desk to get stuff done...
Then, at 6, I leave work, come home with the little beep beep, nurse her immediately because she's usually quite hungry and worked up about the five minute ride home...then I bathe her, put on PJ's, read three books, turn out the lights, nurse while rocking for a half hour or so, and put her to sleep. Then I feed myself and T. Some nights, like tonight, she doesn't actually fall asleep until about 9, so we have to keep checking in and making sure she goes to sleep, and maybe nursing again, and comforting, and changing diapers, etc.
Then I do whatever urgent personal emailing or journaling or whatever I have (tonight it was 'write out and research questons to ask a nanny in an interview' since I have one tomorrow....) or maybe catch up on work email I missed throughout the day by sitting in too many fracking meetings. Then I go to bed, faintly try to read a magazine article because books are too mentally exhausting, and fall asleep by 10 PM in order to be "refreshed" for the first middle of the night feeding which isn't more than 4 hours off.
It is only through careful regiments and organization that I get anything done at all.
So if you ask me to do something for you or with you or near you and I respond with a stare, or I start to cry like Paris Hilton on her way to "jail", or I throw a coffee mug at the general vicinity of your so-called "third eye", or I wander off mumbling about how neatly a hanky full of ether would fit over your talky-talk little nose and mouth....please, really, do not take it personally. It's not you. It's me.
God, even this journal wasn't coherent. G'night!