[Phone; a simple question asked in a quiet voice]

Who's the most dangerous person you know in Mayfield? Tell me about them. Zemekis has been noted.

Action; 726 Anderson Lane
[For several months now, Slugger has been compiling profiles of Mayfield's most dangerous people. It's a project he's tentatively titled "Mayfield's Worst Morons" (subject to ( Read more... )

[Filtered to nondroned members of K.N.D. and Legion of Doom. Each organization will receive its own filter and members will hear only the voices of those within their respective parties when replying. (If you are a kid or pet who would like to hear this message, assume requests for K.N.D. membership have been granted.) Members of Slugger's ( Read more... )

[ phone | filtered from: drones ]

Are there any flamethrowers in Mayfield? How do I get one?

Unrelated, someone who has killed their target and is willing to talk, I have a question...

[ filtered to: Pokey ]

Pokey.

...

Pokey?

[ action | Slugger never thought he'd see the day when he would have to use the gift Susan had given him at Christmastime. The ( Read more... )

[ Mayfield has a new paperboy. One who would much rather beat you to death with your own newspaper than deliver it to you. And above all, he would personally like to bludgeon whomever is in charge of these ridiculous job assignments.]

[Phone | Unfiltered ]

I don't want to be a paperboy.

But if Mayfield wants its newspapers, then Mayfield will get ( Read more... )

 [ Phone |  Incoming transmission. Caller has but one question for the residents of Mayfield and is awaiting answers with paper and pencil at the ready. ...Caller may also be doodling pictures of Lex Luthor in various unflattering toupees as he waits.]

Are there ways to stop dreaming?

...

[Phone | unfiltered]

Mr. Liebert, you have a book for me?

[Action |  726 Anderson Lane.  After the call has been made, Slugger awaits the arrival of his schoolteacher, much to the soon-to-be-dismay of Edward.

[Also action |  That evening, there comes a knock on the door at 1451 Mitchell Road. If no one should answer, Slugger will do the honorable ( Read more... )

[Phone |  The telephone cord stretches from the kitchen all the way to the first step outside the door on the side of the house where, hopefully, this call will go unheard by other members of the household. "Christmas" and "gift-giving" are still very strange concepts in Slugger's mind.]

What do--

... ...

[Dammit, why is he even--

Just. Spits it out. ( Read more... )

[Call Placement. Addressing: Mayfield. Filters: none.]

Requesting advice...

About teeth.  [He may be sounding a bit worried.]

Specifically, how do I... reattach one?

[Oh, the horrors of dental maturation. Slugger doesn't understand and suspects this is some unnatural and cruel act of nature.

ALSO, if you are one Edward Nigma, there may be something ( Read more... )

 Fellow residents of Mayfield, it has come to my attention that our town is overrun with evil. The Gouma... they have hidden themselves amongst our kind with hopes of capturing us as their hosts. But fear not, for it is my mission as the Holy Warrior to find and defeat them.

Here me, Gouma of Mayfield, I will cleanse this town of your darkness!

[ ( Read more... )

[The phone is picked up, a call is placed. The voice on the line is, at first, dangerously calm-]

To the one who stole what's mine...
[-only to become a sharply hissed whisper]

I will find you.

[After being droned, humiliated, and murdered (and ultimately dissected by his attackers), this is what tips him into a rage: his missing bat.]