Local but Distant Trans Friend who I Kind of Have a Crush on
There's a trans woman who lives in Regina who I've been talking to regularly on Facebook. I first saw her on a big FB group, and when I noticed she lived in Regina I asked her if she was aware of the local community. It turns out we have a ton of interests in common; trains, slide rules, fixing vintage things. Even more coincidental, she knows the Kenosha/Racine area really well, having dated a woman who was from that area, and having traveled there a lot with her dad who was a long-haul trucker and frequently had loads to bring to or from JI Case in Racine. At this point, we've also had two 3-hour-long phone calls! And in a continuing string of coincidence, she lives very, very close to the temporary apartment Miriam and I are in while our condo is rebuilt.
She also has serious chronic pain like Miriam, so the two of them have talked about that and gotten to know each other too. I really like her, and in fact am kind of crushing on her a bit. In a comment on Facebook, I told her that if it were not for the combination of Covid and, even more so, her being in a closed long-distance relationship, I would quite likely ask her out. And yet, because of Covid, her chronic and unpredictable pain, and my unpredictable mental state, we still have not gotten together in person.
That's only the second time in my life I have expressed romantic/sexual interest in someone who didn't ask me first, and the first time it was with Lisa who I'd known for nearly 10 years. (I'm so glad I asked Lisa!) I think this has a lot to do with transitioning. When I thought I was a boy, I didn't really know how to relate to people that way. As a girl, I think I do. I used to think I was demisexual; now I think I was just scared and confused. I've told Miriam that (again, if not for Covid) if there was a hookup app for trans people, I would seriously consider trying it out. I was *terrified* of hookup apps for the longest time, and I'm so frustrated that as I'm finally figuring myself out Covid is keeping me from exploring these things.
And yeah, that's still the biggest stressor in my life. Isolation due to Covid. I hate it so much.