craaaaaack
Sometimes, my brain is... special; this is one of those times. Potterverse/Warehouse 13; pre-canon for the latter, a bit AU but... somewhere in the vicinity of Harry's early school years for the former.
“No. Absolutely not. It isn’t happening.”
“My good man, you cannot possibly know the gravity of the situation--”
“Oh, yes, I can. You waltz in here and expect me to go dig something out of the Dark Vault - which, by the way, has its name for a very good reason - and hand it over to you so you can do God only knows what with it. Not gonna happen. And don’t even think about pointing that wand at me, it’s not gonna do you any good.”
Albus sighs; he hadn’t thought this would prove so difficult. “Would it help, at all, if I told you I only intend to destroy it?”
“Not really, no. But you can tell me why you think it’s so important. Which also won’t help you leave with it, but I should know and it might make you feel better.”
“That locket is instrumental in keeping a very dangerous man tied to this world.”
The man who had answered the door of the warehouse eyes Albus over the top of his glasses. “And that’s nothing the guy who brought it here didn’t tell me,” he says. “How do you think it ended up in the Dark Vault in the first place? Besides, if the neutralizer’s doing what it should, and there’s absolutely no reason it wouldn’t be, your bad guy can’t draw from it. It is not leaving the Warehouse.”
“I assure you, this is a very desperate situation indeed. The locket needs to be destroyed, not simply neutralized. If I cannot dispose of it soon, I can keep it well maintained until such time as I have the means.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. No one’s ever been able to find the wizards’ sector of Warehouse 12 - for all I know, you’re just planning to shove it in there without the proper oversight. Here, I know it’s in exactly the kind of storage it needs to be.”
Albus blinks. “I would keep watch over it myself, not simply store it in some warehouse.”
“Even better. How would you do that, wear it? At least the guy who brought it here knew it needed more help than he could give it. What makes you so sure you know better, I don’t know, but you’re not being very convincing.”
“May I ask who entrusted it to your care?”
The other man shrugs. “Never gave his name, and I didn’t ask for it. He said he’d removed it from its hiding place, and then left England in something of a hurry. When he couldn’t take care of it himself, he came here. Which is exactly what he should have done. I don’t ask how wizards hear about the Warehouse, I just take care of business and get them on their way.”
Albus does his best to ignore the overtones of suspicion in the other man’s voice. He has every confidence he can convince the man in time. “The fact remains that the locket needs to be destroyed. It could well be vital to the future well-being of the world.”
“You could say the same for just about anything in here. If it worries you that much, I’ve got some acid I can drop it in. Formula devised by Isaac Newton, it eats through everything but the neutralizer - anyway. That’s the best I can give you, and I told you not to point that wand at me, stop it. It wouldn’t do you any good anyway. You cast a spell at someone who’s inside the Warehouse, and you’ll only be facing your worst nightmare.”
“I like to think I’ve already done that, in my lifetime.”
The other man shakes his head, looking like he’s trying to restrain a laugh. “Most people do. But I’ve seen some of your monsters, and none of them are anywhere near as terrifying as Mrs. Frederic. So. You can take my word for it and get out of here, or you can not take my word for it and someone else will get you out of here. I really don’t recommend that option.”
Albus sighs. “I suppose I have no choice. Rest assured, I intend to see that the deed has been done.”
“You can do that to your heart’s content, but it’s not leaving the Warehouse. Things aren’t supposed to, once they come in.”
Albus is very highly dissatisfied, upon leaving South Dakota. He would have liked to be more certain that the matter would be seen to, but the infuriating man did have a point; aside from the matter of government entanglements, which are always more troublesome in America, Warehouses hold a jurisdiction unto themselves.
And rumor suggests that they do not fear wizards.
He gives it some time before attempting to follow through; when he does, there is no trace that the locket was ever in America. Under the circumstances, he supposes he can hope for little else.
“No. Absolutely not. It isn’t happening.”
“My good man, you cannot possibly know the gravity of the situation--”
“Oh, yes, I can. You waltz in here and expect me to go dig something out of the Dark Vault - which, by the way, has its name for a very good reason - and hand it over to you so you can do God only knows what with it. Not gonna happen. And don’t even think about pointing that wand at me, it’s not gonna do you any good.”
Albus sighs; he hadn’t thought this would prove so difficult. “Would it help, at all, if I told you I only intend to destroy it?”
“Not really, no. But you can tell me why you think it’s so important. Which also won’t help you leave with it, but I should know and it might make you feel better.”
“That locket is instrumental in keeping a very dangerous man tied to this world.”
The man who had answered the door of the warehouse eyes Albus over the top of his glasses. “And that’s nothing the guy who brought it here didn’t tell me,” he says. “How do you think it ended up in the Dark Vault in the first place? Besides, if the neutralizer’s doing what it should, and there’s absolutely no reason it wouldn’t be, your bad guy can’t draw from it. It is not leaving the Warehouse.”
“I assure you, this is a very desperate situation indeed. The locket needs to be destroyed, not simply neutralized. If I cannot dispose of it soon, I can keep it well maintained until such time as I have the means.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. No one’s ever been able to find the wizards’ sector of Warehouse 12 - for all I know, you’re just planning to shove it in there without the proper oversight. Here, I know it’s in exactly the kind of storage it needs to be.”
Albus blinks. “I would keep watch over it myself, not simply store it in some warehouse.”
“Even better. How would you do that, wear it? At least the guy who brought it here knew it needed more help than he could give it. What makes you so sure you know better, I don’t know, but you’re not being very convincing.”
“May I ask who entrusted it to your care?”
The other man shrugs. “Never gave his name, and I didn’t ask for it. He said he’d removed it from its hiding place, and then left England in something of a hurry. When he couldn’t take care of it himself, he came here. Which is exactly what he should have done. I don’t ask how wizards hear about the Warehouse, I just take care of business and get them on their way.”
Albus does his best to ignore the overtones of suspicion in the other man’s voice. He has every confidence he can convince the man in time. “The fact remains that the locket needs to be destroyed. It could well be vital to the future well-being of the world.”
“You could say the same for just about anything in here. If it worries you that much, I’ve got some acid I can drop it in. Formula devised by Isaac Newton, it eats through everything but the neutralizer - anyway. That’s the best I can give you, and I told you not to point that wand at me, stop it. It wouldn’t do you any good anyway. You cast a spell at someone who’s inside the Warehouse, and you’ll only be facing your worst nightmare.”
“I like to think I’ve already done that, in my lifetime.”
The other man shakes his head, looking like he’s trying to restrain a laugh. “Most people do. But I’ve seen some of your monsters, and none of them are anywhere near as terrifying as Mrs. Frederic. So. You can take my word for it and get out of here, or you can not take my word for it and someone else will get you out of here. I really don’t recommend that option.”
Albus sighs. “I suppose I have no choice. Rest assured, I intend to see that the deed has been done.”
“You can do that to your heart’s content, but it’s not leaving the Warehouse. Things aren’t supposed to, once they come in.”
Albus is very highly dissatisfied, upon leaving South Dakota. He would have liked to be more certain that the matter would be seen to, but the infuriating man did have a point; aside from the matter of government entanglements, which are always more troublesome in America, Warehouses hold a jurisdiction unto themselves.
And rumor suggests that they do not fear wizards.
He gives it some time before attempting to follow through; when he does, there is no trace that the locket was ever in America. Under the circumstances, he supposes he can hope for little else.