oh no love, you're not alone!
I had a moment today where I thought about how whether or not we realize it, life comes full circle. So many times in our life, we experience these intense ups and downs......and they all seem to alternate.
I, for one, believe in the full circle movement. Coming from one of the roughest moments in my life last year, I started to examine my life now. Where I thought I would be is nowhere near where I am right now........it is, in fact, even better. Where I used to lack faith in myself, I now do not tolerate when people mistreat me. And for anyone who has in the past, I'm not one to sit and pretend like everything's ok. I let people know how it is: you hurt me again and there will be consequences. I know what to let go and what not to tolerate. I have a better understanding of what it takes to be treated right.
I also know that I am talented at anything I put my mind to. Whether it be writing, or music, or photography, I know I have a talent for it. I no longer listen to those who have put it down just because they don't want the competition. I like doing what I do and that's that. I get my own recognition for it. I refuse to be in someone else's shadow all the time. I did it for so long that now when I step out on my own, I want people to see that.
On a more personal level, I also know how powerful love truly is now. It took me so long to really see just how much love heals a person, as it healed me. I am grateful for its presence in my life, because I never knew that when I was finally starting to pull myself out of the wreckage, just how many people stepped up to offer a hand or advice. I've learned a lot from all the advice I've gotten in this past year.......I don't know how things would've turned out if I hadn't had that kind of force in my life.
If I had stayed in what I had known, I don't think I would've found myself again. I would've spent years talking about how I needed to find myself again, all while catering to fit something that wasn't quite me. I understand now that while certain molds are pretty, the price you pay to fit them is a costly one. It almost cost me my life, my beauty, my wit, my inner happiness. I know a lot of people who would've been upset had I given up so easily......and I can't blame them for feeling that way.
So now I look at a new chapter in my life......turning 25 in less than a month. 24 was a year of growth for me. It took me doing things that scared me and made me uncomfortable to find my comfort zone again. Sometimes when we take chances on things, it doesn't always turn out how we want it to. But it does turn out the way we need it to....and while that's hard, it's also necessary. You pick up, you move forward, and you soon learn that while you felt one way before, you won't always feel that way forever.
When things didn't go my way I got upset and I tried to hold onto something that just wasn't right for me. I wanted so badly to be the right choice, to have what I wanted and hang the consequences of everyone else. It didn't matter who I hurt or stepped on to get there.....all that mattered is that I got what I wanted in the end. But I realized along the way that when you fight for something and it's not going in a positive direction, picking up and moving forward is best. It took a lot to be the bigger person and do that, but I needed to. Because then something better came along.......and I saw how it affected me in a more positive way. And instead of clinging to what I felt was a false sense of security, I found something that gave me real security.
When that false sense of security finally saw that I was straying away, it tried to lure me back. But I was strong enough without it now. That's what I've accomplished this year: finding the strength to say "no" and move on from that. A hard lesson, but a good one to learn. Sometimes saying no is the only way. Sometimes turning your back is doing the right thing. And it sucks and it hurts, but it shows you that this is not the right path for you.
24 has been a wonderful year, because I found my path. I found the right course and I'm more sure of it than I have been of anything else in my life.
~Jenn~
I, for one, believe in the full circle movement. Coming from one of the roughest moments in my life last year, I started to examine my life now. Where I thought I would be is nowhere near where I am right now........it is, in fact, even better. Where I used to lack faith in myself, I now do not tolerate when people mistreat me. And for anyone who has in the past, I'm not one to sit and pretend like everything's ok. I let people know how it is: you hurt me again and there will be consequences. I know what to let go and what not to tolerate. I have a better understanding of what it takes to be treated right.
I also know that I am talented at anything I put my mind to. Whether it be writing, or music, or photography, I know I have a talent for it. I no longer listen to those who have put it down just because they don't want the competition. I like doing what I do and that's that. I get my own recognition for it. I refuse to be in someone else's shadow all the time. I did it for so long that now when I step out on my own, I want people to see that.
On a more personal level, I also know how powerful love truly is now. It took me so long to really see just how much love heals a person, as it healed me. I am grateful for its presence in my life, because I never knew that when I was finally starting to pull myself out of the wreckage, just how many people stepped up to offer a hand or advice. I've learned a lot from all the advice I've gotten in this past year.......I don't know how things would've turned out if I hadn't had that kind of force in my life.
If I had stayed in what I had known, I don't think I would've found myself again. I would've spent years talking about how I needed to find myself again, all while catering to fit something that wasn't quite me. I understand now that while certain molds are pretty, the price you pay to fit them is a costly one. It almost cost me my life, my beauty, my wit, my inner happiness. I know a lot of people who would've been upset had I given up so easily......and I can't blame them for feeling that way.
So now I look at a new chapter in my life......turning 25 in less than a month. 24 was a year of growth for me. It took me doing things that scared me and made me uncomfortable to find my comfort zone again. Sometimes when we take chances on things, it doesn't always turn out how we want it to. But it does turn out the way we need it to....and while that's hard, it's also necessary. You pick up, you move forward, and you soon learn that while you felt one way before, you won't always feel that way forever.
When things didn't go my way I got upset and I tried to hold onto something that just wasn't right for me. I wanted so badly to be the right choice, to have what I wanted and hang the consequences of everyone else. It didn't matter who I hurt or stepped on to get there.....all that mattered is that I got what I wanted in the end. But I realized along the way that when you fight for something and it's not going in a positive direction, picking up and moving forward is best. It took a lot to be the bigger person and do that, but I needed to. Because then something better came along.......and I saw how it affected me in a more positive way. And instead of clinging to what I felt was a false sense of security, I found something that gave me real security.
When that false sense of security finally saw that I was straying away, it tried to lure me back. But I was strong enough without it now. That's what I've accomplished this year: finding the strength to say "no" and move on from that. A hard lesson, but a good one to learn. Sometimes saying no is the only way. Sometimes turning your back is doing the right thing. And it sucks and it hurts, but it shows you that this is not the right path for you.
24 has been a wonderful year, because I found my path. I found the right course and I'm more sure of it than I have been of anything else in my life.
~Jenn~