twenty seven | Mayfield's ugliest individuals: a literary documentation
[Phone; a simple question asked in a quiet voice]
Who's the most dangerous person you know in Mayfield? Tell me about them. Zemekis has been noted.
Action; 726 Anderson Lane
[For several months now, Slugger has been compiling profiles of Mayfield's most dangerous people. It's a project he's tentatively titled "Mayfield's Worst Morons" (subject to change) and one he hopes will be useful for himself and those he considers allies. Included are descriptions of the town's top offenders, such as the Black Mage and the Major with crude but accurate sketches and "danger ratings", small bars scaled 1-10 based on their powers and likelihood to attack. Zemekis, of course, is the reigning champion king of worst morons with many pages dedicated to him/it. Other examples include:
The Black Mage
(under the name are two drawings of a fat man in long robes; one has a paper bag over his head, the other wears a large wizard hat)
alias: "Dr. Evilwizardington"
residence: 753 Partridge Drive
occupation: fake doctor at hospital
danger rating: 9
description: Loud idiot who kills everything, attacks with lightning bolts, uses 'Bolt 1', 'Bolt 2', 'Bolt 3' incantations, pretty stupid, smells for 0.251 miles, his face is really...
The Major
(image depicts a fat smiling man in glasses and nazi uniform)
residence: ?
occupation: butcher, police officer
d-rating: 6
description: war-loving nazi, made of metal, attacks with guns, has a messenger named Schrodinger, has a blimp, attacks mostly when provoked, enjoys word games and inciting public rage, will talk in circles for hours
Doctor Fuyuhiko Date
(man in lab jacket and glasses, also smiling)
alias: "the Doctor"
residence: ?
occupation: fake doctor at hospital
d-rating: 7
description: says he controls the insane, can float, can grow to large size, has a tank driven by a cat(?), will crush anyone at random, consorts with the Major, seems somewhat intelligent, readily shares information when asked, wants to conquer all of Mayfield
The Joker
(an image of the Joker torn from a comic book and pasted here)
residence: ?
occupation: ?
d-rating: 6
description: interests: Batman, laughing; uses poisonous gas that can make you laugh until you die, delivers laughing gas in mail
Lex Luthor
(angry bald guy in hi-tech battle suit)
residence: 506 Ricardo Street
occupation: ?
d-rating: 2
description: not that dangerous, self-serving egomaniac, liable to attack allies, relies heavily on weapons, hates Superman, scalp may induce blindness under certain lighting conditions
Gilgamesh
(young blond guy with snooty grin and red eyes)
alias: "Hero King of Uruk"
residence: ?
occupation: ?
d-rating: 4
description: massive egomaniac, thinks he is the most powerful person in the universe, ignorant (had never heard of Zemekis), responds poorly to logic, can produce swords from invisible treasury and make them fly at people, attacks mostly when provoked
Despite the freezing temperatures, Slugger is seated on the steps of the front porch wearing his usual clothing with no coat. Balanced on his knees is a bound sketchbook on which he is busily scribbling away.]
Who's the most dangerous person you know in Mayfield? Tell me about them. Zemekis has been noted.
Action; 726 Anderson Lane
[For several months now, Slugger has been compiling profiles of Mayfield's most dangerous people. It's a project he's tentatively titled "Mayfield's Worst Morons" (subject to change) and one he hopes will be useful for himself and those he considers allies. Included are descriptions of the town's top offenders, such as the Black Mage and the Major with crude but accurate sketches and "danger ratings", small bars scaled 1-10 based on their powers and likelihood to attack. Zemekis, of course, is the reigning champion king of worst morons with many pages dedicated to him/it. Other examples include:
The Black Mage
(under the name are two drawings of a fat man in long robes; one has a paper bag over his head, the other wears a large wizard hat)
alias: "Dr. Evilwizardington"
residence: 753 Partridge Drive
occupation: fake doctor at hospital
danger rating: 9
description: Loud idiot who kills everything, attacks with lightning bolts, uses 'Bolt 1', 'Bolt 2', 'Bolt 3' incantations, pretty stupid, smells for 0.251 miles, his face is really...
The Major
(image depicts a fat smiling man in glasses and nazi uniform)
residence: ?
occupation: butcher, police officer
d-rating: 6
description: war-loving nazi, made of metal, attacks with guns, has a messenger named Schrodinger, has a blimp, attacks mostly when provoked, enjoys word games and inciting public rage, will talk in circles for hours
Doctor Fuyuhiko Date
(man in lab jacket and glasses, also smiling)
alias: "the Doctor"
residence: ?
occupation: fake doctor at hospital
d-rating: 7
description: says he controls the insane, can float, can grow to large size, has a tank driven by a cat(?), will crush anyone at random, consorts with the Major, seems somewhat intelligent, readily shares information when asked, wants to conquer all of Mayfield
The Joker
(an image of the Joker torn from a comic book and pasted here)
residence: ?
occupation: ?
d-rating: 6
description: interests: Batman, laughing; uses poisonous gas that can make you laugh until you die, delivers laughing gas in mail
Lex Luthor
(angry bald guy in hi-tech battle suit)
residence: 506 Ricardo Street
occupation: ?
d-rating: 2
description: not that dangerous, self-serving egomaniac, liable to attack allies, relies heavily on weapons, hates Superman, scalp may induce blindness under certain lighting conditions
Gilgamesh
(young blond guy with snooty grin and red eyes)
alias: "Hero King of Uruk"
residence: ?
occupation: ?
d-rating: 4
description: massive egomaniac, thinks he is the most powerful person in the universe, ignorant (had never heard of Zemekis), responds poorly to logic, can produce swords from invisible treasury and make them fly at people, attacks mostly when provoked
Despite the freezing temperatures, Slugger is seated on the steps of the front porch wearing his usual clothing with no coat. Balanced on his knees is a bound sketchbook on which he is busily scribbling away.]