Here's a story for the kids!!
let me start off by saying..."never trust anyone unless you know you can kill them"
this time was the last and final time of me lending myself, and feeling to someone who wasn't worthy of them anyway. and to not be so vague, i'm talking about mark
I'm pretty sure that was the biggest waste of time and energy that i've exerted in the last few months. he comes to me with this sob-filled story about whatnot that related to what i was going through, so it was really easy to relate. i cried alot, he teared up alot and told me about all the unfair deeds that were dealt to him. i totally leveled with this kid, and we did have an awesome time in the time we had. it was so nice to have him back in my life, he's such a cool cat, and it was just like old times. we laughed constantly, we shared what was on our minds, and when i went to sleep, i didn't shed a tear after getting off of the phone with him. his poetry eased my pain, and every thing was on a coast towards good.
and of course like everything good, it has to end.
enter meddeling biznatch: rachel
the thursday before this huge ass party weekend she calls mark and starts gushing..."oh...don't hurt stefoni, she's only falling for you. she's in <3 with you...blah blah blah" well, mark lays into her and is all like..."blah blah, you're so wrong...quit meddeling in people's biznass" they get in a big fight, and i never wanted that anyway, but regardless they did. mark constantly assures me that we're just friends. that's fine. get over yourself. i'm not in <3 with you because you're straight. you are definitely not god's gift to the female species.
regardless of their fighting, i thought nothing of it. not an ounce. i was like..."well, whatever. i guess that's nice of rachel to look out for me" but still found it a little suspicious because me and rach haven't talked for eons...why should she be concerned about what's going on with me? she hasn't been, and there's been alot going on...hmm....
so then friday night, me and mark were supposed to go to Chevy's and have margaritas, which didn't happen because Italian fest did. When i got to Italian fest i seriously fucked my ankle something hardcore, so the nite began bounch. I met up with mark, i bought us drinks and walked around. saw some villians, and at that time mark was supposed to get "beat up" by rachel and joey for being mean to me? how, he didn't do anything? so...i lost track of mark, gave him $20 to get some booze, and left with best buddy nick to go home and clean the party space.
1 hour: no mark
2 hour: no mark
3 hour: still no mark...but party like it's 1999
i got sad about everything that was going on in the house and locked myself in th bathroom and took a long bath. at this time, he called my cellphone and said "hey, i'm bring over two girls" and erin tells him..."um. no, i'm sorry. there's too much vagina at this party already" pissed him off, i knew nothing of it, i was nursing my wounded ankle and heart in a mineral bath upstairs, crying my eyes out over circumstances going on before mark.
when i got out of the tub, i realized there was still no mark, and i wasn't upset at all about that, i just thought, "oh, he met up with some friends from highschool and partied it up, right on"
saturday, i proceeded to get my $20 back because i was going to buy alcohol for the party that night. when i went up to him at Italian fest, he didn't even recognize my presence. so i walked away. i was like..."well, maybe he's just, i dunno...not wanting to hang tonight" so ii went off with joey and partied at his casa that night.
the very next morning, i get this message on my phone, it went something like..."stefoni, what the fuck is your fucking problem...blah blah blah" stefoni was like..."what the hell is goin on?" apparently somewhere in all of this i got pegged as the bad guy and not the victim anymore. i was so oblivious to what was going on, i almost cried. i didn't do a single thing? i thought i got ditched to tell you the truth. then while i was at work, i found out that nick and erin chewed his ass about my $20 and he pegged it as my fault. i was at work stupid! how am i supposed to know what everyone is doing while i'm at work? tap into my psy-chic abilities? i mean, what the freaking fuck? in the end though, i wasn't mad at my friends for doing so, apparently they're a very good judge of character and pegged rachel and mark as bad eggs.
good job troops.
so i come home and mark chews me a new ass...rachel pretends to be the good friend trying to patch things up whilst scheming...and you know what, it's ok. i understand rachel. i really do. she's got something going on with mark like i do with nick. she wants him (well, mine is past tense) and no matter how long they haven't talked, she'll still always be in love with him, and hurt anyone to be by his side. it's understandable <3, but it won't get you anywhere. sorry to say so hun.
i think Brand New said it best when they said: "everyones caught on to everything you do, everyone's caught on to you"
so basically, i helped him get out of depression and move on to recovery, and i guess i'm glad for that. and i guess hopefully for him, things will work out in the end with his soul-chick. i don't wish bad luck on anyone, well, except for my ultimate enemy, and you all, know who that is, but i really do hope in the future he straightens himself out and figures out that he really did throw stones at the wrong person.
i did no wrong, and i don't feel sorry for one single thing.
well, one thing. being a doormat. i feel so used. i was the only one that was on his side, eased his wounds while he eased mine, and made him feel great. i guess if you can live with that, then you're a stronger person than i am. i couldn't lay my head on my pillow knowing that i hurt someone really sweet, and really sincere.
i didn't want to be your girlfriend.
i didn't want to be your anything.
i just wanted to be your friend.
so for now, have fun partying, have fun feeling free from the shakels of depression, but just send a Thank You card to Stefoni whenever you reach happiness.
*phew*
for now kids, i'm off to dinner with pals and good times, oh by friends i mean
real friends.
xx