RP Log with mrpublicity
Aiden came down the stairs of his and Pat's large Princeton home, a grin on his face as he adjusted himself in his jeans and zipped them up. Pat had been out of hospital for over a week now and was feeling a lot better, albeit still a little on the weak and slow side. Still, not slow enough to offer Aiden a bit of 'icing' on the 'cake' when they got a little hot and heavy making out on their bed when Aiden joined Pat for a lie down that afternoon. It might not have been outright sex, but Aiden's husband sure did still know how to use his hands. Aiden hadn't meant for things to get so heated, but once they started it was hard to stop and it was one of those lazy afternoons anyway.
Cameron was out... somewhere. He had been out somewhere a lot lately, but Aiden didn't interrogate him. He knew Pat would do that just fine on his own. Their house was more occupied than usual lately, too, with Harri camping out with them since she broke up with James and started maternity leave. After the break up, she just didn't want to deal with people like she usually did, so Aiden offered her the sanctuary of his home well away from the city for her to try and wrap her head around everything. She had been a great help while Pat was in hospital, too, and especially the way she so hand-on lovingly personally 'took care' of Pat's twin. That was real hospitality.
Aiden dropped down on the sofa beside Harri with a satisfied sigh, folding his hands across his chest as he melted into the chair. He turned to her with a grin. "Hi," he greeted and then patted her pregnant belly. "Hello to you too, kiddo."
Harri pointed at him with her spoon, the tub of Ben & Jerry's carefully balanced on the top of her stomach. There were a few of Ali's lessons in pregnancy that she'd taken to heart. The diet of Ben & Jerry's was one of them. "You need to get your freshly shagged arse well away from me, love. I don't need to see you in afterglow state. I'm a pregnant woman forced to live in celibacy. It's fucking torture."
"It technically wasn't a shag and celibacy my gorgeous gay arse," Aiden snorted, throwing her a smirk. "I know you fucked Cameron. Was just wondering when you were going to let me in on that little secret. Clearly your fag hag status has dropped a few notches because of it," he said with a feigned put-out sniff, sticking his nose in the air.
Harri licked at the spoon as she arched an eyebrow. "That was ages ago, love. I think he's gone and found himself a much less pregnant shag. One that didn't come with baggage. It's not as if we could have ever kept it uncomplicated. And how has my fag hag status dropped a few inches?"
Aiden chewed on his lip in thought and gave a small shrug. "Can't say I blame him. Guy could use a break from the shite. First his brother tells him he got married without him, then he has the biggest fight ever with his brother, then goes and breaks his leg, maybe fucking his career forever, comes back here, thinks he's found someone worth sticking with, she gets knocked up and fucks him over, and then his brother lands back in hospital. How he is still functioning is beyond me. If he's getting a fuck somewhere, good on him. He doesn't need more baggage." He looked at her a little uncertainly. "Why did you fuck him, though, knowing all that? He was hardly a sound choice for you, either. Because of the secret keeping. Leave it to the fuck arse," he advised with a pointed raise of his eyebrow. "The one you still love."
Harri smirked a little. "Because Cameron is stronger than he thinks he is. He just needs to start believing it. He thinks he can't cope with what's going on, but he already is. Maybe he still needs to run back to England, but I honestly think he's better here with Pat. He can still do his rehab here, and there would be nothing to stop him once his leg's better. She's having his kids, Aiden. He needs to be here. He also needs to believe they are his kids." Harri scratched at her forehead as she shrugged. "He was here, and he wasn't James. And I really, really had to get laid. Do you have any idea how fucking horny I am twenty-four-seven?" She pressed her lips together and let out a sigh. "I can't help it."
Aiden looked up at the ceiling, still relaxed down in the chair, his legs hanging open loosely. It wasn't often he just completely relaxed and slugged around like this. It was sort of cathartic. But with Pat recuperating, Aiden had shortened his hours a little to be here some days. If nothing else, it was good for their marriage having more time together than usual. "It's his call to make. He thinks James will step into the father shoes. England is his home. We can't forget that. It's his safe haven and his familiar bubble. Everyone needs to have that to go and lick their wounds when things go up the shit. I mean, I don't personally doubt they are his kids, but he has every reason to doubt. Maybe he just doesn't think sacrificing his whole life for her is something he can pull off? Not after she did the backflip with James Bond."
"Not really and I'm not about to get pregnant to find out, either. No offense. Obviously it was weird or awkward because I don't get the feeling you did it more than once. And he's been kind of scarce around here lately, except when Pat's around as a buffer," he noted. "What is it with all these women and pining after fuckwits who fucked them over? I don't get vaginas or anything attached to them."
Harri set aside the ice cream, and struggled to reach forward and pick up a packet of crisps. She'd had enough of sweet, and needed the salty. She wasn't going to pretend she still wasn't hurt by James doing his own backflip. She was just starting to understand how important it was for both parents to be involved in their child's life. James begging her to be there for the birth was still fresh in her mind. So was the kiss. "So you'd be happy to keep me here longer? I don't know if the City's my bubble anymore. It's tainted. I can't really blame him for that, and I don't want to. I just don't want him to wake up one day and regret not being there for them."
"I love you, too," Harri murmured as she shot him a look. "I'm not all these women. I'm me. And he's the father to my kid, and the only guy I ever opened my heart for. I'm not saying he isn't a fuckwit, but he was my fuckwit. I kissed him, Aiden. I fucking kissed him."
Aiden smirked a little. "Come on. New York is always going to be your bubble. It just stinks a little right now. And look at me." He waved his hand around the trendy house. "Things change, but it doesn't mean you have to leave everything behind. Just balance it out. You need to decide what's best for the kid before anything else. After that, the rest will probably just fall into place. He might wake up one day and feel just that, but until then, he still doesn't think he has any part in this life."
"Wanna bet? You sound exactly Rachel. She's pining over her military asshole too. Eight months after they split. Please tell me you aren't going to still be- WHAT?" he shrieked and then put his hand over his mouth, remembering Pat was probably sleeping upstairs. "You what? Why the hell were you kissing him? I don't see him here! What was that going to achieve and how did that even happen?!"
Harri let her head fall back against the sofa and reached out to take Aiden's hand as she felt her baby kick. "Guess he's already decided New York's his bubble. This ain't no Princeton kid. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How do I work and have a new born? Even Ali's only just going back to work and her kid's nearly one year old. I wish I could help, but I probably did just fuck things up. I blame hormones."
"Eight months? Fuck. If I'm still pining in six months you can just take my vagina off me." Harri flinched at the shriek, and cursed as a few chips spilled out of the bag and down the side of the sofa. "Because he was there! And he was all sad, and hot, and James, and he's a fucking addiction! I couldn't help myself. It was at my office. He came to talk about the kid. It wasn't going to achieve anything, but he tasted so good."
Aiden fell silent as he looked at his hand on Harri's stomach. A tiny frown appeared on his forehead and he couldn't stifle a small sigh escaping him. It still hurt, he couldn't help it. He would give anything to be the one waiting for his own kid to be born. He couldn't shake that yearning no matter how hard he tried, and it was probably harder to process now knowing Pat's reasoning for not wanting kids, which they still hadn't talked about. He cleared his throat. "Ali had a lot of shit around her, and post-natal depression. You're going to be fine. You'll deal with it how you deal with everything in your life, you won't let it beat you because you hate failure and you hate losing. You're like me. This is just like when you started Razor. You'll find your feet and you'll be brilliant at it. Plus, Ali always planned to have the year off. That was her choice, just like with your kid, things will be your choice. You probably didn't fuck things up, you probably just made him feel awkward. You are pregnant with James' kid."
He cringed and started to dig the chips out. He couldn't help if he was an anal perfectionist who liked clean. In that sense, he more than fit the gay stereotype. "What? Talk about the kid in what way? How did that go to you sticking your tongue down is throat? You just let him kiss you and again let him go back to Isabel? Fuck, I need to lock you in a box or something!"
Harri picked up the vibe and took her hand off his so he could stop touching her belly if he wanted. She just wanted to share this with her BFF, and she felt a pang in her heart every time she saw that look on his face. She'd taken the chance away from him without even realising until it was too late. Some days she wished she was carrying his kid and not her own. She bit her lip, and frowned a little. "I think maybe I want to take the year off, too. I have no idea how I'm really supposed to cope without the magazine, but I need to try. I need to get this right, Aiden. This is my kid. I can't fuck it up, so I need to take the time to get it right. I can't stop being pregnant with his kid! It's a bit late now. I just needed a favour, and I know it was selfish, but I was desperate. If I could live off watching you masturbate, I would."
Harri rolled her eyes playfully, and watched him. She always tried to make sure she ate neatly, but there were times when she just made a mess. And then amused herself watching Aiden clean it up. He was like the world's most buff and stylish vacuum cleaner. "About being in their life, and being there for the birth. He's not walking away from them. He didn't kiss me! I kissed him. I don't really know how it happened, it just happened. Can you at least make sure the box has gay porn?"
Aiden didn't take his hand away. That was his godson in there, and was probably the closest he would ever be to being a father figure type person. He would be there whenever the kid needed him, and Pat too. They were both excited about his impending birth. Aiden just wished one day he would know what it was like to be a father, but he didn't think it would ever happen. Every time Pat took a turn for the worst, it was a reminder how hard things could be when he was ill. Some days, he couldn't even get out of bed. Some days, Aiden just wanted to join him, when it got too much and his heart hurt seeing his husband in so much pain. But he still thought, through everything, having a kid was priceless. "There is no reason why you can't. The place isn't going to go down the pan if you have a year off. You hand pick your support staff, you have the best in the business. You might not get another chance at this. Look at Ali. Maybe some people just get one chance, but they don't know it. You have to just do what you need to and enjoy him. Enjoy your baby. It's the very early days that will nuture who he becomes. If you aren't there, he's going to draw the influence from other things. Yeah, but you didn't need to bollock Cameron. If you begged him enough, he wasn't going to say no, no matter how weird it felt for him." He scratched himself a little. "I'm spent, you might need to wait."
He was still brushing the cushion off the chair off for any miniscule grains of salt left. He scrunched his nose up. "You never do anything easy, do you? Isn't 'it just happened' how you got into this mess? One day, you're going to get into a mess with him you have absolutely no way of digging yourself out of. He's with Izzy. What is it with you lot and fucking infidelity? My inner married values are cringing right now. You all need to stop, get your heads out of your asses and realise who you love. None of this being in love with two people crap. It doesn't happen. Feelings just get skewed by other factors. You need to figure out what you want, and so do they. If he let you kiss him, he clearly still doesn't know. And if Izzy still wants Cameron, she's going to have to really get her finger out, because once he goes back to England, I really doubt he'll ever come back here permanently again."
Harri put her hand back over Aiden's and sighed. That was one thing about her BFF. No matter what, he always seemed to nail things right on the head. Maybe it was because he was gay. Boobs didn't distract him, so he was able to reach logical conclusions. "I suppose if it was going to be any time, it should be now. All the staff in place are actually good. I haven't had to be there as much to fix any idiotic mistakes. If the same team can stay in place for at least a year, I'm laughing. It would be the first time in ages I could take leave and not actually be at the office during it." Harri gave him a look. "I was desperate! And I apologised. I didn't scar him completely, though. He's off bollocking whoever his mystery girl is. He'll get the pregnant cooties off his dick." She smirked. "I didn't mean right now, love. But thanks."
"We're crazy, mixed up, heterosexuals?" Harri suggested as she raised her eyebrows. "I didn't fucking ask to still love him. I just do. And all I did was kiss him. I'm not fucking stupid enough to bonk him while he's seeing her. I'm no one's other woman. I'm not in love with two people. I'm in love with one. I know what I fucking want. He just needs to work out what he wants besides being in the kid's life."
Aiden pressed his lips together and looked at her. "And what if they weren't good, and they were making mistakes, and could get the thing out there, but maybe not to your absolute perfection? Would you raise the kid in your office? Leave him with your receptionist while you kept working?" he asked her pointedly. "What if he is your only chance? Like RJ to Tara and Lachlan? I say fuck the magazine and do whatever it takes to be the best mother you can be so the kid doesn't hate you by the time he is toilet trained. Don't be another Upper East Side mother and let a nanny raise him. You've made enough money to survive your whole life, and James is going to support you too, whether you want him to or not." He pointed to her stomach. "You created him, you're carrying him. But that's the easy part. Some people never get the chance, while others out there can breed like fucking rabbits and can't even see how amazing their own kids are. Please, for me, don't be one of those parents. I'll do anything I can for the little boy, but nothing can match his Mum and Dad."
"You kissed him. I don't give a fuck if cocks or vaginas weren't involved. If Pat kissed someone else-" He had to stop and exhale sharply. "The same emotions are involved. You love him. The kiss was as good as cheating. But maybe just... I dunno. It was a huge thing for him to come and tell you he still wanted that. A lot of blokes would just fuck off and not want a piece of it. Maybe he needs to process one thing at a time. I think his about turn with Isabel was an emotional reaction. Panic, maybe. Sounds like the guy has just been floundering for years to do the right thing and acts before he can know what the consequences are. Don't get me wrong, I still want to smack him down and make him bleed, but when you stop and think about it, he keeps fucking up when he's trying to do the right thing. He never once said he didn't still love you, he just didn't think it was fair to stay with you when he still had feelings for her."
Harri put her other hand on her stomach and made a face. "My parents were those parents. I never, ever want to be them. You have to stop me being them, okay? If I talk about going to the office, you need to strap me down and put the kid in my fucking arms. I couldn't do that to him. I just couldn't. I need him to know his mother loves him. I'm so fucking scared to be them, and have my kid grow up hating me."
She took his hand in hers, and gave it a squeeze. She hadn't meant to drag up the bad memory for Aiden. Sometimes she just wanted to stick her foot in her mouth, only there was no getting it past the baby bump. "He's always going to have feelings for her. They're... linked. It's like you and me, but they're straight. Dicks and vaginas never get in the way with us. I watch you masturbate, but it's only because you're my living gay porn and you know how to look after me. They're that close, just they don't stop at watching each other masturbate. They have to fuck each other."
"It's a conscious choice you have to make in your head, love. I can't do that for you. You've got to want him to be your priority, or you're screwed. You may as well hire a nanny, at least they'll love him. You need to realise the magazine isn't your whole life anymore. I mean, he was an accident, sure, but it was in the early days that you realised you wanted to be the best parent with him you could. You and James both did. It's got to be hard for him being away from this. But what I'm saying is, basically, fuck them all. He's the only one that's your flesh and blood," Aiden reasoned, and stuck his hand up under his shirt to scratch his stomach. He was quiet for a moment before, "Fuck, I really want to be a Dad."
He didn't let himself linger on the thought, though. He shoved the discontent down inside. "Would you fuck me if I was straight?" he asked bluntly, but the question did reach her point.
"Of course I wouldn't fuck you. Okay, maybe back in the day, but not now. Actually, if you'd have been straight maybe I would have married you. Or maybe you would have met Pat and turned gay anyway." Harri forgot about herself finally, and slipped her arm around Aiden's shoulders as she pulled him closer to kiss his temple. "Then you need to do what you do best. You need to come up with an action plan for convincing Pat that it's a dream he shouldn't give up. That it's a dream you can still share together. There has to be a way."
Aiden shrugged a little. "Probably would have. I fell for him before I even saw his cock. That's gay kismet right there. Rare, rare thing. Usually the cock comes first. But that's my whole point. How would you have felt if I was straight, we got it on, then I died. Right? I died, and you moved on, found James. Then I came back. How would you feel?" He shook his head. "I can't. It distresses him enough to the point he couldn't even talk to me about it. At first, I was pissed off he was keeping things from me, until I realised it was because he literally could not talk to me about it because he knew it would hurt me. If I bring it up, I'll upset him. It's hard enough for him to shake the guilt that I've taken him on with a disability, but this is just... let me find a metaphor. It would be like if someone told you that you could only raise your kid and keep Razor if you chopped your legs off."
Harri glared at him. "I'd fucking kill you myself. No one does that to me, and gets away with. No matter how much I love them. I don't get fucking played, love. Just pregnant. And dumped. I know it's hard for her, I do. I know it's confusing. Why do you think I agreed to that closure bullshit?" Harri's face relaxed and she blew out a breath. "It's because you have gay kismet that you should still risk talking to him about it. Make him understand he has nothing to feel guilty about."
Aiden shook his head. "I don't believe you," he told her quietly, watching her face. "You know I don't always buy the kick-arse tough bitch act. How would you feel if someone told you tomorrow that I died? Because take that feeling and put it in the context I said before. How would you feel if I called you this afternoon and told you James was dead? Maybe it wasn't closure they were looking for but just some way to feel deep down that he really was still alive." He rubbed his fingers over his forehead. "You've seen him when he's at his worst," he mumbled.
Harri's head fell back against the sofa as her heart clenched. She'd be devastated. In fact, she was pretty sure she'd be broken if Aiden died. And she had a gut feeling she'd be the same with James. She did love him. He was the father of her baby. "So what exactly are you trying to say? Would you be okay if I got back with him?" Harri nodded. "Yeah, and you didn't have to do anything on your own. You saw how many people were there for him. For you both. We'd never let you struggle with him, or a baby."
"I'm trying to say is that it was just 'closure bullshit'. It was fucking grief. It was a whole lot of mixed up shit. Everyone got hurt, and everyone got confused, but I don't think he stopped loving you. I just think part of him still thought he should be loving her. He had to lose her too. I would be fucking damn surprised as all hell if they went back to this and just picked up where they left off, because I know human nature. It wouldn't be like that. You can't have something like that happen and it not change you. Neither can you have things like falling in love with other people, conceiving kids with other people and it not change you. If he gets his head out of his fucking arse and stops hurting you, then yes, I would be okay with it." Aiden pushed his fingers through his hair and looked up at the ceiling. "Everyone has their own lives. They rally together when he's sick, of course they do. A baby is a lifelong thing. That's Pat's whole point. He isn't going to get better. He might stay as he is in this pattern, but he it's either that or he gets worse, and we never know if the next attack is going to disable him, or worse."
"I hate it when you use logic," Harri revealed with a wry smile. "How dare you make more sense than me. But you're right. Of course you're fucking right. And also, I'm going to remind you that you said you'd be okay if that ever does happen. You two getting along is something I'd pay to see." Harri pointed at her. "And one you're willing to help me with, so I can help you. There's already kids in the group, and people seem to be able to rally just fine. Look at Jamie and Ali. They're surrounded by people that care about them, and love them, and are there to help out. And help Andrew, too. What the fuck else is family for? I know it's tough with Pat, but come on, love... It's not entirely impossible. It might even help him."
"I'm not pregnant with all the blood rushing in a southerly direction. Okay, well not right this minute. There was definitely an element of blood rushing a little while ago. But I'm awesome, remember. I can function both heads simultaneously." Aiden waved his hand loosely in the air, indicating he could tap into that feminine streak if he needed to. "I didn't say we would get along, I just said I would be okay if he stepped up and realised where he was meant to be. Which makes me sound like a right fuckhead, because I like Isabel. At least, I did before she hurt you and my brother-in-law. But I think she belongs with Cameron now. Pat seems to think she still loves him, but he won't get involved."
He sighed. "I know what you're trying to say - and do- and I appreciate, love. I do. It's just... they aren't the ones who have to try and get him to the bathroom in the middle of the night when he's sick and in agony. They aren't the ones who try and force him through physio when he can barely put a cup to his mouth, or see the horrified look on his face when he can't even remember something from two minutes ago or form his own name on his lips. Who has to bathe him and dress him when he can't walk. And you know what? Those bad days, I can hardly function myself because my heart hurts so much. Would I really cope with a baby?"
Harri laughed as she bumped her knee against his. "Lucky you. Right now I have to admit I'm not sure I have the energy to get off this couch, let alone fuck someone. Having said that... not sure I'd turn anyone down." She raised her hand. "I stand corrected. I should never assumed you'd ever get on. And I liked her too before all the shit. I think her and Cameron could have been good together. Guess she's missed her chance if he's going back to England."
"Maybe that's just when you cope with Pat, and someone else copes with the baby? Your heart hurts because you love him, Aiden. He's your husband. Of course it sucks to watch him suffer." Harri pressed her lips together as she shrugged a little. "I wish I did have answers, but I just don't want to see you both miss out when you'd make fantastic fathers. Maybe you should talk to Lachlan, or someone. Get some advice just to maybe clear it in your head a little."
"There's a hot new nurse at the hospital that Evie and Riley have been perving on. He works on Pat's ward. Maybe he'll help you out? I personally haven't seen him, but I hear he's pretty cute," Aiden said with a smirk. He hummed softly in thought. "You know, I have no idea about the whole England thing. I just know that Cameron gets panicky when I ask him about it, and ask how he'll cope being away from Pat. I think the twin mojo is kicking in. I don't know if he'll cope being away from Pat while he's injured. He thinks he can, but I'm seriously doubting it. Pat might not be strong physically, but he's holding Cameron up more than those crutches are."
He nodded slightly, but he still had an uncertain frown on his face. "I don't know if I could just hand the baby over all the time, though. If it happened... big if there... wouldn't they be better understanding how it is to have a sick Dad? Maybe we would luck out and get a really easy kid. See, Tara and Lachlan offered for Tara to be the surrogate, with a donor egg. I guess the offer still stands. I'm scared to ask. I only know about it because Cameron spilt the beans when he spilt everything else."
Harri shook her head. "No way, fuck that. I'm not in a condition to be flirting with anyone, or trying to introduce myself to someone new. Besides, as Flynn so rightfully pointed out... fucking a pregnant woman isn't to everyone's taste." She struggled to reach forward and pick her ice cream back up. It was fairly melted by now, but she still started to eat it again. "I told him he shouldn't leave because of Pat. He needs his brother right now. They need each other. Even I get that."
"Maybe it's worth asking. Sometimes you got to take a risk," Harri replied as she gave him an encouraging smile. "Maybe I'm finally getting clucky, but I just want you to be happy. I want you both to be happy. Having a kid is something you both want... If you want it bad enough you'll find a way."
Aiden shrugged. "Hnh, I must just have a fetish for a hot arse in scrubs," he said, his eyes shining as he threw her another smirk. "And out of them. Flynn does have a point. If I was straight, I'd feel weird sleeping with someone who was knocked up with another person's baby. That's like, the baby's sleeping bag in there, and you're inviting an unfamiliar cock up there to say hello. Poor kid might be scarred for life. See, this is why I'm gay. The thought of a baby coming out of there doesn't horrify me, but having sex with one just doesn't do it for me. He wants to stay, he's just hurt. He thinks going back to his normal life will help him forget. Which is all well and good, but he'll be miserable. At least here, he has Pat. Back there, he won't."
"Asking is going behind Pat's back. Maybe putting Lachlan and Tara on the spot, which would be awkward considering one or both of them are around here every day to visit and make sure Pat's okay. Which is fine with me, because I love having RJ around, even if the crawling rolling thing he has started doing is unnerving. I've lost count of the amount of times he's rolled under the sofa and I can't get him out. He lies under there and laughs at me. This real cheeky giggle as if to say in baby language, fuck you, sucker. I think maybe I should just be an honourary uncle."
Harri arched her eyebrow slightly. "That hot, huh? And I know, okay? I know it's fucked having someone else shag me when I'm pregnant, but what else can I do? I don't want to have to act like I'm fucking diseased just because I'm knocked up. I can't put my life on hold either just because he's off finding himself." Harri tilted her head. "Has Pat actually asked him outright to stay? Has anyone?"
"Okay, so don't ask about the surrogacy. Just see if they think Pat will ever warm to the idea." Harri smirked. "I hate to see what my kid will come up with. He's probably going to be a total diva."
"No one is asking you to put your life on hold. You're just taking a bit of time out for the kid. I know you're horny and shit, but is it really healthy to want to fuck random blokes when you are this far along? Look at Ali. She delivered four weeks early, and Tara delivered seven weeks early. Maybe you just need to chill and stop overthinking everything. Zen is the key. And something has already cracked with El Secret Agent or he wouldn't have rocked up at your office and begged you to be a part of the kid's life. He would be off playing happy families with Isabel," Aiden reasoned and then had to shake his head. "Pat won't. He said Cameron needs to choose for himself to stay or he might resent Pat down the track if he just asked him to stay for emotional reasons. I get that, I guess. I mean, they've been twins forever, so they know how to read each other."
He stretched his long legs a little with a small yawn. "I know Lachlan is doubtful. He knows Pat really well and knows his guilt complex. The thing is, Pat is just... amazing with kids and babies. RJ will literally just lie in his arms for hours and not move. I thought getting married made you yearn for the whole family and kids thing, not extinguish it. RJ has got the cute deviant thing down because he looks so innocent doing it. Yours probably won't bother with the innocent act. Out and proud he will be."
"Zen? You want me to just sit here and meditate?" Harri looked down at her ice cream slushy. "Can I at least keep eating ice cream while I'm being zen? He just wants to be a father badly. He thinks loving his kid will complete him." She pressed her lips together thoughtfully. "I guess a lot of things need to be Cam's decision. Staying... believing Izzy about the babies... I don't really envy him. I just wish I could help more."
"Do you want kids with Pat, love? Because if you do, and you know he does, then you need to just take your tired balls in hand and find a way. Don't lose out on this." Harri smirked. "Well, if he's going to be out and proud he's got enough role models."
Aiden shrugged. "Fucked if I know. I wouldn't know what zen was if it bit me on the arse. I just get a feeling that is how Pat tackles the crap life throws at him. He doesn't meditate, he just taps into some positive something that the rest of us can't see which is why he would be an awesome Dad and-" He stopped with a frustration moan, putthing his hands over his face. "I hate this. Everyone is having kids and are happy with the changes in their life and it just feels like it's never going to happen. I'm never going to be a Dad. It's not the same being a cool uncle when you have to hand them back at the end of the day."
"Part of the reason, too, why it takes all my effort not to grab Cameron and shake him. He's got the whole package right there without even realising he wants it. I know it screws with his head too because he knows how much it means to Pat, but he never knew he wanted it or doesn't even know if he does. It's just hard to swallow while my own head is a mess trying to accept the fact I won't get the chance. Everyone being pregnant or with kids already too is hard. Not that I mean anything against you, love. It's just hard some days. I know being pregnant sucks and you're horny and can't stop eating or whatever, but I would take all that in a heartbeat if I could have a kid of my own. It's why I have nothing but respect for James for stepping up to the plate."
Harri reached out to take Aiden's hand as she held out a spoonful of sloppy ice cream for him. "Eat. It helps... Love, I'd make you pregnant myself in a heartbeat if I could. We could both be sitting here fat as, and eating as much ice cream as humanly possible. I want for you to be a dad, and I still hate myself for accidentally fucking you over. I never meant for any of this to happen this way. You shouldn't have to be a godfather to my kid when you could be having your own. It's just never going to happen if you don't just talk to Pat about it, and find a way. He deserves to know how you feel."
Aiden looked at the sloppy ice cream on the spoon, his nose scrunched up. "Cheers, but no thanks. No offense. I like my ice cream, you know, not a milkshake." He listened but shook his head. "I can't. Not while he's sick. I prefer him out of hospital. I'm just bitching. I'll get over it. I'm lucky to even have a husband, especially one as amazing as Pat."
Harri shrugged, and tipped the container up so she could just drink the melted ice cream. "You're loss. You are very, very lucky. And you're also gay, so bitching comes with the territory. You and I both know, however, that if he ever catches wind of you not being honest with him, sloppy ice cream is the least of your worries."
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Cameron was out... somewhere. He had been out somewhere a lot lately, but Aiden didn't interrogate him. He knew Pat would do that just fine on his own. Their house was more occupied than usual lately, too, with Harri camping out with them since she broke up with James and started maternity leave. After the break up, she just didn't want to deal with people like she usually did, so Aiden offered her the sanctuary of his home well away from the city for her to try and wrap her head around everything. She had been a great help while Pat was in hospital, too, and especially the way she so hand-on lovingly personally 'took care' of Pat's twin. That was real hospitality.
Aiden dropped down on the sofa beside Harri with a satisfied sigh, folding his hands across his chest as he melted into the chair. He turned to her with a grin. "Hi," he greeted and then patted her pregnant belly. "Hello to you too, kiddo."
Harri pointed at him with her spoon, the tub of Ben & Jerry's carefully balanced on the top of her stomach. There were a few of Ali's lessons in pregnancy that she'd taken to heart. The diet of Ben & Jerry's was one of them. "You need to get your freshly shagged arse well away from me, love. I don't need to see you in afterglow state. I'm a pregnant woman forced to live in celibacy. It's fucking torture."
"It technically wasn't a shag and celibacy my gorgeous gay arse," Aiden snorted, throwing her a smirk. "I know you fucked Cameron. Was just wondering when you were going to let me in on that little secret. Clearly your fag hag status has dropped a few notches because of it," he said with a feigned put-out sniff, sticking his nose in the air.
Harri licked at the spoon as she arched an eyebrow. "That was ages ago, love. I think he's gone and found himself a much less pregnant shag. One that didn't come with baggage. It's not as if we could have ever kept it uncomplicated. And how has my fag hag status dropped a few inches?"
Aiden chewed on his lip in thought and gave a small shrug. "Can't say I blame him. Guy could use a break from the shite. First his brother tells him he got married without him, then he has the biggest fight ever with his brother, then goes and breaks his leg, maybe fucking his career forever, comes back here, thinks he's found someone worth sticking with, she gets knocked up and fucks him over, and then his brother lands back in hospital. How he is still functioning is beyond me. If he's getting a fuck somewhere, good on him. He doesn't need more baggage." He looked at her a little uncertainly. "Why did you fuck him, though, knowing all that? He was hardly a sound choice for you, either. Because of the secret keeping. Leave it to the fuck arse," he advised with a pointed raise of his eyebrow. "The one you still love."
Harri smirked a little. "Because Cameron is stronger than he thinks he is. He just needs to start believing it. He thinks he can't cope with what's going on, but he already is. Maybe he still needs to run back to England, but I honestly think he's better here with Pat. He can still do his rehab here, and there would be nothing to stop him once his leg's better. She's having his kids, Aiden. He needs to be here. He also needs to believe they are his kids." Harri scratched at her forehead as she shrugged. "He was here, and he wasn't James. And I really, really had to get laid. Do you have any idea how fucking horny I am twenty-four-seven?" She pressed her lips together and let out a sigh. "I can't help it."
Aiden looked up at the ceiling, still relaxed down in the chair, his legs hanging open loosely. It wasn't often he just completely relaxed and slugged around like this. It was sort of cathartic. But with Pat recuperating, Aiden had shortened his hours a little to be here some days. If nothing else, it was good for their marriage having more time together than usual. "It's his call to make. He thinks James will step into the father shoes. England is his home. We can't forget that. It's his safe haven and his familiar bubble. Everyone needs to have that to go and lick their wounds when things go up the shit. I mean, I don't personally doubt they are his kids, but he has every reason to doubt. Maybe he just doesn't think sacrificing his whole life for her is something he can pull off? Not after she did the backflip with James Bond."
"Not really and I'm not about to get pregnant to find out, either. No offense. Obviously it was weird or awkward because I don't get the feeling you did it more than once. And he's been kind of scarce around here lately, except when Pat's around as a buffer," he noted. "What is it with all these women and pining after fuckwits who fucked them over? I don't get vaginas or anything attached to them."
Harri set aside the ice cream, and struggled to reach forward and pick up a packet of crisps. She'd had enough of sweet, and needed the salty. She wasn't going to pretend she still wasn't hurt by James doing his own backflip. She was just starting to understand how important it was for both parents to be involved in their child's life. James begging her to be there for the birth was still fresh in her mind. So was the kiss. "So you'd be happy to keep me here longer? I don't know if the City's my bubble anymore. It's tainted. I can't really blame him for that, and I don't want to. I just don't want him to wake up one day and regret not being there for them."
"I love you, too," Harri murmured as she shot him a look. "I'm not all these women. I'm me. And he's the father to my kid, and the only guy I ever opened my heart for. I'm not saying he isn't a fuckwit, but he was my fuckwit. I kissed him, Aiden. I fucking kissed him."
Aiden smirked a little. "Come on. New York is always going to be your bubble. It just stinks a little right now. And look at me." He waved his hand around the trendy house. "Things change, but it doesn't mean you have to leave everything behind. Just balance it out. You need to decide what's best for the kid before anything else. After that, the rest will probably just fall into place. He might wake up one day and feel just that, but until then, he still doesn't think he has any part in this life."
"Wanna bet? You sound exactly Rachel. She's pining over her military asshole too. Eight months after they split. Please tell me you aren't going to still be- WHAT?" he shrieked and then put his hand over his mouth, remembering Pat was probably sleeping upstairs. "You what? Why the hell were you kissing him? I don't see him here! What was that going to achieve and how did that even happen?!"
Harri let her head fall back against the sofa and reached out to take Aiden's hand as she felt her baby kick. "Guess he's already decided New York's his bubble. This ain't no Princeton kid. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How do I work and have a new born? Even Ali's only just going back to work and her kid's nearly one year old. I wish I could help, but I probably did just fuck things up. I blame hormones."
"Eight months? Fuck. If I'm still pining in six months you can just take my vagina off me." Harri flinched at the shriek, and cursed as a few chips spilled out of the bag and down the side of the sofa. "Because he was there! And he was all sad, and hot, and James, and he's a fucking addiction! I couldn't help myself. It was at my office. He came to talk about the kid. It wasn't going to achieve anything, but he tasted so good."
Aiden fell silent as he looked at his hand on Harri's stomach. A tiny frown appeared on his forehead and he couldn't stifle a small sigh escaping him. It still hurt, he couldn't help it. He would give anything to be the one waiting for his own kid to be born. He couldn't shake that yearning no matter how hard he tried, and it was probably harder to process now knowing Pat's reasoning for not wanting kids, which they still hadn't talked about. He cleared his throat. "Ali had a lot of shit around her, and post-natal depression. You're going to be fine. You'll deal with it how you deal with everything in your life, you won't let it beat you because you hate failure and you hate losing. You're like me. This is just like when you started Razor. You'll find your feet and you'll be brilliant at it. Plus, Ali always planned to have the year off. That was her choice, just like with your kid, things will be your choice. You probably didn't fuck things up, you probably just made him feel awkward. You are pregnant with James' kid."
He cringed and started to dig the chips out. He couldn't help if he was an anal perfectionist who liked clean. In that sense, he more than fit the gay stereotype. "What? Talk about the kid in what way? How did that go to you sticking your tongue down is throat? You just let him kiss you and again let him go back to Isabel? Fuck, I need to lock you in a box or something!"
Harri picked up the vibe and took her hand off his so he could stop touching her belly if he wanted. She just wanted to share this with her BFF, and she felt a pang in her heart every time she saw that look on his face. She'd taken the chance away from him without even realising until it was too late. Some days she wished she was carrying his kid and not her own. She bit her lip, and frowned a little. "I think maybe I want to take the year off, too. I have no idea how I'm really supposed to cope without the magazine, but I need to try. I need to get this right, Aiden. This is my kid. I can't fuck it up, so I need to take the time to get it right. I can't stop being pregnant with his kid! It's a bit late now. I just needed a favour, and I know it was selfish, but I was desperate. If I could live off watching you masturbate, I would."
Harri rolled her eyes playfully, and watched him. She always tried to make sure she ate neatly, but there were times when she just made a mess. And then amused herself watching Aiden clean it up. He was like the world's most buff and stylish vacuum cleaner. "About being in their life, and being there for the birth. He's not walking away from them. He didn't kiss me! I kissed him. I don't really know how it happened, it just happened. Can you at least make sure the box has gay porn?"
Aiden didn't take his hand away. That was his godson in there, and was probably the closest he would ever be to being a father figure type person. He would be there whenever the kid needed him, and Pat too. They were both excited about his impending birth. Aiden just wished one day he would know what it was like to be a father, but he didn't think it would ever happen. Every time Pat took a turn for the worst, it was a reminder how hard things could be when he was ill. Some days, he couldn't even get out of bed. Some days, Aiden just wanted to join him, when it got too much and his heart hurt seeing his husband in so much pain. But he still thought, through everything, having a kid was priceless. "There is no reason why you can't. The place isn't going to go down the pan if you have a year off. You hand pick your support staff, you have the best in the business. You might not get another chance at this. Look at Ali. Maybe some people just get one chance, but they don't know it. You have to just do what you need to and enjoy him. Enjoy your baby. It's the very early days that will nuture who he becomes. If you aren't there, he's going to draw the influence from other things. Yeah, but you didn't need to bollock Cameron. If you begged him enough, he wasn't going to say no, no matter how weird it felt for him." He scratched himself a little. "I'm spent, you might need to wait."
He was still brushing the cushion off the chair off for any miniscule grains of salt left. He scrunched his nose up. "You never do anything easy, do you? Isn't 'it just happened' how you got into this mess? One day, you're going to get into a mess with him you have absolutely no way of digging yourself out of. He's with Izzy. What is it with you lot and fucking infidelity? My inner married values are cringing right now. You all need to stop, get your heads out of your asses and realise who you love. None of this being in love with two people crap. It doesn't happen. Feelings just get skewed by other factors. You need to figure out what you want, and so do they. If he let you kiss him, he clearly still doesn't know. And if Izzy still wants Cameron, she's going to have to really get her finger out, because once he goes back to England, I really doubt he'll ever come back here permanently again."
Harri put her hand back over Aiden's and sighed. That was one thing about her BFF. No matter what, he always seemed to nail things right on the head. Maybe it was because he was gay. Boobs didn't distract him, so he was able to reach logical conclusions. "I suppose if it was going to be any time, it should be now. All the staff in place are actually good. I haven't had to be there as much to fix any idiotic mistakes. If the same team can stay in place for at least a year, I'm laughing. It would be the first time in ages I could take leave and not actually be at the office during it." Harri gave him a look. "I was desperate! And I apologised. I didn't scar him completely, though. He's off bollocking whoever his mystery girl is. He'll get the pregnant cooties off his dick." She smirked. "I didn't mean right now, love. But thanks."
"We're crazy, mixed up, heterosexuals?" Harri suggested as she raised her eyebrows. "I didn't fucking ask to still love him. I just do. And all I did was kiss him. I'm not fucking stupid enough to bonk him while he's seeing her. I'm no one's other woman. I'm not in love with two people. I'm in love with one. I know what I fucking want. He just needs to work out what he wants besides being in the kid's life."
Aiden pressed his lips together and looked at her. "And what if they weren't good, and they were making mistakes, and could get the thing out there, but maybe not to your absolute perfection? Would you raise the kid in your office? Leave him with your receptionist while you kept working?" he asked her pointedly. "What if he is your only chance? Like RJ to Tara and Lachlan? I say fuck the magazine and do whatever it takes to be the best mother you can be so the kid doesn't hate you by the time he is toilet trained. Don't be another Upper East Side mother and let a nanny raise him. You've made enough money to survive your whole life, and James is going to support you too, whether you want him to or not." He pointed to her stomach. "You created him, you're carrying him. But that's the easy part. Some people never get the chance, while others out there can breed like fucking rabbits and can't even see how amazing their own kids are. Please, for me, don't be one of those parents. I'll do anything I can for the little boy, but nothing can match his Mum and Dad."
"You kissed him. I don't give a fuck if cocks or vaginas weren't involved. If Pat kissed someone else-" He had to stop and exhale sharply. "The same emotions are involved. You love him. The kiss was as good as cheating. But maybe just... I dunno. It was a huge thing for him to come and tell you he still wanted that. A lot of blokes would just fuck off and not want a piece of it. Maybe he needs to process one thing at a time. I think his about turn with Isabel was an emotional reaction. Panic, maybe. Sounds like the guy has just been floundering for years to do the right thing and acts before he can know what the consequences are. Don't get me wrong, I still want to smack him down and make him bleed, but when you stop and think about it, he keeps fucking up when he's trying to do the right thing. He never once said he didn't still love you, he just didn't think it was fair to stay with you when he still had feelings for her."
Harri put her other hand on her stomach and made a face. "My parents were those parents. I never, ever want to be them. You have to stop me being them, okay? If I talk about going to the office, you need to strap me down and put the kid in my fucking arms. I couldn't do that to him. I just couldn't. I need him to know his mother loves him. I'm so fucking scared to be them, and have my kid grow up hating me."
She took his hand in hers, and gave it a squeeze. She hadn't meant to drag up the bad memory for Aiden. Sometimes she just wanted to stick her foot in her mouth, only there was no getting it past the baby bump. "He's always going to have feelings for her. They're... linked. It's like you and me, but they're straight. Dicks and vaginas never get in the way with us. I watch you masturbate, but it's only because you're my living gay porn and you know how to look after me. They're that close, just they don't stop at watching each other masturbate. They have to fuck each other."
"It's a conscious choice you have to make in your head, love. I can't do that for you. You've got to want him to be your priority, or you're screwed. You may as well hire a nanny, at least they'll love him. You need to realise the magazine isn't your whole life anymore. I mean, he was an accident, sure, but it was in the early days that you realised you wanted to be the best parent with him you could. You and James both did. It's got to be hard for him being away from this. But what I'm saying is, basically, fuck them all. He's the only one that's your flesh and blood," Aiden reasoned, and stuck his hand up under his shirt to scratch his stomach. He was quiet for a moment before, "Fuck, I really want to be a Dad."
He didn't let himself linger on the thought, though. He shoved the discontent down inside. "Would you fuck me if I was straight?" he asked bluntly, but the question did reach her point.
"Of course I wouldn't fuck you. Okay, maybe back in the day, but not now. Actually, if you'd have been straight maybe I would have married you. Or maybe you would have met Pat and turned gay anyway." Harri forgot about herself finally, and slipped her arm around Aiden's shoulders as she pulled him closer to kiss his temple. "Then you need to do what you do best. You need to come up with an action plan for convincing Pat that it's a dream he shouldn't give up. That it's a dream you can still share together. There has to be a way."
Aiden shrugged a little. "Probably would have. I fell for him before I even saw his cock. That's gay kismet right there. Rare, rare thing. Usually the cock comes first. But that's my whole point. How would you have felt if I was straight, we got it on, then I died. Right? I died, and you moved on, found James. Then I came back. How would you feel?" He shook his head. "I can't. It distresses him enough to the point he couldn't even talk to me about it. At first, I was pissed off he was keeping things from me, until I realised it was because he literally could not talk to me about it because he knew it would hurt me. If I bring it up, I'll upset him. It's hard enough for him to shake the guilt that I've taken him on with a disability, but this is just... let me find a metaphor. It would be like if someone told you that you could only raise your kid and keep Razor if you chopped your legs off."
Harri glared at him. "I'd fucking kill you myself. No one does that to me, and gets away with. No matter how much I love them. I don't get fucking played, love. Just pregnant. And dumped. I know it's hard for her, I do. I know it's confusing. Why do you think I agreed to that closure bullshit?" Harri's face relaxed and she blew out a breath. "It's because you have gay kismet that you should still risk talking to him about it. Make him understand he has nothing to feel guilty about."
Aiden shook his head. "I don't believe you," he told her quietly, watching her face. "You know I don't always buy the kick-arse tough bitch act. How would you feel if someone told you tomorrow that I died? Because take that feeling and put it in the context I said before. How would you feel if I called you this afternoon and told you James was dead? Maybe it wasn't closure they were looking for but just some way to feel deep down that he really was still alive." He rubbed his fingers over his forehead. "You've seen him when he's at his worst," he mumbled.
Harri's head fell back against the sofa as her heart clenched. She'd be devastated. In fact, she was pretty sure she'd be broken if Aiden died. And she had a gut feeling she'd be the same with James. She did love him. He was the father of her baby. "So what exactly are you trying to say? Would you be okay if I got back with him?" Harri nodded. "Yeah, and you didn't have to do anything on your own. You saw how many people were there for him. For you both. We'd never let you struggle with him, or a baby."
"I'm trying to say is that it was just 'closure bullshit'. It was fucking grief. It was a whole lot of mixed up shit. Everyone got hurt, and everyone got confused, but I don't think he stopped loving you. I just think part of him still thought he should be loving her. He had to lose her too. I would be fucking damn surprised as all hell if they went back to this and just picked up where they left off, because I know human nature. It wouldn't be like that. You can't have something like that happen and it not change you. Neither can you have things like falling in love with other people, conceiving kids with other people and it not change you. If he gets his head out of his fucking arse and stops hurting you, then yes, I would be okay with it." Aiden pushed his fingers through his hair and looked up at the ceiling. "Everyone has their own lives. They rally together when he's sick, of course they do. A baby is a lifelong thing. That's Pat's whole point. He isn't going to get better. He might stay as he is in this pattern, but he it's either that or he gets worse, and we never know if the next attack is going to disable him, or worse."
"I hate it when you use logic," Harri revealed with a wry smile. "How dare you make more sense than me. But you're right. Of course you're fucking right. And also, I'm going to remind you that you said you'd be okay if that ever does happen. You two getting along is something I'd pay to see." Harri pointed at her. "And one you're willing to help me with, so I can help you. There's already kids in the group, and people seem to be able to rally just fine. Look at Jamie and Ali. They're surrounded by people that care about them, and love them, and are there to help out. And help Andrew, too. What the fuck else is family for? I know it's tough with Pat, but come on, love... It's not entirely impossible. It might even help him."
"I'm not pregnant with all the blood rushing in a southerly direction. Okay, well not right this minute. There was definitely an element of blood rushing a little while ago. But I'm awesome, remember. I can function both heads simultaneously." Aiden waved his hand loosely in the air, indicating he could tap into that feminine streak if he needed to. "I didn't say we would get along, I just said I would be okay if he stepped up and realised where he was meant to be. Which makes me sound like a right fuckhead, because I like Isabel. At least, I did before she hurt you and my brother-in-law. But I think she belongs with Cameron now. Pat seems to think she still loves him, but he won't get involved."
He sighed. "I know what you're trying to say - and do- and I appreciate, love. I do. It's just... they aren't the ones who have to try and get him to the bathroom in the middle of the night when he's sick and in agony. They aren't the ones who try and force him through physio when he can barely put a cup to his mouth, or see the horrified look on his face when he can't even remember something from two minutes ago or form his own name on his lips. Who has to bathe him and dress him when he can't walk. And you know what? Those bad days, I can hardly function myself because my heart hurts so much. Would I really cope with a baby?"
Harri laughed as she bumped her knee against his. "Lucky you. Right now I have to admit I'm not sure I have the energy to get off this couch, let alone fuck someone. Having said that... not sure I'd turn anyone down." She raised her hand. "I stand corrected. I should never assumed you'd ever get on. And I liked her too before all the shit. I think her and Cameron could have been good together. Guess she's missed her chance if he's going back to England."
"Maybe that's just when you cope with Pat, and someone else copes with the baby? Your heart hurts because you love him, Aiden. He's your husband. Of course it sucks to watch him suffer." Harri pressed her lips together as she shrugged a little. "I wish I did have answers, but I just don't want to see you both miss out when you'd make fantastic fathers. Maybe you should talk to Lachlan, or someone. Get some advice just to maybe clear it in your head a little."
"There's a hot new nurse at the hospital that Evie and Riley have been perving on. He works on Pat's ward. Maybe he'll help you out? I personally haven't seen him, but I hear he's pretty cute," Aiden said with a smirk. He hummed softly in thought. "You know, I have no idea about the whole England thing. I just know that Cameron gets panicky when I ask him about it, and ask how he'll cope being away from Pat. I think the twin mojo is kicking in. I don't know if he'll cope being away from Pat while he's injured. He thinks he can, but I'm seriously doubting it. Pat might not be strong physically, but he's holding Cameron up more than those crutches are."
He nodded slightly, but he still had an uncertain frown on his face. "I don't know if I could just hand the baby over all the time, though. If it happened... big if there... wouldn't they be better understanding how it is to have a sick Dad? Maybe we would luck out and get a really easy kid. See, Tara and Lachlan offered for Tara to be the surrogate, with a donor egg. I guess the offer still stands. I'm scared to ask. I only know about it because Cameron spilt the beans when he spilt everything else."
Harri shook her head. "No way, fuck that. I'm not in a condition to be flirting with anyone, or trying to introduce myself to someone new. Besides, as Flynn so rightfully pointed out... fucking a pregnant woman isn't to everyone's taste." She struggled to reach forward and pick her ice cream back up. It was fairly melted by now, but she still started to eat it again. "I told him he shouldn't leave because of Pat. He needs his brother right now. They need each other. Even I get that."
"Maybe it's worth asking. Sometimes you got to take a risk," Harri replied as she gave him an encouraging smile. "Maybe I'm finally getting clucky, but I just want you to be happy. I want you both to be happy. Having a kid is something you both want... If you want it bad enough you'll find a way."
Aiden shrugged. "Hnh, I must just have a fetish for a hot arse in scrubs," he said, his eyes shining as he threw her another smirk. "And out of them. Flynn does have a point. If I was straight, I'd feel weird sleeping with someone who was knocked up with another person's baby. That's like, the baby's sleeping bag in there, and you're inviting an unfamiliar cock up there to say hello. Poor kid might be scarred for life. See, this is why I'm gay. The thought of a baby coming out of there doesn't horrify me, but having sex with one just doesn't do it for me. He wants to stay, he's just hurt. He thinks going back to his normal life will help him forget. Which is all well and good, but he'll be miserable. At least here, he has Pat. Back there, he won't."
"Asking is going behind Pat's back. Maybe putting Lachlan and Tara on the spot, which would be awkward considering one or both of them are around here every day to visit and make sure Pat's okay. Which is fine with me, because I love having RJ around, even if the crawling rolling thing he has started doing is unnerving. I've lost count of the amount of times he's rolled under the sofa and I can't get him out. He lies under there and laughs at me. This real cheeky giggle as if to say in baby language, fuck you, sucker. I think maybe I should just be an honourary uncle."
Harri arched her eyebrow slightly. "That hot, huh? And I know, okay? I know it's fucked having someone else shag me when I'm pregnant, but what else can I do? I don't want to have to act like I'm fucking diseased just because I'm knocked up. I can't put my life on hold either just because he's off finding himself." Harri tilted her head. "Has Pat actually asked him outright to stay? Has anyone?"
"Okay, so don't ask about the surrogacy. Just see if they think Pat will ever warm to the idea." Harri smirked. "I hate to see what my kid will come up with. He's probably going to be a total diva."
"No one is asking you to put your life on hold. You're just taking a bit of time out for the kid. I know you're horny and shit, but is it really healthy to want to fuck random blokes when you are this far along? Look at Ali. She delivered four weeks early, and Tara delivered seven weeks early. Maybe you just need to chill and stop overthinking everything. Zen is the key. And something has already cracked with El Secret Agent or he wouldn't have rocked up at your office and begged you to be a part of the kid's life. He would be off playing happy families with Isabel," Aiden reasoned and then had to shake his head. "Pat won't. He said Cameron needs to choose for himself to stay or he might resent Pat down the track if he just asked him to stay for emotional reasons. I get that, I guess. I mean, they've been twins forever, so they know how to read each other."
He stretched his long legs a little with a small yawn. "I know Lachlan is doubtful. He knows Pat really well and knows his guilt complex. The thing is, Pat is just... amazing with kids and babies. RJ will literally just lie in his arms for hours and not move. I thought getting married made you yearn for the whole family and kids thing, not extinguish it. RJ has got the cute deviant thing down because he looks so innocent doing it. Yours probably won't bother with the innocent act. Out and proud he will be."
"Zen? You want me to just sit here and meditate?" Harri looked down at her ice cream slushy. "Can I at least keep eating ice cream while I'm being zen? He just wants to be a father badly. He thinks loving his kid will complete him." She pressed her lips together thoughtfully. "I guess a lot of things need to be Cam's decision. Staying... believing Izzy about the babies... I don't really envy him. I just wish I could help more."
"Do you want kids with Pat, love? Because if you do, and you know he does, then you need to just take your tired balls in hand and find a way. Don't lose out on this." Harri smirked. "Well, if he's going to be out and proud he's got enough role models."
Aiden shrugged. "Fucked if I know. I wouldn't know what zen was if it bit me on the arse. I just get a feeling that is how Pat tackles the crap life throws at him. He doesn't meditate, he just taps into some positive something that the rest of us can't see which is why he would be an awesome Dad and-" He stopped with a frustration moan, putthing his hands over his face. "I hate this. Everyone is having kids and are happy with the changes in their life and it just feels like it's never going to happen. I'm never going to be a Dad. It's not the same being a cool uncle when you have to hand them back at the end of the day."
"Part of the reason, too, why it takes all my effort not to grab Cameron and shake him. He's got the whole package right there without even realising he wants it. I know it screws with his head too because he knows how much it means to Pat, but he never knew he wanted it or doesn't even know if he does. It's just hard to swallow while my own head is a mess trying to accept the fact I won't get the chance. Everyone being pregnant or with kids already too is hard. Not that I mean anything against you, love. It's just hard some days. I know being pregnant sucks and you're horny and can't stop eating or whatever, but I would take all that in a heartbeat if I could have a kid of my own. It's why I have nothing but respect for James for stepping up to the plate."
Harri reached out to take Aiden's hand as she held out a spoonful of sloppy ice cream for him. "Eat. It helps... Love, I'd make you pregnant myself in a heartbeat if I could. We could both be sitting here fat as, and eating as much ice cream as humanly possible. I want for you to be a dad, and I still hate myself for accidentally fucking you over. I never meant for any of this to happen this way. You shouldn't have to be a godfather to my kid when you could be having your own. It's just never going to happen if you don't just talk to Pat about it, and find a way. He deserves to know how you feel."
Aiden looked at the sloppy ice cream on the spoon, his nose scrunched up. "Cheers, but no thanks. No offense. I like my ice cream, you know, not a milkshake." He listened but shook his head. "I can't. Not while he's sick. I prefer him out of hospital. I'm just bitching. I'll get over it. I'm lucky to even have a husband, especially one as amazing as Pat."
Harri shrugged, and tipped the container up so she could just drink the melted ice cream. "You're loss. You are very, very lucky. And you're also gay, so bitching comes with the territory. You and I both know, however, that if he ever catches wind of you not being honest with him, sloppy ice cream is the least of your worries."
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