I need to be tape measured for a shirt

[the_nordic_one]

I have a custom-designed shirt by a Steampunk designer for a very Victorian event at the end of October, however, I honestly, sincerely, sorry to disgust the entire Steampunk community with this one, but I have to be honest, have never operated a tape measure a day in my life, and I'm supposed to provide measurements for my custom shirt. I have no idea what to do; I'm helpless as a dandy kitten. Please someone, can someone in the DC area measure me for a shirt? I need it done ASAP.

Thanks