for my brother
dear brother,
when i think about the life we have had as siblings, i am swarmed with the incredible range of emotions that are evoked. if my mind could settle down from its flashbacks, i believe i could give an accurate account of all of it. but what most affects me is the state of my heart. i begin to question what brother means to me, and what i have been for you. we were forced to like each other and, as i recall, you had forced many of the questions you were mulling over onto me for my own opinion. i lied when i said that i didn't like hearing about it. and this repeatability of falsifying my true feelings are scattered throughout our relationship. only recently has the switch changed to honest truth. though i feel as though i have a good handle on my thought process now, i don't mean to be as harsh about my statements, prior and future. instead, and yes you do know this, just let me ramble some.
i don't believe i could ever truly admit to my own thoughts about you. and i don't want to cheapen our relationship by stating "we had all bunches of fun and that's all!" so here it is: many times i enjoyed the thought of you not in my life. i'm sure you can recall when i thought that quite quickly, and everything you wrote me, though now framed and hung, i despised. i kept them as a memory of what i did not want to have in my life. not words, but actions.
and i am happy to say that those feelings are long and gone, even if still remembered. i hold nothing against you, because i can understand. we are people besides brothers. i was born into this world with you already existing, while you were thrusted this unknown creature as a new playmate. i am shaped by you just as much as the opposite. and though i fight the change that people might force on me, yours is one that i know comes from another place.
recently, i have missed you. i miss the respect you give me, and the attention that i give you. i miss your challenges, and those differences that vex me to prove my argument with thought. i long for challenge, my brother. and this i leave you as my final bit: just as we fought against one another with fists and body, such shall i fight you with my wit. be this a warning, but with love. i love you my older counterpart, but i will get your blessings!
- little
when i think about the life we have had as siblings, i am swarmed with the incredible range of emotions that are evoked. if my mind could settle down from its flashbacks, i believe i could give an accurate account of all of it. but what most affects me is the state of my heart. i begin to question what brother means to me, and what i have been for you. we were forced to like each other and, as i recall, you had forced many of the questions you were mulling over onto me for my own opinion. i lied when i said that i didn't like hearing about it. and this repeatability of falsifying my true feelings are scattered throughout our relationship. only recently has the switch changed to honest truth. though i feel as though i have a good handle on my thought process now, i don't mean to be as harsh about my statements, prior and future. instead, and yes you do know this, just let me ramble some.
i don't believe i could ever truly admit to my own thoughts about you. and i don't want to cheapen our relationship by stating "we had all bunches of fun and that's all!" so here it is: many times i enjoyed the thought of you not in my life. i'm sure you can recall when i thought that quite quickly, and everything you wrote me, though now framed and hung, i despised. i kept them as a memory of what i did not want to have in my life. not words, but actions.
and i am happy to say that those feelings are long and gone, even if still remembered. i hold nothing against you, because i can understand. we are people besides brothers. i was born into this world with you already existing, while you were thrusted this unknown creature as a new playmate. i am shaped by you just as much as the opposite. and though i fight the change that people might force on me, yours is one that i know comes from another place.
recently, i have missed you. i miss the respect you give me, and the attention that i give you. i miss your challenges, and those differences that vex me to prove my argument with thought. i long for challenge, my brother. and this i leave you as my final bit: just as we fought against one another with fists and body, such shall i fight you with my wit. be this a warning, but with love. i love you my older counterpart, but i will get your blessings!
- little