you.thought.you.knew.me...
i cant talk about the way i feel anymore i dont think. at least about the way i feel about home anymore to any of my friends. it seems that it has come off that i am unable to make my own decisions, that because i miss home so much i should just come back there. well its not like that..i miss home but one visit or two would be sufficient, i remember living there and remember the boredom that used to take over my life at times, but then i remember the good times too. mass is fun but to me its a place to visit and remember not to be right now. to me college is a time to go away.thats one of the reasons why i went to FL. i wanted to get away from ma. even tho i dont like it here and i do miss ma that doesnt mean i definitely want to come back home to ma..it just means that i need to get away from here and go away somewhere else. closer to ma so i can VISIT. IF i go to NJ i will be able to visit MA quite frequently because i will have a car nad it only takes a max of 5 hours to get to ma from there. so like once a month or once every two i would come back and see people. but i feel like everytime i complain or get sad about home people get pissed. sooo i must keep these feelings to myself. im only sad about home because im in a place where i feel that i want to be anywhere but here..if i was in ms or nj i wouldnt bother to complain as much. maybe next semester will be better and hopefully ill find someone who can comfort me in the process and hopefully i get into monmouth!! :-( everyones acting like its already happening..why cant they be happy? im gonna be closer to them in nj than i am right now wtf! i just hope people understand that this is my decision and not anybody elses and they dont need to comfort me anymore and try to lead me in the right direction..im leading myself there thanks. no one influences me i go against the crowd and no i havent changed since i went away..but people do change when they go to college its a different world. so maybe in ur head i have changed a little but to me im still the same person just different views on the world. ugh w/e im just gonna have to keep things inside from now on :-( and dont even try to tell me otherwise