Sometimes
Sometimes, I get so frustrated with Matt I just want to get in the car and drive. Not far, and not for long, but just long enough to blow off steam and make him think about why I'm frustrated.
Don't get me wrong, I love him to death...he's the man of my dreams but he is still a guy. This morning was particularly hard for me. I am the one who's usually always up with Nolan in the early AM and all throughout the day, feeding and calming him - after all he gets his food directly from the source and Matt can't help out much there. Matt usually does one shift, between 12am and 2am, for me. After that it's all on me - which is fine, but when I ask him to help out or do something, that means I'm tired and I need a break. That means step up, get your ass outta bed and take over so I can just breathe for a minute. I love Nolan, but ever parent will tell you that you need a little space to breathe and - god forbid - catch up on sleep for a little while, especially when the baby is fussy as hell and nothing works to calm him.
Anyways, so back to this morning. I did the entire morning shift, feeding, changing, playing, cuddling - everything, and put Nolan in his swing. It was after 12pm and Matt still wasn't out of bed, so I went into our room and asked him to kindly wake up and watch Nolan while I jumped in the shower.
"But I need more sleep!" he complained. "Can't you just move the swing and him in here?" This seriously pissed me off, if anyone was going to complain about the lack of sleep - it should have been me.
I kinda lost my cool. "Fine then, stay in bed because you need your sleep. Who gives a fck if I want a shower!" I suppose I could have moved the swing into the bedroom and compromised, but I felt I shouldn't have to. I did all the night shifts and all I wanted was Matt to get up and start the day, it being nearly noon.
See, if our roles were reversed and I was Matt and he was me, I would have gotten out of bed. I would have come into the living room and tenderly steered Matt (aka the exhausted mother) to the shower and assured him that all would be taken care of.
But Matt? he slept on. I blasted music and decided to take my anger out on the kitchen. At 1:40, I tried again...having made tea. He bitched at me for having the music on so loud for the "neighbors upstairs" could here - wtf ever, it was after lunch hour and its not like THEY try to be quiet for us ever.
I didn't end up getting my shower. The bloody asshats upstairs wasted all the hot water.
But anyway, sometimes I get so upset. I mean how hard is it for him to ask me if I need anything? Why do I always have to ask him to do things? Even when it comes to his job, his future. He complains all the time that he hates the job he has, so I try to get him to go on Job Bank and start looking for a new one. Does he ever? No. He just complains more about "not being able to find something that pays as well", meanwhile he doesn't even TRY. I'm the one that found him this job in the first place.
Men can be complete asshats.
I still love Matt though, and know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But honestly, if I were to say this on my other blog or in person at all, my sisters would tell me this isn't how it's supposed to be, our significant others do things for us without being asked but really its not like he never does things for me, he DOES do things for me, lots of things. He works every single day, he lets me distribute the money how ever I feel fit - he's even going to let me spend a hundred and some odd bucks we don't have really on a dress I really wanna wear to my wedding. He's good to me, but sometimes I feel that it's not enough...maybe because the work of having a baby can never truly be divided. The mother almost always ends up doing more.
My sister, who is pregnant with her first, will find that out fast.
Don't get me wrong, I love him to death...he's the man of my dreams but he is still a guy. This morning was particularly hard for me. I am the one who's usually always up with Nolan in the early AM and all throughout the day, feeding and calming him - after all he gets his food directly from the source and Matt can't help out much there. Matt usually does one shift, between 12am and 2am, for me. After that it's all on me - which is fine, but when I ask him to help out or do something, that means I'm tired and I need a break. That means step up, get your ass outta bed and take over so I can just breathe for a minute. I love Nolan, but ever parent will tell you that you need a little space to breathe and - god forbid - catch up on sleep for a little while, especially when the baby is fussy as hell and nothing works to calm him.
Anyways, so back to this morning. I did the entire morning shift, feeding, changing, playing, cuddling - everything, and put Nolan in his swing. It was after 12pm and Matt still wasn't out of bed, so I went into our room and asked him to kindly wake up and watch Nolan while I jumped in the shower.
"But I need more sleep!" he complained. "Can't you just move the swing and him in here?" This seriously pissed me off, if anyone was going to complain about the lack of sleep - it should have been me.
I kinda lost my cool. "Fine then, stay in bed because you need your sleep. Who gives a fck if I want a shower!" I suppose I could have moved the swing into the bedroom and compromised, but I felt I shouldn't have to. I did all the night shifts and all I wanted was Matt to get up and start the day, it being nearly noon.
See, if our roles were reversed and I was Matt and he was me, I would have gotten out of bed. I would have come into the living room and tenderly steered Matt (aka the exhausted mother) to the shower and assured him that all would be taken care of.
But Matt? he slept on. I blasted music and decided to take my anger out on the kitchen. At 1:40, I tried again...having made tea. He bitched at me for having the music on so loud for the "neighbors upstairs" could here - wtf ever, it was after lunch hour and its not like THEY try to be quiet for us ever.
I didn't end up getting my shower. The bloody asshats upstairs wasted all the hot water.
But anyway, sometimes I get so upset. I mean how hard is it for him to ask me if I need anything? Why do I always have to ask him to do things? Even when it comes to his job, his future. He complains all the time that he hates the job he has, so I try to get him to go on Job Bank and start looking for a new one. Does he ever? No. He just complains more about "not being able to find something that pays as well", meanwhile he doesn't even TRY. I'm the one that found him this job in the first place.
Men can be complete asshats.
I still love Matt though, and know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But honestly, if I were to say this on my other blog or in person at all, my sisters would tell me this isn't how it's supposed to be, our significant others do things for us without being asked but really its not like he never does things for me, he DOES do things for me, lots of things. He works every single day, he lets me distribute the money how ever I feel fit - he's even going to let me spend a hundred and some odd bucks we don't have really on a dress I really wanna wear to my wedding. He's good to me, but sometimes I feel that it's not enough...maybe because the work of having a baby can never truly be divided. The mother almost always ends up doing more.
My sister, who is pregnant with her first, will find that out fast.