(no subject)

[stevesbane]

I still don't know what i want to do with my life, i want to go to university that's a certainty, but should i have gone this year? could i have gone with my grades? which uni do i want to go to? can i still get into West virginia university on a sports scholarship? what do i want to study? where will it lead me? should i get a flat with friends or go to the halls of residency? are the people i hang out with really what they seem? have my folks forgiven me for shattering their heirlooms? are rick and me still friends? If so how gooder friends are we? what's wrong with Matt why is he acting so strangely? Does he not want to admit he has feelings or does he just not think the same way as we do? I have too much time to kill but when i need time i never have it? will i ever get my debit card and cheque book? is tommorow going to be a good night? how drunk will i get? will i have another fit again? what sets them off? will i ever be able to have buddha again? do i want it? was that the lynchpin in a few of my friendships? if so how could they be considered friends? Was i ever that good of a writer? If not why do i still want to continue writing? If i continue writing what do i write about? I want to write about leedsfest from my point of view, but will that hurt some friendships i've worked hard at to get where they are? Why should they? Will it be a hit or a flop? Will i be an outcast for writing it if it does annoy people? if there's a chance it can should i then try and write it? If i write it what style should i write it in? If i write it should i embelsh to make it a better story? do i want this to be a film script or a book? The poems i write are they actually good or are the people i show them to just too nice? Will I lose my job because of my shoulder? If i do lose my job can i get another one? could it be at direct line? Is there really a place in moortown for £300 deposit and £60 week rent? If so would losing my job and moortown and going to work at direct line be a good idea? Would my folks hate me for it? Why now that i have so much money am i reluctant to spend it? Can I actually look better if i train my ass off? Does looks truthfully make a difference to the way women percieve you? Why can't I get my self confidence back to where it was in Derbyshire? Why do people never seem to listen they just seem to be waiting for their turn to speak?

I really needed to get that out I have way too much stuff running through my mind right now, you don't have to read it if you don't want to.....i advise not doing