The Melancholy of Kim Jonghyun.
No clue why I wrote this. I know what it was inspired by, but no clue why I wrote it at 2 in the morning. :/
Here Brina. Judge meh!
Title: The Melancholy of Kim Jonghyun
Author: subreadja
Rating: PG
Pairing: Onew/Jonghyun
Summary: Fluffy JongYu comfort.
*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*
Sometimes, he just gets sad.
For no reason at all, with nothing spurring it on, Kim Jonghyun just feels sad.
Like now, in the living room, staring at the television screen blankly, Minho and Taemin on either side of him laughing at the drama they're watching as someone slips or says something funny. Jonghyun doesn't know. He's not even paying attention. He's not even registering what's happening in front of him.
Kibum is in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner, humming the tune to the newest Miss A song. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jonghyun knows throughout the week he'll be walking in on Kibum practicing the moves to the dance that goes with it. It's happened before. It doesn't even bother anyone anymore.
"Hyung?" A voice from his right pulls him into the present and he turns to see Minho, blinking slowly. "You okay?"
The question takes him off gaurd, as if he'd just learned he wasn't invisible to everyone, and he nods slowly. "Yeah?"
From the left, Taemin's thin arms wrap around his own, and his head rests on his shoulder, looking up at the elder with concerned eyes. "You seem kind of out of it hyung. Are you sure?"
"What's the matter?" Kibum asks worriedly, coming into the living room as he wipes his hands on the ironically feminine apron, looking at the three of them on the couch with expectation.
"Jjong's zoned out again." Minho informs him coolly, and once again, like a punch in the gut each time, Jonghyun is reminded that this happens often. Much more often than he'd like. Slowly, he moves to stand from the couch, Taemin releasing his arm as he finds his balance on his legs, his eyes still staring ahead without focus.
"I'm going to go lay down. I just need some rest." He says, and it sounds strange and automated, like it belongs on a voicemail message instead of coming from him right here and now. It does the trick however, and Kibum moves to the side to let him pass, heading down the hallway and to their shared room like an automaton, being pulled toward his destination only by habit. He didn't know what he wanted or where he wanted to go. He just wanted. And he wasn't getting.
With a weak whimper, he falls to the first bed he gets to, and he thinks it's Minho's. It smells like Minho's. He won't care, he decides, and curls up, facing the wall and closing his eyes, wishing to every higher power that he could just turn off in times like these. Feel nothing, hear nothing, see nothing.
He can't though, and for the next 45 minutes, he listens to life go on through the paper thin walls of the dorm, wondering why he's there if everything goes so smoothly without him.
"Hyung!" He hears Taemin yell excitedly when the front door opens then closes, and even though there's a chorus of shushes, almost louder than the initial outburst, it's too late, and he knows Jinki is home from his schedule.
"Why are you shushing him?" he hears Jinki ask in a normal tone, and in the back of his mind, he's wondering why SM is so cheap and can't get them decent insulation. It's the reason it's always so cold in the winter too. Not that they're ever home then. They're always doing holiday specials and stages for everyone else, no one ever questioning the fact that they're working on those special days and not at home with their own families, watching their own televisions.
Something like a tug on his heart makes him roll over, away from the traitorously thin walls, and pull the pillow he's resting on over his head, blocking out everything. He should've done this sooner, he realizes, but doesn't dwell on it too much, as the quiet is slowly engulfing him and his eyes are fluttering closed; sleep finally catching up with him.
He starts awake when the mattress shifts beneath him, his eyes flying open and meeting blank space. It takes him a second to realize where he is and what's happening when two arms wrap around him and a cool skin presses to his own slightly too warm cheek. The feeling is strangely welcoming, and Jonghyun exhales, closing his eyes again and relaxing into the person now holding him. Not too tall, not too thin, and a bit squishy in all the right areas, with soft hair that's slightly overgrown fanning over Jonghyun's skin and he smells just right...
"Jinki-hyung." Jonghyun whispers, and it's not a guess, but a statement of fact, the arms around him tightening almost imperceptibly.
"I didn't mean to wake you up," comes the soft whisper, and Jonghyun likes it too much, how slow and smooth and soothing it is. "You were whimpering in your sleep again."
Jonghyun forces himself to open his eyes, albeit tiredly, as he tries to think of something to say. He can't though. Back in his awake state, he's blank again. The only life in him is the small fluttering in his heart with each breath they take, synced together like they're - He stops his brain there, switching to a different, less embarrassing feeling.
It feels nice to be held like this. Infinitely less lonel - His heart clutches again, breath faltering and they're out of sync, Jinki still inhaling and exhaling as Jonghyun's trying to remember how to breathe at all.
Lonely. Lonely lonely lonely. Lonely. Alone. All alone. Lonely. Lonely. Goddamn. He feels lonely.
A whimper, small and pitiful, falls from his parted lips, and if he was thinking about anything else but the realization of how goddamn fucking lonely he is, he'd have the mind to be embarrassed at the sound.
"Shhh. I'm here." Jinki whispers quietly, the fingers of his left hand splaying over Jonghyun's midsection as if to say, "See? Feel me? I'm real. I'm right here."
Jonghyun swallows hard and he's about to make good on his reputation for being the crybaby of SHINee as he chokes out in a whisper to no one at all, despite Jinki's professed presence, "I'm sad."
Soft lips pressed against his temple and warm breath against his skin says, "I noticed. Why though? Do you know?" and Jonghyun can't help but smile at the fact that Jinki, the smart one, the problem solver, just accepts the reality of sadness without questioning its presence so much as the way to combat it. He's not looking for a reason. He's looking for an antithesis.
Now that it's stunningly obvious, it comes out clearly. More clearly than his previous revelation.
"I'm lonely." He says a bit underwhelmingly, and suddenly wants to snatch the words out of the air because, stated out loud and so plainly, it just sounds ridiculous and untrue. The insipid complaint of a whiny pop star.
But Jinki doesn't hear it like that, apparently, as he presses small chaste kisses across Jonghyun's cheek, the younger's skin heating up even more beneath them as he listens to tiny apologies between each press of Jinki's lips.
"Why are you sorry?" He asks softly reaching up and behind him to run his fingers through Jinki's hair, surreptitiously pressing the elder's head closer to his skin. Jinki gets the message, his kisses moving down Jjong's cheek to his jawline, and then the long expanse of flesh at his neck, Jonghyun's lips parting slightly at the feeling.
"I need to take better care of you." Jinki's hand slides up from Jonghyun's stomach to rest innocently at his chest, whispering gently with sudden assuredness, "I'm going to take better care of you."
And just like that, the feeling is gone, and Jonghyun is melting into his best friend's touch as if the closer he leans into him, the happier he'll be. He won't question whether or not this will change things. He's hoping it will. He won't be lonely, that's for certain.
One of these days, Jjong'll have to tell Jinki he loves him. In the way that makes this okay. And probably sooner than later, as he'll be needing this more often now.
But for now, their unspoken agreement of taking care and being taken care of will work for him.
He'll be happy.
*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*
Note to self: Stop doing this.
Also...stop eating these m&ms bitch.
The entire bag's almost gone.
; ~ ;
Aish. What am I gonna do with you?
Here Brina. Judge meh!
Title: The Melancholy of Kim Jonghyun
Author: subreadja
Rating: PG
Pairing: Onew/Jonghyun
Summary: Fluffy JongYu comfort.
*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*
Sometimes, he just gets sad.
For no reason at all, with nothing spurring it on, Kim Jonghyun just feels sad.
Like now, in the living room, staring at the television screen blankly, Minho and Taemin on either side of him laughing at the drama they're watching as someone slips or says something funny. Jonghyun doesn't know. He's not even paying attention. He's not even registering what's happening in front of him.
Kibum is in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner, humming the tune to the newest Miss A song. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jonghyun knows throughout the week he'll be walking in on Kibum practicing the moves to the dance that goes with it. It's happened before. It doesn't even bother anyone anymore.
"Hyung?" A voice from his right pulls him into the present and he turns to see Minho, blinking slowly. "You okay?"
The question takes him off gaurd, as if he'd just learned he wasn't invisible to everyone, and he nods slowly. "Yeah?"
From the left, Taemin's thin arms wrap around his own, and his head rests on his shoulder, looking up at the elder with concerned eyes. "You seem kind of out of it hyung. Are you sure?"
"What's the matter?" Kibum asks worriedly, coming into the living room as he wipes his hands on the ironically feminine apron, looking at the three of them on the couch with expectation.
"Jjong's zoned out again." Minho informs him coolly, and once again, like a punch in the gut each time, Jonghyun is reminded that this happens often. Much more often than he'd like. Slowly, he moves to stand from the couch, Taemin releasing his arm as he finds his balance on his legs, his eyes still staring ahead without focus.
"I'm going to go lay down. I just need some rest." He says, and it sounds strange and automated, like it belongs on a voicemail message instead of coming from him right here and now. It does the trick however, and Kibum moves to the side to let him pass, heading down the hallway and to their shared room like an automaton, being pulled toward his destination only by habit. He didn't know what he wanted or where he wanted to go. He just wanted. And he wasn't getting.
With a weak whimper, he falls to the first bed he gets to, and he thinks it's Minho's. It smells like Minho's. He won't care, he decides, and curls up, facing the wall and closing his eyes, wishing to every higher power that he could just turn off in times like these. Feel nothing, hear nothing, see nothing.
He can't though, and for the next 45 minutes, he listens to life go on through the paper thin walls of the dorm, wondering why he's there if everything goes so smoothly without him.
"Hyung!" He hears Taemin yell excitedly when the front door opens then closes, and even though there's a chorus of shushes, almost louder than the initial outburst, it's too late, and he knows Jinki is home from his schedule.
"Why are you shushing him?" he hears Jinki ask in a normal tone, and in the back of his mind, he's wondering why SM is so cheap and can't get them decent insulation. It's the reason it's always so cold in the winter too. Not that they're ever home then. They're always doing holiday specials and stages for everyone else, no one ever questioning the fact that they're working on those special days and not at home with their own families, watching their own televisions.
Something like a tug on his heart makes him roll over, away from the traitorously thin walls, and pull the pillow he's resting on over his head, blocking out everything. He should've done this sooner, he realizes, but doesn't dwell on it too much, as the quiet is slowly engulfing him and his eyes are fluttering closed; sleep finally catching up with him.
He starts awake when the mattress shifts beneath him, his eyes flying open and meeting blank space. It takes him a second to realize where he is and what's happening when two arms wrap around him and a cool skin presses to his own slightly too warm cheek. The feeling is strangely welcoming, and Jonghyun exhales, closing his eyes again and relaxing into the person now holding him. Not too tall, not too thin, and a bit squishy in all the right areas, with soft hair that's slightly overgrown fanning over Jonghyun's skin and he smells just right...
"Jinki-hyung." Jonghyun whispers, and it's not a guess, but a statement of fact, the arms around him tightening almost imperceptibly.
"I didn't mean to wake you up," comes the soft whisper, and Jonghyun likes it too much, how slow and smooth and soothing it is. "You were whimpering in your sleep again."
Jonghyun forces himself to open his eyes, albeit tiredly, as he tries to think of something to say. He can't though. Back in his awake state, he's blank again. The only life in him is the small fluttering in his heart with each breath they take, synced together like they're - He stops his brain there, switching to a different, less embarrassing feeling.
It feels nice to be held like this. Infinitely less lonel - His heart clutches again, breath faltering and they're out of sync, Jinki still inhaling and exhaling as Jonghyun's trying to remember how to breathe at all.
Lonely. Lonely lonely lonely. Lonely. Alone. All alone. Lonely. Lonely. Goddamn. He feels lonely.
A whimper, small and pitiful, falls from his parted lips, and if he was thinking about anything else but the realization of how goddamn fucking lonely he is, he'd have the mind to be embarrassed at the sound.
"Shhh. I'm here." Jinki whispers quietly, the fingers of his left hand splaying over Jonghyun's midsection as if to say, "See? Feel me? I'm real. I'm right here."
Jonghyun swallows hard and he's about to make good on his reputation for being the crybaby of SHINee as he chokes out in a whisper to no one at all, despite Jinki's professed presence, "I'm sad."
Soft lips pressed against his temple and warm breath against his skin says, "I noticed. Why though? Do you know?" and Jonghyun can't help but smile at the fact that Jinki, the smart one, the problem solver, just accepts the reality of sadness without questioning its presence so much as the way to combat it. He's not looking for a reason. He's looking for an antithesis.
Now that it's stunningly obvious, it comes out clearly. More clearly than his previous revelation.
"I'm lonely." He says a bit underwhelmingly, and suddenly wants to snatch the words out of the air because, stated out loud and so plainly, it just sounds ridiculous and untrue. The insipid complaint of a whiny pop star.
But Jinki doesn't hear it like that, apparently, as he presses small chaste kisses across Jonghyun's cheek, the younger's skin heating up even more beneath them as he listens to tiny apologies between each press of Jinki's lips.
"Why are you sorry?" He asks softly reaching up and behind him to run his fingers through Jinki's hair, surreptitiously pressing the elder's head closer to his skin. Jinki gets the message, his kisses moving down Jjong's cheek to his jawline, and then the long expanse of flesh at his neck, Jonghyun's lips parting slightly at the feeling.
"I need to take better care of you." Jinki's hand slides up from Jonghyun's stomach to rest innocently at his chest, whispering gently with sudden assuredness, "I'm going to take better care of you."
And just like that, the feeling is gone, and Jonghyun is melting into his best friend's touch as if the closer he leans into him, the happier he'll be. He won't question whether or not this will change things. He's hoping it will. He won't be lonely, that's for certain.
One of these days, Jjong'll have to tell Jinki he loves him. In the way that makes this okay. And probably sooner than later, as he'll be needing this more often now.
But for now, their unspoken agreement of taking care and being taken care of will work for him.
He'll be happy.
*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*
Note to self: Stop doing this.
Also...stop eating these m&ms bitch.
The entire bag's almost gone.
; ~ ;
Aish. What am I gonna do with you?