Always Attract (Chapter 76)
*I decided to post this tonight instead of tomorrow because 1) there's like nothing to read and 2) I need the distraction, so, Happy Wednesday everybody! BTW, starting in June I'm going to be working overnights now. Not really sure how that's going to effect the whole writing thing. Hopefully it won't, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it! :)
“Fuck you.”
Reid saw the whirl of blonde hair rush past him. “Well hello to you too Luke.”
“I’m not a blip. I never was, but…..I thought I was, for awhile anyway. You don’t want to talk about me being sick, then fine…we won’t, but we will talk about Chicago and everything else when it comes to what we feel for each other.”
“Felt,” Reid corrected.
Luke glared at him. “Felt…for you apparently. It’s still feel for me.”
“Why are you here Luke?”
“Our problems. They started way before you came back to Oakdale.”
“Did they now?”
“Yes, they did.”
“Uh-huh. Feel free to explain to me what “our problems” were.”
“For starters,” Luke said gesturing wildly, “I know fucking absolutely nothing about you. Do you realize that Reid? Fucking Nothing!”
“That’s not true,” he said indignantly.
“Really? I think it is. I can tell you little mundane things like your favorite book or food or color, but I don’t even know where you’re from Reid. I don’t know any of your past. I don’t know if your parents are alive or if you have any brothers or sisters. Don’t you find that odd? You know all of this stuff about me; my past, my family….everything, but I know none of what makes you, you.” He stood closer to Reid looking straight through his soul. “You took me ice skating. You held my hand and you told me that I know the important parts; that the rest was unimportant, but Reid….that’s not good enough. It was never going to be good enough. I told you that I wanted to know it all. For reasons unknown, I wanted to be let in to every part of you. That’s what was important to me. You let me get close Reid, but you never let me completely in. Would you have ever?”
“Don’t try to blame our current predicament on me,” Reid said avoiding the question.
“I’m not,” Luke said shaking his head. “I’m just trying to let you know how I felt.”
“What do you want from me Luke?”
“I want……I want you to…….God Reid…..I went to Dallas.”
“You….went to Dallas?” Reid looked confused. He had no idea what Luke was talking about.
“You were angry with me because I changed my phone number and you didn’t think that I cared, but I did. It had been a few months and I hadn’t heard from you either, so I just thought….that was it, you know? That I was just some sort of…..”
“Blip?” Reid filled in for him.
“Yes,” he said dejectedly. “I thought that maybe….maybe you not letting me in all the way was because you never wanted to, to begin with. I have this way of romanticizing things. I’m overly emotional and I know this. Trust me, it’s one of my many faults. But…I found out…..” he sighed. “You don’t want to talk about that yet, but….I just needed to know. I needed to know if it was all in my head or if you felt the same way too, so I went to Dallas and I saw you…….with Matt.”
Reid stood still, with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Luke watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down with hearing that bit of information.
“You looked…..happy….content.” Luke felt the rush of emotions overwhelming him again.
“And you didn’t say…anything?”
“I didn’t want to disrupt your life with my problems. Besides, after seeing you two together, I didn’t think….” He shook his head, “so I went home.”
Reid sat down on the couch.
“Can I ask you a question?” Luke said sitting down on the opposite side. “If Matt hadn’t broken up with you…would you have broken up with him and decided to fight for me?”
Reid stared straight ahead. “I don’t…..I don’t know.”
Luke nodded. “I told you I loved you and you told me you loved me, but neither one of us ever really let the other one in. You still weren’t ready to and everything you learned about me came from other people…for the most part anyway.”
“So we were both idiots at some point. But afterwards, when it looked like we were getting somewhere…..”
“I didn’t think you were ready to talk about that.”
“I’m not,” he said quickly.
“Who is he?” Luke asked.
“Who’s who?”
Luke took a deep breath. “The guy you’re seeing.” Reid looked at him questioningly. “I went to find you the night I came back and saw you with him at the hospital.”
“He’s a doctor.”
Luke laughed shortly. “I figured that much, but that doesn’t really answer my question. Who is he?”
“His name’s Jared. He’s a cardiologist.”
Luke couldn’t help the snort that came out. “A heart doctor. Go figure.” He glanced at Reid out of the corner of his eye, then bit his lip nervously. “Is it serious?”
“Luke,” he shook his head.
“I just…..I’ve messed up so many things,” he sniffled, “and I can’t take them back. We can’t change the past. All I want now, more than anything…is for you to be happy.” He stood up and headed towards the front door. Turning around, he wiped the steady stream of tears from his face. “I want you to know before I go, that I never slept with Noah, not since I met you. I also had the marriage annulled.” He paused before continuing. “I also want you to know that if you….” Luke swallowed the lump forming in his throat, “if you love him…this Jared…then I’ll leave you alone. Whatever you want Reid, but if not…and if there’s still a part of you that feels any kind of love towards me, then I’ll be here…waiting. Whenever you’re ready to hear more. It’s up to you.”
Reid watched as Luke left. He didn’t quite know what he was feeling at the moment. He was still angry. He also felt a sense of sadness washing over him. Sadness and regret. He knew that Luke was right. He had never fully opened up to him. The fact was he still wasn’t ready to open up to him or anyone about his past and his family. And if he was honest with himself…he didn’t know if he would have been willing to sacrifice a good relationship with Matt for an attempt with Luke. Matt was…..safe and Luke was anything but. Matt made that decision for him though and told him to put himself out there. It was all so complicated; way too complicated for his liking. If the both of them would’ve just had the guts to admit how they felt about each other, to admit that they were falling in love with each other. If one of them had just said the words out loud, that night when they were making love under the Christmas tree. Love. So many things could’ve been different. But they didn’t…and they aren’t. There was still so much that would eventually have to be said. Questions that Reid still weren’t ready to have the answers to. The biggest question of all maybe being ‘Where do they go from here?’
“Fuck you.”
Reid saw the whirl of blonde hair rush past him. “Well hello to you too Luke.”
“I’m not a blip. I never was, but…..I thought I was, for awhile anyway. You don’t want to talk about me being sick, then fine…we won’t, but we will talk about Chicago and everything else when it comes to what we feel for each other.”
“Felt,” Reid corrected.
Luke glared at him. “Felt…for you apparently. It’s still feel for me.”
“Why are you here Luke?”
“Our problems. They started way before you came back to Oakdale.”
“Did they now?”
“Yes, they did.”
“Uh-huh. Feel free to explain to me what “our problems” were.”
“For starters,” Luke said gesturing wildly, “I know fucking absolutely nothing about you. Do you realize that Reid? Fucking Nothing!”
“That’s not true,” he said indignantly.
“Really? I think it is. I can tell you little mundane things like your favorite book or food or color, but I don’t even know where you’re from Reid. I don’t know any of your past. I don’t know if your parents are alive or if you have any brothers or sisters. Don’t you find that odd? You know all of this stuff about me; my past, my family….everything, but I know none of what makes you, you.” He stood closer to Reid looking straight through his soul. “You took me ice skating. You held my hand and you told me that I know the important parts; that the rest was unimportant, but Reid….that’s not good enough. It was never going to be good enough. I told you that I wanted to know it all. For reasons unknown, I wanted to be let in to every part of you. That’s what was important to me. You let me get close Reid, but you never let me completely in. Would you have ever?”
“Don’t try to blame our current predicament on me,” Reid said avoiding the question.
“I’m not,” Luke said shaking his head. “I’m just trying to let you know how I felt.”
“What do you want from me Luke?”
“I want……I want you to…….God Reid…..I went to Dallas.”
“You….went to Dallas?” Reid looked confused. He had no idea what Luke was talking about.
“You were angry with me because I changed my phone number and you didn’t think that I cared, but I did. It had been a few months and I hadn’t heard from you either, so I just thought….that was it, you know? That I was just some sort of…..”
“Blip?” Reid filled in for him.
“Yes,” he said dejectedly. “I thought that maybe….maybe you not letting me in all the way was because you never wanted to, to begin with. I have this way of romanticizing things. I’m overly emotional and I know this. Trust me, it’s one of my many faults. But…I found out…..” he sighed. “You don’t want to talk about that yet, but….I just needed to know. I needed to know if it was all in my head or if you felt the same way too, so I went to Dallas and I saw you…….with Matt.”
Reid stood still, with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Luke watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down with hearing that bit of information.
“You looked…..happy….content.” Luke felt the rush of emotions overwhelming him again.
“And you didn’t say…anything?”
“I didn’t want to disrupt your life with my problems. Besides, after seeing you two together, I didn’t think….” He shook his head, “so I went home.”
Reid sat down on the couch.
“Can I ask you a question?” Luke said sitting down on the opposite side. “If Matt hadn’t broken up with you…would you have broken up with him and decided to fight for me?”
Reid stared straight ahead. “I don’t…..I don’t know.”
Luke nodded. “I told you I loved you and you told me you loved me, but neither one of us ever really let the other one in. You still weren’t ready to and everything you learned about me came from other people…for the most part anyway.”
“So we were both idiots at some point. But afterwards, when it looked like we were getting somewhere…..”
“I didn’t think you were ready to talk about that.”
“I’m not,” he said quickly.
“Who is he?” Luke asked.
“Who’s who?”
Luke took a deep breath. “The guy you’re seeing.” Reid looked at him questioningly. “I went to find you the night I came back and saw you with him at the hospital.”
“He’s a doctor.”
Luke laughed shortly. “I figured that much, but that doesn’t really answer my question. Who is he?”
“His name’s Jared. He’s a cardiologist.”
Luke couldn’t help the snort that came out. “A heart doctor. Go figure.” He glanced at Reid out of the corner of his eye, then bit his lip nervously. “Is it serious?”
“Luke,” he shook his head.
“I just…..I’ve messed up so many things,” he sniffled, “and I can’t take them back. We can’t change the past. All I want now, more than anything…is for you to be happy.” He stood up and headed towards the front door. Turning around, he wiped the steady stream of tears from his face. “I want you to know before I go, that I never slept with Noah, not since I met you. I also had the marriage annulled.” He paused before continuing. “I also want you to know that if you….” Luke swallowed the lump forming in his throat, “if you love him…this Jared…then I’ll leave you alone. Whatever you want Reid, but if not…and if there’s still a part of you that feels any kind of love towards me, then I’ll be here…waiting. Whenever you’re ready to hear more. It’s up to you.”
Reid watched as Luke left. He didn’t quite know what he was feeling at the moment. He was still angry. He also felt a sense of sadness washing over him. Sadness and regret. He knew that Luke was right. He had never fully opened up to him. The fact was he still wasn’t ready to open up to him or anyone about his past and his family. And if he was honest with himself…he didn’t know if he would have been willing to sacrifice a good relationship with Matt for an attempt with Luke. Matt was…..safe and Luke was anything but. Matt made that decision for him though and told him to put himself out there. It was all so complicated; way too complicated for his liking. If the both of them would’ve just had the guts to admit how they felt about each other, to admit that they were falling in love with each other. If one of them had just said the words out loud, that night when they were making love under the Christmas tree. Love. So many things could’ve been different. But they didn’t…and they aren’t. There was still so much that would eventually have to be said. Questions that Reid still weren’t ready to have the answers to. The biggest question of all maybe being ‘Where do they go from here?’