"Who Woulda Thought: The Continuing Adventures of Hawkeye and BJ", MSTed, Part Four
Title: Black Hole IV: The Ever-Tolerant 50s, Part Four
Author: Bad!fic by MF. MST by Sara and Kelly.
Summary: The final installment in the “Who Woulda Thought” series is MSTed.
Disclaimer: The characters aren’t ours or MF’s. Be exceptionally thankful for the latter.
A/N: And finally! This one is huge, so we did it a bit differently, and gave the characters breaks after each part, so we could randomly add character bickering. We think it’s funny, but skip over it if you’d rather not read about Snape threatening to turn House into a toad. =P Part One is here, on Sara's journal, Part Two is here, also on Sara's journal, and Part Three is here, on my journal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trapper and Charles groaned as Daniel's piercing cry woke the tent up. B. J. and Hawkeye both got up, but Hawkeye got to the bed first. He lifted his 3 month old son and went to the house to fix a bottle. He trudged up to the house, and found the light already on in the kitchen.
"Hi Col. Potter," Hawkeye said, somewhat asleep still. "Did Danny wake you all the way up here?"
"No. Just got used to 3 am feedings. Whenever a baby is nearby, my schedule flips around to wake up every three hours. Habit I guess."
"Mmm. May I borrow your stove?"
Sidney: Again with Col. Potter in dialogue. That is really just wrong. Stop it.
Sara’s Voice: "Danny" made me think of Full House, and then Caroline, and then ridiculous pairing icons and a fake pairing war.
Kelly’s Voice: *laughs*
Everyone: *stares upward*
Hawkeye: So anyway, “Sherm” and his wife get to sleep in the house, but everyone else gets crappy cots?
Trapper: Apparently, the house is stepping in for the CO's tent.
Peg: What, Hawkeye, like he's gonna say no, you need to give the baby cold formula?
BJ: Colonel Potter's schedule is incredibly automatic. Is it programmed? Can he press a button to change it?
Colonel Potter: Considering I have one child, it’s mighty impressive.
Sidney: There, she could have even just copy-pasted "three". Really.
Peg: Yes, she could've, but we've already established that this makes no sense.
"I already have one heating up for the little Doctor to be. Pull up a chair, Hawkeye. We need to have a yak."
"Sure, Col. Potter. Anything wrong?"
"My nephew is gay. Came out right around the time I got home from Korea. Married, 5 kids. Left them for a man. Almost put them out on the streets. It really hurt everyone in the family. Its not that he's a homosexual. It hurt us that he could conceive of hurting his children and wife. When I came to visit that first time, I saw my nephew in B. J. It burned me up that Peg was hurting. I didn't see that he was taking care of you, Maggie, Peg, Erin and last, himself. The two of you put your daughters first, then Peg, and then yourselves. My nephew just left. He never gave his wife a cent, or the time of day.
Peg: ...a yak?
Sidney: Please stop calling him “Col. Potter” in dialogue.
Peg: When did Hawkeye and BJ ever put anyone else first? The kids? No. Me? No. It was them.
Hawkeye: Shhhh, Colonel Potter is trying to make a poignant speech.
BJ: Stop trying to ruin it.
Peg: Well, it already flopped.
"What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry about how I treated you. You and Hunnicut have taken good care of those three ladies. And now, I see you are taking great care of Daniel. I'm proud of you, Pierce. Your a damn fine cutter, and an even better father and husband." Sherman clapped a hand on the younger man's shoulder and turned back to the stove. "This should be just about ready. Oh, and a little tip; keep a rag handy. Babies at his age love to spit up." Hawkeye held up the ever-present burp rag so his old war buddy could see that he was well prepared. "Like I said; a damn fine father."
Hawkeye: (as Comma) “I hear the semi-colon likes being abused.”
BJ: (as Period) “Really?”
Hawkeye: (as Comma) “He's totally kinky like that.”
Trapper: (as Colon) “All because he stole my spot. Twice.”
Peg: (as You're) “I'm upset. I don't like it when people mix me and Your up. We're only brothers! We're not that hard to tell apart!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1969
"Hey, Shortcake. Time for bed," Hawkeye said to his 15-year-old daughter. "Lights off, and close the piano up." Maggie looked at him, big blue eyes pleading. "Peg's already asleep and so is your dad."
"All right. But tomorrow, not one interruption until midnight. Its a Friday and you all have Saturday off." Hawkeye smiled. "Do we have a deal, Papa?"
"Oh, fine. Who taught you that anyway?" he asked as he walked Maggie to her bedroom.
"Same man who taught me to build a still."
"Damn that Trapper John," Hawkeye yelled playfully.
Trapper: Time travel!
BJ: ...we just skipped how many years?
Charles: Ten.
Kelly’s Voice: You know, Sara, if it was the SVU author? We'd have had to slog through every minute of those ten years.
Sara’s Voice: Let's just be thankful it's MF. *long pause* ...did I really just say that?
Hawkeye: You did!
Peg: He's still calling her Shortcake?
Sidney: Someone taught a fifteen-year-old how to build a still? That’s smart.
Hawkeye: Oh, look. Maggie Sue is a piano prodigy.
Charles: Is Peg still residing with them?
Hawkeye: Yep. Part of the marriage, I tell you.
"Oh, yes. It was Uncle Trapper." Maggie's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Night Papa. Tell Daddy I said goodnight." Hawkeye nodded and trotted up the stairs to the attic bedroom. B. J. was just starting to doze when Hawkeye got up to the bedroom.
"Hey you," B. J. mumbled. "Kids in bed?"
"Erin's doing homework, Daniel is sound asleep, and Maggie just finished practicing the piano."
"One would think that a kid with all three parents, and 5 out of 6 grandparents in the medical field, Maggie would be a doctor."
"It was a guarantee that she'd have good hands. She just chooses to use them on music. She has no passion for medicine. Let her be a musician, Beej."
BJ: I hope no one slips in that puddle of sarcasm.
Hawkeye: It could improve the characterization.
Sidney: All three parents? What? Since when is Peg in the medical field? Or, wait. Does MF mean Margaret?
Peg: Who knows? All she did was give birth and die. I did the actual mothering.
Sidney: And what grandparents? Hawkeye's dad is the only doctor I know of. Unless ‘Sherm’ is counted as a pseudo-grandparent?
Hawkeye: Margaret's father was in medicine.
Sidney: Okay, that's still only three.
BJ: And my dad.
Sidney: Since when is he in this fic at all?
Charles: Apparently we were supposed to infer his influence.
Sidney: This makes my head hurt.
"I can't see her doing anything else. She's a clone of her mother; when she makes up her mind, there is no stopping her."
"And I wouldn't want her any other way." B. J. smiled and snuggled close to Hawkeye. "Love you, Beej."
"Mmmm......love you too," came the muffled response. "Night, Ben." "Night Beej."
Trapper: More random declarations of true love.
Peg: I can't tell who said what for the first two lines.
Charles: It is Hunnicutt, then Pierce. Pierce said the last line above.
Peg: Oh, okay. The weird thing with BJ snuggling closer is what threw me.
Sidney: I'm listing all the doppelgangers: Ben, Bennet James, Charlie, Sid, Sherm, and Maggie. Did I miss anyone?
Colonel Potter: Nope.
BJ: Okay, okay, best part coming up! We ready?
Everyone: Very!
At Last ~ The end
Everyone: FINALLY.
Hawkeye: *cheers*
*Confetti falls on the room*
BJ: I don't know how many thousands of words it took to get there, but we're DONE.
Hawkeye: Even MF knew it was torture. "At last."
Peg: Yes. Have to give her credit-at least that has a semblance of an actual conclusion.
Sidney: That's true.
BJ: And she does have her random bouts of ICness. Just... not often.
Hawkeye: I think we're being generous out of our joy at finishing.
Peg: We are, but it's a joyous time. It's a time for celebration and love! Or, that could be Christmas. I don't know, they feel the same. No more MF fic versus Christmas?
Charles: They may be one and the same.
Sara’s Voice: Well, thanks for everything, guys. You can go now.
*Everyone except Hawkeye disappears; Sara and Kelly appear*
Hawkeye: Why am I still here?
Kelly: You’re in my mind. You get to stick around.
Hawkeye: Great.
Sara: Let me grab the scroll. *she picks it up*
*They walk into the other room*
*Severus and House are glowering at each other*
Severus: How would you like to wake up as a slug? I can easily arrange it.
Hawkeye: I like my headmate as is.
Severus: Well, I would certainly never fail to take your opinion as a factor. Perhaps you would like to be a slug as well?
Ecklie: *to Sara* Has this been going on all night?
Sara: Intermittently.
Kelly: Severus. No slugs.
Severus: Toads? Cockroaches? Beetles?
Sara: I believe she meant no turning them into anything.
Kelly: Sara knows me so well.
Severus: *shrugs* There's always Cruciatus. I was merely trying to be kind.
Kelly: Severus, a single detrimental spell touches any of my three...
Severus: You shall what? Force me to read a story? They would still be slugs. I've faced the Dark Lord. You do not frighten me.
Sara: Severus! Will you shut up for once in your life?
Kelly: Severus, I will write you. And that should terrify you far more than the Dark Lord.
Severus: *glares*
David: *snorts* That's Severus-code for, "I'm terrified but I'm not going to show it because I'm a big, bad spy."
Hawkeye: *snickers* Wonder if he'd get along with Flagg.
Sara: ...he's actually a good spy. He'd probably murder Flagg within three seconds. And that's a high estimate.
Hawkeye: Like I said.
Ecklie: I think I would actually prefer the company of Sara Sidle than this group.
David: Aw, but don't you love us?
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) Aww, Conrad. You don't mean that. It's just like being home for Thanksgiving.
Hawkeye: Probably with more threats of slughood, though.
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) You'd be surprised.
Sara: (as alter-ego, Samantha) As we're somehow related to Ron and Hermione, yeah. They’re an aunt and uncle, right? One of the few straight couples floating around our family.
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) Right, but we weren’t related to Harry. The slug threats, by the way, come in when we get Elliot and Mike being... themselves.
Sara: (as alter-ego, Samantha) Harry was a friend of the family, though. And then we had Uncles Jon and Stephen, Aunt Allison and Uncle Robert, and who else?
Chase: ...Aunt Allison and Uncle Robert?
Sara: (as alter-ego, Samantha) Exactly, Uncle Rob.
House: Oh, this is gonna be fun at work.
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) Conrad and Andrew, of course, and Harry was with Severus, I believe.
Severus: *sputters* Potter?!
Sara: Oh, please. You know I'm a Snarry fan.
House: A student, Snape?
Sara: I don't read chan. Harry's always of age. Besides, it beats Hagrid or Dumbledore.
Severus: *points wand at the coffee table; a fierce red light hits it, splintering it into millions of tiny pieces*
Sara: Feel better?
Severus: *huffs* Slightly.
Hawkeye: Conrad's being quiet about the whole thing.
Ecklie: She's paired me with Andrew in a few stories, and he's actually sane, unlike all of you.
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) I think he meant about the entire family, Conrad.
Sara: (as alter-ego, Samantha) We didn't even get to the CSI group! Nick and Bobby, Greg and David...
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) Cath and Warrick, of course.
David: Sanders? Do I look suicidal to you?
Sara: Oh, shut up. You love him.
Hawkeye: The odds of him admitting that are probably close to the odds of House ever admitting more than slight affection for Foreman.
Sara: So, the same odds as Severus admitting any affection for Harry?
Chase: It sounds like it.
Sara: *to Kelly* What is with us and liking the sarcastic, screwed-up bastards?
Kelly: *to Sara* I write Mike/Elliot. So I have no clue. And I'm glad they didn't wake up and get involved in this.
Sara: ...I don't think I could've held Severus back if they were involved too.
Severus: *still destroying random items*
Kelly: And I couldn't have kept them from physically attacking him, so really, good thing all around.
Sara: Okay, Severus, stop it. Not all of this is clutter, you know.
Severus: *straightens* Fine.
David: You have some serious anger management issues.
Ecklie: Why aren't you a CSI, Hodges? Your powers of grasping the glaringly obvious are absolutely astounding.
David: And even if they weren't, I could always become Assistant Director by screwing everyone over.
House: Amazing. We don't even have to provoke them. They're fighting with each other now.
Sara: ...now you see what I have to deal with? Thank you.
Hawkeye: They're feeding his ability to be a lazy bastard. Of course he appreciates it.
Sara: Oh, before I forget. Severus, burn this for me. *she sets the scroll on the floor*
Severus: *points wand at scroll* Incendio.
*Paper bursts into flames*
Severus: Aguamenti.
*Water shoots out of his wand, dowsing the flame*
Sara and Kelly: The end!
Author: Bad!fic by MF. MST by Sara and Kelly.
Summary: The final installment in the “Who Woulda Thought” series is MSTed.
Disclaimer: The characters aren’t ours or MF’s. Be exceptionally thankful for the latter.
A/N: And finally! This one is huge, so we did it a bit differently, and gave the characters breaks after each part, so we could randomly add character bickering. We think it’s funny, but skip over it if you’d rather not read about Snape threatening to turn House into a toad. =P Part One is here, on Sara's journal, Part Two is here, also on Sara's journal, and Part Three is here, on my journal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trapper and Charles groaned as Daniel's piercing cry woke the tent up. B. J. and Hawkeye both got up, but Hawkeye got to the bed first. He lifted his 3 month old son and went to the house to fix a bottle. He trudged up to the house, and found the light already on in the kitchen.
"Hi Col. Potter," Hawkeye said, somewhat asleep still. "Did Danny wake you all the way up here?"
"No. Just got used to 3 am feedings. Whenever a baby is nearby, my schedule flips around to wake up every three hours. Habit I guess."
"Mmm. May I borrow your stove?"
Sidney: Again with Col. Potter in dialogue. That is really just wrong. Stop it.
Sara’s Voice: "Danny" made me think of Full House, and then Caroline, and then ridiculous pairing icons and a fake pairing war.
Kelly’s Voice: *laughs*
Everyone: *stares upward*
Hawkeye: So anyway, “Sherm” and his wife get to sleep in the house, but everyone else gets crappy cots?
Trapper: Apparently, the house is stepping in for the CO's tent.
Peg: What, Hawkeye, like he's gonna say no, you need to give the baby cold formula?
BJ: Colonel Potter's schedule is incredibly automatic. Is it programmed? Can he press a button to change it?
Colonel Potter: Considering I have one child, it’s mighty impressive.
Sidney: There, she could have even just copy-pasted "three". Really.
Peg: Yes, she could've, but we've already established that this makes no sense.
"I already have one heating up for the little Doctor to be. Pull up a chair, Hawkeye. We need to have a yak."
"Sure, Col. Potter. Anything wrong?"
"My nephew is gay. Came out right around the time I got home from Korea. Married, 5 kids. Left them for a man. Almost put them out on the streets. It really hurt everyone in the family. Its not that he's a homosexual. It hurt us that he could conceive of hurting his children and wife. When I came to visit that first time, I saw my nephew in B. J. It burned me up that Peg was hurting. I didn't see that he was taking care of you, Maggie, Peg, Erin and last, himself. The two of you put your daughters first, then Peg, and then yourselves. My nephew just left. He never gave his wife a cent, or the time of day.
Peg: ...a yak?
Sidney: Please stop calling him “Col. Potter” in dialogue.
Peg: When did Hawkeye and BJ ever put anyone else first? The kids? No. Me? No. It was them.
Hawkeye: Shhhh, Colonel Potter is trying to make a poignant speech.
BJ: Stop trying to ruin it.
Peg: Well, it already flopped.
"What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry about how I treated you. You and Hunnicut have taken good care of those three ladies. And now, I see you are taking great care of Daniel. I'm proud of you, Pierce. Your a damn fine cutter, and an even better father and husband." Sherman clapped a hand on the younger man's shoulder and turned back to the stove. "This should be just about ready. Oh, and a little tip; keep a rag handy. Babies at his age love to spit up." Hawkeye held up the ever-present burp rag so his old war buddy could see that he was well prepared. "Like I said; a damn fine father."
Hawkeye: (as Comma) “I hear the semi-colon likes being abused.”
BJ: (as Period) “Really?”
Hawkeye: (as Comma) “He's totally kinky like that.”
Trapper: (as Colon) “All because he stole my spot. Twice.”
Peg: (as You're) “I'm upset. I don't like it when people mix me and Your up. We're only brothers! We're not that hard to tell apart!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1969
"Hey, Shortcake. Time for bed," Hawkeye said to his 15-year-old daughter. "Lights off, and close the piano up." Maggie looked at him, big blue eyes pleading. "Peg's already asleep and so is your dad."
"All right. But tomorrow, not one interruption until midnight. Its a Friday and you all have Saturday off." Hawkeye smiled. "Do we have a deal, Papa?"
"Oh, fine. Who taught you that anyway?" he asked as he walked Maggie to her bedroom.
"Same man who taught me to build a still."
"Damn that Trapper John," Hawkeye yelled playfully.
Trapper: Time travel!
BJ: ...we just skipped how many years?
Charles: Ten.
Kelly’s Voice: You know, Sara, if it was the SVU author? We'd have had to slog through every minute of those ten years.
Sara’s Voice: Let's just be thankful it's MF. *long pause* ...did I really just say that?
Hawkeye: You did!
Peg: He's still calling her Shortcake?
Sidney: Someone taught a fifteen-year-old how to build a still? That’s smart.
Hawkeye: Oh, look. Maggie Sue is a piano prodigy.
Charles: Is Peg still residing with them?
Hawkeye: Yep. Part of the marriage, I tell you.
"Oh, yes. It was Uncle Trapper." Maggie's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Night Papa. Tell Daddy I said goodnight." Hawkeye nodded and trotted up the stairs to the attic bedroom. B. J. was just starting to doze when Hawkeye got up to the bedroom.
"Hey you," B. J. mumbled. "Kids in bed?"
"Erin's doing homework, Daniel is sound asleep, and Maggie just finished practicing the piano."
"One would think that a kid with all three parents, and 5 out of 6 grandparents in the medical field, Maggie would be a doctor."
"It was a guarantee that she'd have good hands. She just chooses to use them on music. She has no passion for medicine. Let her be a musician, Beej."
BJ: I hope no one slips in that puddle of sarcasm.
Hawkeye: It could improve the characterization.
Sidney: All three parents? What? Since when is Peg in the medical field? Or, wait. Does MF mean Margaret?
Peg: Who knows? All she did was give birth and die. I did the actual mothering.
Sidney: And what grandparents? Hawkeye's dad is the only doctor I know of. Unless ‘Sherm’ is counted as a pseudo-grandparent?
Hawkeye: Margaret's father was in medicine.
Sidney: Okay, that's still only three.
BJ: And my dad.
Sidney: Since when is he in this fic at all?
Charles: Apparently we were supposed to infer his influence.
Sidney: This makes my head hurt.
"I can't see her doing anything else. She's a clone of her mother; when she makes up her mind, there is no stopping her."
"And I wouldn't want her any other way." B. J. smiled and snuggled close to Hawkeye. "Love you, Beej."
"Mmmm......love you too," came the muffled response. "Night, Ben." "Night Beej."
Trapper: More random declarations of true love.
Peg: I can't tell who said what for the first two lines.
Charles: It is Hunnicutt, then Pierce. Pierce said the last line above.
Peg: Oh, okay. The weird thing with BJ snuggling closer is what threw me.
Sidney: I'm listing all the doppelgangers: Ben, Bennet James, Charlie, Sid, Sherm, and Maggie. Did I miss anyone?
Colonel Potter: Nope.
BJ: Okay, okay, best part coming up! We ready?
Everyone: Very!
At Last ~ The end
Everyone: FINALLY.
Hawkeye: *cheers*
*Confetti falls on the room*
BJ: I don't know how many thousands of words it took to get there, but we're DONE.
Hawkeye: Even MF knew it was torture. "At last."
Peg: Yes. Have to give her credit-at least that has a semblance of an actual conclusion.
Sidney: That's true.
BJ: And she does have her random bouts of ICness. Just... not often.
Hawkeye: I think we're being generous out of our joy at finishing.
Peg: We are, but it's a joyous time. It's a time for celebration and love! Or, that could be Christmas. I don't know, they feel the same. No more MF fic versus Christmas?
Charles: They may be one and the same.
Sara’s Voice: Well, thanks for everything, guys. You can go now.
*Everyone except Hawkeye disappears; Sara and Kelly appear*
Hawkeye: Why am I still here?
Kelly: You’re in my mind. You get to stick around.
Hawkeye: Great.
Sara: Let me grab the scroll. *she picks it up*
*They walk into the other room*
*Severus and House are glowering at each other*
Severus: How would you like to wake up as a slug? I can easily arrange it.
Hawkeye: I like my headmate as is.
Severus: Well, I would certainly never fail to take your opinion as a factor. Perhaps you would like to be a slug as well?
Ecklie: *to Sara* Has this been going on all night?
Sara: Intermittently.
Kelly: Severus. No slugs.
Severus: Toads? Cockroaches? Beetles?
Sara: I believe she meant no turning them into anything.
Kelly: Sara knows me so well.
Severus: *shrugs* There's always Cruciatus. I was merely trying to be kind.
Kelly: Severus, a single detrimental spell touches any of my three...
Severus: You shall what? Force me to read a story? They would still be slugs. I've faced the Dark Lord. You do not frighten me.
Sara: Severus! Will you shut up for once in your life?
Kelly: Severus, I will write you. And that should terrify you far more than the Dark Lord.
Severus: *glares*
David: *snorts* That's Severus-code for, "I'm terrified but I'm not going to show it because I'm a big, bad spy."
Hawkeye: *snickers* Wonder if he'd get along with Flagg.
Sara: ...he's actually a good spy. He'd probably murder Flagg within three seconds. And that's a high estimate.
Hawkeye: Like I said.
Ecklie: I think I would actually prefer the company of Sara Sidle than this group.
David: Aw, but don't you love us?
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) Aww, Conrad. You don't mean that. It's just like being home for Thanksgiving.
Hawkeye: Probably with more threats of slughood, though.
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) You'd be surprised.
Sara: (as alter-ego, Samantha) As we're somehow related to Ron and Hermione, yeah. They’re an aunt and uncle, right? One of the few straight couples floating around our family.
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) Right, but we weren’t related to Harry. The slug threats, by the way, come in when we get Elliot and Mike being... themselves.
Sara: (as alter-ego, Samantha) Harry was a friend of the family, though. And then we had Uncles Jon and Stephen, Aunt Allison and Uncle Robert, and who else?
Chase: ...Aunt Allison and Uncle Robert?
Sara: (as alter-ego, Samantha) Exactly, Uncle Rob.
House: Oh, this is gonna be fun at work.
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) Conrad and Andrew, of course, and Harry was with Severus, I believe.
Severus: *sputters* Potter?!
Sara: Oh, please. You know I'm a Snarry fan.
House: A student, Snape?
Sara: I don't read chan. Harry's always of age. Besides, it beats Hagrid or Dumbledore.
Severus: *points wand at the coffee table; a fierce red light hits it, splintering it into millions of tiny pieces*
Sara: Feel better?
Severus: *huffs* Slightly.
Hawkeye: Conrad's being quiet about the whole thing.
Ecklie: She's paired me with Andrew in a few stories, and he's actually sane, unlike all of you.
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) I think he meant about the entire family, Conrad.
Sara: (as alter-ego, Samantha) We didn't even get to the CSI group! Nick and Bobby, Greg and David...
Kelly: (as alter-ego, Carly) Cath and Warrick, of course.
David: Sanders? Do I look suicidal to you?
Sara: Oh, shut up. You love him.
Hawkeye: The odds of him admitting that are probably close to the odds of House ever admitting more than slight affection for Foreman.
Sara: So, the same odds as Severus admitting any affection for Harry?
Chase: It sounds like it.
Sara: *to Kelly* What is with us and liking the sarcastic, screwed-up bastards?
Kelly: *to Sara* I write Mike/Elliot. So I have no clue. And I'm glad they didn't wake up and get involved in this.
Sara: ...I don't think I could've held Severus back if they were involved too.
Severus: *still destroying random items*
Kelly: And I couldn't have kept them from physically attacking him, so really, good thing all around.
Sara: Okay, Severus, stop it. Not all of this is clutter, you know.
Severus: *straightens* Fine.
David: You have some serious anger management issues.
Ecklie: Why aren't you a CSI, Hodges? Your powers of grasping the glaringly obvious are absolutely astounding.
David: And even if they weren't, I could always become Assistant Director by screwing everyone over.
House: Amazing. We don't even have to provoke them. They're fighting with each other now.
Sara: ...now you see what I have to deal with? Thank you.
Hawkeye: They're feeding his ability to be a lazy bastard. Of course he appreciates it.
Sara: Oh, before I forget. Severus, burn this for me. *she sets the scroll on the floor*
Severus: *points wand at scroll* Incendio.
*Paper bursts into flames*
Severus: Aguamenti.
*Water shoots out of his wand, dowsing the flame*
Sara and Kelly: The end!