Meh
I hate feelings.
Sometimes I just think it would be great to be numb. To not feel anything. You'd miss out on love, but I could live with that if it meant I wouldn't be so agitated. It would be worth it, just so I could sleep, so I could relax and do nothing, like I used to.
Thinking back is not helping. Not that I can help it. When I think back, it's not really the friends, and nightsout that I remember. It's the failing college, lack of progression in my life, loads. I think it's natural, because most people tend to look at their failures rather than successes. It's just i over-analyse and think up insults for myself.
I am trying to keep busy still. Did make a vlog about a list of favourite things, questionnaire thing. It was a distraction, as it gave me something to plan and organise. I also had to edit it, which took FOREVER. It kept me occupied and made me feel like I achieved something. Which as meaningless as it might be to some, it makes me feel a bit better. Like my brain is busy thinking of new ideas. That's why being creative is so therapeutic, because it has me thinking of new projects.
Though sometimes, it doesn't stop the 'worthless bitch' comments in my brain. And it kind of kills my motivation. I can't be bothered sometimes.