The Impending Move
Usually when I am faced with a decision or change, I get nervous, panicky even. I constantly go over the pros and cons of whether I am making the right decision. I ask myself over and over; Will I find it was the worse decision ever? Am I screwing myself over in the future? Will I hate it? What can happen after?
I am never sure about my big decisions until they actually happen. I fret and fret, talking to everyone involved, everyone I think will give me the opinions I need to make myself sure I am doing the right thing. Sometimes this simply means calling my mom and through the conversation realizing I've made my decision and it was only self-doubt scaring me away from it. Sometimes it means talking everyone I possibly can.
However, I always try and ask myself if I'll be happy. If I can answer that positively, I know I'm making the right choice.
This month, I was faced with the choice of two jobs. One in Saskatoon, one in Swift Current. They were both term contracts, both in an agricultural field, and either would have worked for me.
The Swift job was a labourer position with the company tat currently had me hired. I would have been working with a new supervisor and I would mostly have been in the field, mowing, seeding, spraying, collecting grain samples, and I would have had the odd excursion into the laboratory. I've had these jobs before, I know what to do with them. This job was also another seven months employment, which for a term is pretty nice. In this company you can jump form term to term and still get your benefits. Eventually they're supposed to hire you as full-time following a certain number of years in term, and your years still add towards your retirement. It would have been a good position.
However, there were drawbacks to staying. They're going through so many cuts I think half the people I met while working there were getting letters. They won't be hiring full time for at least another year, if that. Heck, they aren't even replacing retirees' old positions right now. If I had to rely on term positions I would be waiting anxiously for new ones to open up, which could mean unemployment in between hiring sessions, or just no jobs available.
Also, I was starting to realize why people kept warning me about working for my current supervisor, and if I took the new job, I would still be dealing with her. Plus, the people I interviewed with for the other job I was considering in Saskatoon even knew her. The shifty 'Oh.... you work for her? How's that been?' does not put confidence in a continued employment.
So I was also faced with their job offer. Again, it was a field technician position, and a term contract, but what caught my attention was that it was in a brand new research section in the company. They needed someone who knew what they were doing to make this first year go smoothly and to support the three people working on the projects. I would be exposed to their field procedures, greenhouses, mapping, field planning, all new things that are more involved in actually setting up the experiments. I wouldn't just be stuck carrying out orders, I'd actually get to be involved in developing their practices.
It didn't hurt that this was in Saskatoon, a place I have been wanting to return to for a long time. I kinda miss that city, the people, my friends, dancing, actually having events and activities available to attend. In Swift I couldn't find many activities that interested me, and no matter who I visited, I felt far to cut off. I'd even have some family in Saskatoon, so I wouldn't be losing too much of that closeness by leaving Swift. Another bonus was they contacted me two days after the interview to ask if I wanted the job, which beat the month it took the other position to even begin interviews.
The downsides to accepting this job? A shorter term, but just as much potential to be rehired full time as the new section expanded as there would have been in Swift Current. Maybe more potential for full time over term after term. It would involve another move, of course, and if things fell through at the end of the term, possibly another. It's a new section. I have experience, but I can only hope it's as relevant as they need.
So, in many ways the jobs are similar, and so I fretted. I gave the Saskatoon job a yes then privately freaked out as to whether I was doing the right thing. I told as many as I could that I got a new job and gauged their reactions as to whether they liked the idea or not. So many of the Swift people said I was making the right choice, and that would settle me, at least until someone would point out one or two things in Swift's favor.
Others really didn't help. They would make every argument they could to make me consider the Swift job, to the point where I actually considered calling the other guy and backing out from my acceptance. But instead I called Mom.
Moms are great. My mom is great. Just talking to her helped me settle. Together, we went over every concern I had, every pro and con that was holding me back until it hit me and realized that I had already made my decision the moment it came up. I was going to Saskatoon.
It seems kind of silly now, but realizing I knew what I wanted instantly changed my outlook. The panic was gone. The butterflies flew away. I could see myself in Saskatoon again doing even simple things like biking or...anything really, and I was excited about it. I still am. In fact, just realizing how happy the impending move has made me tells me I kind of needed this. Things may end in December, but I'm not even worried about that anymore. I'm even planning ahead for it.
That's not to say I still don't have my moments of worry, but I guess that's why I'm writing this here, so I can come back, read my words over, and remind myself of why I'm making the move.
I'm excited, scared, and... I'm hopeful.