todays on fire

[stefoni]

i can't really bitch. things haven't been terribly upsetting or came to a boiling point since the other night, which is progress because usually it happens every night.

i can't describe how i feel right now, and not because i'm afraid to or anything of that sort, it's just because i can't.
sometimes i feel like i'm making baby steps in the right direction
sometimes i feel like i'm mad
sometimes i feel like i'm forcing myself
sometimes i breakdown so bad i cry till my eyes burn
sometimes i'm so happy to see you smile i forget how bad i feel

and this thing with mark.
i mean, i wish right? i mean, who knows. everything happens for a reason. why when both of us are so broken hearted do we just start talking to each other again after 3 or 4 years of silence. i knew nothing about his breakup, he knew nothing possibly of what i'm going through, and then one day i'm just like..."man, i really wanna talk to mark". wierd. it floors me. maybe he's my recovery from such a sad sad life, and such a freaking drought.

i want things to get better for me.
i want you to be happier than ever.
i want it all to work out at the same time.

xx