Posting a Secret.
I was reading PostSecret for a few minutes and it kind of inspired this - that, and well, today.
I'm a junkie. A lot of people know I developed a problem with pain pills, so that's not really a secret. But I have days where it is so hard to not take a handful of pain pills. Days where I feel weak, or where I feel like something happened that I can't or don't want to handle? Especially emotional stuff. Something hurts inside and all my brain does is scream.
Days like this, I want to go home, take a handful of hydrocodone, sit with my knees against my chest, and wait until I'm numb. And when I'm there, I don't ever want to come back. It feels like my skin crawls. It feels like I have no control, what so ever.
I never do it. I don't want to be that person - I don't want to be like my father. He hides at the bottom of a bottle of booze - hiding at the bottom of a little orange medicine bottle isn't any better.
But God, I want to so badly.
I'm a junkie. A lot of people know I developed a problem with pain pills, so that's not really a secret. But I have days where it is so hard to not take a handful of pain pills. Days where I feel weak, or where I feel like something happened that I can't or don't want to handle? Especially emotional stuff. Something hurts inside and all my brain does is scream.
Days like this, I want to go home, take a handful of hydrocodone, sit with my knees against my chest, and wait until I'm numb. And when I'm there, I don't ever want to come back. It feels like my skin crawls. It feels like I have no control, what so ever.
I never do it. I don't want to be that person - I don't want to be like my father. He hides at the bottom of a bottle of booze - hiding at the bottom of a little orange medicine bottle isn't any better.
But God, I want to so badly.