musesandlyrics | 4.7 Tupac Quote
4.7. "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months overanalyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."
- Tupac
Co-written with agentfraser | Backdated to Halloween Night
[Follows THIS]
James hadn't been able to stop himself pausing in a few moments of deep thought after all the guests waved Ali and Andrew off in the limo from their wedding reception to set off on their honeymoon. Everything from a gigantic box of Condoms to Austin Powers stood on the Soho sidewalk to wave goodbye to the newlyweds who couldn't stop beaming or keep their hands off each other. James couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be in that position, but he wasn't sure if it would ever happen. He had his opportunity with marriage, and failed miserably. Ali and Andrew would spend the night at The Plaza before heading to the airport for the flight to Australia the next day. The beaming stopped, of course, when the couple had to say goodbye to Jamie. Ali was bawling, Andrew wasn't too far off either, and Jamie seemed to realise something wasn't right and started wailing too. For a moment, James really thought Ali was going to change her mind and take the baby girl with them. She wasn't letting go and it was probably one of the hardest things Ali had to face in her life. But they did eventually make it into the limo babyless and Jamie was quickly scooped up by her grandparents with James and Izzy not too far away. It took a long time for the tears to stop, and James was stunned at how much it broke his heart witnessing his goddaughter upset like that. She calmed down, though, and was smiling again a little while later. The whole thing was always going to makes James stop and inevitably think about his own impending fatherhood.
He had met Izzy's eyes amongst the crowd for all of thirty seconds, and they shared something silently that he would probably only later analyse. Understanding, maybe. Or that final realisation that watching Ali seal the deal as a married woman to start a life with her new family meant that it really was the same moment James and Izzy found their closure with each other. That they wanted what Ali had... just not with each other anymore. James didn't let himself hesitate in seeking Harri out in the crowd. She was with Aiden and Pat again, with Pat standing beside her rubbing her back softly as they chatted and laughed together. Harri with the godfathers of their son. It was an odd sight for James to absorb at first, but one he knew he no longer wanted to be a external factor of anymore. James didn't know what else he was supposed to do, and Aiden being there made him want to balk slightly. But he didn't. He just walked up to Harri and without saying a word, kissed her, his hand cupping the back of her head so she didn't fall backwards in shock. Maybe it was the whole wedding atmosphere everyone was caught up in, but who gave a fuck? Maybe giving a fuck too much was James' whole problem.
And now they somehow found themselves back at Harri's apartment. Alone. The next move on both their parts was probably going to map out a whole lot of the route for what was to come in the near future. It was make or break, and James' structured, analytical mind finally made him pause to absorb the situation and he let out a slow breath. Was it a fresh start, or were they about to make another huge mistake?
Harri had yet to really say anything, not since their talk at the bar. The kiss had taken her by surprise, but she had been in no danger of falling backwards. Not when she'd kissed him back so willingly. Kissing James had been like... finding herself again. She hadn't realised just how much the FBI agent had wheedled his way into her life and heart until he had been gone, and she'd been forced to remember how to be without him. Truth was she didn't much like being the hardened bitch. Not always. It was a lonely existence, even while she was carrying their son.
Their son had been something to help mend the hole, though. The idea that soon she was going to be a mother. Plus she wouldn't have been able to do any of it without Aiden, or Pat. And now they were back in New York. It still wasn't the apartment they'd bought in Ali's building. That was home, but it didn't seem like either of them were ready to go back there without first working out what they were doing.
They stood in Harri's kitchen, Harri leaning against the counter as she rubbed her pregnant belly. She was still wearing the sheet, deciding the toga look was back. It was comfortable, didn't require effort, and more importantly - didn't require a bra. It was definitely the way to go for a pregnant woman. She might even make someone on the magazine write a feature about it. She looked at James, watching him. "I know I have a huge belly now, but that doesn't mean you have to stand all the way over there. I don't have pregnant cooties, love," she teased softly as she started to smile.
James' tongue rested between his lips. Was he actually nervous about coming on to her? Touching her? It wasn't anything to do with the fact she was pregnant, either, because if he was honest, it was a real turn on for him. He liked her body like that, the little extra weight she was carrying around her face made her look healthy and glowy. He had loved touching her stomach as it grew, feeling the shape of it under his hands. It had been different with Izzy. He had been hesitant with her, like her stomach was a no-go zone, and maybe it was because he knew it was someone else's kids in there. He always felt like he was treading in uncharted waters when he had sex with Izzy these last few weeks. When he and Harri had still been together, the sex had been hot. He couldn't get enough of her. Those feelings were fuelling in his gut now, but he was still nervous.
But he stepped forward, not directly in front of her, but off to her side just a little. He touched her cheek first, and then his hand dropped to her shoulder where he unknotted the sheet with ease and let it fall to the floor, leaving her in just her knickers. They were purple, and a little like the ones Bridget Jones wore, the comfortable ones. The ones James had never seen her in before now, and the ones the sight of which shot directly to his groin. Harri not-quite-pristine was exactly how he loved her. He loved her pristine too, of course, but there was something about her when she let it all hang loose that drove him nuts. He exhaled slowly and he splayed his hand softly over her stomach and then leaned forward, pressing his lips gently to it, just above her bellybutton.
Harri exhaled roughly, her hand going to the back of his head as she ran her fingers through his long blond hair. He needed it cut, but an unkempt James was like Christmas. He'd been so different as Marc, that Harri was starting to realise more and more the differences. She loved James more, no doubt about it. He still had his punk outfit on, but the wig was gone. She watched him with the smile still on her face, her blue eyes darkening. This wasn't like with Cameron. That one, bad, mistake. Cameron hadn't enjoyed touching her stomach. It wasn't his kid, and not only that, it was the kid of the guy fucking his ex.
It was James' son she was carrying. He had every right to touch her belly, and had done when they'd been together. She could feel tears prick the backs of her eyes but she ignored them. She wanted to tell him he shouldn't have left her and the baby, but she knew what he'd say. If his behaviour was any indication she was going to assume any doubts were well and truly gone. That he was hers again. She found it amusing that he was the one keeping quiet, but two could play that game. Her hand moved from his hair and down his back before disappearing up the back of his shirt so she could touch his warm skin.
James wasn't really specifically sure how a woman felt in the late stages of pregnancy, but according to Ali, it was pretty shit. In fact, she had cornered him as it came close to her leaving for her honeymoon and told him to not go near Harri's breasts unless she invited it, and even then to be gentle. This close to the pregnancy, milk would be coming in, apparently. James wasn't at all surprised that Ali had observed the looks James had been giving Harri and automatically deduced what he was thinking. She didn't judge, though. Didn't give him a tongue-lashing because of it. Harri was her priority, making sure he knew how to treat her properly. The conversation was fresh in James' mind now, because the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Harri or make her uncomfortable. In fact, he wasn't even sure right now it was sex he wanted. He just wanted to touch her like he always had when they were together, to remind himself what it was that ended with her being in this condition in the first place. Sure, the baby was an accident at the time. They had been using contraception, and it failed them. But since the shock melted away, neither had once denied that they wanted to be a parent, just doubted their ability to do so. He didn't know what them being here together in her place meant at all, or if it meant they were coming together again. Maybe they were just swept up in the romantic moment of seeing Ali and Andrew so happy, or maybe it was the knowledge of just how close it was until their son was born. All he knew was that he didn't want to stop touching her. He could feel soft movements of the baby under his hand, realise he was pretty active in there for some reason. Maybe he didn't want James anywhere near his Mum?
This caused James to pause for a moment, opening his eyes as he chewed on his lip in thought. It wasn't like he could ask the kid permission to touch his Mum, was it? He looked up at her, pulling himself up again as he wet his lips. "Does that hurt?" he asked her, his fingertips sweeping the underside of her rounded stomach, still feeling the pointed activity in there.
Harri gave a shake of her head. "Definitely not. Just gives me tingles... Everything gives me tingles. I've worked out a pregnant woman's body is beyond sensitive. Pat was barely rubbing my back and it felt like the second coming." Harri turned her head towards his and leaned in to steal a kiss. She couldn't exactly pull away from him, and didn't want to. The moment he'd taken the sheet off her would have been the moment she'd taken him down if she didn't want this. She wasn't as insanely horny as she had been for a while there, tonight was about something different. She wanted James for reasons other than just horniness.
She reached between them to cup him, squeezing gently as she held his gaze. The baby moving didn't mean this couldn't happen as far as Harri was concerned. The baby had been moving a lot lately. She just hoped that wouldn't mean he got born in a breach position.
James raised his eyebrows. "The second platonic coming, right?" he asked with a smirk. "Because no matter how squisy the BFF thing is, you come onto Aiden's husband, gay or not, and he'll throw you off the nearest balcony," he sniggered. He knew there was still a lot of bad blood between him and Aiden, but that didn't mean James didn't still know them. He still got along with Pat. In fact, they spoke on the phone regularly, James just didn't mention it to many people. When she touched him though, his breath left him in a rush and he had to throw his hand out to grab the edge of the kitchen counter so he wouldn't stumble over. Her pregnant body wasn't the only thing that was sensitive. Still, he wasn't sure what part of her he should touch, if she even wanted it. Maybe she just wanted to play with him?
Harri nodded as she laughed. "Of course! I'm not suicidal. I actually want my BFF and his husband to keep me alive. I've gotten attached to this world." Her blonde hair had grown steadily since she'd gotten pregnant and she could feel it brush against the small of her back. She could also see the slight hesitation in his expression. There was no hesitation though as Harri got his pants undone and then had to use both hands to get them down over his hips. She had every intention of playing with him. "Touch me anywhere but the breasts. Well, you can touch me there. Just be gentle. I really missed you, love."
James couldn't help breaking into a grin. "Ali told me that," he said proudly, as if he just passed a hard maths test or something. "The milk and... they're sore. I might actually be an expert in some areas of my life, but knowing about pregnant women, and or maybe women in general, isn't one of them. But I... she knew I might need some tips. Maybe realised I was finally receptive..." he added, the apology hedging his tone. He gave a small nod. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I know that sounds stupid, considering I did, in the worst way. I don't even know why you want me here, or how you can even stand looking at me. But I'm glad you can. I just wanted you to know that. From now on... it's you and our boy. I don't want you to believe me when I say that, either, but just... please give me a chance to prove it to you?"
Harri was still laughing a little, her head tilted a little. "You really talk a lot for a man who's getting a handjob. Although I'm starting to wish we were on the sofa so I could lie back and blow you. I don't know why I couldn't forget you... You're just a part of me now. I'm tired of hurting, and I'm tired of missing you. I want us together. I want us as a family. I want you. Now. I'm glad Ali could give you some tips, but I don't want you overthinking. I love you and your overthinking mind, but right now..." Harri started to work her hand up and down his hard length, "... just us."
"Jesus Christ," James hissed, feeling a warmth bolt across his skin and try to tip him over to the point of no return. This was the moment. Whether he pulled back and stopped everything, no more chances, or kept going and just waited to see what was around the corner. He turned her head towards him and kissed her deeply with enough passion to accidentally push her roughly up against the kitchen counter. He put everything into the kiss, everything he had been trying for weeks to wrap his head around and verbalise. Words weren't going to cut it, though. He saw that now. It needed to be more. He needed to touch her, and hold her, and bury himself so deeply inside her like he never wanted to stop, and he was almost shaking in the intensity of the kiss.
"I prefer Harri," she murmured, smiling slightly against his lips before she kissed him back with equal force, trying to convey everything she felt for him in that one kiss. Her hand slipped from around him as she reached behind James to grab at his arse, pulling up against her as best she could. As much as there was a part of her that enjoyed being pregnant, there really were times she wished she could just detach her belly and be without it for a little while. She turned, trying to put her stomach up on the counter and rub her arse up against his erection as she moaned against his mouth. She wanted him, and she needed him inside her right then and there. It briefly crossed her mind that they were in almost the exact same spot she'd become pregnant, but the thought was gone as heat pooled between her thighs and she started to pulse with need. Then she stopped, her eyes flying open as she dug her fingernails into James. "Fuck... James, wait..."
James leapt back with a small squeak of surprise, his hand on her shoulder as he looked down, eyes wide with surprise. "Please tell me you just peed yourself! Please, please tell me you just peed yourself!" he begged. It wasn't hard to miss, he had been pressed up so close to her and no matter how good she was in the sex department, no chick got that wet with foreplay. He knew being pregnant was uncomfortable and he remembered Ali complaining when she was pregnant how much she had to pee, so it was a possibility, right? It wasn't like he had been anywhere within the vicinity when Ali gave birth, and right now, he was panicking about whether he really wanted to be in the vicinity of Harri giving birth yet. Had it really been nine months?! It had to be too soon, right?! And besides, they were about to shag! For the first time in a long time and he had a very eager boner waiting!
"I didn't just fucking pee myself," Harri said as calmly as she could manage. Inside she was freaking out. She wasn't ready! She was horny, not ready for the birth of their son. There was so much left unsettled. Were they even together? Were they moving back into their apartment, or living separately? What about Aiden and Pat. They were probably on their way back to Princeton by now. And her bag-- "Oh, fuck! My bag. That emergency bag thing they make you pack for when it's time - that's in Princeton. Your jersey! I can't do this without that. I'm not wearing their bullshit gowns that show off my ass. I was going to wear that. I can't do it unless I have that. How the fuck am I supposed to get it in time? No, no, this is not happening. On second thoughts I definitely peed myself." Harri took a breath, cursing their son's timing. Didn't he understand Mummy was about to get royally shagged by his Daddy? "You better call an ambulance anyway... I think this particular bladder issue is about to get painful."
James was looking at her, stunned. He wanted to laugh, tell her it was a good joke. Which would totally be rational if it really didn't look like she just peed herself. "You had a bag?" he found himself asking, not even sure why that came to mind and knowing he definitely had no fucking right to be hurt over it. "Why didn't I know you had a bag? Don't answer that," he added hastily, holding his hand up as he swallowed and wet his lips. "I-I- um... um... do you... does he... does it hurt?" He started to walk in a lost circle in the kitchen, not really sure what he was supposed to do. She told him to do something. What was it again. "911! Right. Ambulance. I can do that. I can do that, right?" He nodded, answering his own question as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket, fumbled with it, and dropped it, smashing it on the ground and totalling it.
Harri raised her eyebrows at James. She might have been the one in labour but she was the calmest apparently. "I don't know, can you?" She picked up the kitchen phone nearby and handed it to him. "I need Aiden, too. Can you manage that? What if he's already in Princeton? If he's in Princeton ask him to get the jersey. Fuck the bag, I just want the jersey." Harri stood there for a moment, and tried to remember her breathing. Was she supposed to puff her cheeks yet. She gave a small shake of her head. "No, no hurting. Yet. There will be if you don't get a bloody ambulance though, love."
James pointed to the floor. "I broke my phone," he told her, as if it was a new fact just laid on the table. "I think I need to get a new one." Why wasn't his brain working probably? It felt a lot like someone had smacked him in the fact and dislodged a vital blood flow to the rational brain cells. His lips formed a little o shape as he tried to think everything through. He shook his head. "No, they're there. Staying here. In New York, not Princeton. Because Aiden was drinking, Pat wasn't. No jersey, no bag." He pointed at her this time. "911." He nodded and walked out of the room. But he was soon back, realising the landline was actually in the kitchen. When he dialled, it was slowly and purposefully. "You know, I think maybe you really did just pee yourself, because it's not time yet. It's not. he knows it's not," he gestured the handset in the direction of her belly. "Right, son?"
Harri watched him, wondering when it was going to sink in that he was actually holding the phone, but apparently he didn't. Not even when he started to use it. She'd half expected him to try and use a banana to call the ambulance. Her gaze dropped to her belly and she just rolled her eyes. The baby obviously didn't answer because he was still inside her. Then a contraction happened, and Harri grunted in pain. "I think he's decided it is time, love. So get that fucking ambulance! I'm not having him here if I can't even have my jersey."
A rush of panic shot through James. "Well, tell him to stop!" he shrieked loudly. He nearly dropped the landline phone too and started to pace back and forth. "I need to call Mark! Mark will know what to do! He just... he will! He's Mark!" His voice was a lot higher and more hoarse than it usually was. Automatically, he dialled in his brother's number, but instead of talking to his brother, started asking for an ambulance, his hand shaking as he held the phone to his ear. Mark was yelling some sort of orders to him down the phone and James listened numbly, nodding. It turned out that Mark was going to call the ambulance and then James accidentally hung up on him instead of thanking him and then without knowing what the hell else to do, started laughing helplessly and anxiously.
Harri slapped James before she even realised her hand had come up. She just couldn't bear the idea of being strong for them both as well as getting herself through the birth. She needed her partner. She needed James. And she didn't need him in hysterics. "Focus!" she snapped. "Grab your balls and be a man. And call Aiden because I need to concentrated on my fucking breath-AH-ing!" Harri puffed her cheeks out and started to pant as another contraction occurred. Someone had better be calling an ambulance, or she was going to rip each and every one of their balls off.
James took a step back from her, frowing as he threw up his hand. "Fuck off! Why are chicks always fucking slapping me?! I'll get the hell out of here and Aiden can do it all if that's what you want!" he cried, shaking his head. He put the phone back into the cradle. "Mark's calling an ambulance," he told her, keeping his distance this time. How the fuck was he supposed to focus when all this was being forced into their faces after months of estrangement?
"I don't want you to fucking fuck off! That's my point. I love you, and I'm having your fucking baby! I'm sorry, it was reactionary. I want you here. I want you in my life. I want our life! But the baby's coming first." Harri reached out for him. "Please, James. I need you."
James did hesitate, but what was going through his head wasn't evident. He had to bite down on his lip to brace himself and then he reached for her hand with a small sigh, nodding. "Alright," he agreed quietly, even if he couldn't shake the feeling he was still displaced on some level. He took the phone again, handing it to her. "You should call Aiden. I'll go pack you another bag." He kissed her forehead and pulled away a little. "It's gonna be alright, okay? I'm not going to let anything happen to either of you."
Harri nodded as she looked at him, her blue eyes wide with fear and wonder. She was about to have their baby. She wasn't ready, but she just had to deal. It also suddenly occurred to her she was standing there in nothing but her underwear. She awkwardly managed to get the sheet back up off the floor and covered herself before calling Aiden. How he was going to react she could only guess. But she wanted him there. He had to be there just like James had to be. They both needed to keep her anchored because for the first time in her life, Harriet Ryan was petrified.
Words: 4355 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc verse.
- Tupac
Co-written with agentfraser | Backdated to Halloween Night
[Follows THIS]
James hadn't been able to stop himself pausing in a few moments of deep thought after all the guests waved Ali and Andrew off in the limo from their wedding reception to set off on their honeymoon. Everything from a gigantic box of Condoms to Austin Powers stood on the Soho sidewalk to wave goodbye to the newlyweds who couldn't stop beaming or keep their hands off each other. James couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be in that position, but he wasn't sure if it would ever happen. He had his opportunity with marriage, and failed miserably. Ali and Andrew would spend the night at The Plaza before heading to the airport for the flight to Australia the next day. The beaming stopped, of course, when the couple had to say goodbye to Jamie. Ali was bawling, Andrew wasn't too far off either, and Jamie seemed to realise something wasn't right and started wailing too. For a moment, James really thought Ali was going to change her mind and take the baby girl with them. She wasn't letting go and it was probably one of the hardest things Ali had to face in her life. But they did eventually make it into the limo babyless and Jamie was quickly scooped up by her grandparents with James and Izzy not too far away. It took a long time for the tears to stop, and James was stunned at how much it broke his heart witnessing his goddaughter upset like that. She calmed down, though, and was smiling again a little while later. The whole thing was always going to makes James stop and inevitably think about his own impending fatherhood.
He had met Izzy's eyes amongst the crowd for all of thirty seconds, and they shared something silently that he would probably only later analyse. Understanding, maybe. Or that final realisation that watching Ali seal the deal as a married woman to start a life with her new family meant that it really was the same moment James and Izzy found their closure with each other. That they wanted what Ali had... just not with each other anymore. James didn't let himself hesitate in seeking Harri out in the crowd. She was with Aiden and Pat again, with Pat standing beside her rubbing her back softly as they chatted and laughed together. Harri with the godfathers of their son. It was an odd sight for James to absorb at first, but one he knew he no longer wanted to be a external factor of anymore. James didn't know what else he was supposed to do, and Aiden being there made him want to balk slightly. But he didn't. He just walked up to Harri and without saying a word, kissed her, his hand cupping the back of her head so she didn't fall backwards in shock. Maybe it was the whole wedding atmosphere everyone was caught up in, but who gave a fuck? Maybe giving a fuck too much was James' whole problem.
And now they somehow found themselves back at Harri's apartment. Alone. The next move on both their parts was probably going to map out a whole lot of the route for what was to come in the near future. It was make or break, and James' structured, analytical mind finally made him pause to absorb the situation and he let out a slow breath. Was it a fresh start, or were they about to make another huge mistake?
Harri had yet to really say anything, not since their talk at the bar. The kiss had taken her by surprise, but she had been in no danger of falling backwards. Not when she'd kissed him back so willingly. Kissing James had been like... finding herself again. She hadn't realised just how much the FBI agent had wheedled his way into her life and heart until he had been gone, and she'd been forced to remember how to be without him. Truth was she didn't much like being the hardened bitch. Not always. It was a lonely existence, even while she was carrying their son.
Their son had been something to help mend the hole, though. The idea that soon she was going to be a mother. Plus she wouldn't have been able to do any of it without Aiden, or Pat. And now they were back in New York. It still wasn't the apartment they'd bought in Ali's building. That was home, but it didn't seem like either of them were ready to go back there without first working out what they were doing.
They stood in Harri's kitchen, Harri leaning against the counter as she rubbed her pregnant belly. She was still wearing the sheet, deciding the toga look was back. It was comfortable, didn't require effort, and more importantly - didn't require a bra. It was definitely the way to go for a pregnant woman. She might even make someone on the magazine write a feature about it. She looked at James, watching him. "I know I have a huge belly now, but that doesn't mean you have to stand all the way over there. I don't have pregnant cooties, love," she teased softly as she started to smile.
James' tongue rested between his lips. Was he actually nervous about coming on to her? Touching her? It wasn't anything to do with the fact she was pregnant, either, because if he was honest, it was a real turn on for him. He liked her body like that, the little extra weight she was carrying around her face made her look healthy and glowy. He had loved touching her stomach as it grew, feeling the shape of it under his hands. It had been different with Izzy. He had been hesitant with her, like her stomach was a no-go zone, and maybe it was because he knew it was someone else's kids in there. He always felt like he was treading in uncharted waters when he had sex with Izzy these last few weeks. When he and Harri had still been together, the sex had been hot. He couldn't get enough of her. Those feelings were fuelling in his gut now, but he was still nervous.
But he stepped forward, not directly in front of her, but off to her side just a little. He touched her cheek first, and then his hand dropped to her shoulder where he unknotted the sheet with ease and let it fall to the floor, leaving her in just her knickers. They were purple, and a little like the ones Bridget Jones wore, the comfortable ones. The ones James had never seen her in before now, and the ones the sight of which shot directly to his groin. Harri not-quite-pristine was exactly how he loved her. He loved her pristine too, of course, but there was something about her when she let it all hang loose that drove him nuts. He exhaled slowly and he splayed his hand softly over her stomach and then leaned forward, pressing his lips gently to it, just above her bellybutton.
Harri exhaled roughly, her hand going to the back of his head as she ran her fingers through his long blond hair. He needed it cut, but an unkempt James was like Christmas. He'd been so different as Marc, that Harri was starting to realise more and more the differences. She loved James more, no doubt about it. He still had his punk outfit on, but the wig was gone. She watched him with the smile still on her face, her blue eyes darkening. This wasn't like with Cameron. That one, bad, mistake. Cameron hadn't enjoyed touching her stomach. It wasn't his kid, and not only that, it was the kid of the guy fucking his ex.
It was James' son she was carrying. He had every right to touch her belly, and had done when they'd been together. She could feel tears prick the backs of her eyes but she ignored them. She wanted to tell him he shouldn't have left her and the baby, but she knew what he'd say. If his behaviour was any indication she was going to assume any doubts were well and truly gone. That he was hers again. She found it amusing that he was the one keeping quiet, but two could play that game. Her hand moved from his hair and down his back before disappearing up the back of his shirt so she could touch his warm skin.
James wasn't really specifically sure how a woman felt in the late stages of pregnancy, but according to Ali, it was pretty shit. In fact, she had cornered him as it came close to her leaving for her honeymoon and told him to not go near Harri's breasts unless she invited it, and even then to be gentle. This close to the pregnancy, milk would be coming in, apparently. James wasn't at all surprised that Ali had observed the looks James had been giving Harri and automatically deduced what he was thinking. She didn't judge, though. Didn't give him a tongue-lashing because of it. Harri was her priority, making sure he knew how to treat her properly. The conversation was fresh in James' mind now, because the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Harri or make her uncomfortable. In fact, he wasn't even sure right now it was sex he wanted. He just wanted to touch her like he always had when they were together, to remind himself what it was that ended with her being in this condition in the first place. Sure, the baby was an accident at the time. They had been using contraception, and it failed them. But since the shock melted away, neither had once denied that they wanted to be a parent, just doubted their ability to do so. He didn't know what them being here together in her place meant at all, or if it meant they were coming together again. Maybe they were just swept up in the romantic moment of seeing Ali and Andrew so happy, or maybe it was the knowledge of just how close it was until their son was born. All he knew was that he didn't want to stop touching her. He could feel soft movements of the baby under his hand, realise he was pretty active in there for some reason. Maybe he didn't want James anywhere near his Mum?
This caused James to pause for a moment, opening his eyes as he chewed on his lip in thought. It wasn't like he could ask the kid permission to touch his Mum, was it? He looked up at her, pulling himself up again as he wet his lips. "Does that hurt?" he asked her, his fingertips sweeping the underside of her rounded stomach, still feeling the pointed activity in there.
Harri gave a shake of her head. "Definitely not. Just gives me tingles... Everything gives me tingles. I've worked out a pregnant woman's body is beyond sensitive. Pat was barely rubbing my back and it felt like the second coming." Harri turned her head towards his and leaned in to steal a kiss. She couldn't exactly pull away from him, and didn't want to. The moment he'd taken the sheet off her would have been the moment she'd taken him down if she didn't want this. She wasn't as insanely horny as she had been for a while there, tonight was about something different. She wanted James for reasons other than just horniness.
She reached between them to cup him, squeezing gently as she held his gaze. The baby moving didn't mean this couldn't happen as far as Harri was concerned. The baby had been moving a lot lately. She just hoped that wouldn't mean he got born in a breach position.
James raised his eyebrows. "The second platonic coming, right?" he asked with a smirk. "Because no matter how squisy the BFF thing is, you come onto Aiden's husband, gay or not, and he'll throw you off the nearest balcony," he sniggered. He knew there was still a lot of bad blood between him and Aiden, but that didn't mean James didn't still know them. He still got along with Pat. In fact, they spoke on the phone regularly, James just didn't mention it to many people. When she touched him though, his breath left him in a rush and he had to throw his hand out to grab the edge of the kitchen counter so he wouldn't stumble over. Her pregnant body wasn't the only thing that was sensitive. Still, he wasn't sure what part of her he should touch, if she even wanted it. Maybe she just wanted to play with him?
Harri nodded as she laughed. "Of course! I'm not suicidal. I actually want my BFF and his husband to keep me alive. I've gotten attached to this world." Her blonde hair had grown steadily since she'd gotten pregnant and she could feel it brush against the small of her back. She could also see the slight hesitation in his expression. There was no hesitation though as Harri got his pants undone and then had to use both hands to get them down over his hips. She had every intention of playing with him. "Touch me anywhere but the breasts. Well, you can touch me there. Just be gentle. I really missed you, love."
James couldn't help breaking into a grin. "Ali told me that," he said proudly, as if he just passed a hard maths test or something. "The milk and... they're sore. I might actually be an expert in some areas of my life, but knowing about pregnant women, and or maybe women in general, isn't one of them. But I... she knew I might need some tips. Maybe realised I was finally receptive..." he added, the apology hedging his tone. He gave a small nod. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I know that sounds stupid, considering I did, in the worst way. I don't even know why you want me here, or how you can even stand looking at me. But I'm glad you can. I just wanted you to know that. From now on... it's you and our boy. I don't want you to believe me when I say that, either, but just... please give me a chance to prove it to you?"
Harri was still laughing a little, her head tilted a little. "You really talk a lot for a man who's getting a handjob. Although I'm starting to wish we were on the sofa so I could lie back and blow you. I don't know why I couldn't forget you... You're just a part of me now. I'm tired of hurting, and I'm tired of missing you. I want us together. I want us as a family. I want you. Now. I'm glad Ali could give you some tips, but I don't want you overthinking. I love you and your overthinking mind, but right now..." Harri started to work her hand up and down his hard length, "... just us."
"Jesus Christ," James hissed, feeling a warmth bolt across his skin and try to tip him over to the point of no return. This was the moment. Whether he pulled back and stopped everything, no more chances, or kept going and just waited to see what was around the corner. He turned her head towards him and kissed her deeply with enough passion to accidentally push her roughly up against the kitchen counter. He put everything into the kiss, everything he had been trying for weeks to wrap his head around and verbalise. Words weren't going to cut it, though. He saw that now. It needed to be more. He needed to touch her, and hold her, and bury himself so deeply inside her like he never wanted to stop, and he was almost shaking in the intensity of the kiss.
"I prefer Harri," she murmured, smiling slightly against his lips before she kissed him back with equal force, trying to convey everything she felt for him in that one kiss. Her hand slipped from around him as she reached behind James to grab at his arse, pulling up against her as best she could. As much as there was a part of her that enjoyed being pregnant, there really were times she wished she could just detach her belly and be without it for a little while. She turned, trying to put her stomach up on the counter and rub her arse up against his erection as she moaned against his mouth. She wanted him, and she needed him inside her right then and there. It briefly crossed her mind that they were in almost the exact same spot she'd become pregnant, but the thought was gone as heat pooled between her thighs and she started to pulse with need. Then she stopped, her eyes flying open as she dug her fingernails into James. "Fuck... James, wait..."
James leapt back with a small squeak of surprise, his hand on her shoulder as he looked down, eyes wide with surprise. "Please tell me you just peed yourself! Please, please tell me you just peed yourself!" he begged. It wasn't hard to miss, he had been pressed up so close to her and no matter how good she was in the sex department, no chick got that wet with foreplay. He knew being pregnant was uncomfortable and he remembered Ali complaining when she was pregnant how much she had to pee, so it was a possibility, right? It wasn't like he had been anywhere within the vicinity when Ali gave birth, and right now, he was panicking about whether he really wanted to be in the vicinity of Harri giving birth yet. Had it really been nine months?! It had to be too soon, right?! And besides, they were about to shag! For the first time in a long time and he had a very eager boner waiting!
"I didn't just fucking pee myself," Harri said as calmly as she could manage. Inside she was freaking out. She wasn't ready! She was horny, not ready for the birth of their son. There was so much left unsettled. Were they even together? Were they moving back into their apartment, or living separately? What about Aiden and Pat. They were probably on their way back to Princeton by now. And her bag-- "Oh, fuck! My bag. That emergency bag thing they make you pack for when it's time - that's in Princeton. Your jersey! I can't do this without that. I'm not wearing their bullshit gowns that show off my ass. I was going to wear that. I can't do it unless I have that. How the fuck am I supposed to get it in time? No, no, this is not happening. On second thoughts I definitely peed myself." Harri took a breath, cursing their son's timing. Didn't he understand Mummy was about to get royally shagged by his Daddy? "You better call an ambulance anyway... I think this particular bladder issue is about to get painful."
James was looking at her, stunned. He wanted to laugh, tell her it was a good joke. Which would totally be rational if it really didn't look like she just peed herself. "You had a bag?" he found himself asking, not even sure why that came to mind and knowing he definitely had no fucking right to be hurt over it. "Why didn't I know you had a bag? Don't answer that," he added hastily, holding his hand up as he swallowed and wet his lips. "I-I- um... um... do you... does he... does it hurt?" He started to walk in a lost circle in the kitchen, not really sure what he was supposed to do. She told him to do something. What was it again. "911! Right. Ambulance. I can do that. I can do that, right?" He nodded, answering his own question as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket, fumbled with it, and dropped it, smashing it on the ground and totalling it.
Harri raised her eyebrows at James. She might have been the one in labour but she was the calmest apparently. "I don't know, can you?" She picked up the kitchen phone nearby and handed it to him. "I need Aiden, too. Can you manage that? What if he's already in Princeton? If he's in Princeton ask him to get the jersey. Fuck the bag, I just want the jersey." Harri stood there for a moment, and tried to remember her breathing. Was she supposed to puff her cheeks yet. She gave a small shake of her head. "No, no hurting. Yet. There will be if you don't get a bloody ambulance though, love."
James pointed to the floor. "I broke my phone," he told her, as if it was a new fact just laid on the table. "I think I need to get a new one." Why wasn't his brain working probably? It felt a lot like someone had smacked him in the fact and dislodged a vital blood flow to the rational brain cells. His lips formed a little o shape as he tried to think everything through. He shook his head. "No, they're there. Staying here. In New York, not Princeton. Because Aiden was drinking, Pat wasn't. No jersey, no bag." He pointed at her this time. "911." He nodded and walked out of the room. But he was soon back, realising the landline was actually in the kitchen. When he dialled, it was slowly and purposefully. "You know, I think maybe you really did just pee yourself, because it's not time yet. It's not. he knows it's not," he gestured the handset in the direction of her belly. "Right, son?"
Harri watched him, wondering when it was going to sink in that he was actually holding the phone, but apparently he didn't. Not even when he started to use it. She'd half expected him to try and use a banana to call the ambulance. Her gaze dropped to her belly and she just rolled her eyes. The baby obviously didn't answer because he was still inside her. Then a contraction happened, and Harri grunted in pain. "I think he's decided it is time, love. So get that fucking ambulance! I'm not having him here if I can't even have my jersey."
A rush of panic shot through James. "Well, tell him to stop!" he shrieked loudly. He nearly dropped the landline phone too and started to pace back and forth. "I need to call Mark! Mark will know what to do! He just... he will! He's Mark!" His voice was a lot higher and more hoarse than it usually was. Automatically, he dialled in his brother's number, but instead of talking to his brother, started asking for an ambulance, his hand shaking as he held the phone to his ear. Mark was yelling some sort of orders to him down the phone and James listened numbly, nodding. It turned out that Mark was going to call the ambulance and then James accidentally hung up on him instead of thanking him and then without knowing what the hell else to do, started laughing helplessly and anxiously.
Harri slapped James before she even realised her hand had come up. She just couldn't bear the idea of being strong for them both as well as getting herself through the birth. She needed her partner. She needed James. And she didn't need him in hysterics. "Focus!" she snapped. "Grab your balls and be a man. And call Aiden because I need to concentrated on my fucking breath-AH-ing!" Harri puffed her cheeks out and started to pant as another contraction occurred. Someone had better be calling an ambulance, or she was going to rip each and every one of their balls off.
James took a step back from her, frowing as he threw up his hand. "Fuck off! Why are chicks always fucking slapping me?! I'll get the hell out of here and Aiden can do it all if that's what you want!" he cried, shaking his head. He put the phone back into the cradle. "Mark's calling an ambulance," he told her, keeping his distance this time. How the fuck was he supposed to focus when all this was being forced into their faces after months of estrangement?
"I don't want you to fucking fuck off! That's my point. I love you, and I'm having your fucking baby! I'm sorry, it was reactionary. I want you here. I want you in my life. I want our life! But the baby's coming first." Harri reached out for him. "Please, James. I need you."
James did hesitate, but what was going through his head wasn't evident. He had to bite down on his lip to brace himself and then he reached for her hand with a small sigh, nodding. "Alright," he agreed quietly, even if he couldn't shake the feeling he was still displaced on some level. He took the phone again, handing it to her. "You should call Aiden. I'll go pack you another bag." He kissed her forehead and pulled away a little. "It's gonna be alright, okay? I'm not going to let anything happen to either of you."
Harri nodded as she looked at him, her blue eyes wide with fear and wonder. She was about to have their baby. She wasn't ready, but she just had to deal. It also suddenly occurred to her she was standing there in nothing but her underwear. She awkwardly managed to get the sheet back up off the floor and covered herself before calling Aiden. How he was going to react she could only guess. But she wanted him there. He had to be there just like James had to be. They both needed to keep her anchored because for the first time in her life, Harriet Ryan was petrified.
Words: 4355 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc verse.