Childhood Hurt
I've always felt like my oldest sister, S, has disliked me. I used to think she walked on water and was the nicer of my other sisters, but only when I was in my late teens did I realize how untrue this was. She's always held a certain...distaste for me. Anytime I go to her with a problem or try to have a heart to heart, she gives me her opinion and it's usually a bad one.
I can remember talking to her about how I disliked my appearance and felt so ugly when near our other sister, K, at school because everyone was always calling me "Hot K's little sister" or something along those lines. After I said that, in tears already because some guy basically told me he'd rather date K than me, S told me that "I fish for compliments".
And my chronic pain disorder to her has never been a chronic pain disorder, it's been an excuse to be lazy. So many times in the past she's told me that I'm lazy and if I just worked out more and was more active then I'd be in less pain because my muscles weren't strong enough or something like that. Then she'd tell me "Oh, it's not your fault...it's mom and dad's for babying you".
To our cousin she bitches about me all the time, all the mistakes I'm making. She doesn't think I should marry Matt in August. She doesn't think Matt's a good enough guy for me because her husband does this and that and Matt doesn't. And cause he doesn't have a college education. News flash, they are two different people. And I get that Matt sometimes says no to my requests, I make a lot of them.
My family is very judgmental and distrustful. It hurts knowing that S thinks so low of me.
I'm having issues with my mom too. Lately, I can do no good in her eyes. She doesn't call or visit me anymore. When I first brought Nolan home, she was here every day...and then we had a fall out over something stupid. She wanted Matt and I to join her "ample business opportunity" (more like a money sucking scheme) and we didn't want to and I finally broke down and emailed her telling her that I'd like her to respect my choice in the matter and drop it.
And also cause she tried to spy on me on twitter because she had heard I was tweeting things that were "upsetting" - like having no money. WTF ever.
Now, I don't even want to call her and tell her about my wedding, because I can picture the tone she'll have about it. Not excited. Could care less. Too focused on her own goals - which I don't blame her, she spent years raising us and it is her turn to focus on herself. It just sucks when I know that she won't be excited about my wedding like she was for S's, and S won't be excited cause she doesn't like Matt and K doesn't have high opinions either.
And trust me, they aren't getting at something. They're looking for things in my life to pick apart. They always do that. They like to pretend they're a good judge of character when they really aren't. Not once did they take the time to even get to know Matt. They just go off what they "see" (or rather, assume).
They are all gonna flip nuts when they find out what my wedding dress looks like...
I can remember talking to her about how I disliked my appearance and felt so ugly when near our other sister, K, at school because everyone was always calling me "Hot K's little sister" or something along those lines. After I said that, in tears already because some guy basically told me he'd rather date K than me, S told me that "I fish for compliments".
And my chronic pain disorder to her has never been a chronic pain disorder, it's been an excuse to be lazy. So many times in the past she's told me that I'm lazy and if I just worked out more and was more active then I'd be in less pain because my muscles weren't strong enough or something like that. Then she'd tell me "Oh, it's not your fault...it's mom and dad's for babying you".
To our cousin she bitches about me all the time, all the mistakes I'm making. She doesn't think I should marry Matt in August. She doesn't think Matt's a good enough guy for me because her husband does this and that and Matt doesn't. And cause he doesn't have a college education. News flash, they are two different people. And I get that Matt sometimes says no to my requests, I make a lot of them.
My family is very judgmental and distrustful. It hurts knowing that S thinks so low of me.
I'm having issues with my mom too. Lately, I can do no good in her eyes. She doesn't call or visit me anymore. When I first brought Nolan home, she was here every day...and then we had a fall out over something stupid. She wanted Matt and I to join her "ample business opportunity" (more like a money sucking scheme) and we didn't want to and I finally broke down and emailed her telling her that I'd like her to respect my choice in the matter and drop it.
And also cause she tried to spy on me on twitter because she had heard I was tweeting things that were "upsetting" - like having no money. WTF ever.
Now, I don't even want to call her and tell her about my wedding, because I can picture the tone she'll have about it. Not excited. Could care less. Too focused on her own goals - which I don't blame her, she spent years raising us and it is her turn to focus on herself. It just sucks when I know that she won't be excited about my wedding like she was for S's, and S won't be excited cause she doesn't like Matt and K doesn't have high opinions either.
And trust me, they aren't getting at something. They're looking for things in my life to pick apart. They always do that. They like to pretend they're a good judge of character when they really aren't. Not once did they take the time to even get to know Matt. They just go off what they "see" (or rather, assume).
They are all gonna flip nuts when they find out what my wedding dress looks like...