Fic: Act Nine: The Kingdom (1/1), complete

[stormkpr]

Title: Act Nine: The Kingdom

Word count: 6,400

Rating: R

Pairing: Azazel/Riptide

Other Characters: Mystique, Angel, Magneto

Summary: The sequel to Riptide in Eight Acts. Riptide’s life after Shaw’s death and Magneto is now the leader

Disclaimer: I don’t own and I don’t make any money off of them

Comments

[akayalovesyaoi]

I'm sorry to say this, but I didn't like it. I'm not sure about the characterization, dare I say too naive at times. I understand the need to explain some things, but I get the feeling they're kids in the kindergarten rather than mutants (what's with all the interviewing on Erik's part), and I understand that sex might be important in a relationship (for some people), but frankly it's not essential in my opinion, because you love a person, a mind and yeah, maybe body too, but still 'allowed fornicating', because you can't have sex with your spouse at the moment, doesn't work for me, sorry. Where is the logic in this?

It doesn't work that way.

This kind of glide over characterization is painful to read as well :(

You have some good moments, but I think you need to work more on your characteristics and reasoning behind certain actions of the characters.

[stormkpr]

I do agree with you that sex is important but not essential in a relationship, but of course every couple is different and may have their own opionions.

Can you be more specific on which actions you think weren't reasoned out enough?

I gotta say your review was a bit painful, but I do appreciate that you took the time to read the fic and were (brutally) honest with your feedback.

[akayalovesyaoi]

I'm sorry for the brutality, but I do believe constructive criticism is needed to move forward.

The fact is, that if you want to prove that Azazel and Riptide are meant together/in love with each other, I think they could wait with sex till they both can do it without any pain, instead of looking for a surrogate sex partner. Because otherwise it makes Azazel look like a desperate horndog that doesn't give a crap, who he sleeps/has sex with. It doesn't bode well to his character, or rather lack of it.

It makes the whole relationship rather shallow and worthless, and reduces Riptide to nothing else, but a convenient body to have sex with when he's well. Otherwise it's sorry hun, need to fuck, have you seen someone, who could bend over for me?That's one thing that kind of hit me in the face, because I feel no love devotion there, it's flat sand doesn't seem much like a relationship

[akayalovesyaoi]

I apologize for typos, they got past me =_=

[stormkpr]

I had a few of my own - we'll have to both look the other way on those.

[stormkpr]

I guess I just plain disagree - in fact, I even see it as the opposite. Given that sex isn't essential in a relationship (as you said), if you love someone then you love someone regardless of who they sleep with. By letting Azazel sleep with someone else, it shows that their relationship goes beyond the physical. You see their love in many other moments in the fic (such as the scene where Riptide has the nightmare, the fact that Azazel leaves behind something he loves to do - getting rid of humans). Plus I am trying to be realistic. It's pretty well documented that many male-male couples of that era didn't practice monogamy. Also, Azazel is clearly not a saint and I wanted to be realistic about that. He’s not a bad man but not a really good one either, and I don’t wish the sugarcoat that. And finally, we have to explain Nightcrawler’s existence too.

The second one of my doubts is, the way Erik interviewed them. I understand they need to get to know each other, but it goes too smooth, like a job interview when you smile and pretend