Fic: Act Nine: The Kingdom (1/1), complete

[stormkpr]

Title: Act Nine: The Kingdom

Word count: 6,400

Rating: R

Pairing: Azazel/Riptide

Other Characters: Mystique, Angel, Magneto

Summary: The sequel to Riptide in Eight Acts. Riptide’s life after Shaw’s death and Magneto is now the leader

Disclaimer: I don’t own and I don’t make any money off of them

Comments

[akayalovesyaoi]

I'm sorry to say this, but I didn't like it. I'm not sure about the characterization, dare I say too naive at times. I understand the need to explain some things, but I get the feeling they're kids in the kindergarten rather than mutants (what's with all the interviewing on Erik's part), and I understand that sex might be important in a relationship (for some people), but frankly it's not essential in my opinion, because you love a person, a mind and yeah, maybe body too, but still 'allowed fornicating', because you can't have sex with your spouse at the moment, doesn't work for me, sorry. Where is the logic in this?

It doesn't work that way.

This kind of glide over characterization is painful to read as well :(

You have some good moments, but I think you need to work more on your characteristics and reasoning behind certain actions of the characters.

[stormkpr]

I do agree with you that sex is important but not essential in a relationship, but of course every couple is different and may have their own opionions.

Can you be more specific on which actions you think weren't reasoned out enough?

I gotta say your review was a bit painful, but I do appreciate that you took the time to read the fic and were (brutally) honest with your feedback.

[akayalovesyaoi]

I'm sorry for the brutality, but I do believe constructive criticism is needed to move forward.

The fact is, that if you want to prove that Azazel and Riptide are meant together/in love with each other, I think they could wait with sex till they both can do it without any pain, instead of looking for a surrogate sex partner. Because otherwise it makes Azazel look like a desperate horndog that doesn't give a crap, who he sleeps/has sex with. It doesn't bode well to his character, or rather lack of it.

It makes the whole relationship rather shallow and worthless, and reduces Riptide to nothing else, but a convenient body to have sex with when he's well. Otherwise it's sorry hun, need to fuck, have you seen someone, who could bend over for me?That's one thing that kind of hit me in the face, because I feel no love devotion there, it's flat sand doesn't seem much like a relationship

[akayalovesyaoi]

I apologize for typos, they got past me =_=

[tsukix]

Gosh, those comments were sure heated. I liked it (the fanfic). It was nice (the fanfic). Given the comments from akayalovesyaoi maybe this can be seen as a new challenge yeah? Maybe a different interpretation?

[stormkpr]

Thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it. Very glad you liked it.

Yeah, it is too bad on the heated exchange. I'm good with concrit, but it's not great when someone rarely or never leaves positive feedback and just leaves negative.

[jeza_red]

Hi, first time commenting here so bear with me

[stormkpr]

Thanks for reading and reviewing my fic! I appreciate it. I do appreciate the compliments too.

I'm sorry you didn't like my take on Riptide. I've written a lot of fics on this pairing and I tend to portray them a little differently in each one. This one is he a bit dependent on Azazel...he can't speak, after all. However, in the prequel to this fic, Azazel actually expressed the same sentiment - that he (Azazel) didn't care where they went as long as they were together.

As for the lack of monogamy...I agree with you personally but many or most male-male couples of that era did not practice monogamy, so whether you and I agree with that or not is beside the point! I wanted to be realistic on that point, plus there is the fact that Azazel clearly is not a saint. These are imperfect characters.

Clearly my knowledge of Russian is better than my knowledge of Spanish! I'd assumed that the J was a hard J, but I see that I might have to stand corrected on that point. :)

Thanks again for reading!

[jeza_red]

No, no, I don't know who's right here, I am just unsure if Riptide's name is pronounced in Spanish way - with J read like H - or in English way, with J as in Jack, the hard oneXD I just can't get it out of my headXD

[stormkpr]

Let me see what I can find out. My in-laws are Spanish-speaking and they might have a better sense. I shouldn't have just assumed that it's a hard J, but I will tell you what I find out. :)

[anonymous]

Oh my gosh, so beautiful. The last part is AMAZING. I love that Angle goes with Az and Janos.You are such a fantastic writer!

[stormkpr]

Thank you, anon reader!