Bisexuality and Assuming Heterosexuality as a Default

[strannik01]

Janelle Asselin, a writer and editor best known in comic book circles for editing the Batman group of books for DC Comics, recently came out as bisexual. Which I don't think really shocked too many people. But she touched on something that I thought was pretty interesting

Comments

[vg36]

You're wrong about Dan Savage. He admitted bisexuals exist. But he also believes (as do many gay men and lesbians, I do too) that sometimes the label "bisexual" serves gay men and lesbians in the period of coming out. I can only speak from my own experience, but for half a year I called myself bisexual, in the time period of getting comfortable to admit to myself and to others that I was gay.

In the same period, in the years of 2000-2004, when I went to college, I knew only a few out bisexuals in the college community. One of them was dating a girl. The other one would ask guys on dates, but then would always avoid having any sort of romance (and I'm talking even just a hug; he asked 2 other people and me on dates, so I found out that he always tried to bring a third wheel on his dates with guys, if he couldn't negotiate that or if the 3rd wheel couldn't make it, he'd cancel the date altogether; the last time I saw him, he and his girlfriend were all hugging and showing tons of TLC at the Queer Seder, something I had never seen him do with a guy. And this was a guy who was quite open about being bisexual, yet he couldn't seem to be able to deal with any sort of same-sex interaction.

With closeted bisexuals that I knew I did not interact socially. But while dating girls in the open, they were quite actively trying to get laid with guys. A couple of them were in frats and one on the rowing team.

Since my college years, I have encountered many single people, same-sex couples and supportive opposite-sex couples, but not one of the people has told me or was open about any inkling of bisexuality. And I'm talking of socially liberal crowd from NYC, NJ, Chicago populating American academia and a gay-friendly university in suburban Detroit.

[strannik01]

You're wrong about Dan Savage. He admitted bisexuals exist. But he also believes (as do many gay men and lesbians, I do too) that sometimes the label "bisexual" serves gay men and lesbians in the period of coming out

I don't think that really described Dan Savage's opinions. I've been reading his column since I first started picking up Chicago Reader in 2006, and for a while, he seemed to assume that bisexuals are gays and lesbians waiting to come out. His position has softened in recent years, but every once in a while, he says things that give me a sense that he's still skeptical about the whole concept. And he isn't seem that terribly keen on bisexuals in general.

There were - and still are - plenty of gays and lesbians who identify as bisexuals as they come to term with their orientation. Nobody is denying that. But there are people who honestly like men and women. And when a person identifies as bisexual, I'm inclined to give him or her a benefit of a doubt.

Since my college years, I have encountered many single people, same-sex couples and supportive opposite-sex couples, but not one of the people has told me or was open about any inkling of bisexuality. And I'm talking of socially liberal crowd from NYC, NJ, Chicago populating American academia and a gay-friendly university in suburban Detroit.

What are you trying to say? I'm seriously, honestly asking.

[vg36]

And when a person identifies as bisexual, I'm inclined to give him or her a benefit of a doubt.

While I trust the person if he would tell me he's bisexual, that hasn't happened to me in the last 10 years. And here, we come to the second question :0)

What are you trying to say?

I was just trying to say that I believe the issue of bisexual invisibility is a consequence of bisexuals staying closeted to a much higher degree than many bisexuals think, if even someone who is a part of pretty liberal groups (NYC secular Jews, young people in academia in accepting states and LGBT-friendly universities, blue-voting areas of the country), i.e. I, has not actually met in person anyone identifying openly as a bisexual and definitely no one openly identifying while being in an opposite-sex relationship. I realize that I might be an outlier, I just didn't expect to be an outlier given my milieu.

[strannik01]

I believe the issue of bisexual invisibility is a consequence of bisexuals staying closeted to a much higher degree than many bisexuals think

And that's kind of what Asselin was talking about.

[vg36]

Yeap, I watched the video, and agreed with that. Though I think I have encountered many opinions of bisexuals (over the internet) minimizing that point. Hence the "to a much higher degree than many bisexuals think". Incidentally, I recall, most of these conversations have involved some sort of reaction to Dan Savage :0)

BTW, it's great that you're including bisexual characters. I have wanted to read, but have been busy so far. But I will definitely start soon.

[strannik01]

And, so long as we're talking about experiences... I've known a girl who wasn't sure if she was bisexual or straight and went back and forth on it several times. I' know a girl who slept with another girl just to see what it was like and, as far as I know, never done it again. I've met men and women who identify as bisexual, and they've given me no reason to believe they weren't.

I don't really know Janelle Asselin or Meg Turney personally, but I see no reason to doubt their claims, either.

[vg36]

Just so we're clear, I had never doubted a woman's claim of bisexuality or being unsure. However, when it came to guys, I doubted many a claim before the study came out. (At the time, I was not so much concerned how a guy identifies, the issue was more were we going to do anything about it. I'm sorry if this is getting a bit TMI. Obviously, you can tell me.)

If someone would say he or she is bisexual nowadays, I don't doubt it.

[strannik01]

Хорошо. Glad that's been cleared up.