Twenty Sixth Krieg - Action

[sturmbahnfurher]

[Action 1]

[As dawn sweeps across the blasted remains of Mayfield, you may find a short, fat man dressed entirely in white swaying through the rubble. At first, it might look like he's swaying due to injury and might fall, but he keeps reasserting himself. After a few moments, it becomes obvious he isn't hurt. Isn't injured in the least. His

Comments

action 3

[miraculls]

[Oh, it's his good friend the Major! Surely, that sharp metal is just a friendly greeting and there is nothing suspect about this at all.]

I always got time for a brother, catastrofucker! What's on your thinkpan?

[sturmbahnfurher]

[It is the friendliest greeting. And god, he just sounds so happy.]

Mmm, not much, not much! I'm just thinking of a very interesting idea!

[miraculls]

[They can be happy together, then! Gamzee's whole planet got destroyed, a little nuclear wasteland isn't going to bring him down.]

Yeah? Shit, hit a brother up with whatever motherfucker you got boiling up in that sponge then!

[sturmbahnfurher]

[Oh, he's so glad Gamzee. Not enough people are enjoying this.]

I think I'd like to play a game!

Tell me, tell me! What do you know of natural selection?

[miraculls]

I am always down with getting my biznasty on over a game, bro. Are we all supposed to be logging into SGRUB again?

Uhhh...is that when a motherfucker's gotta pick between two types of food and he all what goes with the one that ain't in a can?

[sturmbahnfurher]

Oh no. We're already in the game, my friend!

[And, slowly, the Major reaches to take Gamzee's hand. To hold it, a friendly gesture oddly out of character for him. Or at least, that most people would recognize as such.]

That is an apt metaphor for it I suppose, though I doubt it was your intent!

Tell me, tell me! Why does the "motherfucker" go for the food that isn't in the can?

[miraculls]

[Gamzee is not one of those people and squeezes his hand back cheerfully!]

Because those motherfuckin' cans are up done real tough to get open? Wait, is this supposed to be some kind of riddle?

...oh, I get it! Because he can't open the can, hahaha!

[sturmbahnfurher]

[The Major just smiles at Gamzee.]

Very good! Both could, technically, be correct!

When given the choice between two targets, two sources of food, the person will go after the source that is easiest, that puts up the least resistance. That which is in the open and unguarded will be devoured, while the stronger, tougher one will go uneaten a bit longer.

NOw. Would you like me to explain the rules of the game?

[Smiling wider. Goddamn, Gamzee, someone who isn't, well, you, shouldn't be this happy right now.]

[miraculls]

...oh, I think I get it now! It's like when I got a pie all baking and shit in the thermal insulation chamber, but I already got another one cooling on the ingestation platform, so I eat that one first while I wait.

And sure thing bro, but I gotta be warning you that I ain't got the greatest memory for keeping track of all them rules and shit.

[sturmbahnfurher]

Ah! Do not worry, the rules are quit simple.

You see, I shall be the hungry man...

[He lets go of Gamzee's hand, quickly, before bring the knife blade up against the young troll's hand and then grabbing Gamzee's hand again, squeezing and trying to close it against the knife blade.]

And you shall be the food.

[miraculls]

[He winces a little when the blade cuts into his palm, glancing down and looking surprised.]

Is this for me? Thanks, bro! Uhhh...you're kinda pressing a little too motherfuckin' hard though, can you let off a bit?

Awwwaugh, soooooorry, but my modus ain't working right and our hive got real wrecked, so I don't got none of my pies on me.

[sturmbahnfurher]

[The Major just chuckles a bit.]

Certainly, my friend.

[And then he'll be aiming a kick for Gamzee's stomach, still smiling like the mad man he is.]

[miraculls]

[He yelps and doubles over, clutching his stomach while still trying to hold onto the knife.]

Ow, bro, what was all that being for?

[sturmbahnfurher]

It's simply part of the game!

You see, unlike food, you have an amazing ability, a gift even: you can defend yourself!

So.

[Aiming his foot to try and stomp on Gamzee's head.]

Defend yourself!

Fight or run, die or flee! That's how it works!

[miraculls]

[Given that Gamzee has two tall and rather sharp horns on his head, this will probably not work out that well for the Major...]

Shit, I don't wanna be strifing against my motherfuckin' friends none though. This ain't sounding like a real fun game to me, I never got the hang of that FLARP biznasty.

[sturmbahnfurher]

[Mmm, no. In his bloodlust and crazed, drunken fervor at the destruction, he'd kind of forgotten about those.

Ah well. No matter. This next one will be going at his throat.]

Well you're not a very good friend then, aren't you? How selfish! I attempt to make a game for us and you reject me immediately?