(no subject)
Title: Know that you knew
For:
Pairing: Philipp Lahm/ Owen Hargreaves
Things to be included: Mention of Canada, mention of Owen’s future at Bayern
Things not wanted: Squicky-ness: no isane violence, rape, kinkiness or mpreg.
You felt worthless, and his hand in yours meant nothing to you. You refused to let it.
Why should you have feelings that he obviously didn’t return? Nevermind the countless hours you had spent together, the plans you had made, the promises you kept.
For you, this was the beginning of the end.
Soon, there would be no more ‘us’, there would only be ‘him’ and ‘you’ because he was leaving you. For a country. How could you compare?
You hid the bitter snort that threatened to escape.
He looked at you, his eyes, hidden beneath hair and hood, showed concern. You gave him a smile. What else could you do?
There wasn’t anything.
You had already expressed your disapproval (to put it mildly) at any mention of him leaving. But what could you do? He’d already made the decision. And in this decision, you had had no part.
You were a couple, shouldn’t you have a say in such huge decisions?
Obviously not.
Like now, you sat together in the departure lounge of Munich airport. Rucksacks rested on the floor, his looked as if it was going to explode whereas yours just looked full.
You had wanted to spend the winter break with him, just the two of you together, he had, however, already promised a trip to see his family.
Outside it was bitterly cold so you could both be excused for wearing your hoods up.
They kept your identities hidden as well as kept you warm. And you couldn’t be more thankful.
He felt comfortable like this. You could tell by the way he brought your knuckles to his lips and planted small kisses on them.
You ignored the flutter in your chest.
He didn’t know that you knew.
He knew you disliked the idea of him going back to England, just the mention of it in newspapers or on the TV was enough to set you on edge. He had always promised you he would never leave you but you could tell he wanted nothing more than to go.
Not that you meant nothing to him.
“Are you alright?”
You looked at him, his eyes seeking yours and you find yourself unable to look away.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
He leaned close to you now, close enough so his breath tickled your cheek. You thought he was going to kiss you. You were both relieved and disappointed when he didn’t.
“Because you answered my question with a question. Besides, I know you.”
The words, no more than a whisper, sent shivers down your spine.
He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you close to his body, “Are you cold?”
You blushed and didn’t answer, you told yourself you didn’t love him.
“It’s going to be even colder in Canada, the snow is already eight inches thick and it’s going to just get thicker while we’re there. We can go skiing…”
You let his words wash over you without taking heed of what was being said.
How could you? All you could think of was how he was going to leave you, how everything he said or did now meant nothing.
You wanted to tell him you knew he had made the deal, you wanted to tell him not leave.
“Seriously, though, tell me what’s wrong.”
“I love you.”
You opened and closed your mouth, wanting to explain yourself, but no sound escaped your lips.
“Oh.”
It wasn’t what you had expected. No. ‘I love you too’ would have worked but now you felt more worthless than ever.
He removed his arm from around you and you sat straight in your chair.
“Oh.”
Still, no more words would come.
“I can’t do this. I can’t be in love, not with you.”
Your heart throbbed painfully.
He took your face in his hands and turned it so you were eye to eye. You could not escape his gaze.
“Please, believe me, it’s not like I don’t want to be.”
You closed your eyes, this bitter snort met no resistance.
“I’m leaving.”
“I know.”
“Then you understand?”
Your eyes cracked open.
“I-.” You felt drained. “Yes.”
He then brought his lips to yours, just for the most fleeting of moments, before leaning his forehead against yours.
“It doesn’t mean we have to go back to just being friends, right?”
You answered by fusing your lips together into a kiss that held more passion and desperation than any of the kisses you had shared before.
And when the time came, you were afraid to let go.
^__^
I hope it's alright!
xbrokenglass