ramblings and love
Oh man, how to explain these last 3 days to someone who wasn't there.... no way other than AMAZING! The fall retreat is one of my favorite things all year; between the worship, the people, and the location, it's truly a thing of God. I sit in a room full of college kids who are singing praises to the Lord and think (1) How awesome is my God that we can know Him so intimately and come to Him so easily, and (2) I am so greatly blessed to be surrounded by this group of people who continually encourage me and keep me accountable. I have been so greatly blessed that there is no longer any question in my mind that this is where I am supposed to be. I'm not always the most outgoing person, I have horrible conversation skills (as in I never learned how to have a proper conversation) and yet I find myself with amazing friends, both old and new. I want to never lose this sense of awe that I have when I see the Lord's creations. I can stare up at the moon or out on a lake and just stare, for hours, just in wonder of all that God has done. Jesus is so amazing, that He can draw us to Him and care for us so greatly, even while we ignore Him, the knowledge that anyone could love me that much makes me want to cry out. Four people came to Christ this weekend, and that was just so wonderful, I'm so proud of them.
We were asked to think of 3 people we wanted to be able to impact, and I knew imediately who my first one was. I hate that he's so trepidatious of religion, especially Christianity. When we were praying I couldn't help but cry. I got a image in my head of us standing side by side at CCC singing and praising Jesus; and I thought of a day when I can just sit and pray with him. I have such hope for him. I just want to hug him and tell him that Jesus loves him, and that he can get to know the creator of the universe. Hopefully soon he'll be ready to hear that, for now I'll continue to pray. I keep thinking about what Nick was saying, I may be the only reflection of Christ that someone sees. If I get scared or hide, I'm not benifitting anyone. Lord, grant me with a spirit of boldness and of compassion. Let me view the lost as you do, that I might be able to be an instrument for your work. I hate feeling helpless, but at least knowing that it's not up to me to change hearts is a comfort.
I know I put a lot of things in here that would probably be better fit in a private notebook or something, but I just need to get it out. Knowing that someone else reads this just makes me more responsible for what I say, and it is really helping me to be less timid. So I don't know who all actually reads all of this, but I hope that my writing process is beneficial to more than just me. If anyone is free to read my thoughts in print, they can know me more, and it is often easier for me to say things in thought rather than directly to that person. Maybe if certain people read this they understand more than others. Hopefully what I am too afraid to speak aloud can be known through a journal. I don't want to try to be deeply philisophical, i just want to speak my mind, and until I learn to do that aloud, this will have to do.
And to come full circle...Fall Retreat was awesome!!!
sorry for the extra long post, just needed to ramble for a bit.
We were asked to think of 3 people we wanted to be able to impact, and I knew imediately who my first one was. I hate that he's so trepidatious of religion, especially Christianity. When we were praying I couldn't help but cry. I got a image in my head of us standing side by side at CCC singing and praising Jesus; and I thought of a day when I can just sit and pray with him. I have such hope for him. I just want to hug him and tell him that Jesus loves him, and that he can get to know the creator of the universe. Hopefully soon he'll be ready to hear that, for now I'll continue to pray. I keep thinking about what Nick was saying, I may be the only reflection of Christ that someone sees. If I get scared or hide, I'm not benifitting anyone. Lord, grant me with a spirit of boldness and of compassion. Let me view the lost as you do, that I might be able to be an instrument for your work. I hate feeling helpless, but at least knowing that it's not up to me to change hearts is a comfort.
I know I put a lot of things in here that would probably be better fit in a private notebook or something, but I just need to get it out. Knowing that someone else reads this just makes me more responsible for what I say, and it is really helping me to be less timid. So I don't know who all actually reads all of this, but I hope that my writing process is beneficial to more than just me. If anyone is free to read my thoughts in print, they can know me more, and it is often easier for me to say things in thought rather than directly to that person. Maybe if certain people read this they understand more than others. Hopefully what I am too afraid to speak aloud can be known through a journal. I don't want to try to be deeply philisophical, i just want to speak my mind, and until I learn to do that aloud, this will have to do.
And to come full circle...Fall Retreat was awesome!!!
sorry for the extra long post, just needed to ramble for a bit.