My heart breaks, but He tapes it together.
Why do I worry about people so much? I know that the decisions they make are their own and there is very little I can do to change their minds, but I worry about them. We're all adults now, but some people (about half of my friends) are still in the childish mindset, they have to prove themselves, and they need instant gratification, and nothing is more fun than knocking back a few cups of the cheapest beer they can find. I love them dearly, I even almost went out in a search for one of them tonight to try to get him to just go home or something other than keep drinking, but I can't be their mother. I can't imagine how different life would be for me if this were 2 years ago.
It really struck me tonight just how much I need Jesus. What I found funny a few years ago now repulses me and a party that I would have been at I now call campus safety about. He has really just been impressing on me tonight how much I need Him and how much He means in my life. I would not recognize myself now if I hadn't realized this and come to know Him these last 2 years. I've been so blessed that I don't even notice the comforts that I enjoy. I know that a bunch of my friends think I'm crazy for believing in what they might consider a "far-fetched idealist's concept of comfort in the clouds" but I no longer care what they think. I realized tonight that if anything were to happen to them and they died, I would never see them again. Granted, in heaven all my attention will be on the Lord, but on the day of judgement I'd like to be able to look across the crowd and see familiar faces and know that neither of us have anything to worry about. Jesus saved my life; he tossed me a rope to pull me out of the mire. Now that I'm out, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't point my buddies who are still stuck in the mire to the man with the life saving rope? I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry if you can't handle my faith to the point of not being able to sit in a room of people that you know to be Christians, but I love you and am not willing to give up hope that God will work on your heart and that maybe someday you'll be able to call him you Savior as well. I refuse to lose hope, that is not an option. I love you too much.
It really struck me tonight just how much I need Jesus. What I found funny a few years ago now repulses me and a party that I would have been at I now call campus safety about. He has really just been impressing on me tonight how much I need Him and how much He means in my life. I would not recognize myself now if I hadn't realized this and come to know Him these last 2 years. I've been so blessed that I don't even notice the comforts that I enjoy. I know that a bunch of my friends think I'm crazy for believing in what they might consider a "far-fetched idealist's concept of comfort in the clouds" but I no longer care what they think. I realized tonight that if anything were to happen to them and they died, I would never see them again. Granted, in heaven all my attention will be on the Lord, but on the day of judgement I'd like to be able to look across the crowd and see familiar faces and know that neither of us have anything to worry about. Jesus saved my life; he tossed me a rope to pull me out of the mire. Now that I'm out, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't point my buddies who are still stuck in the mire to the man with the life saving rope? I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry if you can't handle my faith to the point of not being able to sit in a room of people that you know to be Christians, but I love you and am not willing to give up hope that God will work on your heart and that maybe someday you'll be able to call him you Savior as well. I refuse to lose hope, that is not an option. I love you too much.