BSG fic - Picking up the Pieces 3 / 12
Chapter Three
“Kara’s back.”
Lee nearly dropped the report he was signing on the floor. He looked up at his father in surprise.
“What?”
“I said Kara’s back in the fleet.”
His father sounded casual, but Lee knew him too well to be fooled. He knew those intent eyes were watching him carefully, and he forced himself to keep his voice equally casual.
“What do you mean? Is she back for a visit?” He handed over the report.
Adama took it and signed it in turn. “No, she’s back permanently. Re-enlisted yesterday.”
Lee stared down at the floor for a long moment, taking the news in.
“I don’t understand,” he said slowly. “I thought she and Anders,” he was proud that he got the name out without a hitch, “wanted to start a life away from the military.”
“Things have changed,” said his father. “She and Anders have split up. They’re getting divorced.”
If the news that Kara was back had felt like a slap in the face, this revelation was a punch in the stomach. It was several moments before Lee could trust himself to reply.
“Why? What happened?”
His father grunted. “How should I know? Come on, Lee, you know Kara. She’s never been the confiding type any more than you have.” Lee ignored the dig. “All I know is that they’re finished and she wants to join the fleet again.”
Lee wondered what had happened. She had been so certain Anders was right for her…he pushed the thoughts away, angry with himself. What did it matter anyway? Kara wasn’t part of his life any more. He didn’t give a frak what she did.
“And have you accepted her back?” Stupid question, he thought, as he asked it. He knew how much his dad had missed Kara when she left. There was no way he would turn her down.
“Of course. After all, we are a CAG short at the moment.”
That made Lee finally look up. He stared at his father, his heart pounding.
“You didn’t.”
“Didn’t what?” said his father. His eyes stabbed into Lee, sharp and piercing. “Didn’t offer her the CAG position on Pegasus? Of course I did.”
Lee laughed harshly. “You have got to be frakking kidding me.”
“I’m sorry, Commander.” His father switched into official mode. “I didn’t quite catch that.”
Lee met his glare defiantly. “I’m not taking her.”
“It’s not your decision.”
“Why don’t I take Kat, and you keep Kara here. I’m sure you’ll be glad to have her.”
Adama’s glare strengthened. “Kat doesn’t want to transfer. And why wouldn’t you be glad to have Kara on Pegasus?”
Lee gritted his teeth. “It just wouldn’t be a good idea. Trust me.”
“I don’t understand, Lee. You used to be such good friends.” Adama’s face softened, and Lee looked away. He could deal with his father’s anger, but his sympathy was harder. “What happened between you?”
There was a loaded question. What to say to it?
She broke my heart? Far too melodramatic, even if it was the truth. She rejected me for another man and frakked me out of pity to cushion the blow? She made me believe she’d chosen me and then yanked it all away?
I don’t love you, Lee. He could still hear her voice, see her face as she said the words.
Lee stared down at his clenched hands, pushing the memories away. He’d spent far too long dwelling on all that. He’d moved on now, built a new life for himself with Dee.
He looked up. His father was still watching him, with a hint of pity that made Lee recoil.
“We just…had a difference of opinion. That’s all.”
“That’s all? Well, in that case, you won’t mind having her on your ship.”
“I won’t-”
“Yes, you will,” Adama said tightly. “You don’t want Kara on Pegasus? Then tell me why, and I’ll reconsider assigning her there.”
Damn him.
Lee pushed out of his chair and stalked over to the other side of his father’s cabin. He turned his back, trying to control his breathing.
Damn him to hell. Did he really think he could force him like this?
“Tell me, Lee,” said his father quietly. “Tell me what happened.”
How could he, Lee thought, even if he wanted to? He and his father didn’t talk about things like this. They never had. He didn’t even know how to start.
Maybe if this had been some other problem…but it was Kara. He’d never been able to explain about him and Kara to anyone - hell, he couldn’t even explain it to himself. And to talk about it to his father, of all people - everything in him rebelled at the thought. Too painful, too humiliating.
He got his face under control and turned.
“There’s nothing to tell.”
His gaze locked with his father’s. They stared at each other for a moment, both refusing to back away.
After a moment his father sighed. “Then I’m assigning Kara as Pegasus CAG, effective immediately. She’ll be over tomorrow.”
“Yes, sir.” Lee picked up his pile of reports, his movements sharp and angry. He stalked over to the hatch.
“Lee. I’m just trying to-”
“I know what you’re trying to do,” he said rigidly, refusing to look round. “And it won’t work. It’s too late.”
He was done with Kara. He’d told her that, and he’d meant it.
----
He stormed through the corridors back towards the hangar bay, barely noticing the people who brushed past him.
Gods damn his father, and damn her too. Why did she have to come back? Now? When he’d just got his life back together, was marrying Dee soon.
Well, he wasn’t going to let her frak things up for him. Not this time.
“Hey, Apollo.”
Lee blinked, and realised Helo was standing in front of him.
“Sorry, Helo. Didn’t see you there.”
Helo grinned. “Really? Most people say I’m kind of hard to miss.”
Lee looked up at him, and found himself smiling back reluctantly. “Sorry again. I was… preoccupied. Did you want something?”
Helo smiled ruefully. “Well, I was going to tell you that Kara’s back, but something tells me you already know.”
Lee’s smile died away. “Dad just told me. He’s assigning her to Pegasus.”
“So I heard,” said Helo blandly. “Should be interesting.”
Lee shot Helo a sharp look. He’d always got the impression that Helo had a pretty fair idea of what had gone on between him and Kara, although they’d never spoken about it openly. “So, she tell you why she’s back? What happened between her and Anders?”
Helo shook his head. “I got the feeling she’d punch me if I tried to discuss it. But it’s definitely over. I heard from Tyrol that Anders has already moved in with someone else.”
Lee’s eyes widened in shock. “Really? What a bastard.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” said Helo grimly. “Want to go beat him up?”
“I’m sure Kara can take care of that herself.” It was tempting though. He wanted to punch Anders for his stupidity alone, for having Kara’s love and being careless enough to just throw it away.
“I don’t know. She’s pretty broken up.”
Good, Lee wanted to say. I hope she’s suffering. I hope he broke her in pieces. Now she knows how it feels.
He didn’t say it, but what he was thinking must have been clear in his face, because Helo stiffened.
“Lee.”
“What?”
“I know you’re still angry with her for leaving the fleet, but-”
“But what?”
“Go easy on her. She’s got enough to deal with at the moment.”
Lee took a deep breath, trying to control his temper.
“Thanks for your opinion,” he said icily, “but I know how to deal with Kara.”
Helo looked politely sceptical. “Yeah, because the two of you have such a great track record.”
Lee glared at him. “This is none of your business, Captain. Save your advice for someone who wants it.”
He stalked off towards the hangar bay.
----
He fumed inwardly throughout the return trip on the raptor. Back on Pegasus, he found Dee in his quarters and relieved his feelings in a rant about his father’s high-handedness.
“…after all, it is my ship,” he finished. “Shouldn’t I have some say in choosing my own crew?”
“I understand how you feel,” said Dee calmly.
Lee envied her that calm. Always had. Some people would describe him as calm, but he knew it was just a hard-won control over the churning emotions beneath. His calm was a fragile shell, nothing like Dee’s natural serenity. He kept hoping some of that serenity would rub off on him, but so far it hadn’t. Still, just looking at her soothed him.
“It’s hard though, juggling the crews now we have so few people left,” Dee went on. “Your father has to think of the big picture. Most of our pilots here have a lot of experience; they won’t accept anyone as new to flying as Kat is as their CAG, however talented she is. But Starbuck not only has more experience, she’s served on Pegasus a couple of times before and they all know her. They’ll accept her. It does make sense, Lee.”
“I know,” he sighed. He stopped pacing around the cabin and sat down on the sofa next to her. “I just wish he’d talk these things through with me instead of making a decision and dropping it on me out of the blue.”
Dee put a hand on his arm. “That’s not how he works, Lee. You know that.”
They sat in silence for a minute, until he realised Dee was looking at him curiously.
“Lee, why are you so annoyed about having Starbuck here anyway? I thought you were friends.”
Lee stared down at his hands. “Once. But we haven’t spoken for months, you know that.”
“But I thought you quarrelled because you were angry about her leaving the fleet. Doesn’t her re-enlistment solve all that?”
Frak. It was a perfectly logical question, from her point of view. Lee struggled for a reply.
“Our quarrel wasn’t just about that,” he finally muttered. “There were - other problems too. Let’s not waste time talking about it.”
“Very well,” said Dee agreeably, but there was something in her voice that made Lee uneasy. He’d sometimes wondered if she knew or suspected more about him and Kara than she let on. But they’d never talked about it, and he wasn’t about to start now.
“It’s going to make things very awkward, though,” Dee went on smoothly, “with her as CAG here, unless you sort something out.”
Tell me something I don’t know, Lee thought. “It’ll be fine. We can have a professional relationship without having a personal one.” He wondered why he was saying such a frakking ridiculous thing when he didn’t even believe it himself.
Dee didn’t pick him up on it though. “I hope you can,” was all she said, with a slight of lift of her brows.
Lee smiled at her, grateful to her for not pushing him on this.
It wasn’t the only thing he was grateful to her for. He didn’t know what he would have done without her these last months, since Kara left him. She’d pulled him through that, given him the promise of a new start, a future free of Kara and all the emotional baggage of their past. Soon they would be married and starting on that future together. Leaving all the pain and mistakes of the past behind.
I am not going to let her frak this up for me, he thought as he kissed Dee, and tried not to hear the desperation in it.
-------------------------
Before I get complaints, I promise Lee and Kara will finally meet in the next chapter! :)
“Kara’s back.”
Lee nearly dropped the report he was signing on the floor. He looked up at his father in surprise.
“What?”
“I said Kara’s back in the fleet.”
His father sounded casual, but Lee knew him too well to be fooled. He knew those intent eyes were watching him carefully, and he forced himself to keep his voice equally casual.
“What do you mean? Is she back for a visit?” He handed over the report.
Adama took it and signed it in turn. “No, she’s back permanently. Re-enlisted yesterday.”
Lee stared down at the floor for a long moment, taking the news in.
“I don’t understand,” he said slowly. “I thought she and Anders,” he was proud that he got the name out without a hitch, “wanted to start a life away from the military.”
“Things have changed,” said his father. “She and Anders have split up. They’re getting divorced.”
If the news that Kara was back had felt like a slap in the face, this revelation was a punch in the stomach. It was several moments before Lee could trust himself to reply.
“Why? What happened?”
His father grunted. “How should I know? Come on, Lee, you know Kara. She’s never been the confiding type any more than you have.” Lee ignored the dig. “All I know is that they’re finished and she wants to join the fleet again.”
Lee wondered what had happened. She had been so certain Anders was right for her…he pushed the thoughts away, angry with himself. What did it matter anyway? Kara wasn’t part of his life any more. He didn’t give a frak what she did.
“And have you accepted her back?” Stupid question, he thought, as he asked it. He knew how much his dad had missed Kara when she left. There was no way he would turn her down.
“Of course. After all, we are a CAG short at the moment.”
That made Lee finally look up. He stared at his father, his heart pounding.
“You didn’t.”
“Didn’t what?” said his father. His eyes stabbed into Lee, sharp and piercing. “Didn’t offer her the CAG position on Pegasus? Of course I did.”
Lee laughed harshly. “You have got to be frakking kidding me.”
“I’m sorry, Commander.” His father switched into official mode. “I didn’t quite catch that.”
Lee met his glare defiantly. “I’m not taking her.”
“It’s not your decision.”
“Why don’t I take Kat, and you keep Kara here. I’m sure you’ll be glad to have her.”
Adama’s glare strengthened. “Kat doesn’t want to transfer. And why wouldn’t you be glad to have Kara on Pegasus?”
Lee gritted his teeth. “It just wouldn’t be a good idea. Trust me.”
“I don’t understand, Lee. You used to be such good friends.” Adama’s face softened, and Lee looked away. He could deal with his father’s anger, but his sympathy was harder. “What happened between you?”
There was a loaded question. What to say to it?
She broke my heart? Far too melodramatic, even if it was the truth. She rejected me for another man and frakked me out of pity to cushion the blow? She made me believe she’d chosen me and then yanked it all away?
I don’t love you, Lee. He could still hear her voice, see her face as she said the words.
Lee stared down at his clenched hands, pushing the memories away. He’d spent far too long dwelling on all that. He’d moved on now, built a new life for himself with Dee.
He looked up. His father was still watching him, with a hint of pity that made Lee recoil.
“We just…had a difference of opinion. That’s all.”
“That’s all? Well, in that case, you won’t mind having her on your ship.”
“I won’t-”
“Yes, you will,” Adama said tightly. “You don’t want Kara on Pegasus? Then tell me why, and I’ll reconsider assigning her there.”
Damn him.
Lee pushed out of his chair and stalked over to the other side of his father’s cabin. He turned his back, trying to control his breathing.
Damn him to hell. Did he really think he could force him like this?
“Tell me, Lee,” said his father quietly. “Tell me what happened.”
How could he, Lee thought, even if he wanted to? He and his father didn’t talk about things like this. They never had. He didn’t even know how to start.
Maybe if this had been some other problem…but it was Kara. He’d never been able to explain about him and Kara to anyone - hell, he couldn’t even explain it to himself. And to talk about it to his father, of all people - everything in him rebelled at the thought. Too painful, too humiliating.
He got his face under control and turned.
“There’s nothing to tell.”
His gaze locked with his father’s. They stared at each other for a moment, both refusing to back away.
After a moment his father sighed. “Then I’m assigning Kara as Pegasus CAG, effective immediately. She’ll be over tomorrow.”
“Yes, sir.” Lee picked up his pile of reports, his movements sharp and angry. He stalked over to the hatch.
“Lee. I’m just trying to-”
“I know what you’re trying to do,” he said rigidly, refusing to look round. “And it won’t work. It’s too late.”
He was done with Kara. He’d told her that, and he’d meant it.
----
He stormed through the corridors back towards the hangar bay, barely noticing the people who brushed past him.
Gods damn his father, and damn her too. Why did she have to come back? Now? When he’d just got his life back together, was marrying Dee soon.
Well, he wasn’t going to let her frak things up for him. Not this time.
“Hey, Apollo.”
Lee blinked, and realised Helo was standing in front of him.
“Sorry, Helo. Didn’t see you there.”
Helo grinned. “Really? Most people say I’m kind of hard to miss.”
Lee looked up at him, and found himself smiling back reluctantly. “Sorry again. I was… preoccupied. Did you want something?”
Helo smiled ruefully. “Well, I was going to tell you that Kara’s back, but something tells me you already know.”
Lee’s smile died away. “Dad just told me. He’s assigning her to Pegasus.”
“So I heard,” said Helo blandly. “Should be interesting.”
Lee shot Helo a sharp look. He’d always got the impression that Helo had a pretty fair idea of what had gone on between him and Kara, although they’d never spoken about it openly. “So, she tell you why she’s back? What happened between her and Anders?”
Helo shook his head. “I got the feeling she’d punch me if I tried to discuss it. But it’s definitely over. I heard from Tyrol that Anders has already moved in with someone else.”
Lee’s eyes widened in shock. “Really? What a bastard.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” said Helo grimly. “Want to go beat him up?”
“I’m sure Kara can take care of that herself.” It was tempting though. He wanted to punch Anders for his stupidity alone, for having Kara’s love and being careless enough to just throw it away.
“I don’t know. She’s pretty broken up.”
Good, Lee wanted to say. I hope she’s suffering. I hope he broke her in pieces. Now she knows how it feels.
He didn’t say it, but what he was thinking must have been clear in his face, because Helo stiffened.
“Lee.”
“What?”
“I know you’re still angry with her for leaving the fleet, but-”
“But what?”
“Go easy on her. She’s got enough to deal with at the moment.”
Lee took a deep breath, trying to control his temper.
“Thanks for your opinion,” he said icily, “but I know how to deal with Kara.”
Helo looked politely sceptical. “Yeah, because the two of you have such a great track record.”
Lee glared at him. “This is none of your business, Captain. Save your advice for someone who wants it.”
He stalked off towards the hangar bay.
----
He fumed inwardly throughout the return trip on the raptor. Back on Pegasus, he found Dee in his quarters and relieved his feelings in a rant about his father’s high-handedness.
“…after all, it is my ship,” he finished. “Shouldn’t I have some say in choosing my own crew?”
“I understand how you feel,” said Dee calmly.
Lee envied her that calm. Always had. Some people would describe him as calm, but he knew it was just a hard-won control over the churning emotions beneath. His calm was a fragile shell, nothing like Dee’s natural serenity. He kept hoping some of that serenity would rub off on him, but so far it hadn’t. Still, just looking at her soothed him.
“It’s hard though, juggling the crews now we have so few people left,” Dee went on. “Your father has to think of the big picture. Most of our pilots here have a lot of experience; they won’t accept anyone as new to flying as Kat is as their CAG, however talented she is. But Starbuck not only has more experience, she’s served on Pegasus a couple of times before and they all know her. They’ll accept her. It does make sense, Lee.”
“I know,” he sighed. He stopped pacing around the cabin and sat down on the sofa next to her. “I just wish he’d talk these things through with me instead of making a decision and dropping it on me out of the blue.”
Dee put a hand on his arm. “That’s not how he works, Lee. You know that.”
They sat in silence for a minute, until he realised Dee was looking at him curiously.
“Lee, why are you so annoyed about having Starbuck here anyway? I thought you were friends.”
Lee stared down at his hands. “Once. But we haven’t spoken for months, you know that.”
“But I thought you quarrelled because you were angry about her leaving the fleet. Doesn’t her re-enlistment solve all that?”
Frak. It was a perfectly logical question, from her point of view. Lee struggled for a reply.
“Our quarrel wasn’t just about that,” he finally muttered. “There were - other problems too. Let’s not waste time talking about it.”
“Very well,” said Dee agreeably, but there was something in her voice that made Lee uneasy. He’d sometimes wondered if she knew or suspected more about him and Kara than she let on. But they’d never talked about it, and he wasn’t about to start now.
“It’s going to make things very awkward, though,” Dee went on smoothly, “with her as CAG here, unless you sort something out.”
Tell me something I don’t know, Lee thought. “It’ll be fine. We can have a professional relationship without having a personal one.” He wondered why he was saying such a frakking ridiculous thing when he didn’t even believe it himself.
Dee didn’t pick him up on it though. “I hope you can,” was all she said, with a slight of lift of her brows.
Lee smiled at her, grateful to her for not pushing him on this.
It wasn’t the only thing he was grateful to her for. He didn’t know what he would have done without her these last months, since Kara left him. She’d pulled him through that, given him the promise of a new start, a future free of Kara and all the emotional baggage of their past. Soon they would be married and starting on that future together. Leaving all the pain and mistakes of the past behind.
I am not going to let her frak this up for me, he thought as he kissed Dee, and tried not to hear the desperation in it.
-------------------------
Before I get complaints, I promise Lee and Kara will finally meet in the next chapter! :)